E. Jean is still enjoying her time off, but don't fret, she'll be back December 4th! In the meantime, here's an oldie but goodie. Enjoy!
Dear E. Jean,
I know I’m old-fashioned, but I’ve never tried any of the dating sites. It is now time. Past time! (I’m 30 years old and haven’t had a date in seven months. Awk.)
Ok. So. I put my profile on Match.com. I worked hard trying to sound smart and funny and cool. Believe it or not, I was frightened I was going to get inundated with guys I didn’t want to talk to . . . and guess what? No guys — not one guy — wrote to me. Nothing! I’m just sitting there. What am I doing wrong? I feel like I should take my profile down! This is not for me! My friends get tons of notice and meet lots of guys, and one of my friends even married a guy she met on The Onion personals. I don’t get it. Help! — Dead on Match
To see E. Jean's answer, read more.
Dead, My Daffodil: Come, come, my darling! Buck up! With just one magic tweak to your profile (and I wish you had given us a link), you will be meeting three chaps for coffee by next weekend — guaranteed.
First, forget your profile. Second, don’t worry about coming off as “smart and funny and cool.” Third: It does not matter what you say; it’s all about your picture. If your picture is charming (intriguing, bewitching), guys will want to meet you.
So hire hair and makeup, bring in a stylist, and pay a professional photographer to take your picture. (Or, ask your chic friends for help.) I’m serious. Why do you think the women in Elle, Glamour, Vogue, and W look so enticing? They spend hours getting ready and then hundreds (and hundreds and hundreds) of shots are fired. Gilles Bensimon, who shoots the Elle covers, will shoot an entire afternoon chasing the “perfect” image. You should do no less.
Then, for Gawd’ssakes, don’t write a profile; tell a story. Keep it short, thrilling, warm, and a tad elusive. And why are you waiting for guys to write to you? If you see a lad you like, drop him an email. Mention something delicious that caught your attention about his picture (or his favorite movies, books, etc.) and voila! A raucous courtship can begin with a sedate exchange about butterfly hunting. Good Luck, Miss Dead! Let us all know how it’s going!