Dear E. Jean,
I need serious help. I’m bright, successful, pretty, slightly goofy, and want to make a difference in the world. I would also like to marry and have children. I’m 28, live in the big city, volunteer, and go to church. I admit I am slightly overweight (I’m 5’5” and 140 — I can never get rid of those extra 10!)) and I may laugh a little too heartily at people’s jokes; but, it’s been four years since I met a decent guy. Four years!
This is pathetic!
And please, E. Jean, don’t think I’m not meeting guys because I’m shy. I’m not in the least bit timid. I just haven’t been in the right place at the right time. So my question is simple: Where is the “right place?” I can’t find it! Where are the guys?
—Everybody Has A Boyfriend But Me
To see E. Jean's answer read more
My Buttered Muffin,
Here’s Auntie Eeee’s List of the 36 Best Places to Meet a Man:
- Facebook.com
- Golf courses
- Batting cages
- Handball courts
- Driving ranges
- Squash courts
- Gun clubs
- Hockey rinks
- Deep Sea Diving Resorts
- The US Open (golf and tennis)
- The Super Bowl (duh)
- The Final Four
- The Kentucky Derby
- The Belmont Stakes
- Title fights
- The Indy 500
- Any NASCAR race
- Sports bars
- The Street — Next time you see a handsome stranger coming toward you, look him in the eye and smile. As I always say: It may turn out to be nothing but a three-second saucy intrigue, but why should your future happiness be at the mercy of not giving into an impulse?
- Ask your friends to fix you up.
- Hire a PR agent. He/she will get you invited to the hot parties.
- The gym
- Adopt a dog from the ASPCA. Walk that dog four times a day (in the financial district — Ha!) and your chances for a romantic encounter zoom to 28 times a week.
- Gallery openings and art museums.
- Set up your easel in the park (or better, on a busy sidewalk in front of the “in” club), and inspire curiosity.
- Concerts
- Music and Film Festivals
- Go to different churches and try out the Friday-night Shabbat services. It is mind-broadening and good for your soul.
- Hot restaurants
- Hot bars
- Cigar bars
- Pool halls
- Car shows
- Boat shows
- Geek Meets
- The Political Campaigns.
(Are you beginning to get the picture? If you go where there are high numbers of eligible men, you can’t help but meet a nice chap!)
Really, it is all about seizing the opportunity and not allowing that handsome fellow in front of you on the coffee shop line to leave without you smiling and saying “hello.” Because, darling, it would be too sad to look back on your life and wonder why you couldn’t “meet a guy” when guys are literally EVERYWHERE!
To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle magazine and AskEJean.com.
Tom Tailor
Pilgrim
Orlando Orlandini
That is true!
1Good list haha!
5'5" and 140lbs.
I'm not sure that would be considered "overweight" by most men in this day and age. A lot of guys out there like curves. I hope your poor body image isn't holding you back.
Good luck!
2I can't get over the "5’5” and 140" comment either! Geez. Maybe her insecurity and overzealous thoughts on image are what's keeping the men away...
3I am close to that height/weight but goodness gracious, I somehow have a husband!
4Maybe your body image is kinda holding you back.
Or, guys are as shallow as we all think and you need to lose those 10. I'm sorry to say it, but guys are awful.
I agree with Jean--seize more opportunities! Eye flirt with the guys you see everywhere and see if you cant make a connection!
I've also had a lot of luck on HotorNot.com. It sound shallow, but people hook up there in ways similar to real life in that: you see their face/body first and decide if you're interested. The rest of the page lists your interests in a minimal amount of words, to keep interest. If they like what you are about and how you look, before they've even spoken to you, you have a much better chance of making a compatible match! I met my last bf on HotorNot, and we were together almost three years. I met my current on HotorNot, as well, and we're in a committed relationship that is on track for marriage!
5Also, I know this sounds rude, but you may need to tailor your expectations in regards to your personal appearance. Are you only going for guys completely out of your league?
6hahaha i love it, gun clubs...
i need to start going to these places lol
7lol @ gun clubs... I dunno if I want to date a guy who is a member of a club for gun lovers haha
8Wow. by this post's description, there's no wonder i've never found a man. I'm 5'7 and 148 lbs. I don't think i am uber-skinny, but I definitely don't think i'm overweight. thanks for the list E. Jean! I will have to start checking these places out! Wish me luck!
9ah, the good ol' shooting range! pop a cap in 'em if they start gettin fresh with u, lol.
good list.
or hang out in a military city.
I live in Oceanside, CA and EVERYWHERE i go, there's a gajillion guys. I go to the movies with my fiance and the theater is LOADED with guys (i'm always the only girl, no joke).
that is, of course, if ur interested in someone IN the military. but overall, great list!
10Love it!
11No offense erotic assassin, but I'm from a military city (in fact, Coast Guard, Navy, Air Force, and Army are all very near here) and military guys are the worst. Only try to hook up with one if you want sex, and do so off the base. I speak from five years worth of dating experience in the area when I say that the first thing most military guys (specially army and navy/coast guard) is get you drunk and let their friends run a train on you. Happened several times a year in my home town (an hour from where I live now) and happens so often where I live now, that new prosecutions are starting to pop up all the time.
Since most arent in the area for long, they know they have an "out" so they dont have to commit, too.
(Thats not to say that all military men are dogs, I'm sure there are many that are nice young men that make their man or woman happy.)
I think another good place to find guys is at your local Gameworks. Play laser tag or DDR or something. I like meeting guys at baseball games, cause they love a gal who likes sports and already has a mutual interest. I also go to a different festival nearly every weekend in the summer, lotsa guys there!
