From my experience with these things, sometimes guilt is what drives a couple apart moreso than the transgression itself. I honestly don't know how much it's affecting you, but I can't see how it's possible for you to really rebuild your relationship on a lie.

Based on your email, it sounds like this isn't a great relationship. Your boyfriend chose computer games over you. You chose cheating over communication, and lying over truth telling. This does not sound like a recipe for a long and loving relationship. Why not just get it off your chest and let the chips fall where they may?

And to forgive or not forgive isn't really our call. Only you can make this right with him and with yourself. If you haven't found peace in your decision by now, you won't. No matter what we say.

If you felt as bad as you say you do, then you would tell him. Just because you lied about it in the past doesnt mean its too late to fess up. But the fact that you CONTINUE to lie and hide it is pretty much unforgiveable. You arent rebuilding anything, dont fool yourself into thinking that its acceptable to just sweep this under the rug, it will come back and when it does everything that you thought you were rebuilding will start showing its cracks and eventually crumble.

he hacked into your email account, you cheated, you then lied, etc. does it matter if you forgive each other, who could forget all of that and move forward? i say end this now and move on. you don't bring out the best in each other and relationships are built on a foundation; look at the one you've got going. the best expectation of what someone will do in the future is what they have done in the past. even if it's not 100% true in this case the odds of success are LOW.

Take it from me, that the whole "not paying attention to me" thing is NOT going to change. Dont ask me how I know, its too painful to say!

With all the petty going-ons between you two, I think its best to cut ties and let him loose.

I voted "Undecided" because really, in such a troubled relationship, I think the details of the cheating are really a moot point. Although if you wish for an easy "out", by all means, tell him!

Tough call. When it comes to affairs, many are concerned about STDs and that's not an issue here. Would the whole truth have changed how things went down? If you don't tell him, you're minimizing his pain and increasing yours with the guilt. Consider that punishment. But at the same time, you're not letting him make his own choices. With full information, he may change his mind.

Do you really want to be in this relationship? Does he? Or are you just killing time together? It's going to take a lot more than just deciding to try to work things out. You both actually have to take real steps. Do both of you really want to put in the work? It doesn't really sound like it, but I wouldn't know as well as you would.

It doesn't sound like you (or your boyfriend, frankly) are ready or capable of a mature relationship yet. I think you need to focus on finding yourself before building a sustainable, loving, and long-term relationship.

Not forgive. Sorry. You should have just gotten out of the relationship instead of cheating on him.

Forgive.
For me personally, growing up I never seen a man forgive a woman for hinting at cheating. I mean the flirtation in the emails are there and he still doesn't have a clue? Maybe you guy is cheat too and said let by gones be by gones...

Forgive - it's a messy situation, but at least you were a little honest... of course he HACKED you to find out..

It's no excuse for you to do what you did, but he doesn't sound like a catch. And I agree with trixiefire... I believe he will only try to pay attention to you for a while, but it won't permanently change and you will always be the "bad guy" in the relationship. I think you should confess everything, and if it doesn't work... doesn't sound like you are losing very much, mdear!

Good luck

Oooh I think Almost Famous has a fantastic point, in that if he's so willing to forgive and forget, perhaps he's been doing it too...I had an ex pull that one on me once.

Lying about not cheating is worse to me than actually cheating. You need to tell him and let him decide if he can forgive you.

I disagree with the majority here. What does telling him actually accomplish? You feel better and what? He feels like crap. If you honestly regret what you've done, you honestly are going to put effort into rebuilding the relationship and you have no intention of seeing this other guy again, then you take the burden on yourself, don't make him do it.

This relationship lacks maturity, not to mention strong frickin' communication. You're in nothing if you dont care about the other's feelings.

not forgive for cheating, not forgive for lying about afterwards. I've had a boyfriend who treated me the same and there are healthier ways of dealing. You guys are just giving each other neuroses.

Wait... umm.. Why do you need to be forgiven exactly?

I mean sure, you kissed another guy... But he eff-ing hacked into your email account???

Why do you want to be with him? If he takes you for granted (driving you to kiss another man), then he hacks into your personal email account... DUMP THE BUM!

Would you have cheated if the boyfriend was paying attention to you? Sounds like "no." And you gave him chances to help improve the relationship.

I would just end the relationship all together. Can you imagine if you ended up marrying the guy? He'd probably drive you to cheat again.

How can you expect things to work out if you can't even be honest with him? If the tables were turned, would you want HIM to be honest with you?

