Boyfriend Thinks I'm Fat

Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Wants Me to Lose Weight — I Feel So Ashamed

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have been dating this guy for 7 years. When we met I was 150 pounds. I am 5'5''. Over the last 7 years I had put on 30 pounds and was at 180 pounds. Eight months ago, right before I went on a 3-month vacation with my family, he told me that I have put on a lot of weight, and though he still thinks I'm beautiful, there are issues with health and sexiness and attractiveness and he thinks it would be best if I lost weight. Of course being a silly proud girl I spent the next few days crying and hating him. But then I knew he was right. So in 4 months I lost 20 pounds and I am now at 160 pounds. At first he said he was so proud of me, etc. . . . but after another month or two he is now saying that I should lose more weight still.

At 5'5'' and 160 pounds, I know that I'm still far from skinny. And I do want to lose weight. I am an emotional eater, and I hate exercising (although I push myself to) I don't want to make excuses. But now I am having serious pride and feeling issues toward him. I know that he only wants what every guy would want (a girlfriend he can be proud of and be attracted to) and that I wouldn't want to be with someone I'm not attracted to either. But every time I think about this tears fall down my face, and I have trouble looking him in the eye without feeling ashamed and ugly.

To be fair, we have a code of honesty in our relationship and he broke the "you should lose weight" messages to me nicely, followed by "I love you" and "you're beautiful." But I can't help how I feel — now every time I look at him I feel fat and ugly and inferior. I don't want to have bad feelings toward him for being the messenger of bad news. I don't know what to do.

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