I was an idiot who could not appreciate my ex when she was with me. Sure I never ever lied when I said I loved her. When I developed feelings for another girl, I couldn't help but to tell her and let her know I thought it would be unfair for her. I told her I will do whatever I could to forget the crush so that I could fully love her, she was patient and considerate. She loved me, she said. It took me a long time to get over the crush, because the feelings were developed over the years I was with my ex, six full years. As the feelings grew stronger, I couldn't help but to let my ex in on the loop because it was completely unfair to her. I thought she should find someone who loved her more than I could. Even though I have never lied, even today, when I say I love her. She couldn't take it, after being patient with me for almost a year. I'm sorry I'm an idiot and jerk who took one year and one month to get over my crush. I'm sorry I was an idiot who couldn't treasure you for everything you gave me.
But soon after we broke up in December, she was in the arms of another, hating me. I love her so much, I want her back. Her hate for me is as deep as my love for her unfortunately. Everything seems bleak in life. I had it all. I had the girl of my dreams, the woman of my life, but only realized when it was too late. I don't know what more there is to live for, or even what more there is to life. I know and understand that I have to move on, that I will find someone else again. But in my six years even as the crush developed into a liking. I have never loved anyone else. I have never considered anyone else. I distanced myself from my crush the moment I noticed the feelings. I kept away from being too intimate with my ex because I felt it was unfair. Now I have nothing left. My crush was a very good friend who I kept away from. My ex keeps away from me because of the hurt and betrayal from me. I can understand all that. I just can't understand and won't believe that I will be able to make it out of this anymore.
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