In my younger years my dad was away a lot, he went on lots of business trips and my mom was a SAOM (stay-at-home-mom). As I got older he was home more, but honestly I have a better realtionship with him then my mom.
He just understand me more I think.
But I really don't see how girls can put all their faults onto their father-daughter realionship. Part of it is AT LEAST your fault too!

well i dont blame my dad for any bad choice in men. but i think a girl will always compare her boyfriend to her dad.
I sometimes have situations where i blame my father ... but that's because my dad can be a selfish bastard and he was a cheater for years... but it was more my parents relationship that i blame, than my dad alone, he just happened to be the one who f***ed it all up.
i still love him though. lol

Yes, I think daddy issues are real. I have always gone for older guys, but not intentionally and a lot of people have told me it's because of my relationship with my dad. We have never had a real conversation and he was in and out of my life throughout my childhood, among many other traumatic things that happened. BUT I don't blame him for anything that I, myself, make a decision for because I am ultimately responsible for my actions. I always wished I had a strong bond with an older man (not romantically), like an older brother because I think that would have taught me to be stronger regarding my relationships with men.

I don't blame my dad for any bad choices I've made. My father passed away when I was 7 so I really grew up in a single parent home. If there's one thing that I can say is an effect from having lost my father at that young age is that I know find that I yearn for a male person to love me. I haven't really had a male rode model or anything of that sort. So when I met my first and only bf (hes also my current) I realized this. I feel in love faster than I thought I would because I was dying to have a man love me (basically give me the love I was unable to receive from my father). Luckily my bf was also in love with me so everything is fine and to be honest I feel like a void has been filled. I know all this sounds stupid but sometimes you cant change how you feel and think.

Electra complex. ooh. I've no doubt that some seek relationships with men as a way of dealing with the one they never had with 'ol pops. Probably applies to most of the women on Rock of Love 2. Inna, im talking to you?

Yeah there are daddy issues. I just choose not to let them get the best of me. I plan on showing my real father that my mother and step-dad raised me right.

I think it depends.

I was not particularly close to my father growing up. In fact, we had different opinions on a lot of things, and still do. But, I have never had real "man issues" in my romantic life.

So, in my case at least, "daddy issues" aren't an issue for me.

I do not think daddy issues are real. I cannot stand when people blame their relationship issues or other problems in life on the relationship they had with their father or mother. My sister blames everything on my dad and it drives me crazy she does not take any respnosiblity for any of the mistakes she has made. While our relationship with him was tough at times I really believe that once you are an adult if you have issues than it is up to you to fix them.

i think daddy issues can be real and ithink relationship problems and issues can be explained (though not blamed) by relationships with mom and dad. those are not only ur formative years and your first relationships of any kind in general. we consciously or subconsciously will compare following relationships based on those. to what degree and if its in a healthy way depends on so many factors.

It depends on the woman. Some women allow daddy issues to affect their relationships with men, and some don't.

wow cubadog u just said what i was going to say.
we were treated badly from my father, our whole family was including my mom. but i chose to be better than him and i decided to succeed and prove to him that regardless of all his negativity that i turned into a young lady that he cant help but be proud of. my sister on the other hand has decided to victimize herself, and whenever she screws up she blames it on our father... GET OVER IT. he was wrong, u do right!! right???

I don't really think daddy issues are real.
In my teens, and even now sometimes, I have a really rocky relationship with my dad. We just butt heads constantly, and I feel like he doesn't understand me a lot, but that's life. I don't blame him at all for issues I have with men. I dated older men for most of my dating life. That might be because of my relationship with my dad, and it might not be..who knows..but other than that...he really has had no effect on my relationships or anything. In fact, despite the issues I have with my dad I can sometimes see similarities between my dad and my fiance, which is really odd.

I think how you are raised and your relationship with your parents absolutely affects who you are. Sometimes people are able to rise above it, but just because someone can't doesn't mean that the issues don't exist at all.

From a brain science perspective, they have done interesting studies that we're attracted to people who make our brain chemistry look like it does when we're thinking about our fathers. I know that doesn't make much sense, but it's like you get these response patterns from interacting with your father and the men you like basically give you those same response patterns.

Daddy issues are completely real.

