My ex-husband lives with his parents. He moved in with them after we separated, and now mooches off of them. He's not going to move out to his own place; why would he? He spends all his money on alcohol, playing poker, and on video games.

And yes, he made a horrible life partner!

hmmm I dunno I guess it depends on the situation... in some cultures people are expected to live with their parents until they're married, and if they move out and live on their own, its seen as shameful to the parents... but if the guy was just lazy and had no job and no ambition and just lived at home for the sake of mooching, that'd be a total turn off

I can't call it discrimination once im living on my own. I currently live with a parent but it's out of need not out of lack of ambition. Once i am out, i can't call myself enchanted with potentially dating someone still living at home.

Mooching is a total turn off. But trying to get back on your feet is acceptable. After a few down hill turns after college, my parents were always there to back me up. After my brother got divorced and had nothing left, his son and him moved back in with my parents. My parents have always been our rock, in case we need it. And yes, in different cultures, you live with your parents until you get married and my parents were like that until they realized in *this* culture, it's perfectly acceptable to move out before marriage, so they adapted. Now my brother is happily re-married and I live on my own. My boyfriend stuck with me through the years . . . I would have done the same under the same circumstances. Again, mooching: NO!

In my culture, it's totally normal to live with your parents until you get married. Even when the children are already working and earning their own money because this way the parents give the kids a chance to save up for a house/upcoming family while living rent-free, free food, etc. But the sacrifice is that you get to almost have no privacy whatsoever when you're living w/ them.

Most of my adult life (after I start working and earning my own money) has been out-of-my parents', and my relationship w/ parents seems to improve thanks to our separation
Before, when I lived w/ my parents and was dating, it just was too much of a hassle since I got 'interviewed' by my mom all the time about my dates and the guys were usually pretty awkward, although some of my exes were okay with it.

Will I marry a guy who still lives with his parents. VERY MUCH DEPENDS on the situation. If he's part of my culture or whatever, y'know. And if he's actually living there for a purpose (saving up so that he can purchase a house or whatever), I totally can understand.
But if he's just mooching...forget about it.

Sorry, but I couldn't date someone who lived with their parents
After being with my boyfriend (he moved otu when he was 17) and seeing how different it was from other ex-boyfriends who lived at home, I couldn't do it.
I like a mature guy who is independant and can take care of himself.

I mean, if it was a REALLY GOOD REASON then yes perhaps...but honestly, who wants to sleep at their boyfriend splace with his mom and dad next door!?!?!

it depends on the place and time in one's life. if he just graduated and lived in an expensive city like new york i would understand why he might want to hang on for just a little longer to get on his feet.

In my country it is very common to live with your parents until you get married. It is exactly like nevaeh1978 described.

i agree with pretty much everyone. Culture makes a difference. Im filipino and my mom was so upset when i moved out on my own for a couple of years. she kept telling me to live at home again and i eventually gave in if they stop being so strict and i can help outwith bills.. and my boyfriend knows why im back at home and he knows its not because im a mooch or lazy. Some ppl are just brought up different. I think we all know when a man/woman is mooching from their parents. lol

I think a guy who lives at home just to mooch off them (and can live on his own with his income) says something. But if a major life event caused the back-at-home scenario, then i dont care.

Okay this is dumb. Talking about two completely unrelated things. And obviously none of you live in new jersey!

Apartments are expensive! Housing is expensive! What you call "mooching", I call "responsible". If he can't afford to move out on his own, then he is being responsible by not going into debt when he doesn't have to!

Live at home for a year, pay off loans, save up some money, then when he is financially stable he'll move out and be off to a good start.

Granted, there is a line and if he surpasses the "responsibility" line into "laziness land" THEN he's a goner.

I think something like this is waaaay too general to pass quick judgement.

I think it would depend. I'm still pretty young, and college age, and if I was interested in a guy my age who lived with his parents because he was still in school and wanted to save money, I wouldn't hold it against him. In fact, in a couple of months thats what I plan on doing. But if a guy is living with his parents and not paying rent or helping out, and he can afford to not live with them, and there's no good reason except that he's mooching, then I wouldn't give him a chance at all.

