Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Should I Trade Up?


Dear E. Jean,
I’m 29, educated, attractive, fun, and creative. I’ve been in relationship with a great guy for about five months. The only problem is that he's an aspiring (indie) rock star, and I'm guessing that deep down his greatest love will always be his music.

So my question: Am I selling myself short here? Should I trade in the fun, cute musician for someone more stable and commitment-minded?

I'm not sure exactly what I want for my future or what's the sure path to happiness, but perhaps it's time to trade in the rock shows for an investment portfolio and a secure future?

My greatest fear is waking up one morning when I'm 35 and it's just me and the cat! — Rocker or Banker?

To see E. Jean's answer, read more.

Rocker, My Rosebud,

Now, now. God knows I love men — what sex! — and I confess I've romped with many a handsome specimen in my time, but I'd rather wake up with a cat than with 99 percent of them.

So I do not understand your quandary, my luv.

Aren't you on this earth to enjoy as many lads as you like? Why limit yourself to just rockers and bankers? Why not let cowboys, movie stars, race car drivers, internet billionaires, college professors, male models, and hedge funders thrill you to the marrow?

Because here's the deal: There's no such thing as a "secure future." Get that straight, or you'll be surprised (and possibly miserable) the rest of your life. Yes, you can plan for a brilliant future; you can marry a commitment-minded man; your love can be pure and flame-like; but only a half-witted female depends on a dude for "stability."

It will take self-discipline. But if you can create a way to earn a comfortable income yourself, you’ll be free from the limitations, expectations, and the demands of men. Free from your own uncertainty. You won't be afraid if a guy is secure or stable. You can love whomever you like, commit for as long as you like, and not give a flying fig for their financial statements.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle magazine and AskEJean.com.

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