Ummm, you should leave that married man alone! Get a divorce and stop being a psycho and taking it out on your kid! You sound like a fool who thinks you can eventually have a "real" relationship with this married man. Find some respect for yourself get counseling and move on.

affairs are never black and white, and i understand why they happen. You needed something from him, whether it was too feel better about yourself, or sex, or to escape into some fantasy where the two of you would live happily ever after...regardless its harmful, not only to you both but your families, and you taking it out on your child is just the beginning.

I agree with dearsugar, end it, tell your husband and if he wants to work it out, please get counseling but first and foremost forgive yourself and gain some respect back if only enough to end it forever with your boss.

Good luck

End it, fess up, and let your husband the choice. And stop blaming him. I find it disgusting that your excuse for "finding yourself in this" situation is that he travels. Lots of women have husbands who travel, or who flat-out aren't even there (military, for instance) and they don't use it as an excuse to cheat. Take responsibility for your own actions.

And either way, get counseling. And apologize to your son for taking your anger out on him.

this is restless!

Tell your husband the truth, end it with your boss and grow the eff up. You got married to young, your still immature, you need sometime to grow - meaning having some alone time, figure out who you are as a person and a mother. You need to worry about your son. I know this kinda stuff happens everyday but its ppl like that makes engaged ppl like meam have second thoughts about marriage. Ppl just dont take it seriously anymore and its beyond sad!

Ha! I wish the woman whom asked this question was reading our comments. Here's my thought. What makes you think your husband isn't having an affair? Men marry women for three major reasons one is, because he loves her. Second is,because she maybe better at something that he's lacking and the other is, because she's good in bed.....

If you're the best of what he has, don't you think he would at least try to get home to be with you? Not having sex in months means he's out there having fun on the side. Sorry, but no man can leave his wife without trying to fly her sexy butt out where he is to have a night of steamy sex.

As for your boss, men say things to get you to got with the flow. Men know that we woman fall hard and quick with a simple sentence. "I Love You". And those words right there will win them a lifetime of free sex and our embrassment. Sorry but I don't think your boss loves you.

The best solution to this is to stop seeing your boss, talk to your husband about work hours and understand what you got infront of you!

You need to a) stop sleeping with your boss b) get some anger management therapy and c) talk to your husband.

If you don't love him any more then he has a right to stop you living off his money and under his roof.

Well, it sounds like your marriage is over (and don't blame his travel schedule for driving you to cheat). And chances are, your boss will never leave his wife for you. So, I would 1) stop being horrible to your son; 2) quit and end the affair; and 3) end your marriage. It will leave you in a rough place (a single mom at 25), but that is way better than the place you will be in if you keep this up.

Your sick !

I feel bad that your family is going through this. You are unhappy in your marriage, you don't love your husband anymore. Why are women so weak in their lives and as people themselves that all of that alone isn't enough for your to realize you need to leave, grown up, and take care of business. You need a man to hold you up and guide you through life obviously from what you are saying. Which is sad. No matter how hard it might be on your own, maybe it will give you the confidence and the piece of mind you need to be happy with yourself and realize how disrespectful you're being to you and everyone involved.

Your poor son is probably going through so much considering you say his father isn't around a lot and you are the person he looks to and now YOU are treating him like Sh*t. Lovely.

I feel bad that your family is going through this. You are unhappy in your marriage, you don't love your husband anymore. Why are women so weak in their lives and as people themselves that all of that alone isn't enough for your to realize you need to leave, grown up, and take care of business. You need a man to hold you up and guide you through life obviously from what you are saying. Which is sad. No matter how hard it might be on your own, maybe it will give you the confidence and the piece of mind you need to be happy with yourself and realize how disrespectful you're being to you and everyone involved.

Your poor son is probably going through so much considering you say his father isn't around a lot and you are the person he looks to and now YOU are treating him like Sh*t. Lovely.

You wouldn't have cheated on your husband if you still loved him so I don't think it's even worth trying to work it out. You had a child and now he is your utmost priority, so everything you do should be for him. I hope your boss isn't in his life! If I were you, I'd divorce my husband amicably, work out a gentle co-custody agreement, and tell your boss it's over. If he loved you, he'd be with you. I think you both just love the idea of one another. It's a difficult situation, but if you keep in mind what is most important (your son), everything should be a lot easier to do.

wow some of these comments are very hateful and rude. this woman is asking for advice and all some of you can do is ridicule her? ok... pretty sure no one is perfect. at least she is taking the first steps to get herself out of this terrible situation.

