Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Should I Let My Sister Move in With a Republican?

Wow. Let your sister live her own life. If it doesn't work out for her, then be there to support her.

Fabulous advice E. Jean!

And to the sister...you not liking this man's tastes does not make him an awful person. It makes him different from you. Save the word "awful" for a man who is truly that way.

He likes Chilis, knows trivia and is a republican? Oh, how terrible!! I can't think of a more awful man! This submission is so ridiculous, I can't even believe it is true. Let your sister live her life and grow up.

is the person who posed this question in high school?

what's the big deal if he's conservative Republican. is that why her friends & family don't like him? if it is, then this whole brood is immature. my boyfriend is conservative Republican and i'm definitely not.

if this guy was treating her horribly or cheating on her, that'd be one thing.. but because he has different political views shouldn't make him a bad person.

I agreee with the advice given! Let her be.

You sound like SUCH a snob. Unless you've stumbled across a basement of murdered hitchhikers or a litter of illegitimate children he doesn't take care of, mind your own damn business. Let your sister be happy and don't gossip about him behind her back. Sheesh. Maybe she's moving to get away from her judgmental nosy family.

agree with everyone....why does her happiness make you so unhappy? so you have different tastes in men - WHO CARES! give it a rest and let her love her man for the reasons she sees fit because that's all that matters!

Oh My Goodness, how hasn't your family already performed an honor killing! And on top of it she's moving to a red state!!! Get a grip, this post is a joke right?

Is this post a joke?

Eating at Chili's and voting Republcan makes you a horrible person? If that's the case, this country is full of horrible people, or else Chili's would have gone out of business and we wouldn't have to bother with an election this fall.

If he truly was an awful person, you might have a case, but if his eating and voting habits are the worst thing about him, be happy for her.

If he's abusive, calls her names, or treats her like dirt, you might want to say something. But dating someone that you feel has bad taste is not the end of the world.

*gasp* A REPUBLICAN?! Like, total ickville on a gross platter! She must have lost her mind!
Or, maybe she's not superficial and sees something beyond the 'lame' trivia and extra body fat. Maybe you could learn something from that, because it sounds to me that they're very happy, and you're whining selfishly.
If my family were so clingy, harsh, and juvinile, I'd be out of there at my first opportunity.

I am a VERY conservative republican and i eat at chilis. Oh - I also live in a red state. what does that make me? Seriously, that attitude really pisses me the hell off. Grow up.

How is her love life any of your business?

Geez! She LIKES him enough to move in with him so LET HER BE. He may be the best sex she's ever had regardless what you say, original poster!

If it doesn't work out, you can always dangle the "I told you so."

Then be there for her.

I don't want to be rude, but when I was reading this, I couldn't help but hear your voice in the form of a woman with her nose stuck up in the hair with her snooty accent, sitting at tea time with little white gloves on. Daaaling....

Anyway, get a life, stay out of hers. Get a man of your own to occupy some of your time and then maybe you won't be so worried about who your sisters with.

Should you LET her move in with a Republican? LET her? She needs your permission? You should just LET her live her own life. Maybe she doesn't like your boyfriends either.

hahahahahaha oh my gosh, this is FUNNY!!!

I can definitely see why it would be upsetting, but yes, you should let it be. My brother lives with a girl who doesn't fit into our family *at all*. None of us like her but we love him, and therefore we welcome her as family. End of story.

Hilarious!
Hey, at least no pressure when they're gonna be having dinner at your place. Better than a food snob.

Judgmental much? This post is a waste of DearSugar space!

I think it's sad that you're judging him by his weight. Did you snub your sister when she was 60 pounds heavier?

LOL. Even I'm a liberal and come from a blue county but how stuck up can you be?

Let her be. You have no right to control who she is or isn't attracted to.

I agree! Fabulous advice E. Jean!

You feel sorry for your sister for getting "stuck" with this man, but I feel incredibly sorry for her for being stuck with you.

Wow, you don't want your sister to move to a red state with a republican? That's extremely small minded of you. You sound very self centered and elitist, get over yourself.

how shallow and elitist are you?! i'm in awe.

