Well, coming from a household with not too many sex (we have a young son), I'd say that as time goes (as your relationship grows), some men are not quite as sexually charged as they used to (well, even in my past relationships the same things have happened, I always ended up wanting more sex rather than my exes). Passion does wane overtime. But usually if you've reached a good level of trust, love, respect toward each other, it's a good relationship.

Who is the initiator in the relationship when it comes to sex? If you're waiting for him to approach you, he may not all too sexually 'focused' anymore (after 1 1/2 years), so you may want to start initiating. But you have to understand too when he's all exhausted, stressed out, forcing him to have sex with you may result in inability to get an erection and so forth. And most likely, it's not because he doesn't want to have sex with you, it's more like he's a little too worn out to do so.
If you've been initiating and he's not, you may want to let him know that his rejections make you feel undesirable and unsatisfied, and ask him why he's not initiating more.

He may also have health problems like difficulty getting erection at times (some men in their younger age do have this problem, unfortunately), and he's not too comfortable discussing about.

Another thing: start pleasuring yourself more too if he's not 'available' to pleasure you. Enjoy yourself..by yourself, it's all good too. He may even find this hot and wants to join more.
Find out also what his like/dislike (what type of 'porn' does he enjoy?) and do a role play, etc etc.

Well, good luck to you.

I don't think his lack of sex drive is normal. He should see a doctor about it. He could also be getting some on the side.

Hey, send him to me.

I feel like I need more info.

How old are you and your partner?
Did you have a lot of sex at the beginning and then it kind of dropped off?
Does he look at porn or sexually satisfy himself some other way?

Also, is the issue that you want more sex, or that you feel sad because you think he's not interested in you.

If you can isolate all the factors and you realize your BF just doesn't have a huge sex drive, then you need to just accept this as part of who he is. You can get off on your own and then have sex a few times a month with him.

But you really need to accept this and not make him feel bad all the time for not giving it up enough. He's going to get annoyed and feel hounded, and you are going to feel rejected over and over.

Yay! I'm not alone! My boyfriend is a WONDERFUL guy, but he goes for long periods of time without wanting sex. At all. After two years, I still find some moments really humiliating, when I'm in the mood and try to turn him on and it doesn't work at all (yikes); and sometimes I'm a little bit sexually frustrated. HOWEVER, with time, my sex drive has decreased too and started matching his a little more, and I don't drive myself crazy as I used to since it's obvious that when he gets going, he REALLY gets going, and it's all for me - and he's a wonderful lover.

A good relationship IS more important than a ton of sex. Your own desire for him will wane with time anyway, and maybe his won't, so you'll end up on the same page (like me and my boyfriend); and also, just keep remembering that because he's not a horndog, he's not going to go out and cheat on you. He won't be upset when you're pregnant and not in the mood, too!

A little bit of sexual frustration is better than a partner who's all about sex, but isn't satisfying you emotionally, or who's so into sex that he needs other outlets like porn or cheating or creepy online stuff.

Somehow, I think we're lucky. It's just hard to realize it at first, when our sex drive is still up the wall - but having gone through it, I'm now really happy that he is the way he is, for all the reasons above. I hope you will end up feeling the same way!

Cheers!

pop has the right idea, especially if he is older than you and past his wild period. As for his comment about it not being important...unfortunately, sex is what makes you more-than-friends. Without it, he is just a really great roomate.

If it's important to you, then it's important. Don't settle for a great everything but sex life.
Sex is an important part of almost all relationships, and if you're unhappy then you need to do something about it. Does he at least do stuff for you even if he's not in the mood? Does he make sure that your needs are met, knowing that they are different from his?

hey that sonuds about normal for us!!! sometimes more sometimes less

i can see a lot of wisdom in all these viewpoints. only thing id reiterate is that if its important to you it shoudl be important to him. he needs to meet you halfway.

dont wanna be pessimistic here but it seems like you guys are sexually incompatible. you don't want the same things re: sex. if it's been a year and a half, and his sexual energy (or lack of it) hasn't grown on you, then it seems like something you won't learn to accept in the future either.

I am NOT saying it's a lost cause. He really needs to treat this like a really serious issue (dealbreaker stuff) because it's clearly very important to you. i hope he doesn't have the attitude of "well, that's just me. can't change! sorry!" if he's willing to change, and you're willing to lead him and be the strong initiator for a while, maybe you'll see some change.

i personally don't understand how some people above are advising to accept it or just be happy with his personality, or see it as better than dating a perv. thinking like this won't leave you sexually satisfied in the long run. in my opinion, sexual compatibility is a huge part of any relationship (and it seems you think the same way).

i kinda agree with the sex-compatibility thing...you may not be. But after only a year and a half, 3-4 x's a month seems a lil low....MAYBE after 4 or 5 years, but just one and a half?