Im my country flats are really expensive, so people normally live with parents till they are older than thirty years, before really they can't afford to have their own home sooner. So really I don't mind it.

Sorry I meant "because" instead of "before". I'm a non-english speaker newbie :S

While mooching is unacceptable, there are definitely circumstances under which I think it is acceptable for an adult to live with their parents. I had a college boyfriend who lived at home in order to save money for his own place the following semester. Not only did we still have my place to stay at, but his parents were cool with me staying there (we'd been together for a couple years at that point). I also dated a guy who lived at home while he was in law school. I know a lot of other people who live at home to save so they can buy a place, and I think if I the kind of relationship with my parents where I could stand it, I would totally do it. And, here's one more scenario: my boyfriend's sister invited their mother to move in with her, after their parents got divorced.

Nope. Total dealbreaker. But I'm 32. If I was in my early 20's it might be forgivable, ONLY if he was living with his parents in order to save money to buy a house.

Lintacious, I grew up in Jersey and lived on my own in the state from the time I was 19 until I moved to Philly at age 26. It's doable.

My uncle has lived with my grandparents most of his life and they pay all his bills, including childsupport! Now, his daughter is there and my grandma, who is 90, is taking care of the kid. Totally pi**es me off. A guy that can't get out, get a job, get a home and raise his own kids is worthless.

I am 22, my love's 23 and we both live with our respective parents!
Are we dinosaures?

I am still in college, so school, studying at home (can't get a job with the amount of work cause I'm doing 2 degrees at once), so of course my parents pay my bills. His situation is similar.

We both get on really well with our families and I think that's a good sign for the future. (It doesn't have to be a sign of immaturity, cause we make our own decisions and don't count on our parents to get us out of a mess if we make it ourselves.)

On the other hand, I see that I'm starting to feel too comfy at home, I don't have many responsibilities, I'm not 100% grown-up. So I'm moving out next year.

Wouldn't bother me a bit. I lived with my parents until I got married, and my husband lived with his dad until we got married.

No way! My brother in law still lives w/ his parents. He is such a loser and @ my age any guy that still lives @ home is a loser!

As Nevaeh1978 and other mentioned,

In my culture children live at home until marriage. Also, the oldest child generally takes care of the parents after they are married, meaning the rents always live with them. So I guess if it is an issue for some, you have to really investigate the culture of the person you are dating.

Greggie, if my SO and I didn't live so far away from our families it would be the same situation - an attorney and an employed grad student living with their parents until after our wedding.

The only time I would date a guy that lived with his parents is if something happened to his own house (flooding, water break, fire, gas leak.) Otherwise no; I think it shows a lack of maturity and unwilling to pay his own bills (story short - he doesn't want to "grow up.")

I think there's a big circumstantial difference between someone who truly is just a moocher and blows the money on other things (like hey, free food and rent, so I'm going to buy a nicer car!) and someone who is doing for financial reasons to further themselves (as in, it's all going into a high interest savings account because I plan to do XYZ with it specifically). I always thought it would be a giant turn off, but my fiance and I will be living several hundred miles apart, post-marriage. He'll most likely be doing his residency in the same city where his mother lives, and I'll still be in DC finishing up my Ph.D. We'll lose a ton of money each having to maintain our own residence in two of the most expensive cities in the US, so he will probably wind up living at home with his mother to save money and use it to pay off his $200K medical school debt. I think it's a good plan -- we definitely wouldn't be doing this if we were able to live together, but paying off debt is a top priority and it would be way too expensive for us to each have our own $1200/month apartment when we're making so little as a resident and Ph.D. student. Once I finish my degree and move to wherever he is, then we'll buy a condo together, but in the meantime, that's a LOT of money that can go towards paying off his med school loans if he is able to live at home. Plus, his mother is a widow and I know she will love having the company and someone to spoil.

No way!
There is no excuse not to be out of your parents house at 18 nowadays.

