Well this really isn't emotional cheating...yet. Your just admitting that you have more fun with with a friend than your current bf. I say if you have to describe your relationship with your man as "blah-happy", then maybe it's time to let it go and keep your options open!

both seem like great guys. you're lucky to even have both in your life. but remember that the grass is always greener on the other side. ppl always want things they can't really have momentarily~

I agree with both opinions, I wouldn't call it emotional cheating since it was just one night of hanging out. You said he lives far away, would you be willing to have a long distance relationship? I think you should stay with your boyfriend, you seem to have an amazing friendship with bar guy and that doesn't seem worth ruining. Maybe you should focus your energy into your primary relationship and try doing the activities you do with bar guy with your real boyfriend.

3 years and you guys (you and bar guy) haven't dated but you guys know that each one of you have feeling for the other...

I always thought that guys usually immediately move toward dating and a relationship especially if they know that the girls like him too. His behavior's a little 'suspicious' to me, but who knows what he really thinks since he's not making a move to get you to date him or whatnot.
And why didn't you make a move too if you're certain of his affection/your chemistry w/ him?

I agree w/ the poster above me: The grass is always greener on the other side.
But if you think 'blah-happy' is blah and there's not much chemistry/passion in your current relationship, you're still young, you may want to reconsider your relationship with your 'rugged' bf.

You may find out it's not greener on that other side anyway, but at least, it'll be a good learning experience.

No, that's not emotional cheating. Emotional cheating is when you spend lots of time with another person on a regular basis - and lean on that person for emotional support, recreation, etc. Simply having a crush on someone is normal, healthy and NOT cheating.

You say that bar guy is away at law school. How far is away? Do you keep in touch with him during the year? Do you have any idea about the romantic status of him?

I'm going to give you the classic advice here because it fits.
Follow your heart.

Bar Guy is at a local Law school, so Yes we keep in touch. I have run into him a few times out downtown. He also calls once or twice, sometimes more, a month the check in with me and invite me out with his friends. He has great friends. I know if I do accept his offer, I will go out and have a ton of fun. BUT that will lead to me wanting to see more of him. I think part of how I feel for him is infatuation. Its like I hold him up on the unrealistic pedestal- does that make sense?

It's pretty obvious you aren't all that into your current boyfriend so why not let him go and find someone who will be happy with him. He deserves better than being your second choice.
Whether you end up with Bar Guy or not, at least you can do right by Mr. Rugged and let him move on.
Good luck getting Bar Guy off that pedestal. No man needs (or usually wants) to be put up that high.

i get what you're saying Jenna but just remember that he's a person too, with warts and everything and you'll soon discover that if you decide to go out. but frankly, it seems like you really want to give things a try with this guy, so why not?

you live only once and if you're just ho-hum about your current guy, that's not a great sign. i don't normally advocate dumping a great guy, but it sounds like you already know what you want to do, you're just seeking approval to make sure it's not totally effed up. it's not. you just have to be mature and treat your current bf with dignity if you decide to break it off. i say go get your bar guy!

It's not emotional cheating. My friend (a sex/marriage therapist) defines emotional cheating as sharing deep feelings and emotions with someone other than your partner on a constant basis. If you talked to "bar guy" regularly and he was the first person you thought of to tell when something life changing happened (such as a promotion or a death in the family) then I'd say it was emotional cheating. I also agree with Nevaeh1978 that guys will usually gravitate towards dating after initially meeting a girl they're interested in. You didn't mention if over the three plus years you've known each other if either of you were dating other people to prevent this....but I'd say that if you guys wanted to be in a relationship, you would have by now.

Life's too short to stay with "boring but comfortable"! Bar guy or not, if you're looking outside of your relationship, it would seem as if you're not getting everything you need from the one you're with.

It sounds like you have a pretty big crush on bar guy, and that can't be a good thing for your current relationship (especially if you think about him when he's not around). Sometimes relationships can get into little funks and its not as passionate as it was when you began. You need to analyze your current relationship and see if you are just in a lull. If you are then you may just want to wait it out. Go for a weekend away with girlfriends and see if you miss him. If the passion/type of relationship you want really isn't there then you may want to split or take a break, not even necessarily for bar guy but for the prospect of someone better suited for you.

Having been in a somewhat similar situation, I can say that I agree with eternity above, and you should follow your heart. I was in a relationship with a guy for five years, but I really didn't know anymore why I was in it, and I didn't have strong feelings for him, and it was almost too easy for me to fall for another guy. I met another guy who I thought was amazing, and everytime I was around him, I couldn't stop thinking about him (very similar to your infatuation, if I saw him for a little bit, I wanted to see him more). I ended up deciding that I couldn't stay in my relationship anymore. It wasn't just a selfish thing where I wanted out so I could 'play.' I also thought about the guy I was dating, and I know he probably wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't 100% into him, who could have such strong feelings for someone else, and would probably find a better match elsewhere. I made the jump and I don't regret it at all and it's been a year. Regardless of whether my current boyfriend and I worked out, it was for the better.