I'd sit down and talk to him....don't let him throw u the *go have sex with someone ELSE* card (hate that one...stupid ex bf's)

don't settle if it's important to you. work on it or move on. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be.

Communication.

Do you know if he masturbates? If he's getting his kicks somewhere else then it's not surprising that he isn't sexing you up more often and that isn't fair on YOU.

If this was something you knew at the beginning of the relationship and just thought "oh, he'll change"... newsflash - people generally don't change.

It comes down to what's important for you in a relationship - not just his idea of what's important for a relationship. You need to align your goals and if they cannot be aligned, you need to consider your options - because poor communications, bad goal alignment and unmet/false expectations are relationship killers. As a man, I find it 100% suspect that he isn't all over sex if it's readily available and you are interested. It could be he's masturbating too much, not really that hot for you or just has an abnormally low sex drive.

My wife and I agree that sex is something that takes a relationship's intimacy to a deeper level and at its core can be the difference between real love in a relationship and just people who stay together and say they are in love.

Relationships should be satisfying and full.

tbh i think your llucky to have found a male that isnt sex obsessed.

K no i dont agree TFS... not all men are sex obsessed... they aren't even sex obsessed if they want it more then twice a week. Majortiy of WOMEN want sex more then that they just dont show it. Sex is an important part of a relationship. I don't really care what other ppl think it is. It is a way of showing your love to someone. its a way of making your partner feel good. Its a way of having fun! its soooo many things and you have to both be on the same level... any guy should WANT sex with their gf or wife if shes throwing herself at him... unless he says im too tired the off time fine. But honey... maybe hes depressed.. that can cause low sex drive?? i unno i just dont think it is normal for this guy to not want to have sex with you after only a year and a half... When your married with kids its a bit different cause you dont always have the time or the place...

I agree with BettyBoutique, I think sex is an extremely important part of a relationship. It's the only thing that you share with your significant other that you don't share in any way, shape, or form with anyone else. Think about it--you confide in your friends/parents AND your significant other, you go out to dinner with your friend AND your significant other, you hug your friends/family AND your significant other. Making love is the only thing that you really don't do with anyone else.
That said, if you have compatible sex drives, there won't be a problem. Lots of men and women want sex every night, and lots of men and women want sex once or twice a month. It's just a matter of wanting the same thing as your partner. And for all of you who are saying "Oh, men want it more"--no, they don't always. I can speak from experience that all of my boyfriends have had wildly different sex drives, some higher than mine, some lower.
What it comes down to here (as it does in so many aspects of a committed relationship) is ability to compromise. Basically you've come to realize that how often each of you wants to have sex is completely different. Now that you know that, you each need to meet each other in the middle. He needs to make an effort to satisfy your sex drive, and you need to relax a bit and satisfy his. Talk to him about it, and try to reach a middle ground.

Had a similar relationship when I was younger, around 19. He had a very low sex drive, he was much more a cuddler and kisser than a go for the vagina kinda guy. It was frustrating until I started initiating a bit more. But it always took a lot of work to get him past the cuddle and make out to sex, which was very tiring after a few months.

We never resolved it, you cannot really change how sexual someone naturally is, right? Either you accept that they have a different need for sexual intimacy, try working together to find a happy medium, or move on. Personally, my choice to move on was the best because sex is very important to me in a healthy, loving relationship and anything else wouldn't be satisfying.

Good luck in whatever actions you decide to take.

Am I the only one who thinks that sex once a week isn't such a bad thing? Erk!

For some people, sex isn't that important; for others, it's very important. Neither view is wrong in my opinion, but you have to address any incompatibilities...

I dont think it's bad at all, hence my original comment.

If you are someone who wants that heat and passion in your life, you'll have to consider that this guy may not be for you. I'm sure you don't want to hear that, but it's the truth. There's a possibility that you might be able to work on it since you said the sex you do have is great, but it sounds like you've already tried that and it didn't work. You need someone who satisfies in every way that you need, and you shouldn't settle for less, even if you think breaking up with someone because he doesn't satisfy you sexually is shallow or bad. This doesn't make you a shallow person or a bad person. I think you're doing both of you a disservice by staying together. You need someone who can provide that passion in your life that you want, and he needs someone who doesn't need it that often like him.