I have been with my boyfriend for three and a half years. However, last March I broke up with him because I was traveling and felt I needed to be free. I met other guys, kissed a few (but no sex — it never felt right since I never got over my boyfriend), and ultimately missed my boyfriend more and more. When I got back he was really busy doing his own thing. During a couple of months that we didn't talk, I ended up meeting someone. He lives next door. We hit it off and ended up making out a few times. He is not my type, but we still had fun. Again, there was no sex; we did this whole "friends with benefits" thing for about a month. Then my boyfriend and I got in touch and eventually got back together. I told the other guy that my BF and I were together again and that ended.
Things have been good with my BF, but we live six hours apart. The long distance is getting tough. He is moving in about six months, which is great, but I feel like I might have a crush on my neighbor again. The other day we met up for lunch and he told me he was still into me. I told him I was very happy in my relationship and wasn't available. I am happy, but sometimes I just forget; I don't see my boyfriend for two months at a time and only talk to him for maybe 30 minutes a day. He is really busy and has a grueling schedule, as do I. The moment he visits, everything is back to normal, and I forget all about my neighbor. I haven't kissed the guy since back when I was single. I guess it just feels nice to be in his company. I don't know what to make of this. Should I try to put him out of my mind? What do you guys think?
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GUESS
Blumarine
S***r
Wow, tough one. I totally understand though! I been through this. I made out with someone when I was actually dating the guy far away. I ... don't feel like I really emotionally cheated, and it made me realize I wanted the man I already had. So thus I don't regret it. If this guy drags you away from you bf, maybe you guys shouldn't be together. Or, youll realize you should!
1I think you're afraid to be alone. You can't even think about breaking up with someone without having another waiting in the wings.
I say don't commit to either - be single for a while and see what happens.
2It's totally, 100% normal to have crushes while in a relationship. What it comes down to is how/if you act on them. If you are committed to your relationship, then cut ties with the other boy. It's really that simple. If you're questioning whether you want to be with your BF, then communicate that to him. Just make a move now before things get more complicated. You owe that to everyone involved.
3I've been in this position and it's definitely tough and confusing. Is your boyfriend moving just to be with you? I would say, just wait until your boyfriend moves - because, like you said, you won't be thinking about the neighbor boy anymore. Even though you click with the neighbor, that doesn't mean you don't want to be with your boyfriend.. long distance relationships ARE hard and while you are alone, of course you're going to think about your crush who is close by. If you still think about Neighbor when you see your boyfriend more, then it's really time to re-evaluate your relationship and what you really want to do. It's difficult to tell whether you are under the influence of missing your man in a long distance relationship or if you really have feelings for the other guy. There's nothing wrong with having a friendship with the neighbor guy while you are waiting these 6 months... you're doing nothing wrong, you've let Neighbor know how it is, and it's just good company!
By the way, I think you've been handling your commitment to your boyfriend very well! good luck
4If you forget all about the neighbour when you're with your boyfriend, I think you're just a bit lonely. This is completely understandable of course, but I tend to think that if you really love your boyfriend you'll do what anyone in a committed long distance relationship should do and just suck it up. Another guy isn't the only way to alleviate loneliness and frustration. Six months will fly by if you keep yourself busy with other things (work, study, friends, hobbies, exercise etc).
You never slept with the neighbour so maybe its companionship you're after, or maybe it's the excitement of having a new 'crush'. Either way, be considerate of your boyfriend with your actions. Imagine how you'd feel in his situation.
I know (and I mean I KNOW) long distance relationships can make you a bit crazy, and make you question everything, but if you really want to be with your boyfriend, keep your eye on the prize. If you can't handle it anymore, cut him loose and prevent him from going to such great pains to be with you. I think you do really want him though - you sound like you're very happy when you get to be with him.