My dad's failure to help me establish any self esteem lead to me seeking it out from boys as young as nine years of age. His failure to intervene or recognize the problem only made it worse. I was too naive and desperate for love and affection and attention to make good decisions about relationships. I refused to give up my destructive relationship with a boyfriend in high school, even though he repeatedly abused me, because I was so desperate for that love and affection. My parents then threw me out, at 16 years of age. As bad as my boyfriend was, I could not give him up because I so craved attention and validation and in the rashness of youth made some poor decisions about who to get these things from. I should have been getting them from my dad.

Now that I am older, I've straightened myself out and make good decisions regarding men, but only because I recognized that I lacked self esteem and had to establish it for myself instead of relying on the confidence that is supposed to be set in line by your parents. In my desire to not be like my parents, I know now how to surround myself with good people, including my partner. But as I was growing up I never got words of encouragement, I never got any recognition for any of my academic efforts, so its no surprise that even with my many accomplishments, I've never felt "good enough". I think even to this day, if my dad were to tell me he respected my musical, artistic, or writing talents and accomplishments, I'd have enough confidence to pursue them even further than I have so far.

Its hard to just let go and say to myself that I dont need my parents validation and approval of how I've turned out, but I feel oddly empty without it.

Truth be told everyone needs to take responsibility for their own actions, but it is sad indeed when such actions cannot be helped because a human being did not get the foundation they needed to start out life as an emotionally healthy person. Some people from the moment they are born, dont even stand a chance.

I dont have daddy issues, but I can definetly see how people could.

Maybe my daddy issues were than he raised me to tell me that I never needed a man for anything- he always taught me to be independent and never rely on anyone for anything.....
Hence why Im in law school and break up with people the second anything gets rough... I just feel like I can do it myself, why do I need a man when I have my family and good friends to keep me company?

hahah maybe I do have daddy issues

It doesn't make you incapable, but it does make it much more difficult...

I definitely see how people could have daddy issues...but I definitely don't have any. My dad and I have always gotten along and he's the most amazing person I have ever known and will ever know. My decision to date complicated 'boys' with issues is nothing due to him but just the type of guys I seem to be attracted to!

He has helped me be more independent and is one of those dads that never thinks a guy is good enough for me, so he'd give my boyfriends a really hard time.

my dad was a single dad and a total womanizer. i realized that i thought it was appropriate for men to treat women the way that he did. i have let go of that ridiculous thought and now have a much higher standard of how i should be treated.

your parents are your examples for gender roles in society, they show you how men and women treat each other. With no other frame of reference in your early formative years it's hard to say that an absent or abusive male figure wouldn't affect you on some level. It goes the same for an abusive or absent mom. I think all of this goes for men too, it just manifests in different ways.

Thanks for all of the thoughtful and interesting comments everyone!

Real, yes, but I agree that they're not an automatic thing just because a woman has man problems.

I think we gravitate towards what we know and what is familiar to us. Very often that includes men who are like our fathers, for good and for bad. So, yes; I absolutely believe in daddy issues; and mommy issues; and sibling issues. The first 6 years are critical in the people we become, and all those people are our biggest influences at that time.

I think I believe in daddy issue. At least thats what my therapist used as the answer to a lot of my man issues. My dad died when I was 2 and my mom had a long relationship with my stepfather that was definitely awful and traumatic for me as a child. They seperated when I was 18 after 13 years together (im 25 now). In those 13 years, I had to deal with his drug and alcohol abuse, physical abuse of both my mother and I, and on top of that, my mom was the sole provider for us and eventually my little sister who is now 13. he just sat at home in his room smoking weed all day. As far as me and my relationship with men go, I have always desperately needed to be shown love and affection from a man or i feel like something id terribly wrong. Just earlier today I got all quiet and reserved and barely talked to my boyfriend at lunch just because he didnt give me a kiss when he saw me. Am i overreacting? Probably. I feel like not having a father and having the stepfather that I did has definitely made me insecure with men and desperate for their love and affection. This is a hard for me to admit, but I was definitely a promiscuos girl in high school and college and sometimes I feel like it is all a result of my daddy issues. i could just be looking for excuses for my own mistakes and insecurities. I just dont know.

sadly, they're pretty real. my father was basically hell throughout my childhood, YET i never thought anything of it. i tried my best to ignore him and get on with my life. i did my best to cut him out. and now i'm 23, it's been yrs since i last lived with him and a yr since i spoke to him...
i never consciously realized that i had these 'daddy issues'. it's so funny bc when a gf pointed it out to me, it came as a total shock. i was one of THOSE grls~ and it all made sense. sort of silly , but yea...

i just read some of the comments above me...
i understand not all women with crappy dads will have issues, but many do. it's damaging to grow up with someone who is abusive, when they're supposed to be loving and nurturing in every way. it kills self esteem and has grls questioning themselves as ppl and who they are.
it's complicated. and definitely real.

