...as a person who went through this (only I was the one wishing my neighbors would cal the police!) find her when she is by herself and talk to her, let her know you are there and that she can trust you. She could be afraid of her boyfriend or really has no where to turn if he's taken in or gone, or it could have been a fantasy role play (hey you never can tell!). But just go and talk to her without the boyfriend knowing, she may be a bit defensive but she'll end up appreciating it. Just don't come across threatening or condescending, or demanding that she get help. Just be there to listen and help and provide a trusting neighbor/friend that she may really need.

Sometimes I just don't understand the police! Why go to the apartment of the people who reported the abuse... this is why so many people are afraid to get involved in anything. Anyways, I would call the police every time you hear any type of abuse coming from that apartment, and do it right away. Hopefully they can catch him in the act. He will at least think twice before he abuses her. Maybe you can try talking to her but unfortunately she sounds like the type who will never press charges or leave this horrible situation.

i agree with berlin. speak to her when shes alone and offer ur support. if she shrugs it off, as she most likely will, tell her when she cries for help she should mean it. remind her of the boy who cried wolf. but from my experience with this kind of woman, she is not likely to press charges against the boyfriend, because she gave up that chance more than once. and the fact that shes still living with him speaks for itself.
i think u've done the responsible thing and more than ur duty, and as u said, u should be concerned about ur own private life and security.

Definitely call that hotline and find out the resources in your area. Most likely, there are domestic abuse centers that would love to talk to you on the phone and give you good, practical advice.

I intern once a week at a counseling center for those affected by any kind of violence (with a specific counselor for domestic violence), and there's not a lot you can do on the legal side for her, if she won't press charges, but you should continue calling 911 anonymously for every incident. Be clear to the dispatcher which apartment, though, because you don't want the boyfriend figuring out it's you! Especially if she's sporting physical evidence of abuse, ask her when he's not home if she's safe. Also, if she is ever willing to work with the police department and victim's assistance, you could be part of her safety plan (when she's planning to escape the situation, you can decide upon a signal for her to use if you need to call 911 for her). I think it's great you're concerned and I hope you call someone locally for their input!

I can't give you advice on what to do about the victim, but as far as keeping yourself safe something that you must do, without delay, is contact the landlord and let him/her know the severity of the situation. Start a log, right away, and record the exact dates and times of the fights as well as any other disturbances and what you attempted to do about it. Do not think the problem will go away, because if anything, it will get worse. Be persistant, keep bugging your landlord. While there are pretty strict eviction laws, if your neighbors are on a month-to-month lease the repeated noise violations can be valid grounds for your landlord not to renew their lease, espically if his low maintenance tenants repeatedly bug him about it. And if the abuser is an unbalanced individual its entirely possible the landlord is having other problems with him as well, and your record keeping can help give the landlord evidence to legally evict the neighbors fairly soon.
I was in a similar situation once, though it seemed like a more mutually abusive relationship. I had very violent neighbors that would fight all the time, who would also throw furniture at one another, slam heavy doors that shook the entire building, throw eachother's cds and books from the third floor window onto the street. It turned out that they hadn't been paying their rent, were refusing to allow the landlord into their apartment to do necessary repairs, and would never answer his calls. My complaints and noise log helped the landlord a lot when it came time to file eviction papers. Though he evicted them, while they were in the process of fighting the eviction in court they managed to start a major fire in their apartment late one night that, if it weren't for myself and a few other alert neighbors, could've burnt the whole building down. No one was hurt but my unit was so damaged that I had to permanently move, but by that time it was such a relief to be away from my violent neighbors.
Moral of the story: NEVER be too careful with your personal safety, espically in your own home.

If the guy knows you are the one calling the cops, i would be very careful if i was you. I know you are tring to help and are doing the right thing but he could come after you.

When i was younger the woman across the street from us was abusing her child. My mom called DSS (dept. of social services)on her. Well DSS took her child away. The woman knew my mother did it and burned our house down. My mom did the right thing by saving the child but in turn we lost everything.

There are a lot of crazy people out there, make sure you are protected.

Everyone gave really good advice. We had a situation like this but we never called the cops because the girls boyfriend was supposedly in a gang of some type. We actually several times heard what sounded like him raping her. I called out land lord several times and there wasn't much they could do either.

I think keeping a log of times/dates/details is one of the No. 1 things of importance.

