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Boyfriend Has Three Kids

Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Has Three Kids

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So, I met my boyfriend at work and we have been dating for almost nine months now. I knew walking into the situation everything about him. He got married when he was 19 and had three kids with his wife. She cheated and they are now in the process of getting a divorce. They aren't legally divorced yet because it seems the process takes forever, but that is over — 100 percent. I haven't met his kids yet because we wanted the timing to be right. They're 5, 6, and 8. Also, when he was married they decided they didn't want any more kids together so he had a vasectomy. We have talked about it many times and he said he's 110 percent willing to get a reversal and try and have kids with me if I want them, which is something I really want. I have always wanted kids and I'm scared the reversal wouldn't work. 

Aside from all of that, I love him so much. I can't imagine being without him. A little over a year ago I got out of an eight year relationship and I feel more sad thinking about this coming to an end than I did with the other guy. We're both 28 and going to school, still living at home. His ex has the kids and he has them whenever he can take them. We are both working two jobs to pay our own separate bills and I'm worried that we won't really have the money anytime soon to get a reversal (I'm only saying that because the sooner you do it the better the odds, not because I want one right now). We've talked about marriage and I can really see myself being happy with this man, I really do love him a lot. Another side note . . . it's been really hard because I know my family and friends don't really approve and they're always asking me what I'm doing and blah blah . . . and I know they're just keeping my best interests in mind, but it really hurts my feelings.  I really do like him as a person but know that I could do better. I know that I could, but that doesn't mean I want to.

I just feel so torn on what I should do. We were talking about it the other day and he thinks I really need to take it in the gravity of the situation, that I may never be able to have kids with him and could I still be happy with him if I couldn't?  I think I could, there's always adoption and other options available.  But then I think, there's so many other men out there, ones who are already established in their lives, with good jobs, and no kids that I could possibly be happy with, too . . . I just really need some unbiased advice because it's so hard to talk to anyone I know because I know what they're going to tell me.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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