An engagement ring has so much symbolic value that people often get a little obsessed with its design, cost, and the method in which it's presented. A reader writes in with the following question:
"I was previously engaged and the engagement was broken. The ring that I wore was one that I designed with my mother and grandmother to become a family heirloom and was purchased by my family. My ex had nothing to do with the picking out or paying for the ring.
I am now in a relationship with someone else and we have been discussing marriage. He knows about the ring that my mother now has and has no objection to giving it to me if we were to get engaged. We have also discussed getting it engraved or adding a band to it. Is it tacky to 'reuse' this ring?"
What do you think β is it OK for her to reuse this ring? Any engagement ring sagas to share?
Untold
If her current beau is ok with it, why not??? It belongs in her family anyway.
1I see nothing wrong with wearing that ring again. It was meant to be a family heirloom and as you said, your ex really had nothing to do with it, so why not!
2totally tacky IMO.
3i don't think that there is anything wrong with it, just so long as your BF is ok with it. its an heirloom so i don;t thinks its tacky.
4As long as your boyfriend is cool with it, who cares what anyone else thinks? This is between him and you.
5I think it's fine as long as you and your fiance are happy with it. This decision is between you and him.
With that said, I thought the engagement ring was something to be given by the fiance, isn't it? Not from the fiancee's side? I thought it was little odd that you and your family took over that tradition. Again, I know that traditions are fluid, and can change and adapt. I was a little surprised by how your engagement ring came about, that's all.
6normally i'm not a fan of the reusing the ring thing, but considering this was designed and purchased not by your former fiance but by your family, and if your current bf is okay with it, then i don't think it's that bad
it's a wee bit tacky, yes, but follow your gut on how it makes you feel...it's not tacky enough that i'd strongly advise against it
7I say go for it, the ring sounds important to the women in your family, and if your boyfriend is comfortable with it, more power to you guys. if he wants to be in on a tradition or wants to have something you wear that he gave you, discuss other options. perhaps pick out something together, or have him surprise you, with an item that you can also turn into a tradition for the line of your family that you continue
8A ring is only an object of tradition, used to represent your commitment to one another. Just because the ring was used for another engagement doesn't mean it can be any less special for this new one. Your relationship is what you make of it, not about the jewelry you wear.
9I don't think there is nothing wrong with that. It was a ring picked, designed and bought by you and your family. I don't even think your new bf would have a problem with that at all.
10I think as long as both partners are okay with it then it is fine. Personally, I would never wear a ring that was once meant for someone else.
11In this case, I think it's okay. If it were a ring purchased by a guy for his previous fiance I'd say tacky, but it sounds like this really had very little to do with the particular guy.
12If everyone's cool with it, I don't see how it matters.
13I'm more curious about designing and purchasing your own engagement ring.
Given the back story on the ring and your mutual good feelings about it, there's nothing wrong with "reusing".
14I think it's pretty tacky. I don't care who paid for it, you bought that ring with a certain groom in mind.
15I say it's ok since it's a family heirloom type ring. Talk to your man though and see what his thoughts are. He may want to buy you his own special ring. If you do use the ring fro your family then you should engrave it or change it in someway.
16designed by you and your family so not tacky at all as long as your guy is cool with it. he can offer some other symbol of commitment as well if you need it. personally I went for a small, inexpensive, vintage engagement ring and my husband (fiance at the time) spent a good deal of the money that would have gone into my ring on a socially-conscious mutual market fund for me to reinvest in our married life when the time is right.
17It was bought by your family for a heirloom and not by the ex so I would use it. I would have him modify it somehow when you get married or buy a different piece of jewelery to wear everyday also.
18To say "Reusing a Ring Designed For a Previous Engagement" i find it is not a good idea, but actually the situation is special ! So in her case yeah it's a good idea, and if the boy is okay why not =) She made this ring to symbolyze the wedding and love through generations, and not to be the signe of her love btw her and her ex (as she says) so it's okay ^^
19I think this whole situation is weird personally. I mean, normally if the guy buys the ring then I would say give it back. I don't understand re-using a ring anymore than I understand being engaged over and over again. I get that your family paid for it and it's supposed to be some kind of heirloom, but what about your new fiance. Maybe he's OK with it, but if I were him I wouldn't want the leftovers of your last relationship bleeding into the new one. All in all it's up to you but it just seems like a fishy thing to do in my opinion
20It's acceptable only in a situation like this. Now, if a guy bought the ring and saved it for another possible engagement, well, that's bad karma.
21Under normal circumstances, yeah, re-using a wedding ring is tacky, but I mean, it's your ring, and as long as he's ok with it, I think it's fine.
22At the risk of sounding repetitive, i have to agree with everyone and say, while a wee bit tacky, you did BUY and DESIGN the ring with the women in your family. it was meant to be an heirloom so let it be.
if i were in your position (and could spare the extra money) i would probably try and invest in a new ring. i wouldn't want to be constantly reminded of "the marriage that almost was."....especially if i wanted to bask in the happiness with my new husband.
23You didn't do things the traditional way to begin with, why start now? You don't have to tell people the whole story... you can cut out the failed engagement part. And if your boyfriend doesn't mind, who cares?
24you can always use the jewels and put them in a new setting. Lower cost than a new ring, but it would be a new ring for the new beau.
25A family heirloom ring doesn't have to be an engagement ring. My stepfather has a family ring given to him by his late mother and he wears it - on his right hand. So she should wear the family ring on her right hand and let the new fiance get an engagement ring to wear on her left, even if it's not as fancy, it will be from him and symbolize their future, not anyone's past.
26I don't know, i think it's okay... She paid for it anyway and it's supposed to be a family heirloom...
27In all fairness, it's a little tacky on the first guys' part that he didn't pay for it!
You don't pay for your own engagement ring IMO.
And while you did design it, perhaps it can be something else because an engagement ring is a symbol of love between you TWO, not you two + the whole family.
28Since the ring did not come from the previous fiance, it is OK to re-use if you are both OK with it. However, I would still ask the new guy to buy me my own ring; maybe keep the other one for the right hand.
29I'm so confused...you have 2 guys that have asked you to marry them (your ex & now your current fiance') & neither one has paid for a ring? They did ask YOU to marry them, right? & what made your family pay for a ring for your engagement?
30It is not only tacky, but what a cheap skate. Do you even like the guys u are getting engaged to? Why aren't u designing your heirloom ring w/him? After all, it is meant for your offspring, right? If the guy is just a place holder for "any guy will do" then use the old ring. Soul mates pick out their symbols of affection together, not mothers & grandmothers.
31Etiquette calls that your ring from a previous marriage should be worn on the third finger (the middle finger) of your right hand and he proposes with a new engagement ring. In your case, since you weren't married but it's an "heirloom to be" ring, then wear it on your right hand, wear the one he gives you on the left hand, and pass the one you made down to your children.
On the other hand, if you are doubting yourself now, wouldn't it constantly be a reminder of who it was originally supposed to be for?
I guess the passing of it to the right hand is to symbolize the past.
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