I think all of the people here who lack compassion are the sickest of the bunch. If everyone in the world was like you, the world would be a terrible place. Why do you want to be like that?

I say, get some counseling and grow up. At some point you have to take responsibility and stop blaming everyone else for your short comings. You're not that special that he's going to leave his wife for you. Hell, he doesn't even respect her, why should you be treated any differently? And since you probably have to be told, leave this relationship!

It's amazing that you "found yourself in this predicament"! How scary!! I just don't know what I would do if I was walking along one day and BAM! found myself having an affair. And it's all your husband's fault, too. And you're just so angry, that you have to take it out on your son! Or, wait...maybe your anger takes itself out on him. It must be very scary to have so little control over your own actions and life!

Geez. If you do absolutely nothing else, fill your husband in so that he can remove himself and his child from such a crappy situation.

You have to do some deep soul searching, and figure out exactly what you want. Be very honest with yourself, even if it's painful and ugly, and go from from there. Good luck to you.

I don't think that anyone here is trying to be mean or even lack compassion. First off, this woman is dating a married man, which could very easily be the husband of you or someone you know (as I mean being in that situation), then how would you feel about her asking for help?

Second, I do understand that this is the world and things happen and we are still people and we all have feelings. But this is a touchy subject for lots of people on all sides and ends.

Also, I wish women would stop depending so much on a man being in their life to make them feel that they can live happily. None of us want to be lonely or struggle on our own, but I think in some instances it's exactly what some people need to learn to love and respect themselves.

First off, you need to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE.

Maybe that would be a good resolution for 2008. No more of this "I found myself in this situation" crap. You are not a victim of fate or circumstance, you have control over your actions and this is the behavior you CHOSE.

Above all, you need to stop taking your anger out on your son, which is abusive. No excuses--just STOP. Because YOU are the adult and HE is the child, and you need to be in control of yourself around him.

It sounds like you really need to get a grip here. Get away from your boss, is there someone (like your parents) you can leave your son with for a few days while you take a little time out? You need it, because you are not behaving rationally, and your son is paying the price.

This is why you don't get married at 20!

Look the truth is, you don't know yourself at all. in your 20s, you're trying to figure yourself out. and you change and evolve.

Your boss is NOT gonna leave his wife for you.

Do you wanna spend xmas, Valentine's, mother's day, etc. alone, hoping he'll call . . while his wife gets his time and attention and all the sentimental gifts and pictures and parties???

Plus, it is NEVER good to mix business with pleasure. Dump the boss . . .if possible go to another company or division of the one you're at.

Confess to hubby. Offer to go to couple's and family therapy.

Hopefully, your hubby will want to fix things. i just hate to see you screw up your marriage for an affair.

affairs tend to be hidden cop-outs, and just a phase.

First of all, I don't think these posts are rude at all. In fact, they are the least ruthless of all the "Affair Questions" posts.
To the poster: You should start being the nicest ever to your son now. After you tell your husband that you're cheating on him,there's a good chance he's gonna file for divorce. That's gonna either leave your son absolutely hating you for destroying his family, or requesting to live with Daddy.
Stop screwing your boss, and find a new job. Since you decided it was o-kay to mix business with pleasure, your professionalism will be greatly questioned when this comes out. You'll be known as the chick that slept her way to the top, if you ever make it there.

you have effed up big time

Why is it that people with these affair questions only care about what they SHOULD do after they've already screwed their family or someone else's family over?

It doesn't matter if your husband travels a lot, or if you don't love him anymore, or if your boss is the most wonderful man alive (he's clearly a scumbag, even if you can't see it). You have no right to be doing this to another woman's family. Or your son's family.

Maybe when you started feeling neglected by your husband you could have talked to him, and tried putting an iota of the energy you've spent in the last 8 months carrying on with your boss into working on your marriage.

I think you need some counseling.

totally agree, i bet its not his first affair...he is just using u and at the end of the day you will end up alone if you give up on your husband...is he a bad guy???????? or was it just your own feeling of loneliness and adventure. Don't take your anger on your child. so get some counseling.

I didn't read the comments before I posted. I don't think anyone who posted here lacks compassion. They just feel compassion for an innocent child and a husband who has been cheated on. Not for the poster who takes no responsibility for her quite cruel actions.

You really need to leave your job. You have gone over and beyond the call of your job description. I am pretty sure that giving up the goodies was not one of the roles and responsibilities outlined. However, since you have crossed over and have already went down that rode its time to fix it by leaving and moving on with your life.

You really should seek therapy to deal with anger managment issues and in addition seeking out some parenting classes. You really need to focus on your child and his best interest.

Believe me this is not the first time your boss has done this and it will not be the last. He knew what to say to get the panties and he has succeeded. He is not leaving his wife now or ever. Face it you were played by an old school playa.

Leave your job, find a new one, and tell your husband what's going on. And I wouldn't worry about you taking your anger out on your child anymore, because chances are, your husband will get main custody of him since you're the one in the wrong.
It sounds like you need a fresh start. It's a new year; good luck.

Wow! Some of these people are giving you a real hard time! Listen, I'm not in the exact situation but I've been close to it. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over three years. I got involved with him originally to make another man jealous and it sort of took on a life of it's own and here I am three years later still with him. The problem is I could never get the other man out of my mind and my relationship with my boyfriend never had a chance. I don't love my boyfriend anymore and for better or for worse I'm poisoned with the memory of my first love. I'm 22 and the man I love is much older and he's married. We never actually had an affair because the timing was never quite right but I would have and I still would. Different situation than yours but close enough to know how you feel.
If you don't love your husband anymore and you don't think you could again then it's not fair to you, your husband, or your son to keep the marriage together. it sounds to me like your boss is not ready to leave his family so don't divorce your husband thinking that you're going to ride off into the sunset with your boss. I don't think you should quit your job or end the affair just yet, unless you want to. Things may change once your single again. If you and your boss really love each other and you're as crazy about him as you say then don't give that up until there's no hope left. I'm moving out of state to pursue my career but there's no way I would do that if I had a chance to be with the man I love, married or not. Don't let these other people convince you there's no chance for a happy ending here because there is. Don't give up on a man who you feel this passionately about until you have no other choice or unless you genuinely feel it's the right course of action. Good luck to you.

Listen, your boss is a dick. You love him, but he doesn't love you, even if he said it "first." He is playing you- dropping all the breadcrumbs he needs to so he can stay married and have a lovely woman half his age at his beck and call.

You were vulnerable (in a faltering marriage) and things snowballed from there. You were wrong for taking the bait- I'm not placing it all on him, but you really need to get the boss out of your system. I'm sure he likes you a lot, and maybe even cares for you, but no good person treats the one he loves the way this guy is treating you.

You don't love your husband, so it's time to get a divorce. Don't string him along either, especially for the sake of your son. Speaking of your son, you need to get your act together when it comes to him. He is your first priority, so break it off with the boss and stop dating men for awhile until you get things sorted out emotionally. I'm just guessing here, but the husband was probably you first serious relationship and you're just getting your feet wet when it comes to real adult relationships. Verbal abuse seriously messes with little kids. Belittling and that sort of thing- it sticks with them for the rest of their lives. So do what is healthy for yourself and for your son. Asking for help shows that you already know that something with the boss isn't quite right. And you deserve more than what you have now.

P.S.- Some of the other ladies wrote some very harsh comments about you cheating on your husband. He may not be the right guy for you, but you know he doesn't deserve this. So stop cheating on him and let him find someone else. And you know that terrible feeling of guilt that never leaves? That's one of the many reasons why you don't cheat...

You need to leave your job and marriage behind and deal with your anger issues. Taking your frustration out on your son is just wrong. Your husbands travel schedule and your child did not make you start sleeping with your boss. YOU alone made that decision. Grow up and deal with the mess you have created. Fine you fell out of love with your husband now you both need to move on and work on creating the best life for your son.

