Advice

We're happy to present this excerpt from one of our favorite sites, HowAboutWe. Today, Alison Leiby has a handy quiz for you to find out if there will be a third date.

1. How did he ask you to go on a second date?

a. He called you and asked you out to dinner on Saturday night.
b. He texted, "U up?"
c. You waited outside of his apartment so you could "casually" run into him and then proposed going out again yourself.

2. What did you do for a second date?

a. Dinner at a cute restaurant that you had mentioned to him when you first met.
b. Ripped shots of rail liquor at a bar below his apartment because he was already there and asked you to meet up with him.
c. You planned a day of watching soccer and eating Vietnamese food, because that's what his profile says he's into.

3. Who paid on the second date?

a. He paid for everything, even splurged for champagne.
b. You split the bar tab, to the penny.
c. You paid for everything — and splurged for strawberry shortcake even though you're allergic.

4. How did the second date end?

a. He walked you back to your apartment where you shared a really romantic kiss.
b. He left your place early in the morning saying he had "a lot of stuff to do today."
c. He went to the bathroom halfway through the date and still hasn't come back.

5. How often are you talking to each other?

a. You message each other pretty regularly.
b. He texts you on weekends, but only after 1am.
c. You are constantly contacting him: texts, emails, calls, Facebook chats, Twitter messages, LinkedIn requests, inter-office mail.

6. What do you talk about when you're together?

a. Cooking, which is a shared interest.
b. The wild party he went to last week that was "loaded with models."
c. Mostly about him: when he wants to get married, how many kids he wants, if he prefers the suburbs or the city for raising a family.

7. What was his last text message to you?

a. "Great time tonight!"
b. "sure"
c. It's taking too long to scroll back because all of the recent texts are from you.

8. What song best describes your last date?

a. "Everlasting Love"
b. "Part Time Lover"
c. "Obsession"

9. What is his name in your phone?

a. His full name.
b. "Dave blue shirt"
c. "The Beau" with a heart next to it.

10. What is your name in his phone?

a. Your full name.
b. "Sarah uptown"
c. Do Not Answer

To find out what your results mean, head to HowAboutWe: QUIZ: Is There Going to Be a Third Date?

Check out these other great stories from HowAboutWe:

• Why the Sex on Mad Men Is Better Than the Sex on Game of Thrones
• Anti-Pervert Stockings For Young Girls Going Out
• This Prank Is SO Mean (But SO Funny)

Sweltering Summer days are on the horizon, so before you head to the pool to cool down, read our tips on how to keep your furry buddies from overheating, too.

• Make sure your dog or cat is well-hydrated. Soaring temperatures and being in the sun will dehydrate your pet fast, so make sure their water bowls are full, and if they spend a lot of time outdoors, keep a water bowl outside as well.
• Try to walk your dog early in the morning or at night, when the sun isn't blazing. If you have to walk him during the day, protect his paws from hot asphalt with dog booties. While exercise is always important for your dog, you can ease up on the intensity during the hot Summer months.

• Speaking of exercise, take advantage of lakes and beaches, or even doggie pools, in the Summer and kill two birds with one stone. Not only will your dog be getting plenty of exercise, he'll also keep cool while splashing in the water. Oh, and it's also a great way to have fun and bond, so make that three birds with one stone.

• Since your cat would probably rather sweat it out than jump into a body of water, look to other ways of cooling her down. A simple technique is to dampen a towel with cold water and gently pet your cat with it from the top of her head to her tail. You can also place the dampened towel in a cool spot in your house for her to lie on. For extra comfort, you can create a cool retreat out of a cardboard box (let's be honest, all cats love boxes). Line the box with a light fabric and place it in a cool corner of the house. You can spruce it up even more by tossing in some of her favorite toys or an ice pack stuffed inside a sock for extra chill.

For more tips on how to keep your pets cool in the Summer, just keep reading.

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I know that it sounds like I am a harlot, but there are extenuating circumstances. I just found out that I am pregnant. 5 weeks. The father has been my best friend and the love of my life for 13 years. A few years ago he ran off after his parents passed away, and he met this girl. We lost touch for 4 years but have since found each other again. Over the last year we have both struggled with our feelings for each other. He lives 7 hours away but has traveled to see me many times—a few of them to ask me to be with him, and I have done the same.

For one reason or another (entirely other post) it has not come to fruition. It came very close a few weeks ago: he and his girl had broken up "for good" and I was already in town looking for an apartment. We decided to spend a few days at the beach and plan our life together. There was a BIG miscommunication about me attending grad school in another city. He said that he would not stand in the way of my dream and he went back to her.

