From my experiences, as soon as you "bring up how you feel", especially since the relationship is so casual and you're always chasing him, he will be gone.

Sounds like you guys have great chemistry and have a good time together, but this dude doesn't sound interested in much else. What would happen if you stopped texting/emailing/calling him for a few days? That would probably peak his interest even more. Start making yourself not so available for him.

Why not just ask him what's up? Men don't understand hints and signals, and games never pay off.

Let him know that it's okay either way, but you'd like to know how he sees things. Don't make it about commitment or feelings, just ask him what he thinks of the arrangement.

oh, and if you cut off communication, what's to say he won't just give up on it and find someone who won't jerk him around like that?

How do you feel? It wasn't very clear from the post.

It is very important to clarify the situation. First, figure out if you feel that you are falling in love with someone who has only proven to be a casual sex partner? Or if you like that he is basically unavailable to you and is a challenge/chase?

Once you have figured that out, have a conversation with him, explain what you want, and ask if he wants the same thing. If he does, yay! If he doesn't, stop chasing him and see if it grows into a friendship or just end all contact.

If he was really into it i think he would be putting in more effort...

The mistake you made was having casual sex...I mean, its hard to build a relationship when everytime you're actually with him you get drunk and just end up sleeping together. Maybe try ending a night without sex, and mention maybe going out to a one on one dinner some other night. Maybe then he'll start getting the clue that you're not interested in just casual sex.

also, he might not even know that you feel like you're chasing him. If he calls you to hang out, say "I already have plans with my friends, why don't you come?" instead of just following him everywhere he goes.

Yeah, try to make him come to you... ask him to meet you and your friends at places or ask him to come to your place. DON'T "bring up how you feel" or the guy will run off for sure... be more subtle about it and just let things come. If he's not making a big deal about it, then neither should you. So what if it's just sleeping together?

I'm in a very similar situation, only I've held off sleeping with him. We met 2 months ago at a bar, we go to different schools, and I see him on breaks. I felt like I was the one constantly making the effort... I'd go to his house all of the time, and all we'd do pretty much is hang out, watch movies and bum around, which is fine with me...but I am like, take me out to dinner! even out to a movie, anything that doesn't revolve around staying at home! It got to a point where I knew I couldn't keep this going as a casual thing...I was either going to move on, or I would need to know for sure that things with him were going somewhere. It was awkward, and uncomfortable, but I brought up with him what I wanted in the future. Not even relating to him all that much...I just made it clear what I wanted and if it wasn't going to happen with him, then I'd need move on. And he, surprisingly, had some good points to make. He told me that he lives by the saying, "lead by example", and since I hadn't said anything to him regarding any type of future, I just kept the casual, "sort-of seeing each other" thing going, he thought that's what I wanted, and he didn't want to push or force things. Also, for the time being, we were both having fun and liked spending time with each other, so it seemed like things were just flowing. I wouldn't advise asking him "where is this going?", but I'd try to make an effort to make it known what YOU want, and also try to get clarity on what he wants. We can't expect anyone to be mind readers, especially guys, whose brains are wired completely differently than ours. I hope everything works out trust yourself!

I guy will only put in as much effort as he has to. So if you continue chasing him around, theres no reason for him to try. Gushing your feelings to him at this point could be detrimental to the relationship. The best thing to do is to back off a little. Let him chase you a little. If you stop chasing him and the relationship fizzles, then you have your answer. If you stop chasing him and he is really into you he will go "oh crap, I better do something here" either way, you have an answer.

Here's the thing: you say you don't want to waste your time with someone who won't become a boyfriend. You're not acting like it. With this guy or any other, don't get wasted and have no strings attached sex if you're looking for a relationship.

Otherwise I agree with the advice above.

You're wasting your time with this guy unless you just want casual sex. Honestly, if just a man calling you hun and babe gets your romantic fantasies going, you are very inexperienced. I suggest you cut this guy off and work on growing a real relationship with someone. Just count this as a learning experience!

This is what happens when women settle. Your giving him sex in hopes that he will still like you and call you "babe"! Your much too available to him! Why should he change his ways or act like he really cares when he's getting exactly what he wants. Clearly this isn't what you want so STOP doing whats making you unhappy. Your life is about YOU and what you want don't let this guy take advantage because your so willing to give it up. He will probably run for the hills if you decide to "talk" about this with him. So take a step back reevaluate what you REALLY want out of a relationship. Don't give up your body just so a guy will like you. STOP SETTLING you deserve better! If he stops calling you after you stop giving it up and being available at his every whim, then clearly he's not the man you need to be in a relationship with. If it's not him I'm sure you'll find a nice guy to have a relationship with without having to get drunk and loose!

