Breakup Question

"I'm Having Trouble Working Through a Breakup"

March 24, 2012

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend broke up with me recently due to distance and frustration in our relationship. We love each other; I know that. Well, I was pissed at first, but then I started trying to get back with him. On facebook (petty, I know), he would post semi-mean/bashing statuses. I would send him sweet messages about how much I love him and want to be with him and all he did was brush me aside. He said he's not sure if we'll get together or not but for now he just wants to talk normally and go from there. We had one "normal" conversation, and it was so forced and dry that I couldn't take it. I had to stop. I texted him after that asking him why. Why he did all of this? Why for everything I question? He wouldn't give me an answer and accused me of making him feel like a terrible, guilty person.

He also blamed me for killing us. We haven't talked since, and it's been a week. Now since I stopped bothering and put it all to rest he keeps posting remorseful statuses and even liked my status — which I found odd. I hate that we have to subtly keep up to date on each other through facebook, but when I try to talk, it usually backfires. I love him. I'd love to get back together, but I just don't understand his actions. It's been awhile since I've even said anything to him so I don't want to ruin my streak if I'm just going to get turned down again and have my heart broke back open. I do miss him. It doesn't hurt as much (it's been a few weeks), but the pain is still there from time to time. Any advice? Thanks!

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10 Comments

testadura67 1 year 7 weeks

The first thing I would do is delete him from facebook, and tell him if he wants to communicate with you, he needs to pick up a phone. The passive aggressive status updates and such is a cowardly way of maintaining contact. It's not fair of him to string you along with "friendship" immediately after a break up. If he wants to be friends you both need time apart to establish yourselves as single people because right now, you're still in bf/gf mode trying to have a platonic conversation. That's just not going to work. I'm really sorry you're losing someone you care about, but this relationship just sounds like it's over. All this little back and forth is just going to cause both of you pain because you're refusing to let go. Tell him to man up and be a good boyfriend, or get out of your life so you can heal.

totygoliguez 1 year 7 weeks

What you are doing it's not fair to you. As Chrissy Lee said, he made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to be with you. The best thing you can do for you is delete his status from Facebook, or him, and move on.

ChrissyLee 1 year 7 weeks

He's making it pretty clear that for whatever reason he's just not into you anymore. I know it hurts but it's time to move on. Why would you want to be with someone who is treating you like this? Heal yourself and get back out there to find a man who is mature and won't jerk you around.

sharky89 1 year 7 weeks

Haha, I question whether he understands his own actions - he sounds confused. It's not fair to you to put your life on hold as he sorts out his confusion. After I went through a break-up, I had to seek closure on my own - I did not get it from the guy I was dating. I was really sad and angry for a long time, but I got busy finding things that make me happy/peaceful and stopped hoping things would work out. It got easier to let go with time. If it's meant to be, it will be. Just be kind to yourself and know that the pain is normal. Work on making yourself happy, strong, and making the most of every moment. Work on finding who you are (which is easier to lose sight of when in a relationship) and become your own best friend... and let time take care of the rest.

dikke kus 1 year 7 weeks

It seems like he was hurt too much along the way and there's too much water under the bridge for him to come back. Based on your post, he's not that happy to hear from you and gets frustrated by the conversations you're pushing for now. A few weeks later he does feel some remorse. But it seems like you should leave things in his court or move on eventually.

chibros 1 year 8 weeks

The best way to accomplish your journey is by entirely leaving the current point (him). Don't contact him anymore, just live your life and do your things. He's kind of emotional kind of person and its hard for him to get over what has happened.. So just let him be. If you don't like what he updates on his facebook status and you don't want to unfriend him as well, you might want to unsubscribe for his news-feeds.. In this way you won't see anything he updated on his status, nothing will hurt you unless you went to stalk him in his profile (which is definitely your fault).

henna red 1 year 8 weeks

I agree, time to put him in the past. Social networking is not always our friend in situations like this. It's too tempting to keep picking, peeking, and bickering. unfriend him and, if necessary, stay away fromt the fb for awhile until you're past the temptation.

missmaryb 1 year 8 weeks

I'm sorry that he's being so immature. I personally think that you need to make peace with the idea that it's over and then cut off all contact with him. Unfriend him on facebook and keep it that way. Don't text or call him, no emails. Then you need to empty your head of thoughts about what he's saying about you on facebook (because he probably will say something, from what you've said about him). Who cares? He will just end up looking like a jerk for badmouthing you. The only way you can heal is to get the heck away from him and stay away from him. Good luck.

Bubbles12 1 year 8 weeks

"There is a reason it's called a break up, because the relationship is broken." I just read that somewhere (was it here?). It definitely applies to you. The notion of being friends when you've just rejected each other in one of the most personal and deep ways is pretty impossible, at least for a long cool off period generally involving finally finding someone else. You really need to drop him as a friend and hide the people who are chatting with him so you don't get sucked into the painful sure to follow drama of his hooking up soon. Here's bonus advice though: if you broke it up with him even if he is your friend later he very well might look for an opportunity to slam you and get even for breaking up with him. It's kind of a dangerous thing to give them the chance. Guys are really competitive that way. In my experience anyway.

BiWife 1 year 8 weeks

you need to let him go. I don't know exactly what the circumstances of your breakup were, but he is clearly sending every signal in the book that he doesn't want to get back together with you. Quit sending him "sweet messages", I guarantee they aren't "sweet" on his end. If everything is forced, you're not going to get anywhere good. He's just trying to temper his animosity towards you and not go off on you (especially in public/online). Leave the poor guy alone and move on to the next one.

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