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Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Should I Tell My Best Friend That I Saw Her Fiancé Kissing Another Woman?

Dear E. Jean,

My hands are literally shaking as I type this. Tonight I saw my best friend’s fiancé kissing a woman in an Atlanta restaurant.

There’s no mistake. I’ve known this guy for five years, and they were all over each other — at one point he actually had his hand up her skirt and his tongue down her throat. No way was this an innocent “business” dinner. The weird part is neither he nor I live in Atlanta. My best friend, her fiancé and I all live in New York City. I happened to be in Atlanta for business. The fiancé owns a tech company and travels a lot. By some bizarre fluke we both ended up in the same restaurant.

He was so busy sucking this woman’s face, he didn’t see me. He’s never been a supportive, understanding guy, but he makes a lot of money, and my friend absolutely worships the ground he walks on.

What do I do? My friend is marrying this guy in October — in less than six weeks! The wedding, the reception, the dress, the food, the honeymoon, everything is finalized. Worse, they’ve just signed the contract on a very expensive loft in TriBeCa. They want to get pregnant by New Year’s. They've chosen their first child’s name. My best friend is walking around on air she’s so in love. I will never be able to look her in the face again. But I can’t tell her. It will kill her. Her parents will freak out. It’s a mess! Why can’t guys behave themselves?! — Sick to my Stomach

To see E. Jean's answer read more.

Miss Sick, Sweetheart,

Tell her. It will be rough; but If Mr. Pantyhands is dining on a Georgia peach six weeks before his wedding, I hate to think what tasty morsels he’ll be sucking when he hits the third year of marriage. TELL HER. Respect your friend as a thinking, human being. Pay credit to her as a rational woman. He’s playing her for a fool; don’t you treat her like an idiot.

I realize that many supremely level heads here on Dear Sugar will be outraged at this advice. They will say you should mind your own business, and not meddle in your friend’s prewedding stresses; but I say, call her now!

As a friend it is the most compassionate action you can take. After all, if the situation were reversed, if she saw your lover shoving his tongue so far down a young lady’s throat it reached her knees — wouldn’t you want to be told?

Tell her the facts so she can make an intelligent decision about her future. In my opinion, it is immoral to conceal the truth. It is your duty as a woman and as a friend to speak up!

P.S. Indeed, I believe every female over the age of 14 should be given a cell phone programmed with a secret number, which she can call and instantaneously report any lying, cheating, two-faced ratwank. I am getting sick and tired of these jerkweeds!

To see more advice from E. Jean, visit Elle magazine and


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