I do not like the term "daddy issues"- it sounds whiny, somehow- but I totally agree with the idea. Everyone is affected by their relationship with their parents. If your father was a horrible role model, whether you seek out bad boys or strive to prove that there's a better way, you're being, to some extent, shaped by your father-daughter relationship.

And just because you recognize where these tendencies or feelings came from, doesn't mean you're blaming your father for the way you act. Understanding your so-called "daddy issues" can be a very helpful in learning how to forge healthy relationships and, ultimately, take responsibility for your own actions.

"Daddy issues" is just a poor way of expressing the idea that your early influences help influence who you become as a person- and that makes a lot of sense, right?

I definately believe that "daddy issues" are real. I don't have "daddy issues", but my boyfriend has abandonment issues, which definately causes problems between him and either one of his parents.

I absolutely hate it when women blame their men problems on 'daddy issues'.

This is because my father was an alcoholic motorcyclist who had a penchant for getting into accidents and died when I was fourteen. I have REAL father issues, ones that I struggle with privately. I can't stand when *I* make excuses for myself - it feels like I am using him as a crutch.

It probably makes me a little bit of a cynic but when I see girls pretend to psychoanalyze themselves, it just makes me angry and disgusted. You look pathetic and like you are desperate for pity and attention - so save the sob story, sister!

Wow, lets dismiss everyone else's problems, cuz mine are real and everyone else's are fake...

I def. agree that there are certain areas in woman's lives are affected by their relationship with their father. It's been shown that girls who have a strong, positive relationship with their fathers have higher self esteem growing up and are less likely to develop mental health issues, such as eating disorders. That being said growing up with an emotionally and physically abusive father who was never available, it makes sense that I seek out emotionally unavailable men. I'm not saying this happens to everyone who has a negative relationship with their father, but it does happen and women often times seek out those relationships to, in some theories, work out problems that they are or were unable to work out with their father.

while i loathe the term, i think daddy issues are real. i tried to bury mine for years until others pointed them out. my father was an alcoholic who raped me until i was 9 years old. i thankfully did not see him after that. i felt more betrayed by my mom in many ways because she knew what was happening, did nothing to stop it, did not let me heal, while taunting me about it all the while. she used to make me ask him for money, which i hated. then she would call me a wh*re. on my 13th birthday, she asked my if my father had ever done anything. she kept drilling me with questions and finally i broke down sobbing and told her what had happened those three years of hell...then she said she knew what was going on and just wanted me to confirm. she hugged me for a long time, then suddenly pushed me away and said "you little slut! you asked for it!" that was the last time my mom ever hugged me. so i actually have more "mommy" issues than daddy issues, i think. i do not hate or blame my parents for anything, but their actions, their denials and attempts to rewrite my history were pretty damn hurtful. especially my mom, who threw away all my diaries and journals when i was 14 because "i didn't need to remember that" -- i am rewriting them now and it's very therapeutic. it was only after i cut them both out of my life that i was really able to start the healing process, which revealed that so many of the choices i made were made while i was wearing these blinders...i was so apologetic of my mom; i made excuses for my parents' behavior. naturally, i let other users and abusers into my life. however my circumstances may have influenced my choices, though, the buck stops with me, and if any of us who endured horrific abuse as children are ever to be thriving adults, we all must take responsibility for our actions, our health, and our happiness, even if (especially if!) the people who were supposed to love and nurture us did not.

