Earlier this week, Reuters released a study that finally gives us a good reason to let it all out. I think most of us already knew that expressing ourselves was a better idea than not, but now it turns out that it may actually help us lead a longer life. The article states:
Resentment was the real threat — and suppressing anger led to resentment. . . . It is the resentment that interacts with any medical vulnerabilities a person might have, increasing their chances of succumbing to that medical problem.
The article makes it very clear that they're specifically looking at situations in which a person doesn't say anything even when they feel they've been treated unfairly. I've always felt that holding things in with our partners, friends, or family is damaging both to our psyches and our bodies, but do you agree? Do you ever find yourself feeling resentful but not speaking up about it in order to avoid confrontation?
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I'm a confrontation-phobic. Seriously. I will just about do anything to avoid a confrontation....I start sweating, laughing nervously, heart starts pounding...ya know, the whole deal.
But one of my New Years Resolutions is to stop letting others walk all over me, so I might have to deal with a confrontation or two in the future.
1The headline is for shock value and is misleading.
It's generally known that if you bottle-in your emotions, be a extremely compliant and doormattish, that not only are you not happy, but you are stressed out to make sure everyone else is happy.
And we all know that stress leads to strokes and other things that shorten lives.
So, this isn't news. The headline should read: Bottling Emotions Unhealthy; May shorten Life
But that sounds kinda boring.
2I will speak my mind. If something is bothering me believe me you will know.
3I have a bad habit of letting things go that I shouldn't, mostly because I grew up in a family that LOVED fighting, and I was the only pacifist of the bunch. So, I've always avoided confrontation because I didn't want to put myself in a situation that would remind me of my home environment as a child. But, my boyfriend is teaching me that I CAN speak my mind without things turning negative, and for that I am grateful.
4I find this easy to believe. I know when I choose to hold someting in I feel worse and worse until I let it all out!
5This makes complete sense to me. How can a person change or no longer hurt you if they aren't aware they are doing anything wrong in the first place?
Now where's the study that says there are things we need to let go too.
6TidalWave, I totally agree with you. Some of these headlines have been misrepresenting the articles lately. I guess they feel they need to grab our attention?
7I don't believe this because I nearly lost my life fighting. When I wasn't a Born -Again Christian yet, and I was this "b*tch" who believed that every situation in the world can be mended through "fierce confrontation, aggressiveness and letting off steam without any care", I had been involved in a fight which aggravated my heart and nerves. Because I was so angry, my heart crushed and stopped and fainted. I stopped breathing and I was rushed to the hospital.
8From then on, I avoid fighting and instead I pray first before talking it out in a very "mild, gentle" way as I can. You can speak your mind and deal with situations without being confrontational and without fighting.
Wow, bingkaycoy! I think that's not the kind of fight the article refers to. It's more like TidalWave said.
BTW, it is great that you've learned to control yourself! It's such a difficult thing!
9Miosotis^^^I know that the article is kinda misleading based on its title. I understand this post however I was just letting others know that "venting out" is not good all the time as well as "keeping and bottling your emotions to yourself ". Neither is actually good nor beneficial.
You will learn to control feelings and emotions when you trust that there is Somebody who can do it for you and knowing to be humble.
10I always speak my mind...tactfully of course.
11rarely. i figure if someone is going to be unhappy and it's me or the other person; it's gonna be the other person.
12i HATE that about myself! i just cannot speak about whats bothering me. and it drives my husband crazy and i cant say i blame him. i try but its sooo harddddd. =(
13this kind of looks like a study about women living longer because they express themselves (cry, argue, gossip) more then men.
14I am also a person that avoids confrontation at all cost, I don't like the situations ever! I will joke and laugh and change the subject constantly or not talk about the subject or even avoid the person entirely!
15I'm not really confrontational- or, I don't intend to be. I'm just really honest and blunt all of the time. Sometimes this can be taken as being confrontational, but I really don't like to lie about how I feel. I find things go a lot easier when I speak my mind. My boyfriend's had to adjust to it, but I think if you ask him, he'd say he prefers it. there's never any games.
16Heh, what happened to couples who don't have anger to suppress in the first place and who openly and honestly communicate their differences without it leading to an angry argument? I guess my fiancee and I are a statistic that doesn't exist.
17Meike, I think that's what the article suggests, lol
I hate these articles though, they piss me off because they make it sound like suppressing anger causes you to die earlier. That assumption can never be made from a correlational study. More likely than not, the people who bottle stuff up also have another similar trait(like stress) that may be at play, or even a constellation of traits. And their sample is SUPER small to be statistically sound. 26 couples per group?! C'mon!
Okay, I'm done being a geek.
18Yes, I agree. I truly believe holding stuff in leads for a wretched health life. I think people need to get it out in a constructive manner, though. Like, talking like civilized people, jogging, hitting a punching bag in the gym, etc. Now, I don't believe in the crazy stuff that went on in the 70's therapy sessions. I do not think it helps beating a couch with a padded bat to release tension that you have towards your partner (as your partner watches on). I think that tends to back-fire. So, I think you need to get it out physically (as in exercise), verbally (no yelling or name calling), and writing. Because, you can't let that stuff fester inside of you or there is a very good chance you're going to get a life threatening health problem, later on down the road.
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