To make a very long story longer, I am definitely keeping the baby. I have spent years suffering from endometriosis and I was not sure that I could get pregnant. He had offered to be a donor for me a few months ago, but I could not afford the procedure. Then "she" found out. She became pregnant by him 3 years ago and had an abortion without his knowledge. They have not had a good relationship since, and while we really do try to just stay friends, we have an almost fairy-tale romance that keeps throwing us back together.

Right before I learned I was pregnant (last week), in an emotional fit, I told him that I was done with him for good and that I was not going to let him keep going back and forth between me and her, regardless of the reason. He was very hurt, swearing his undying love for me but said that he would not continue to hurt me and if letting go was what I needed he would do it, but that no matter what he would always be in love with me. In response, I told him to get over it and move on like I was. And now I find out I'm having his baby.

How I landed myself in this soap opera I do not know, but I am concerned about telling him before the 12 week "safe" mark. And there is going to be HELL to pay from her—she is already immature about her jealousy even though we never had a physical relationship until a couple of months ago. I'm worried about the stress that it will put on me and the baby—it's already very tough right now starting grad school and having just quit my cushy job to do so.

Anyhow, any advice for an accidental home-wrecker?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice!

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My husband has a friend "John Doe," who hasn't had sex in many years. He is handsome — I think he looks kind of like a young Tom Hanks — and super sweet. He likes seeing romantic movies and miniseries and sometimes watches them with me. He is the most intelligent person I know and has an IQ of something like 180. His problem is that he was abused as a child and has depression. He was 9 the first time he attempted suicide and eventually turned to burning — he calls it "branding" — himself as a coping mechanism to avoid suicide. He doesn't do this stuff anymore, but he still has issues with depression. My husband has asked me if I would be willing to open our marriage to this friend of his. I am so conflicted about this. Here are my pros and cons.

Pros

• "John" is the nicest man I know, and I would love to be with him. If my husband ever dies or leaves me, I would marry him.
• I really think that I can help him with his problems with intimacy and women.
• My husband has talked about doing this for a long time and insists he is OK with the idea of me making love to his friend. He even says that if John and I fall in love he will be OK with it as long as I don't leave him or fall out of love with him — which would never happen.
• The idea of being with two men at the same time who both love me and accept each other is awesome.
• We don't have children, and even though it would tear me to pieces to lose my marriage if things go terribly wrong, everyone that would be involved is a consenting adult.

Cons

• I am really worried that John will be upset with my husband and I if we offer him this — he refuses to even go to strip clubs. I worry about ruining our friendship with him. I know he likes me a lot, but he still might refuse.
• It seems impossible that my husband won't eventually get jealous even if he promises he won't.
• Will I be jealous if John eventually gets another girlfriend? I don't think so, but I might change my mind if I fall in love with him.

I need some advice. What do you think?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously on Group Therapy for advice!

We're happy to present this excerpt from one of our favorite sites, HowAboutWe. Today, Maggie Parker spills some of the signs that your date is over before it's even begun.

We've all been there; sitting across from someone during a first date, wishing there were a way you could have known before you left your house on a rainy Sunday night that you were going to regret it.

There may not be a foolproof method for determining a date’s success in advance. But the few hours before a first date could offer some very clear red flags.

If you see one of said red flags, stop and take notice. We aren't saying you should cancel the date then and there, but if more than one flag gets waved, be sure you're paying attention. Here are the biggest signs to watch out for.

1. You ask where to meet and he says, "I don't know but I only have $(15 or less) in my bank account so somewhere cheap."

Why is he bringing up his financial problems before your first date? And come on, why does he have so little money in his bank account?! You may not care about his financial status at this moment, but a desire for financial stability is a reasonable request. Utter disregard for boundaries so early on is not.

2. He suggests you meet on a street corner, with no exact venue in mind.

A casual date is perfectly understandable, but on a first date, you are allowed to expect him to put the effort in. Call us old-fashioned, but the first date is when both parties should behave at their best. That requires doing a little research and actually coming up with a plan.

3. He knows you live far from him, but he suggests you meet him near his house/work.

If he's asking you to come to his territory so soon, take it as a sign that he isn't going to be the most considerate partner.

4. He has you pick the place, but then complains that he doesn't like that spot.

First of all, a gentleman offers to plan the date (and does it, if you take him up on his offer). Second of all, is a first date really the place to complain about the venue?