I have a wonderful relatiuonship with my father, he is my best friend, and I talk to him about everything. I realize I am very lucky, and that not very many women can say this. I think having this relationship has been womnderful for me, as it has set the bar for what I expect from a man and from a relationship. Because my Dad has been such a strong role model, I have very high standards, I refuse to be treated poorly, because I know that there are good men out there, and I know how I deserve to be treated. Wow, I really am lucky, I should go call my Dad..hahaha

Marci said exactly what I was going to say and probably said it better I read somewhere that people's relationships are often similar to what they grew up with. So if you had a volatile relationship with your parent, sibling or your parents had a volatile relationship and you witnessed it, you may stay in a volatile relationship or even subconsciously seek one out because that's normal to you. I don't think "daddy issues" are about blaming your father or yourself. I think it's just understanding what you're used to, what you're lacking and seeing that in current relationships.

how you are brought up by your parents of course affects who you are, how you deal with things, etc.. unless you spend a lot of energy and time trying to change those things, i guess. i'm not sure my father issues have really affected my relationship skills, but definitely has affected my self esteem and confidence. i'm not sure i BLAME my father for how he treated us, but i can't just ignore the consequences of his actions.

They can be very real. Mommy issues can be too. The relationships established with your parents from an early age can truly impact each and every experience you have. It doesn't mean that you have an excuse for all the problems in your life, but it is an explanation and the first step to conquering the issues is understanding them. Your parents help shape you as a person and there's no denying how powerfully they can affect your life.

When I try to explain to people how devestating the poor decisions of our parents can be, I say, "Who can you trust when you can't trust your parents?"

I never knew who my father was, even to this day...and never grew up with a father figure. So during my first few relationships, I was very co-dependent...perhaps looking for that same love and acceptance a father would give. I always felt a little twinge of pain when I saw all my friends with their loving fathers, but my foster mother did an absolutely wonderful job of raising me herself. But once I matured and realized that it was unhealthy to look for a father figure in my relationships...well, life got a bit easier.

So yes, I think in a young woman's life, her relationship with her father can have an affect on her relationships. Later on in life however, I think not so much.

Yes, but not to such an extent. I'm in a relationship with a great guy, who is nothing like my father, and many people think that my father ruined my life.

Well, turns out that he didn't. I'm not going to use him for a buffer for all my poor decisions or personality flaws.

If you have confidence issues, no one is going to deal with it besides you... especially not your father. So while you can feel empty without a parents love, you're not entitled to place that weight on your potential mate's shoulders.

i think we are definitely affected by our parents HOWEVER as adults, we can choose to know ourselves, heal, and choose to be in healthy relationships. but sometimes that is harder than it sounds. so, YES, daddy issues are very, very real.

I've never really thought of it but looking back, I would have to say no. No daddy issues here. Only thing my husband and dad have in common is that they both are a bit chubby, but my hubby was rather slim when I met him.
I'm sure it real for some though.

I do believe they're real, I gue your point that not EVERYTHING and anything should be blamed on daddy issues but I for one can't get myself to trust men just because I've witnessed my faher's behavior and its completely sickening to me that someone could be so heartless to somebody who they have a loving relationship with. Also since a very early sge I used to say I never wanted to get married just because I got a really good example of it when growing up.

Not every bad decision we make should be blamed on our relatonships with our father, but I think its a lot easier for someone who hasn't been affected by a bad father daughter relationship to say this is all crap, and its just women trying to find someone to blame.
I find that a lot of issues I have today are a direct effect of my father and my relationship, it doesn't mean I don't take responsibility for my mistakes, I do. But I also realize that many things I choose to do or think have a lot to do with my father. Its just the way it is, I'm not whining or moping about anything, I'm just being real.
As for Clarient, believe it or not other people here have REAL father issues as well.

I do think so- to an extent. My father always being away for business I know makes me feel that I always want to have my boyfriend around.

I just get frusterated by the present societal mentality that just makes up some excuse for everything and that so few people take responsibility for their actions, choices, et cetera.

Sure, "daddy issues" are definitely a real thing for some women. I'm not even going to say that my own sister and I might not share some given our choices in past menfolk. What I will say is that we acknowledged them and made conscious choices about who we chose to spend our lives with.

Don't cop out. If you make a bad decision, make a mistake - learn from it!

I have a terrific relationship with my dad, and he never lost his temper when I was growing up (or ever since). He always gave me praise for clever things and told me I was pretty. I don't know if there's a link, but I've never been treated badly by a bloke, never had my heart broken or been cheated on, never felt I needed to put out to keep a man interested when I was a kid. I do sound like a prig now (and a bit of a dick) but I'm just saying how it was. But for that reason, I've told my husband he should never get angry in front of our daughter (because I don't want her to be afraid of men) and he always has to encourage her. Not really a problem because like most dads with baby daughters, he's gaga about her.