Here's a tip, next time ya'll hang out, why don't you not get drunk. Then, you can see where the night goes. So far, you appear to be the girl he can't sleep with when he's drunk, and that very rarely becomes a relationship. Most guys know better that to pursue a relationship with a booty call.

Oops, correction! "you appear to be the girl he CAN sleep with when he's drunk." Yea, that mistake totally ruins my statement!

With this guy or any other, don't get wasted and have no strings attached sex if you're looking for a relationship.

Seriously. I laugh when girls do this and then pray for some sort of relationship to then take place. We attract who we attract, the point is to not settle for less then what you want. Respect yourself and your body and you'll find someone who respects you as well. If you don't understand what i just said, for future reference, keep your legs closed if you're seriously seeking a relationship. I don't find this kind of behavior mature at all. Ludicrous, actually.

P.S. Yeah, you have to talk to him. Don't let it become easier to use your body then your brain.

Um, he just wants an easy booty call. And so far he's kept you around because you've made it so easy on him. Just stop returning his calls. He's only sleeping with you because you're making it so easy. The minute you bring up your "feelings", he'll be gone so quick you're head will spin. Just stop answering his calls, and if he asks why, say you need at least the potential or possibility for a commitment, so you're moving on. If he wants that potential too, then he'll speak up at that point. If not, then keep walking. Keep your dignity intact by not letting him use you anymore.

Girl you are his friday night booty call with no strings attached! When he sees your number pop up he knows exactly what time it is.............BOoty time!!!!. The minute you even mention the words "commitment" or "relationship" he might laugh in your face....because your actions speak louder than your words. :S ......Sorry to be so crude but I have FOUR older brothers and your behaviour would definitely place you in what they would call the "Mcdonald Value meal"category- cheap,fairly satisfying but definitely not the kind of meal you would serve to friends or family if they came over for lunch!!!

Since you both have been intimate, its only fair he comes out clean about what he wants and what he's looking for. go ahead and ask him about what going on between you too. i have an inkling he's only looking for fun. Calling you babe and sweety doesn't mean he thinks of you as his gf. Its time you clarified things out for yourself.

Ask. Your feelings are important, too, and whether he considers it casual or not, you have a right to know how he feels. If it's casual and that's all it's going to be, at least you'll know and not be wasting your time with something you don't want.

sounds to me like he's using you for sex probably...but you should open up to him...if he runs (likely he will) he wasn't worth your time anyway because it seems like you're looking for something that's more than he's willing to offer, a relationship that is more serious...

Yes, you're only sleeping together.

There's a very simple solution. Stop sleeping with him. He's not going to buy the cow if you're giving him the milk for free. And stop chasing him. He needs to come to you now. You can see him if he comes to you, but stop having sex with him. It'll be tough, but a little self-discipline never hurt anyone. If he doesn't come to you, he isn't interested in anything more than sex. Metaphorically speaking, you gotta hand him the rope now--he'll either reel you in or hang himself with it. Good luck.

I'd be a complete hippo if I said, "casual sex is icky!" I'm talking from direct experience here with situations like this. From the way you described your situation, I'd honestly say he's just in for a good time. Only having sex while drunk is always a bad idea. Jumping at his command? Also a no. Let him go if you're looking for a relationship. This PARTICULAR guy is not interested in much more than incidental music.

Yes. You guys are just sleeping together.

I don't know, girl, I have a feeling that he doesn't have any interest in you other than the sex, but you definitely can bring it to his attention that you're interested in exclusive relationship/dating him.

Hm.

If he says 'no' then, either you accept it and move on (no more sleeping together anymore) or you can just make him your fwb, but since you seem to have feeling for him, the latter option is not something I'd suggest you to do. Cut him loose is more like it.

Good luck.