HAHA r u serious. how incredibly shallow can u be im in shock ! im actually more in shock that e jean dignified ur question with an answer.

awful man= cheating, lying, rude, abusive, cheap, ignorant, atupid
awful man does not equal= educated, likes chili's, overweight

dear god

I think the last thing I think about when I meet a guy is his political preference. If you're of the same party, great! If not, it makes for some interesting debates. Politics are NOT a make or break part of a relationship. Attraction, chemistry and emotional connection are. If your sister has found these things, be happy for her.

I'm not even going to address the Chili's food comment. All i know is, one of my favorite restaurants to go to with my boyfriend is Ruby Tuesdays - love that salad bar! And yes, he is a *gasp* Republican.

I SOMETIMES vote republican and i love Chili's! you need to get over yourself, girl. people like you (in both parties) are the reason I'll never join one.
now, if he looves to broadcast that he's a republican and rub it in your face, i'd hate him too. that's just obnoxious behavior in general, which you have reciprocated in your statement. I live in Austin and see a thousand arrogant democrats a day who think they are so enlightened and such noble thinkers. They're just as narrow minded and intolerant as anyone. I love their fun bohemian style, particularly pearl-snap shirts, which they have ripped off of REDNECKS. who are all undoubtedly and disgustingly conservative, and probably drink box wine and eat catfish and go to rodeos. oh, the thought of such things!

Was that a real question?? Man what a displeasure it must be to be around someone that judgemental, that poor sis.

daaaaaayum! when are u planning to stone the poor guy to death??

my sister could be dating the bum on the corner and I wouldn't have a single say in their relationship....because it's HER LIFE.

what a shady sister. you should be supportive and just be happy for her....don't u want her to be happy??

Oh sh*t, I married a Republican & he sometimes eats at Chili's!! Now what am I going to do?

Seriously, get a grip. Is this post for real? You sound like such a snot. How can you even make the overweight fiance complaint when your sister was 60 pounds overweight? What ever you do, don't mention that little tid-bit to her, as I'm sure it would hurt her feelings. She sounds like a smart gal, who knows the difference between real & superficial.

How do you know that your sister isn't a Chili's eating Republican herself? Maybe that's what makes her happy. You are the kind of person that gives Democrats a bad name with your bigoted attitude toward Republicans. And I'm sure since your sister is a well-educated woman she understands that she can entertain a thought without accepting it, so even if she's liberal, she can love a man who is not.

Chili's rocks.

But maybe it's just cause I'm a conservative and have hideous taste!!

I don't think its fair to chastise the original poster about her unhappiness with her sister dating someone of a certain political persuasion. Some people feel very passionately about their beliefs, and as we all know, a lot of the social issues voters face are directly tied to one's morals and values(abortion, gay rights, etc). Its perfectly natural to feel annoyed with someone who is constantly expressing opinions different from your own, and I feel that the posts calling this person small minded actually demonstrate my point: She values physical appearances, food appreciation, and so on, and while a lot of us don't, its hard to supress our frustation with her for being so seemingly shallow. Maybe this is how the poster feels when she has to sit across the dinner table from her sister's boyfriend when they're discussing civil liberties or health care, or whatever.

However, it seems to me that this post is more about a girl being afraid her sister is going to take up with this man, who embodies a lot of things the poster dislikes, and change herself. Which, lets be honest, does happen some times. But, like everyone said, there isn't really anything anyone can do to keep two people who want to be together apart. So she needs to accept that she has to get used to the situation as it is.

Another E Jean question wasted...
I'd prefer to hear what E Jean would say to the girl that is with the guy who is awful in bed.

http://dearsugar.com/1019946

well, I could never date a conservative republican who eats at Chili's & lives in a red state and I wouldn't set my sister up with one either (although, I'm quite confident she wouldn't WANT to be set up with him either), but it certainly does not make someone an awful person. However, my red-state living, super-conservative republican parents (who eat at all those bad chain restaurants--what choice do you have in the suburban south?) would LOVE it if my sister & I brought someone like that home.

Keep your nose out of it. It's her life.