I've moved out of parent's home as soon as I graduated from high school. I'm now in a transitioning phase where I am considering moving back in to get back on my feet financially.
In the past I would never have considered being with someone living at home, but now that the roles are reversed, I wouldn't want to be judged in that way.

if he has no ambition, then it won't work anyways . . .

i don't mind dating a guy who lives at home if:

-taking care of parent(s)
-transition; needs to save up and plands to move out soon
-in grad school (school period)

other than that, he's gotta have his own place; what are we gonna do wait for his mother to go to bingo in order to have sex?? and i wouldn't want to have sex in his mother's house!

i would understand if a guy didn 't want to date me because i live at home. who wants to feel like they're dating a little girl???

i tend to date older men (not crusty older, but like in their 30s older).

that's just reality.

I think it depends on the situation.

My brother had a falling out in college after starting biochemistry to be a pharmacist, he burned out and got into other things, and was on a fast track to nowhere, my parents found out and asked him to come home so he could get back on his feet, now he's working fulltime at a good job, recently got his pilots license, and he's paying off tuition. So what I'm getting at, you can't judge really person if all you know is that theyre living at home, you might want to look into details first.

Totally depends on which life phase they're in...I think students can still live with their parents but if you've graduated you should have a job and be supporting yourself. If rent is expensive where you live then get a roommate(s) (not a frat house style roommates though). I'm independent they should be too.

You have to consider the reasons behind WHY he lives with his parents still. If he lives because he is trying to save his money for a future house or to pay off his debt, that's fine (at least for me). Not all guys living with their parents are "dependent".

I still live with my parents and I find it really embarrassing so I do not tell people. It's all to do with personal circumstances, like Lemuse20's brother. It's best not to judge people.

I guess if your not considering the economy that we live in currently then it would be easy to be closed minded and say no way should a guy live with his parents! The dollar is weak, unemployment is rising, school is expensive as hell, housing is expensive as hell. I don't see it as a deal breaker if a guy is living at home to get things financially settled. I'm sure if the guy is a mooch you can figure that out but in today's society this is becoming the norm to live at home longer than usual. People are paying half a million dollars for 2 bedroom homes, not everyone can afford to finish school and afford housing. It's not like when our parents started their lives everything is so much more expensive today! Loans are harder to get. So no I wouldn't be so judgemental, as long as he had a plan and had some real savings it would be acceptable.

It's a total turn-off to me too, if the guy is older and has no reason to NOT be out on his own (like taking care of a parent).

i dunno, it's so expensive to live now it might be the only safe alternative. the last place i lived before i was married was in the bay area. i had a room and bathroom and there were 3 other people in the house. i didn't even know their names and i certainly didn't use the common areas. it was $650 a month before that i was in texas where i had a beautiful condo with w/d and huge closets for $450. so i guess it depends on the circumstances.

I agree with hotstuff. I live in Australia, where it has all of a sudden become common to stay with your parents well into your 20s due to INSANE lack of housing affordability. House prices just keep rising and rising, after a massive boom we had EIGHT years ago. There's no end in sight - because of the culture here (home ownership is "The Great Australian Dream") people are willing to get into crippling debt to own a home, so prices keep rising accordingly.

It's easy to spot a guy who's a mooch, whether or not he lives at home. I know more than a few guys who live out of home, but who take their laundry home for their mother to do each week, or whose mummy and daddy pays their rent and expenses for them.

I moved out of home at 17 (I'm now 22) and even at that age I looked down on people older than me who were still at home, but things have changed. I see no problem with a guy staying at home until he's saved money to buy a house. There would be a limit for me though, say, at 25 years old!

Try getting a decent(and i mean location and price) apartment here in the NY that doesn't involve living like a pack of hot dogs in a studio. Prices go up and wages don't. Hell, i don't even earn a wage yet. Which is why i want out of here.

I personally find it so annoying that I dont even bother with a guy who lives with his 'rents. My ex sometimes takes a month or two at his parents house when he's inbetween apartments, but thats it. I always appreciated that.

I live with my boyfriend his parents and his older brothers! Right now we can't afford to move out of home. But i'm 19 and hes 21 - i think any older than 25 and it starts to get creepy.
The worst thing is that his mum still babys her kids, when we do move out I'm scared I'm going to have to look after him the way she does!

I don't think it's a horribly bad thing. I mean if the person is jobless and does nothing and expects everything then I guess that's bad but some people go to school or are working jobs that don't necessarily pay enough to afford their own place. If you live in a place like I do someone in their 20's just starting out can't really afford a place, car, bills, and a life on a minimum wage job and attending school. A studio apartment goes for over $1200+ a month depending on the area.

