I’m a writer. Every waking moment I am consumed with dreaming about my novel coming out. I am obsessed with what I’ll say to Matt during my appearance on THE TODAY SHOW and what I’ll wear when you interview me for ELLE.
I know. You want to stop reading. But, trust me: I am a GREAT F***ING WRITER!! Beside the novel, I’m also working on a screenplay. But it’s the novel that will launch me into fame-anista land. It is my destiny. So why do I procrastinate? Why can’t I finish it?
My astrologer said I’m loafing because I’m afraid of success. Is that true? How can it be true when I’m so obsessed with thinking about my book tour?
My boyfriend is nervous because he also believes I’ll be famous. We’ve discussed his fear about me leaving him when I get the movie deal. (The script and novel are THAT good.) We’ve been together since college and I don’t want to hurt him.
Meanwhile I am working in retail. Am I not finishing my novel because I’m afraid of hurting him? Or am I afraid of success?-----The Next Big Thing
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MY BUTTERED MUFFIN:
Stop gibbering about how freaking brilliant you are and send your manuscript to me. Here is my e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org. I can tell in 3 minutes if you have talent. If you have talent, I’ll help you get an agent. (You strike me as just crazy enough, to actually be a writer.)
P.S. Get rid of the dillweed astrologer. They pray on weak, helpless women.
P.P.S. Everybody thinks they’re going to be famous in the next five minutes. Shut up, hunny, and DO SOMETHING.