If it happens often or repeatedly, you should do something, but calling the police is not really it because abuseive men become the nicest guys in front of them (unless you think her life is in danger). If its only happened once, don't overreact...they could have been drunk, it could have been her fault, you just don't know unless it becomes a pattern. I would start with trying to catch her in the hallway, or when you know her boyfriend isn't home and asking her if everything is OK, and let her know you are there for her if she needs you. Its instinctual to not want to get involved, but you already are just by proximity. In the experience I am drawing on here, the friend at work that eventually became my support eventually helped to sneak me out.

Yikes, what a mess.

There has been some great advice given here... particularly the advice that advocates you call a hotline and/or visit a domestic abuse center for information.

There are people who have dedicated their lives to helping these situations who probably know the best way for you to handle it, and who can help you navigate your role in something like this.

As experienced as us sugars are in other matters, I think many of us are in over our heads here and not exactly qualified to give specific advice. (Some who have worked in shelters etc absolutely are qualified.) Even if some of the commenters have been victims of abuse, what they would have wanted to happen is not necessarily the best for everyone in the same situation. Not to mention, you have you think about YOUR safety.

Good luck.

In ny, if the cops get called to the same residence for domestic violence twice (maybe three times, i forget), even if the woman doesn't press charges, the police are legally obligated to press charges against the man and he will be put in jail. I am not sure this law in other states.

I do congratulate you on calling the police, everyone should do this. Most of the reason why fights involving abuse get so loud is because the woman is subtly trying to call out for help (trust me).

I would try calling the police as soon as you hear an argument, then maybe by the time they get there they will hear it too and can go interrupt. She can't deny it if they hear it happening.

I am nervous about the advice to contact the landlord and get them evicted. I can obviously see the benefit to the OP by having the disturbance removed from the building, but given that this poor woman is already being abused and is in a bad situation, I would be really nervous about bringing on an eviction. It could cause the boyfriend to fly off the handle even more than he already is.

I also agree that bringing on an eviction may enrage the boyfriend further, but it is the act of letting a situation that puts you in danger in your own home the thing that makes me nervous. I don't mean to sound cold, but if you make a solid effort to help this woman (as suggested in prior posts) and she refuses to be helped, then you have no choice but to watch out for yourself. If she won't accept your help, and the cops can't do anything, but you continue to live in an environment where his violence impacts your life in a negative way, then you yourself are becoming a victim of this man's insanity.

Like i said, this type of situation won't suddenly go away. Abusers don't just automatically heal themselves out of nowhere, and also, I would like to reiterate Liss's comment about the importance of being careful in this situation. At this point keeping a record of everything isn't going to get them evicted right away. But collecting evidence can never hurt.

I have a little bit of experience working in a women's centre. Number one thing we learned is that you can't make a woman leave an abusive relationship. It is a much more difficult decision than any of us who have never been in one realize, and for many many women it takes years or even decades.

The only way you can help, is by helping her be as safe as possible in her situation. I think aggravating the situation by getting them evicted is ultimately bad for the woman, it's your choice how you want to pursue this though.

I would suggest finding out information about womens' shelters and centres in the area and letting her know. They have some neat things like little pamphlets inside lipstick tubes that she can easily get away with. The one thing she really really needs is a safety plan. If she thinks that tonight is the night that he is going to kill her, she needs to have a plan for what she will do.

First of all, I always thought that if cops are called, and violence is noticed by the police, such as marks on the victim, the abused party has no say, the abuser goes to jail. Maybe that's just Texas... I would call the cops anytime I heard them arguing, even just yelling. That way, maybe the cops could arrive as he was beating her and she was screaming for help. Plus, maybe after coming out 20 times a month, the cops will take it upon themselves to press charges, at the least they'll have all the incidents on file for when she ends up in the hospital. I would say, aside from helping, that if you are tired of listening to the woman being beat on, and refusing to take action, talk to the apartment manager about moving to a different apartment. It may sound mean, but if she refuses to accept help, or press charges, atleast you can get a peaceful night's sleep.

It's great that you called 911 and tried to help. I can understand why you wouldn't want to get more involved. I would call the police again next time you hear it and maybe they can get there mid-fight. I also agree that if you could talk to the woman alone than that is the best idea.

I used to have neighbors that would fight at 3 am every night. She was very pregnant, and he wanted sex...seriously. We heard every single word. I never called the cops, even though i heard things being thrown and threats, because other neighbors had called already and the girl never wanted to press charges. So i just let it be, they finally moved out after she sustained a head injury running from him.

Really there isnt anything you can do once you realize the person wont press charges.