For five more signs, head to HowAboutWe: 9 Signs Your Date Is Going Downhill Before It Starts.

Check out these other great stories from HowAboutWe:

• The Dos and Don’ts of Dating a Vampire
• The Most Scandalous Sex Scenes in Scandal
• 20 Places You Think Are Great Proposal Spots (But Are Actually Terrible)

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. I really love him and we generally have a great relationship, but definitely with our share of ups and downs. The downs have mainly been due to fears and insecurities I have — it's my first really serious relationship (I'm in my mid-20s and a life long commitment-phobe!), so feeling this vulnerable is overwhelming and scary for me at times.

Since the beginning of our relationship I have always had dreams about my boyfriend that range from neutral (we're out with a bunch of friends but not really talking to each other) to terrible (he's with an ex or I'm cheating on him with someone else). I get the good one on occasion, but it's rare. These dreams really mess with my head. It's terrible when you wake up in the morning and that's the first thing you think about! It can throw me into a funk and get me ruminating on something all day to the point where I pick a fight with him about it later. Really unhealthy behavior. But it also makes me really worry about where these feelings and fears are coming from, and if any of them are legitimate.

I should add that prior to this, I usually didn't have dreams that I remembered. Once a week, maybe. Now it's 3-4 times a week at least. And most focus on him or people I know through him. I was also never the person who had 'great' dreams — no sitting on the beach drinking coronas in my REM cycle! They are always a little bizarre or action packed. Just for background.

So my question is: what does all of this mean? Is this normal? Is there anything I can do to stop it? I'm tired of waking up with a pit in my stomach — some nights I'm hesitant to fall asleep because of this! Thank you.

Have a dilemma of your own? PPost it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice!

This National Best Friend Day, maybe it's time to freshen up your friendships. If you feel like you're in a bit of a friendship rut or hope to improve your existing relationships, these simple tips are sure to help you boost those connections. For advice on staying in touch, finding time, and making the most of special moments, take a look at these common friendship faux pas — and how to avoid them.

The faux pas: You're completely MIA.
The solution: Sure, life gets busy, but staying in touch doesn't have to be a full-time job. If your hectic schedule means you can't meet up for coffee or go out over the weekend, show your friend that you're thinking of her in a simpler way. Call her during your lunch break for a quick catch-up session, text her a funny picture, or email her a quick update and let her know you'll follow up when you have more time on your hands. Even when you don't have lots of time, you can take advantage of the shorter bits of time you do have.

The faux pas: You flake on plans.
The solution: It's inevitable that every once in a while, something will come up, and you'll have to ditch a friend date at the last minute — just don't turn it into a habit. Before you agree to a plan, take the time to be sure you can make it, and if you do need to cancel, call rather than text to show a little extra courtesy.

Keep reading for more ways to avoid friendship mistakes.

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm not mean, my brother is 22 years old ( I am 27). I'm very happy that he is getting married. His soon to be wife was hidden from the family for the entire time that they (3 years) were together. He just told our family that he was going to get married . . . his soon to be wife is 19 years old and has a five-year-old year and he was scared that we were going to judge him.

My brother and I aren't close, we have had a lot of conflicts over the years and although we have made up and put the past in the past, I still feel as if he resents me for mistreating him when we were kids. He constantly belittles me, and makes fun of me in front of my boyfriend and family, and he puts me down. I'm much older now so I don't stoop to his level.

He doesn't even have my phone number saved and deliberately ignores my texts messages. For Christmas and birthdays he throws money at me and says he wishes he didn't have to get me anything.

I get the fact that he really dislikes me and it hurts a lot. There's not much more then I can do. I would do his college schedule for him as a favor and it's been a while since I graduated, and somehow or another that got messed up. He blamed me and accused me for making his school time period longer but truly I thought the best way was how I was doing it (was the best way). I graduated over five years ago, so it's been a while.

I have even gone to the point of inviting his future wife out but she also shows hostility to me and refuses each offer. He wants me to be in his wedding because my mother said it's important but I feel as if he feels as if he is obligated to have me in his wedding. At this point in time, I'm starting to just forget that he exists to say that I have 2 brothers instead of 3.

I have attempted to talk to him about this and try to make amends but to no avail, the problem just remains. He refuses to talk about things and walks away or leaves the house. I have decided that maybe it's time to just let him go, to just allow him to be who he wants to be. With that, I am contemplating whether or not I should even be in his wedding. I'm really thinking about this thoroughly because I know once I go through with this there is no coming back.

What are your suggestions?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice!