I wouldn't have applied for the job in the first place. Isn't that kind of like your friend emailing you an online dating profile of a guy she's really interested in, and you call him...?

But, once the competition was on and I won, I'd keep the job.

This is a really REALLY hard situation, DearSugar. But if my best friend was nearly flat broke, I would step aside and let her have it. However, if she wasn't nearly flat broke, I would take it. A true friend would understand.

This happened on the hills with heidi and elodie. Although I've never been in this position, just seeing it happen on the hills (no matter how real or fake it was) boiled my veins but at the same time made me realize that although it is hard to do this to a friend, you have to support yourself and work your way up to your dreams and goals.

I probably wouldn't put myself in this position..there are other options if I was that qualified so I'd give my friend the chance to accept the job

I completely agree with jennifer76 - I would have never applied in the first place! But if I had, obviously this friendship wasn't very strong and it would mean I didn't actually care about that person's feelings... so I would take the job. But, I can't see that ever being the case. That's just bad manners.

One thing you would have to consider, before you turned down what seems to be a great job, is that you were chosen over your friend. And there's NO GUARANTEE THAT IF YOU TURN THE JOB DOWN THEY WILL OFFER IT TO YOUR FRIEND.

I've been in a hiring position before... And one time our number one candidate for a position turned down the opportunity down... But we weren't completely sold on the second and third candidates. So we decided to keep looking instead of extending an offer.

Bottom line: If the job is a step up from your current position, and it has a promising career path associated with it, you should accept it.

Your friend has to understand (or should) that you deserve the opportunity just as much as she does. Just because she might "need the cash" more than you do IS NOT A GOOD EXCUSE TO TURN IT DOWN.

I ouwld take the job. Either way, the outcome is going to affect your friendship, but if you take the job you're only dealing with her hurt feelings, not with your anger at having given up a great life-improving position out of sympathy for a less-qualified bff. She;ll understand that it was the company's decision to hire you, not a personal attack. (And if she doesn't, you're probably better of knowing that she can't handle the slightest competition from you in her life.)

I would never have applied in the first place. If it was my best friend, I wouldn't let a job get in the way of the two of us.

I dont know if I think it is right to apply for the same job your friend sent you -knowing she really wants it. IF she sends it and you want to apply- the right thing to do is to tell her from the beginning "listen I know how much you want a job but this job is way too good of an opportunity for me to pass. Would this affect our friendship if I applied also and we both ended up competing?" the answer will tell you just how much this friendship means. If she is a really good friend, she will understand. But at the same time, you have to remember that as much as you want this job, you will risk hurting a friend. I know careers are important but dont forget that truly good friends dont come often. If my good friend applied and got the job of course I would be happy for her because I care about her but Ill always think twice when I send great opportunities to her again. Deep down I would not trust her for things -no matter how hard I would try.

I would take the job. I will also say that I agree with TheMissus. There were several times we were looking for an Administrative Assistant and we went back to the drawing pool instead of extending an offer to the second or third candidate. I mean... you didn't offer the other candidate the job for a reason.

Something similar happened to me once, and I was the not-hired one. It was just a small campus job in college, so it wasn't as important or involving as much money as a career job or anything. But I definitely was resentful of her for a while, especially because I genuinely thought I would have done a much better job than she did and I was more qualified. I eventually found something else and got over it, but I definitely wasn't happy when it happened.

On the other hand, I think that if my friend had told them to hire me instead, I would have felt awkward, and I probably would have spent a lot of time wondering if she could do the job better since I knew she was the first choice. I think the only solution to this would have been for the friend to not apply in the first place.

This happened to me, once. It wasn't a career job, but for an internship. We had the same majors, so we had the (somewhat) same goals. I got the internship, but I was also far more qualified. I had the better grades, the better extra-curricular activities list, etc.

She was so upset with me. She told me that I should have known I would have gotten the internship had I applied, which, of course, I didn't. However, I'm not going to deny myself something, especially if I have worked VERY hard for it (even harder than others). She eventually calmed down when she got a different internship, but it was terrible. Had she gotten it, I would have been fine. I know I would have been, because there are more opportunities out there. I don't know why anyone would deny themselves opportunity and success, especially if you're qualified for it, for any reason.

This isn't the answer to the question, but I'd like to offer this perspective anyway: If I'm the friend who didn't get the job, the next best thing would be to have my best friend get the job and do really well in the company. I wouldn't be quite as happy as if I got the job, but I'd still be somewhat happy because the friend is now a potential networking "in" to this company I'm dying to work for. That's far better than having some complete stranger get the job. If that happens, I lose out and I have no possibility of a future "in".

As contrary as this may seem, I'd only be pissed at the friend if she feels like she has to "let me win". It'd be like "What? Do you consider me some kind of inferior child? That's so condescending."

I really like your answer, looseseal--that's a great way to look at it! I admit that probably wouldn't have occurred to me, but it makes total sense. Maybe an even *better* job would open up that my friend could recommend me for!

Totally agree, looseseal.

Honestly, I think it's terrible that you decided to apply for the job, after she told you and sent you the link because she was so excited about it and wanted to share it with you. She didn't send you the link to see if you were interested in the job too! She wanted to share her excitement with her best friend.

Yes, you may hate your current job, but give me a break...it was a crappy thing to do to a friend. If you're THAT miserable there too, do your own job hunting and apply for those positions.

I would never have applied in the first place.

i wouldn't have applied for the job. competition is fun, but in this sense it's bound to really put a strain on your friendship.

I am sure many will disagree but it was fair game as long as you were honest and told her up front that you applied for the job as well. You were both looking it is not like you were in a job you enjoyed and applied for it just to see what would happened. Looseseal is right she can now use you as a networking tool.

Did she send you the link to help you out (in finding a job) or just to let you know what company she applied to? I'm a little confused. Did she know you were also job hunting? If she did AND she sent you the link, then I think you had every right to apply for the job. It almost seems as though she put the opportunity in front of you.

I recently had a similar issue. My friend and I are recent college graduates, both competing for teaching positions. I know several local educators and had already made my name known in the school system when I was completing my student teaching, therefore I had a slight advantage. But she had the same opportunities as I did. I found out about a job and applied for it, but I didn't tell her anything about it until I knew I had it. I was desperate for a full time job, and sometimes you just have to look out for yourself- especially in these financial situations. I know that sounds harsh, but who else is going to pay your bills? When you desperately need work, you keep some things to yourself, and I think that was the mistake your friend made.

Although your friend may have needed the job worse than you did, anyone could apply for it. You have the right to change jobs if a better opportunity comes along. I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason! Something better will come along for your friend. Don't beat yourself up over it!

everyone's saying they never would've applied in the first place, but....SHE sent YOU the link. it was a fair competition, and a career is a career. I know that if this happened to me- which it has, in more smallscale situations- I would be like, "please don't not take it on my behalf. you earned it." and swallow my jealousy because that's what friends do.
and if you feel really bad about her being flat broke, maybe help her out a little bit until she finds another job.

Just applying was the first mistake, since you KNEW that was her dream job and she's the one who you heard about it from. Your friendship doesn't stand a chance if you take the job, so it really comes down to what's more important to you.

That is really tough. Like a lot of people I would no have applied for the position in the first place. If for some reason my BFF and I applied for the same job but she really needed the job and I didn't I'd give it to her. It would also depend on how much of a salary hike it was for me and how much I hated my job at this point. I hope I'm never in that position.

Psh, I would apply for the job and take it knowing full well I'm more qualified and smarter. Many people in their lifetimes make poor academic and career choices to accommodate friends. Consequently, golden opportunities are missed. Besides, if we are both in the same field and hunting for jobs, she/he should be wise enough to know, we'd have to cross paths sooner or later and compete for the best positions.

If I sound harsh, my mentality is that of a martial arts competitor. In high school, my best friend competed against me in tournaments, too. I was the better fighter in every way because I practiced, practiced, practiced. Thusly so, I'm not going to lose the gold by going easy on her--letting her win during a sparring match because 'boooohooo' I pity she'll never see 1st place. Additionally, I'm not going to forfeit the gold by not signing up for the tournament and letting her enter it alone. I'm not going to be a pushover to anyone.

A friend who is bitter over 'losing' needs to grow up, re-evaluate her skill set, and find other similar opportunities. I studied and worked hard to get where I am and I play the career field ethically and legitimately. Not my fault if I'm smarter and better at my field than him or her.

If it's the job she's after, i'm not touching it with a 10 ft. pole. Friendships are too precious to put a job in between them.

It seems like a tough question at first, but the answer is simple. Let the friend have it. If she's in dire need of a job & you already have one... I wouldn't even have applied at all! It seems that she sent the link in order to share good news, NOT to encourage you to apply as well. There's a difference, & as her best friend, it's important to acknowledge that. Sure, the real world can be harsh & you have to seize opportunities when you can, but this is one boundary I hope to never have to cross.

My best friend & I were in kind of the same situation. We graduated from college around the same time & both decided to work before going to grad school. Thankfully, we never had to compete for a job, she actually referred me to a job that she applied to but didn't accept, so it all worked out in the end!

oooooo you took the info she gave you and used it?
applied?
that's dirty!
start begging!

Uuugh I wouldn't have applied! Unless, like in the Hills you already worked at that company, then it is fair game. However, you did apply, and you got the job, now you need to take it, and handle the fact that your friend is going to hate you for it. If she did know you were hunting and sent the link, then I wouldn't worry about it though.