Speaking from experience, since both my fiance and I live with our parents, it depends on the circumstances. Can each of us afford to live on our own? Of course. We both have good, solid jobs. But I moved back home when my lease ended a month before I graduated last year because I didn't really know what I wanted to do, then we got engaged so it seemed kinda dumb to NOT save money when I have that option. For him, it's been just him and his mom his whole life, he pays half of the bills, and is now in a position where we're going to be able to put $25K towards a down payment on building a house. So I don't think either of us is a "moocher" but in our cases, it's put us in a much more solid position to build our future without causing a burden on anyone else - my parents absolutely love having me here, and his mom isn't going to know what to do once she's by herself.

lintacious- i live in Jersey and i know what you mean! even getting a roommate still equals a high rent cost!

i think it depends on the reasons why he lives at home. if there are some circumstances I would consider it. i had a friend that had to move back in with his parents because he was in a costly custody battle. that is an acceptable reason.

My boyfriend and I both live with our parents (respectively) and probably won't move out until we are married. We both have decent jobs, but feel that living at home is helping us save so when we do move out, we will have the savings to start the kind of life we want. (It also helps that we are both only children, so our parents aren't that keen on us moving out). Also, all of our friends who are unmarried live at home with their parents.

It depends. I'd moved back in with my parents for a few years even though I was completely capable of living on my own. I moved in because my mom just didn't see any reason and figured I could save up money for my next plan (which at the time was to go to grad school at NYU, but that changed). My mom thought it was stupid for me to pay for a place to rent. She thinks the same for my brother, since he's out at sea half the year, but he's paranoid of the perception others have that he'd be mooching so he bought a condo that sits empty half the year.

I do see how it can be a problem in a relationship, but you can just hang out elsewhere. My then boyfriend and I would spend more time at his place than mine.

I think it all depends on the situation. When I first started dating my current boyfriend I had a townhouse with some friends and my sister (we were all and i still am in college) and he lived with his parents. I was a little turned off about this at first, but then I realized he wasn't mooching, he is just saving money for the future, and a house eventually. A year and a half later, he is still living with his now divorced dad and I am now living with them to save money for grad school while i finish up my last year of undergrad. Yeah it annoys me a little that we don't have our own place and hopefully we'll have money to get one by the end of the year. But I don't think people should be quick to judge a guy just for living at home, If I would have done that I could have passed up being with the most amazing guy.

My husband lived with his mom and stepdad after his dad died. But he wasn't a mooch. They had two extra rooms. He had a good job and paid for his car and did his laundry and all that.

I was sort of weirded out by him living there when we were first dating but I didn't have any room to talk since I was living with my dad while going to school.

A few months later he moved into his own apartment, and I didn't even have to push him into it. Maybe he just needed a reason to move out, and I was it.

fluffyhelen I think that's a little harsh. 18 I mean c'mon??

Also I guess it would depend on my situation, to judge someone on something like that I think is very shallow of some people.

I have friends who claim they never would but low and behold they dated a guy who still lived at home and these guys are were in their late 20's. It's kind of annoying but whatever, they have a way to rationalize the sudden change of heart.

Like I said I think it really is shallow to base a situation on especially when there could be a handful of good reasons why he is still there.

Well, me and my boyfriend both live with our parents because I just graduated and he's about to graduate. We both have plans of moving out on our own soon, so it's not so bad. It does suck when we don't have privacy though... but we just spend those nights in hotel rooms! Haha.

no!
only two exceptions i would say
culture - in some cultures many asian ones is accepte the guy be with his parents til marriage
circumstances - if they move home to take care of a parent. etc. even then he shoudl be able financially and emotionally to be on his own.

it's ok as long as the guy doesn't plan on staying with his parents forever.

like some posters have mentioned, with some cultures it is the norm to move back in with your parents after college, so you can save up money to buy a house. that's exactly what i'm doing now. of course i feel like a loser sometimes, but it's just NORMAL for asians. my bf is also living at home with the 'rents until he gets into pharm school. it is rather inconvenient because we have to be sneaky when spending the night. but yeah... not a big deal.