5long distance realtionships suck! i know that much is true. but since u have a timeline in front u, u know hes moving in 6 months, that should help with the frustration.
i think ur just lonely when ur boyfriends not around and the neighbour seems somewhat loveable and attractive, but if u dont even think about him when ur boyfriends around, it definitely sounds like lonliness. be patient =)
6I'm in a long distance relationship right now and believe me, I know, it's tough!
It sounds like you just want to have someone as a "replacement" for the lack of attention and caring that you're used to and want from your boyfriend. The same thing happened on your trip. This neighbor isn't your type (as you stated) and you only think about him, when your boyfriend is away, because he gives you attention and, of course, you like it! You miss your boyfriend and this guy just happens to be there and is interested in you.
Forget about the neighbor. You have 6 months left until it sounds like the boyfriend is moving back in the area, you'll do fine as long as you understand you just miss your boyfriend's attention and being and need to leave the random neighbor, and anyone else, alone.
7You seem like you require a lot of attention, which i find off putting. Also, you can't say you didn't have sex with someone and in the next breath say, "we were just friends with benefits". One or the other.
8If you have a crush on your neighbor, you're putting yourself in the danger zone if you hang out with him. Don't hang out with him unless you wouldn't mind cheating on your boyfriend, and it sounds like it wouldn't be worth it.
9i think you are being a little selfish, calling off and on relationships according to whether it fits into your plan. when u went travelling u called off your bf, when you guys were busy, the relationship is off. meanwhile u went for other guys (sex or no sex is not the point). and now u r back with ur bf, u complain abt the distance, and then start to have crush on your neighbour again, isnt it weird when ur bf moves in and won't he feel the 'crush' you are having?
10make up your mind. if u really love your bf, focus on him and not think about the potential of other guys.
I think this is more about being lonely than actually having a crush. You miss your boyfriend when he is not there, and this neighbore boy is filling the void that is created by your boyfriend not being around much. Its not wrong to have a crush on someone while in a relationship, but you have to ask yourself if its really worth it. Does this boy have anything to offer (besides being close by) that your boyfriend doesnt? You just need to figure out if these feelings are coming from loneliness or if there might actually be something there.
11You're telling the neighbor you're happy with your boyfriend but having lunch with they guy. It's the typical 'i want what I don't have.. and when I have it.. I won't want it anymore'. You need time by YOURSELF to truly figure out who and what you want.. without either of the two.
12I have a problem. It's not an old one but still complicated. My bf of 5 years and I are currently going to be living apart for 5 years due to schooling. While on vacation before school begins I was reintroduced to an old crush of mine. From the first time I saw him, I was done. Now, I am in the same area as him and he volunteered to show me around town. I have know him for a while but I have no idea how he feels about me or if I'm just acting like a fool. He does some of the things that I have looked for in a man that I struggle constantly with my bf to do. For example, the crush and I went shopping and with no words he took my bags and carried them for me. He pulled out all chairs and just treated me like a lady. That's how he was raised but my bf was raised by mostly women so the habits are different. I don't know what to do, but sometimes I want to be all into my bf and talking marriage then a couple of days later I barely want to carry a convo on the phone. It's on been 3 weeks apart. I don't know what to do about it. I meet his parents (yeah after 5 years!!!!!!) I told my bf about it and its not suprising he was not happy. But where do you draw the distinction between the feeling of settling and actually being in love and this being a phase. Help!
13First off; if your bf actually took you back after what you did he is a *looser* and there is no wonder you broke up with him in the first place.
Second; you actually going back with that looser makes you the dumber than him because you are unable to break up, be alone, find someone, etc. And you are going back with a looser you can manipulate,cheat on, etc. Do yourself a favor, look up the word "egoist"...
Wanna have a healthy relationship? Break up with both of your current toys... err I mean boyfriend or whatever you *think* they are for you. Go out single for a while, have some fun, right? Figure you things out for your own sake. Let go of lust a little bit, if you are able to. Then, when you are an adult (or a woman), try to find a real man. Start something new, clean while being SINGLE.
No offence, good luck kid.
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