Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Will a Baby Save Our Marriage?


Dear E. Jean,

I’m happily married to a wonderful, successful, and ambitious man. Recently his ambition has extended to me — he wants a baby. The thought leaves me cool at best. But I fear if I put it off much longer (I’m 33, he’s 40), our marriage will be in danger.

This is not something I can discuss with my sisters, friends or mother (they all have children). When I tell my husband how I feel, he says I’m not normal. What do I do? Give up my birth control pills, or get a secret tubal ligation? — Nulliparous

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My Dear Nully,

If you don’t want a baby, do not, under any circumstances, have a baby. And for God’s sake, don’t let anybody beat you into a coma of “normalcy.” Because I promise you, darling, if you have a child to “save” your marriage, the union won’t just be in danger, it will be doomed.

So take the honorable action. Do what a superior woman would do. Tell your husband why and how you think a baby is wrong for you. It’s going to be difficult, but your frankness will help him sort out his own feelings and maybe you can both get beyond this impasse. And try not to put it off. He won’t know how to reach his own truth till he hears yours from you.

So stick to your guns, Nulliparous! There are enough little unwanted babies in the world — indeed, half of them are born into the best families.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle magazine and AskEJean.com

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