Have you ever given your all in a relationship only to find out months later that your boyfriend wasn't everything you thought he was — that he was in fact leading a secret life on the side? If so, I can guarantee you're not the only one. It can be a scary world out there and with Internet dating being so prevalent, it's easier than ever to become anyone you want, leaving the past behind you. You can lie about past experiences, relationships, even careers, which is why so many women are either Googling new suitors or going as far as getting background checks to make sure they aren't getting the wool pulled over their eyes. According to an article on ABCNews.com you can log onto sites such as the Corra Group, a Los Angeles-based company that launched a website for dating-related background searches, and get all the answers you need.
By signing up online for as little as $39, along with the name and birth date of a significant other, you can get information about a person's address history, property ownership, as well as any bankruptcy claims, civil judgments, or aliases. For $20 more, the search includes criminal records, and an $89 fee gets you a nationwide federal crime search.
While this might seem like an excessive measure, it's always better to be safe than sorry. So let me ask you this: Would you ever run a background check on your new boyfriend, or do you feel like your intuition is strong enough that you wouldn't have to go to such extremes?
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I could do my own "background check" through Google, Facebook, etc. I definitely wouldn't pay someone unless I was seriously suspicious, and if I thought there was something that serious in his background, I wouldn't date him.
1Now Googling someone -- that I'd certainly do. While I'm engaged and have been with my fiance for 5 years, I've definitely been known to help friends snoop around the internet and see what they can find on new boyfriends!
No way. If you're suspicious enough to bg-check all of your significant others, it sounds like you've got bigger relationship issues you need to address first.
Sometimes those things are meant to be private, and it should be up to your boyfriend or girlfriend to reveal those things to you at a time that they're comfortable with. Imagine how violated you would feel if you found out your SO had done that on you! Personally, I would feel like they had intruded on my privacy and it would cause serious problems in the relationship.
2I feel like.. if you're going to that extent you aren't trusting yourself to pick a partner who is honest with you. That's another issue. With that said YES, google and facebook (etc.) away
3This is dumb. It's the kind of thing that makes me wish I was born in the 1920s!!!! When dating was proper and people trusted one another. *Sigh*
4I just did a quick Google search on my boyfriend when we first met, and he did the same. He's also been really open with introducing me to his friends and family, so I wouldn't bother with something like that. And I'm a university student, that cash could mean a textbook or a night out!
5Ha...this is stupid. On the other hand, I'm almost tempted to see what kind of dirt they have on ME out there!
6haha wouldn't it be funny to run one on yourself and check masqueraded_angel? you are right- it is tempting!!
i prob would never pay for one but as stated above- i've been known to do my own little checks, myspace, google, etc. you'd be amazed what you can find anyways- like my ex-bf.. when i searched around i was able to find out the name the ex-wife he was rumored to have but never told me about
lol gotta love the internet!
7I'll google a guy, but I won't pay money for the rest of the stuff.
(I just realized that the phrase "google a guy" sounds a little dirty. But for the sake of my own and everyone else's amusement, I'm not gonna reword my original thought.)
8It doesn't sound like a bad idea.
9I think that if I feel the need to do a background check on someone, then I probably shouldn't be with them at all. If the trust isn't there from the get-go, it doesn't stand a chance.
10Considering all the closet rapists out there, this doesn't seem like to bad of an idea. Better safe than sorry even if you gotta pay a little extra.
11I trust my instincts. They haven't been wrong yet!
12I have a friend who married, and just weeks later she had wished she had done a BG check. They serve a purpose for all the things you THINK you know about the person you are dating.
13Not a bad idea at all! You should know what you're getting into legally and monetarily. Vice versa.
14I'd definitely run a check on someone I was going to get serious about. And I wouldn't be mad if someone ran a check on me.
I don't think it's about trust, it just smart. I've heard too many stories of women who have married men who were secretly gay, secretly married, had several kids, or owed enormous debts. And these where men you'd never think had such dirty laundry: lawyers, doctors, engineers, high-powered real estate brokers. I'm not talking about your typical 'dead-beats'. These guys give the appearance of having their stuff together, being wonderful, etc. But that's part of the con. Every woman says they are too smart, that they can see the signs, but some of these dudes are so good, it's nice to have access to people who can find the paper trail.
One dude I know had everyone fooled. He was a NYC lawyer and was trying to open a law firm in Beverly Hills. He had the right car, said the right things. My friend was so happy when they finally married. And we were happy for her. None of us ever suspected he was a dirt-bag. 2 years into it, the FBI comes looking for him: he had a warrant for child molestation in New Jersey. She was stuck with a 1-year-old, no money, and he was thrown in jail.
When you are dating, all you really know about them is what they tell you. You hope it's the truth, but sometimes, it isn't.
15Weird ! What's about privacy?
16No. I value privacy.
Will a background check guarantee the relationship would work out otherwise?
Is there a way to find out if someone leads a secret life, particularly those lead online or in a fringe activity??
What about the issues that are not related to things you can check out via a background check, myspace, facebook, or google???
Can't people have a completely false identity that escapes detection in a background check?
I think some people are too obsessed with having these fabled perfect relationships, with perfect people where everything falls into place with ease and without issue. They do not exist. Yeah being betrayed sucks, but you learn from it, you gain experience that you carry into other relationships and other parts of your life. So, even if someone turns out to not be what you thought or what they presented themselves as, you learn to use your instincts and discern their integrity or worthiness to be in your life. It is a valuable skill and not one that should be set aside by a flawed (and scary) system.
17LuvLeoDiCaprio,
18Rapes and child molestation are among the most underreported crimes. Meaning, the majority are not prosecuted, and the crimes are generally against someone they know well, who never tells. Good luck finding that out in a background check.
I agree with Marci- if you feel like the person your with may have been convicted of a felony and he's lying to you about it... or is a closet rapist- you prrrrrrobably should get out of there anyway
19Uhhhh who would do this?
Then again it's nothing new. There are tons of sites you can get that info on people but it was never really geared towards checking out a s/o.
20google, facebook myspace, friendster etc. fine ways to get basic info. if you need more u need to get out of the relationship.
21I google guys or myspace them, but pay for someone to do a background check. No way
22I see nothing wrong with Background checks....Yes it's true that women do have strong intuition but how many times do we actually have the courage to use it?
There are so many instances of rape and robbery where the victim had a "bad" feeling prior but just ignored it and thought it was paranoia. Dating is no different. Infact it's worse because we have the distraction of romance and lust to detract us from thinking about our partners moral and character flaws.
If you ask me I think the BG checks are empowering and sends a strong to message to men that chocolates and wine cannot be used to pull the wool over our eyes.
The notion that your "intuition" will save you from the professional con-artists of the world is a joke. Give me a break! ..............
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