Well, to me cheating is always wrong, but I picked undecided, because as someone mentioned in this relationship it seems like a moot point. Whatever, if you told him he could forgive you or not, I don't think it matters because your relationship isn't in a good place. It took you "nearly-cheating" to convince your boyfriend to pay attention to you and change his ways (which I doubt he will). When he doesn't pay attention to you, you are going to have to do something even more dramatic to try to get his attention, and so on, this is not a good situation, just break up with him already.

Well, you say the relationship has been going downhill since you moved in together. Combine that with the fact that cheated, and more than once, speaks volumes! You lied about it because you felt cornered, I think, but overall, my feeling is that you need to just end this relationship. You're not into it, and your boyfriend apparently isn't either, really. If it isn't working, which it's not, don't waste a lot of precious time in it. Cut your losses and move on.

You should tell him the truth and end the relationship I doubt it will change now and you will only feel more guilty.

Not forgive - you should've ended the relationship instead of cheating. Nothing excuses a cheater.

Not forgive. Cheating is never okay.

you should tell him. cuz if some way he finds out you were lying, thats probably not gonna go too well.

just tell him, u shouldn't have cheated

Karma. If I were you, I'd be afraid of karma coming back to me ( which it always does ). But it is never too late - come clean to him. If it wasn't meant to be then its not meant to be. If it is - then this is just another obstacle or test in your relationship that can only make you stronger. you never know

I don't quite understand why you are still together?
I was in this situation and I cheated and then had the balls to leave him. You should do the same.

I had a guy pick computer games over me and he always went back to his computer games. Even after a month away sometimes!

I think it needs to be pointed out that this issue is NOT going to go away. Deep down, he knows that you cheated, or at least strongly suspects. You think that by lying, you can put it all behind you and move forward, but I think the opposite is true. Now the "did she or didn't she?" is going to haunt him, and you can count on it being brought up again. And again. And again. And each time, whether you lie or fess up, your relationship is going to sink a little further.

I'm not going to vote "forgive or not forgive". I'm just going to give you some friendly advice: tell him NOW if you ever want the one person who's opinion MATTERS to forgive you.

If you think your relationship is worth your time, then don't tell..it will only make it worse.

Forgive. From what you've said, your relationship was over before you cheated.

You should be aware that you'll never get the type of attention that his video games get because he needs to grow up about 5 years. If you decide to stay with him through those years of maturation, it's likely you're going to want to cheat again (or live with the fear that you'll cheat again).

Something that bothers me is that it's so probable that he didn't hack your email because he was suspicious; he did it because it is a passive way of controlling you. If he did that once, he'll do it again.

Some major boundaries have been violated between the two of you, and it's going to be a major feat to regain trust on either side, especially if you tell him that you cheated.

If you're totally 100% committed to working it out with him, I would tell him. A relationship based on trust usually ends up better. Good luck!

I have been in your spot exactly girl. I was with a man for 3 years, and never told him that i cheated on him, until after he found out or i fessed up after a few months.
I cheated on him 3 times.
That doesnt make it wrong or right, it just makes it more complex for a relationship to not be truthful to your boyfriend. You need to communicate all doubts, all fears, and all considerations of leaving one another.
Lying does nothing . I felt horrible, just HORRIBLE after not telling him for SO long. But I had my reasons, as does everybody else.
He would be a wonderful boyfriend, only after the fact that he found me liking someone else. HE would only try his hardest AFTER i started liking someone else. And that was just unbearable for me, so after 3 years, i ended it. He needed time to find himself. He tried to kill himself after i broke up with him, and to this day, i dont know how i stayed with him so long.
It was all for the wrong reasons.

Now, you didnt have sex with this boy. You have kissed him and such, so I say forgive. The thing is, if you truly love one another, you will work through the unbearable. But that is no reason to stay together. You have to be truthful and mature enough to take responsibility for your own actions. Me and my current boyfriend have agreed, if ever we want to see someone else, we will tell one another, no questions asked. You have to have communication or the whole relationship will fall apart.
Without trust in the relationship, it is hard to be around one another. Trust me.
I say forgive, because I have been there before too. Too many times.

Maybe if you also throw the Xbox out the window it could help. It doesn't sound very mature or promising to work things out with someone who likes Wii or Nintendo on his busy schedule, yet takes time to hack into an email. Does he use soap for his pimples too? It sounds like nothing is reality here. Games and emails and hacking? It's not even cheating, its more like a teenage nightmare.