First off, I'm sure there are among us including myself who value physical appearances, food appreciation, fine living, etc, which is perfectly fine. What people here don't like is the fact she wants to actively infringe her own beliefs and values on her own sister. "What should I/my family do?" That there tells me a lot about her own small-mindedness and her inability to cope with differences of opinion by trying to change the situation to something she sees fit. Open-mindedness is the acceptance that there is a variety of opinions.

At the end of the day, isn't it HER happiness that's most important?
Leave her be.

Why is it impossible for some people to accept the differences in their OWN culture? People are outwardly different, but inside most of us are good and do the right thing.

Unbelievable. News flash: Many nice, decent people out there love Chili's AND are Republicans. Stop being so damned intolerant.

LOVED your comment, avettafawna!

I am sure the majority of us have at one time or another been in a relationship that pained our friends/families to witness. Sometimes I wish somebody would have spoken up about their concerns with some of my previous boyfriends - not that it would have made a difference. I agree with E. Jean's advice and think it best to let the sister live and learn... or live and love for herself. Your job is to hope for the best!

My darlings!

I notice some people (understandably!!) are asking
if this question is a "joke," or if it is "made-up."

It is a real letter from a real woman.
She sent it to me at the Ask E. Jean
Column at Elle Magazine.

I have shortened it by about 20 words, but I certainly
did not change anything or remove any facts.

After writing an advice column for fifteen
years I am rarely surprised by the problems,
quagmires, snafus, and muck-ups sent in
by men and women. This week I received a letter
from a woman who hated her sister-in-law
because she was a New York Giants fan! Lord!

hey... crimson states aren't all that bad. this is coming from someone who is true blue!

javsmav - what else to eat in the suburban south? Um, have you ever eaten in South Louisiana?? Seems a little pretentious to say there's no where else than chilis to eat in the South...

Telling your sister how big of a mistake she will be making by making her own choices will breed resentment. And, it's likely to send her running to his arms and the big move to get as far away from you and your family's controlling grasp. Let her live her own life, and make her own mistakes. Maybe she's a closet Republican, or maybe she'll hate living with someone with Republican values, but it's her life, and she has to discover that for herself. The more you stress how much your family dislikes her man, the more likely she is to shut out your family.

For some reason, it wouldn't bother me so much if you were just worried about his political beliefs. I'd probably still tell you to mind your own business, but political beliefs can be very important to some people, so I'd maybe have a EENSY bit of sympathy. But not liking him because he loves Chili's?!!? Or because he-gasp- KNOWS TRIVIA?!?! Who are you to define his knowledge as lame? That not only seems mean, it seems stupid. And, hello, you're very own beloved sister was "grossly overweight" not too long ago- why are you hating him for having the SAME issue? SHEESH!

By the way, I'm a Democrat that was born and raised in Texas. As most people know, Texas is a hugely red state. Do I hate living here? No. It's Texas! Unarguably, the best state in the country. Does it suck that everytime I go to the voting booth it feels like my vote means squat due to all the Republicans? Sure, it can be frustrating. However, I am happy to report, that my city's long time mayor recently switched to the Democratic party, because he realized the Republican party was not representing his constituates (sp?). It's part of life, and I don't think it really affects the lives of the residents what color your state is.

Ok it's great you have your opinions but it is her life so let her live. If she asks your opinion then perhaps shed some light. It's not like he's abusive toward her or taking her for granted, and what the heck is wrong with Chili's, get over it they have some really good food. Get your own life and let her live her's.

My mother made a huge mistake by marrying a man who turned out to be an emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive manipulator who also turned out to have molested his ex wive's daughter.

My entire family tried to stop her before we knew all the details, because they all got a bad vibe from him....no matter what, she didn't listen until she was ready to.

This man may be the man of your sister's dreams or he could be a sleeze, regardless, she is going to stay until she realizes she either A) doesn't want him, or B) does and you're SOL.

But regardless, bear in mind: She could date a lot worse than a man who is overweight, knows useless trivia, and has very high strung conservative morales.

To me, the biggest issue isn't her ridiculous attitude about Republicans, or his taste in food, and so on. It's that she thinks she can "not allow" her sister to move. I assume her sister is over 18, she says she's well educated - did she forget to mention that the sister is Britney Spears and clearly not able to make her own decisions? No adult should have to "LET" another adult make their own life/romance choices.