I think he's definitely in it to "hit it and quit it". My advice is to just realize that this is really happening...if you're not into it quit seeing him and if you want more, tell him what you want but don't expect to hear what you want to hear. You're dealing with a man.

sounds like this guy is screwing with your head...
i dont know about you guys, but when im just hooking up with someone, i definetly do not talk to them everyday- especially after they sought me out and found my email address or something like that
and calling you babe and hun everynight? i can definetly see where you may feel like there is something more there than just you two hooking up.

that being said, i would definetl back off a little... theres no reason or you to be chasing any guy around, even if you definetly know that youre dating. no guy deserves an attention you give them without giving the same effort back- regardless of if youre just sleeping together or if he's been your boyfriend for a long time.

and stop getting drunk and sleeping with him. if you want to get the message across that youre not easy, dont be easy!

Distance yourself just a bit. Don't chase him. See what happens. Either he's going to leave you alone because he's not interested in anything more than sex, which is probably a good reason for you to back off if you're looking for a relationship. Or if he's really interested he'll put forth a little effort. I wouldn't completely cut contact, but just back off a bit. Don't follow him around like a puppy dog.

It's a casual sex thing. Clearly. You can tell him that you're looking for more, but don't be surprised when he bails. (Or worse, says "okay!" then disappears.)

I think that right now he sees no reason to make a commitment because he is satisfied with the current situation. In my opinion "babe" & "hun" is a weak effort on his part to illustrate his feelings towards you. I agree, this is definitely just casual sex. And if you are okay with it being just casual sex, great. However if you want something more than you owe it to yourself to figure out what's going on in his head.

Simply tell him that you think you are at a stage in your life where you can't just do this casual sex anymore, that you want more than that. Ask him if he is interested in that as well, or not. You never know which option he'll choose, but be prepared for him to be more into the casual sex than the commitment. Either way, do what is right for you.

i LOVE this saying...

"why would he buy the cow...when he can get the milk for FREE!!"

LOL, sorry probably no help there...but some self-respect could come in handy. STOP chasing the man around just to be his personal sex toy and be prepared for him to run up the hill the moment you mention "relationship, feelings...commited". just sayin'...

When are we going to get it in our heads,if we give it all away, what's left!
Men love this crap and we like idiots play their little game.
First we should remember it's 2008. If we want just casual sex we can have it. However if we are looking for more, we had better get own groove on for ourselves first, then loving finding someone who respects us will be easy, because we will already love ourselves.

Saying things like "babe" and "hun" mean NOTHING, I'm sorry to say. I dated a guy who called me "sweetie" and "babe" all the time...and he did the same to the other girl he was dating on the side (I found out later)! Sometimes I think guys just say those things to sound like a ladies' man. Don't fall for it...his actions are already telling you everything you need to know.

Oooohhhh, maybe he calls you sweetie and babe cuz he can't think of your name. Or he's not sure which one of his booty calls is on the line, and doesn't wanna bust himself.

wow... you guys are being seriously harsh... i think she just wants to know how to get out of the situation she's in... relax on making her out to be some skank

wow... you guys are being seriously harsh... i think she just wants to know how to get out of the situation she's in... relax on making her out to be some skank

This guy is good, he seems to really know how to string women along and you probably aren't the first one he's treated like this. He's getting exactly what he wants without having to deal with commitment of any kind; and he thinks that sending some 'babe' and 'hun' text messages will keep you coming back. What a douche.

I think you already know what to do, you're probably just looking for someone to validate your thoughts. I'd say make plans to go out with a bunch of your own friends, and tell him you'd really like it if he could come along. If can't or won't get rid of him. If he's not willing to make an effort he's just not worth it, and is probably not really that into you for anything more than sex. It hurts and it sucks to think that I know, but that's his loss not yours. Stop letting him take advantage of your feelings.

In my opinion, every guy who makes little effort to get to know you, is making making little effort into real relationship, too.

Has he taken you to dinner, movie or done anything thing with you that requires his full "not drunk" attention? if no, then it's just sex.

It sounds like you are both running on some kind of auto pilot. It's time to switch to manual mode and ask where this is all going. You have set the stage in some ways for this man, and he accepts that this will be easy. Its time to make things harder for him. I agree with allourregrets up there. Back off. Quit answering all of those emails, and ask him to stop calling you babe. Every time he does it, just call him cutie pie or darling honeybun in return. Maybe he'll get it then. Ask him to take you somewhere nice to eat a filet mignon and sip one glass of expensive wine all night. Tell him about the neighbor who took you flying yesterday, and your busy tomorrow with your friends, but Friday is OK. You'll have to check your schedule.... Maybe he'll understand you would like to make this worthwhile. The other path will become a dead end.