I think it may just depend on the person. I've never even known my father. I know his name and things about him, but he doesn't even know I exist. And I've never felt the need or desire to find him. He's a very good man from what I know and the circumstances which led to my situation were not bad at all. My mother and him had simply gone seperate ways before she knew she was pregnant.

My mother got married when I was 3 and my step father was around until I was 15 and they divorced. Me and my stepfather did NOT get along for a huge majority of that time.

None of this has ever had any effect on my life. I've seen people really upset for not knowing their father or having a bad father figure and I just don't understand it. I don't think they are being ridiculous or wrong I think it's just the kind of person you are that determines how you are going to react to certain life situations.

I think daddy issues are very real. i don't however think they are an excuse for having a life filled with turmoil and bad relationships. I have not had a good relationship with my father and it has manifested itself in my past relationships. but at some point we all have to make a decision as to whether we are going to let our pasts rule our future. For a long time I felt ugly and unworthy and I didn't believe I would ever find a man that would want to be around me for life. I had to do alot of soul searching and go through some heartbreak and pain before I figured out that my da's problems are his. I am NOT the reason he abandoned me, he is. I can't do anything to change who he is or the fact that he chooses not to be responsible for his decisions. All I can do is be the person that I am and put my all into being a loving caring avialable human being that someone will love. I have found someone that I know I will spend the rest of my life with and I am glad that when I have daughters they will not have to deal with the same feelings of worthlessness.

Lourdan_Hazei said pretty much what gets me riled up about people talking about daddy issues.

And trixiefire, way to make yourself look so much more reasonable. Sending me a private message just to yell at me is ridiculous.

I understand that there are always things that contribute to a person's choices. Parents can make or break a kid's childhood. But when people make mistakes and then try to backpedal and blame them on 'issues' with their parents, when that blame should be laid squarely on their own shoulders? It makes me furious because it cheapens everything that the rest of us work so hard to overcome. Tell me you haven't seen these vapid women who would rather blame it on Daddy than face the reality that they made that stupid choice on their own - and in reality Daddy had nothing to do with it.

This is clearly a very sensitive topic and I must ask that everyone respect each other's opinion regardless if you agree to disagree. Please be sure to report any comments that are attacks on other members!

thanks
team

strong, healthy, loving, and vibrant women who own their actions are not born. they are made. awareness is the first step, and friends and family can help immensely in this regard, but ultimately it is up to us to choose truth, love, life, living with integrity, and happiness for ourselves. seeing women who obviously do not love themselves can bring up a variety of reactions in people who consider themselves stronger than *that*...often these women remind us of people we know, or sometimes remind us of ourselves when we were broken and weak. while it may be very tempting to condescend upon these women for being vapid or weak, we must ask ourselves, "what does this accomplish?" does this improve the situation or feed our ego? YAY, we're "better"...now what? perpetual victims and chronic complainers need to ask themselves...are they doing anything to help their situation or are they feeding their need to be "right" by being wronged? i believe in tough love and holding others accountable for their actions, especially people who have used victimhood for too long to escape responsibility, but i believe this must be done in the spirit of helping another woman become strong, NOT showing how much "better" or "more evolved" one is. and by helping i mean helping people help themselves, which means letting people hit rock bottom on their own when they won't take responsibility for their lives.

we were all young and dumb once, no?

~namaste~

my dad was (is) a ho-bag. and now no one can pull crap on me, because i see them coming a mile away.

i think that this theory is varied.

i think how our mother's deal with relationships is what f*cks us up. but that can be varied too.

daddy issues are real...but its how you handle them. my mother did a great job filling in the void for me. i dont tolerate much from men, and that i learned from her. sometimes i see guys coming a mile away as well, and something in me still seems to gravitate towards them...i hold back though. its all a balance.

I do not blame my father for my bad choices in anything. I take personal responsibility for everything I do. I think people who claim "daddy" issues like to place blame when things go wrong. My father abandoned my family when I was 13 years old (he was absent a lot until that moment) and I have seen him since. My relationships with men are as normal and dysfunctional as everyone. I do not believe in these issues and blaming my father for anything makes it seem like someone else has control over my life and that is not the case.