12Yeah wow, I was shocked, I'm EXACTLY the same height AND weight as her. I actually get compliments on how great of a body I have. I've also had 2 children. Maybe you just need to tone and not lose weight. I have a toned body. and I am NOT over weight. Have a little more confidence!
13i thought the same as everyone else. i'm 5.5 and 150 lbs and don't consider myself overweight but average!
sorry, i'm probably missing the trees for the forest here but COME ON!
14they're not all bad...I mean, I'm just sayin to actually MEET guys. Anyone could be her prince charming.
that's if it's to HER interest. I just want the chick to meet a guy. I'm not liable to whether he's a dog or not! lol
15trixie, what's a train? Eeep, that sounds not great. I haven't dated military, so yeah. Not planning on to for the most part, either.
16starofsorrow I'm sure you could find it on urban dictionary... That is if you really want to know!!
17hey hey hey... lets not lump all of the military men into one basket.... I've never dated a military man... but lets not gang up on them here
18uh, im sorry but last time i checked weight and height shouldnt come into play in a real, healthy, lasting relationship... especially when you are at a healthy weight range. that fact that you even listed it, leads me to believe this is holding you back.
you have to be happy with YOURSELF before you can be happy with anyone else.
19Honey, when I was 5'5' and 140 pounds (I now have 20 pounds to lose) I never considered myself overweight. I'm sure you're perfectly fine - and to a really good guy, a tiny bit of flab wouldn't matter anyway. Don't worry about that - just go out and find that great guy that's out there waiting!
20E. Jean I sometimes feel like I have the same problem. I'm going to keep my eyes open, nice list!
21I agree with K8, lets not gang up on military men or women. I am married to a wonderful one and happen to have alot of single soldier friends who want nothing more than to meet a nice girl. I have had several friends date and even two marry some of my friends.
There are bad apples in every barrel and women just need to have common sense when dealing with men in general.
22Actually, while E. Jean's laundry list of ways to meet men is fantasic, it sounds to me like what you should really be doing it working on yourself. Why DO you laugh too hard at people's jokes? Why DO you think you're overweight when the numbers don't suggest it. Once you find contentment with yourself, I think you'll find the dating thing just starts to happen. You've got to love yourself before anyone else will.
23STOP LOOOKING. Enjoy life. And when you've forgotten that you were on the look out for Mr. Right, that's exactly when he'll show up. Always happens that way. Always.
24Ha! Political parties. It's so true, there's so many single guys there.
25However, 5'5" and 140 is NOT overweight! That's where I am right now, and I've got a boyfriend (3 years and counting!) and guys tell me I'm hot. Learn to be comfortable with yourself, and find out what looks work for you. Once you're comfortable with yourself, guys will take notice. Trust me.
And like flyinglinegreen said, stop looking and have fun. You know the saying, "You can never find something when you're looking for it"? Well, it's true.
Geek Meets! Yes!
And, 5'5" and 140lbs is approximately 23.3 on a BMI scale i.e. normal weight, hon. If you're being insecure about it, men will notice. Men are attracted to confidence, too.
26When I was in high school, I did my share of volunteering for a political party, and wow, there were a lot of hot guys there. At the time, the ones I liked were mainly teenage children of the candidates.
In college, I associated myself with the Young Republicans and Young Libertarians--partly to make a difference and partly because of the guys.
Now that I'm out of college, I really don't know where to meet guys, so that list is great! My problem is that I'm usually too shy to approach guys I see.
27cut to the chase woman! go to a dating service. why spend $ on hockey games or time taking classes when what you want is a partner? the dating services i have read about screen men for lots of things and then you KNOW what their level of interest is. if you see a handsome man on the street you don't even know if he's hetro much less available or wanting a relationship. i should have saved myself the trouble and gone to one myself. i had a couple of years that were mighty grim in the men dept. what was i thinking? if i had it to do over i'd join a dating service.
love to hear others thoughts on this!
28Hehe the list is great for me. Now I´ve already finished the university and I study at home at least 11 hours per day and six days per week, so it´s really hard for me to be in the right place at the right time. Moreover the problem is that i´m really shy and lack of self confidence.
IMO everybody has a boyfriend but me your problem with men isn´t because of your weight but because of your lack of self confidence!! You have to learn how to love yourself!! Weight is not so important, my BMI is 17.9 and I´ve the same problem with guys!
29I agree with flyinglimegreen and NOT E. Jean (as usual). Stop looking and focus on yourself. Why in the world would you go to a gunclub (or any of those other ridiculous suggestions) to look for a man?? By doing that, you are (1) looking desperate (2) already showing him that his interests are more imortant that yours (3) setting yourself up to meet some really random and potentially odd men. Go about your normal life and have fun with yourself and friends. When God is ready to give you a mate, He will. And if you don't believe in GOD, then at least believe in yourself and the fact that men should come to YOU and you should never go to them!!!
30and when god is ready to give people blond hair they won't need the salon anymore! hello what about "the lord helps those that help themselves"? you have to make an effort in life, there is no special delivery from heaven.
31Sporting events ARE NOT good places to meet men. This seems to be some pervasive cultural myth! The truth is men go to these places to WATCH SPORTS. They're primed to focus on that, not mingling with women. Who wants to compete with that?
32Actually, some friends (mostly girls) and I have been known to deck ourselves in scarlet and gray (our alma mater's colors) and hit the sports bar during football season. We actually do get approached by men quite a bit.
33Dito on the weight/height comment. I'm 5'5" and have weighed 140lbs since August and I've had to problem meeting guys. You need to have high self esteem regardless of your weight!! Just a tip!
34You can have some of mine. Take a load off of me! lol
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