Boyfriend on Online Dating Site

Group Therapy: He's on a Dating Site

by Tres Community 10

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I found recent communications my bf was having on a dating site. Turns out he never deleted his profile when we became exclusive. He says he's willing to let me see his account and then delete it; he wants to regain my trust and knows he did something really stupid. Should I trust him?


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10 Comments

Berlin Berlin
People do foolish things, especially when first dating (even in the first year or so) and it is a big deal to give up that single life. Even if he had no intention of pursuing anything, a lot of times its just the feeling of being attracted to another person brings us...we like to feel like we are still attractive and desired, even if we are unbelievably happy with our sig.other. Don't read it or look at it or you will take it out of proportion and be consumed with it. Just trust him that he will delete it. And then completely trust him and don't bring it up again! But if you do happen to find out later on that it's still up (not by snooping!!) then you will know it's time to move on. No arguments, no debating, it will be a trust that cannot be fixed and it's just him being deceitful. For now...let him delete it and trust him.
Berlin Berlin
People do foolish things, especially when first dating (even in the first year or so) and it is a big deal to give up that single life. Even if he had no intention of pursuing anything, a lot of times its just the feeling of being attracted to another person brings us...we like to feel like we are still attractive and desired, even if we are unbelievably happy with our sig.other. Don't read it or look at it or you will take it out of proportion and be consumed with it. Just trust him that he will delete it. And then completely trust him and don't bring it up again! But if you do happen to find out later on that it's still up (not by snooping!!) then you will know it's time to move on. No arguments, no debating, it will be a trust that cannot be fixed and it's just him being deceitful. For now...let him delete it and trust him.
IdeaOfOrder IdeaOfOrder
I don't think you should look at the content because stuff like that is just hard to see. You either feel like you can give him another shot or you don't. If you want to trust him again, ask him to delete it with you there and move forward.
wolfpackgal wolfpackgal
Yes, you should trust him. He says he'll let you see his account. If it were me, I wouldn't look at the account, I'd just ask him to delete it. That shows him that you trust him, and that you won't be snooping in his personal stuff in the future. This recently happened with my boyfriend. A little different though - we met on the site, and he said he'd deleted it a few weeks ago. I just looked out of curiosity the other day and it was back up. I got freaked out, but calmly asked for an explanation. Turns out, someone hacked his account. The point is, I told him I believed him, and that was that. I haven't brought it up again, so he knows I trust him.
wolfpackgal wolfpackgal
Yes, you should trust him. He says he'll let you see his account. If it were me, I wouldn't look at the account, I'd just ask him to delete it. That shows him that you trust him, and that you won't be snooping in his personal stuff in the future. This recently happened with my boyfriend. A little different though - we met on the site, and he said he'd deleted it a few weeks ago. I just looked out of curiosity the other day and it was back up. I got freaked out, but calmly asked for an explanation. Turns out, someone hacked his account. The point is, I told him I believed him, and that was that. I haven't brought it up again, so he knows I trust him.
missmaryb missmaryb
I think you should trust him. If he's willing to delete it in front of you, then he's serious. But you need to take that in good faith and be ready to trust him 100% and put it behind you. If you're going to snoop on him then you haven't really gotten anywhere.
GregS GregS
Sure you should trust him. Check the account and tell him to delete it. BTW, why were you on the site?
GregS GregS
Sure you should trust him. Check the account and tell him to delete it.BTW, why were you on the site?
Helen Danger Helen Danger
Yes, you should trust him. Unless he was actually meeting these girls, he was doing something stupid, not evil. You have a choice to make right now. Is Internet sneaking and snooping going to be a feature of your relationship or not? If it is, get ready to play the role of mom to a sullen teenager for the rest of the time you're together. It's fine to ask him to be more open about his activities online, but in exchange you'll have to grant him his privacy in some area. If you're going to trust him with your body and your heart, you have to learn to trust him with a computer too. It is up to both of you to come up with a plan that respects everyone's rights.
Helen Danger Helen Danger
Yes, you should trust him. Unless he was actually meeting these girls, he was doing something stupid, not evil. You have a choice to make right now. Is Internet sneaking and snooping going to be a feature of your relationship or not? If it is, get ready to play the role of mom to a sullen teenager for the rest of the time you're together.It's fine to ask him to be more open about his activities online, but in exchange you'll have to grant him his privacy in some area. If you're going to trust him with your body and your heart, you have to learn to trust him with a computer too. It is up to both of you to come up with a plan that respects everyone's rights.
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