I'm so so so sorry to hear about your daughter, that is terrible and just so sad...I will keep her in my prayers that she can hopefully get past this. And I'll write more about how to help in a minute. As for turning down your man's proposal, did you turn him down all the way or just tell him you were not ready yet, but still want to continue dating him? Get back to me on that...and I'm going to try to find some help for you for your daughter...so we'll chat in a minute...hang in there!

I'm not a doctor, but have helped out with benefits for Mpower, and found their info helpful. Maybe the reason your daughter started taking drugs was because she went or is going through depression? Again, I cannot say exactly because I am NOT a doctor of any sort, but here's some helpful things I found from the Mpower website.

This is from www.mpoweryouth.org:

Recognizing depression
Everyone should know the warning signs of depression and be ready to take action. Depression is a serious problem that calls for prompt, appropriate care. Early detection and treatment can help you feel like yourself again.

If you think you might be depressed, know that you're not alone. Research indicates that as many as one in eight teens, and 19 million adults, suffer from clinical depression.

Many factors can contribute to depression. Studies show that the way the brain works plays a role in depression. A family history of depression may increase the risk. Difficult life events (such as death or divorce), side effects from some medications and negative thought patterns can also play a role.

Depression can take several forms, including bipolar disorder (formerly called manic-depression), which is a condition that alternates between periods of euphoria and depression.

The following symptoms may indicate depression, particularly when they last for more than two weeks:

Withdrawal from friends, family and school activities
Sadness and hopelessness
Lack of enthusiasm, energy or motivation
Anger and rage
Overreaction to criticism
Feelings of being unable to meet expectations
Poor self-esteem or guilt
Indecision, lack of concentration or forgetfulness
Restlessness and agitation
Changes in eating or sleeping patterns
Substance abuse problems
Thoughts of suicide
When unrecognized, feelings of depression may be expressed by experimenting with drugs or alcohol, being sexually promiscuous or by hostile, aggressive, risk-taking behavior. But such behaviors only lead to new problems, deeper levels of depression and difficult relationships with friends, family, and law enforcement or school officials.

Treatment for depression can put you back on track and give you hope for the future.

Where Can I Turn?
Getting help for a mental illness or substance abuse problem, for you or someone you care about, shows strength and smarts. Here's a list of several places you can go for help.

-Talk with a friend, medical doctor, counselor, religious leader, or another person you trust. They can help you find a professional you feel comfortable with.

-Look in your community phone book under "mental health" or look on your county's Web site.

-Get in contact with your local Mental Health Association to see what resources are available in your community--http://www.nmha.org/affiliates/directory/index.cfm

- Check out support groups at local hospitals, schools, community centers or faith centers. Sharing and hearing from other people going through similar problems can really help.

-Contact NMHA's Resource Center at 800-969-NMHA (6642) or e-mail infoctr@nmha.org for free materials or a referral to help in your area.

SUBSTANCE ABUSE

Al-Anon/Alateen
Conducts support groups for the friends and families of alcoholics.
http://www.alateen.org

Alcoholics Anonymous
Conducts 12-step programs for people trying to get sober.
http://www.aa.org

Narcotics Anonymous
Conducts 12-step programs for people who want to stop using drugs.
http://www.na.org

Dual Recovery Anonymous
Conducts self-help programs for people with both substance abuse problems and mental illnesses.
http://www.dualrecovery.org

The U.S. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)
Federal government program supports mental health services and substance abuse treatment and prevention.
http://www.samhsa.gov

For More Information
For referrals for local services, contact your local mental health association or :
National Mental Health Association
2000 N. Beauregard Street, 6th Floor
Alexandria, VA 22311
Phone: 800-969-NMHA
www.nmha.org

Additional Resources:

CRISIS LINES

If you are in a crisis please call
1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

oops, I'm so sorry Dear Sugar, I forgot I wasn't on the team sugar site and am not supposed to post links!!! Please forgive me, it was an "oops".

I think you made the right decision for 2 reasons.
First the obvious getting your daughter help.
Second, Im not sure I would except an engagement proposal from someone you still prefer to as YOUR COLLEGUE! Although you know him for many years you have only gone on a few actual dates. I don't think that is enough time as a COUPLE to be certain this is the person for you.
But if his feelings are true tell him what is going on and if he loves you he will wait until you are ready.
As far as your daughter enforce a strict curfew and talk to a drug consular. Make sure she knows what risks are involved in doing these drugs. How many teens have died or dropped out of school. Ask her how her father would feel about it if he were alive etc. Good Luck!

i agree with honeychild- i would not have gotten engaged either, you're totally still getting over the other relationship whether you know it or not.

as for your daughter, my mother is working with a woman whose daughter had been doing drugs for a long time. what she did is make her get a job close by and make her meet up for lunch randomly. keep her busy as you can or get her clean the hard way- through rehab.

it sounds like there is way too much that you're dealing with right now to make a relationship seem like a good idea.

Sorry my last post didn't show up...I had added links to helpful resources, but it did not show up because I forgot we can only post links on the teamsugar site. Oops! Maybe it'll show up in a little while...but for now, you can look at this site: www dot mpoweryouth dot org, it's a website that is a branch of the NMHA. They have lots of phone numbers and resource sites you can go to and look at for help for your daughter.

You mentioned that your daughter started drugs after the death of her father a few years ago. Maybe she became depressed, and with depression, sometimes follows substance abuse. It sounds like she needs help not only for recovery, such as rehab, but also maybe it'd be good for her to talk to a doctor or counselor if she is depressed as well.

I do not know what pushed her towards drugs, and I'm not a doctor, but I have witnessed many friends and family members throughout life go through depression, and some have turned to alcohol, drugs, eating disorders, etc., from being depressed.

Depression is real, and it affects many people. When someone is depressed, they may not seem like the person you once knew them as, but almost as if they turn into somebody else completely. It's sad and also can be very scary. But it's a mental illness, and just like anything, most times it can be treated and there is help out there for people.

Luckily, the people (affected by depression) in my life have found the road to recovery, and are doing very well today! I highly recommend getting your daughter help. Even if she kicks and screams, in the end she'll know it was out of love. I know it's so so hard...but hang in there. There is hope!

Best of luck to you...and your daughter.