You know what is right and what is wrong, and what you should be doing. You don't need to ask for advice. You know the affair is wrong, the treatment of your son is wrong, and there's nothing we can do about that. You need to figure out for yourself how you're going to right this wrong. So think about why you're writing asking for advice. Are you looking to relieve some guilt? For some justification or validation? Or are you looking for others to chastise you? To provide you the kick to get out of this? Stop letting others define your life for you and take control along with taking responsibility.

get a divorce or end the affair. it isn't fair to your husband, your son, or your boss's wife and children.

Funny how the ppl who feel sorry for this chick have either been in her situation or something like it. Well try being cheated on and see how much compasion who have for a cheater. A married woman who took her vows before God! and is now ho'in (yea I said it! Cause thats what it is) aroun with her boss who is married? What am I suppose to say to that? "ooh it will be alright? You be ok?" did you just happen to fall on top of him? NO!

You know what ur doing and like many others I only feel sorry for her child and husband. You knew ur hubby travels alot and still married him, there were many things u couldve done but u decided to sleep with ur boos. Ur nasty, thats it and thats all.

Thank You Martini Rossi, you've stated it well! I find it humorous that anyone would feel sorry for, or tell this woman that what she's doing is o-kay! For those who do side with her, I can just hope that you experience the pain that comes from the actions you are condoning. Then, maybe ya'll will see just how wrong and selfish it is!

Time for a divorce- and your going to find that once you are single, your boss will probably not be willing to leave his wife for you and he will probably dump you bc your going to have these expectations of a future with him and he obviously has no intentions of really being with you- or he would have left his wife and asked you to leave your husband so you could be together.

Grow up, kids. People make mistakes. Compassion doesn't pick and chose for whom to take pity on. Compassion is seeing someone upset and feeling sorry that they got their selves in that predicament and offering a non-judgmental, caring resolve. Compassion is feeling sorry for people with an utter lack of compassion and whatever horrible thing happened to them to make them that way.

Compassion is seeing someone upset and feeling sorry that they got their selves in that predicament and offering a non-judgmental, caring resolve.

If the poster indicated in any way that they "felt sorry" for the people they have hurt or took responsibility for "getting themselves in that predicament", there would be more reason to feel compassion for her. As it is, her only concern is for herself and she blames her husband's travel schedule for her actions.

It's absurd to claim posters here have "an utter lack of compassion" when they clearly feel compassion for the child and for the husband.

You need to quit your job... end the affair... get a divorce..... and some counseling. You dont seem like am emotionally stable person.

Remember, karma is a b*tch! Ruining your own and your boss' family. Get out while you can and before you cause more damage. Ho-ing is right on (totally agree with Martini Rossi's comment)! No sympathy here except for those hurt by your actions. Oh by the way, you're boss is most likely just using you for sex. A million reasons to keep the affair a secret and no surprise, you'll probably be dumped by your boss soon once you become a liability to him. Don't be naive - "I love you" doesn't mean much coming from your situation. Also, TAKING ANGER OUT ON YOUR SON BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SORT OUT YOUR CHEATING WAYS IS UNACCEPTABLE!

Suggestion:

Divorce your husband, let him take your child. Pay the child support. At least you recognize that you don't prioritize well (i.e. instead of working on your marriage, you went for an affair w/ a married guy, and instead of thinking of the welfare of your child, you get upset at him because you're restless thanks to the affair) so go do the right thing. For once. YOU yourself put you in this situation, it's not like Oops!

As for your boss, I'd really suggest for you to LEAVE him alone, as in, if he's really serious and in LOVE with you as you say, then he should want to be with you the CORRECT way. When he's single again/divorced then you should consider if you want to date him at all (since you're going to wind up in his current wife's shoes anyway if you guys started the whole thing with an affair, he's more likely to cheat on you too if you guys really date).

oh i'm sorry but i have to agree with the majority of the posters here. i understand that you were in a difficult and unhappy situation, but you are in control of your own life! you have to take responsibility for your actions and know that what you are doing is wrong. i doubt your boss and you will ever be together, and your family deserves to know the truth. you owe it to them. and everyone is right: please stop taking out your frustration on your son. he is not at fault- leave him out of it.

maybe most of us lack compassion, but i will not apologize for that. i absolutely cannot stand people who cheat... it's an almost unforgivable crime

i hate to say this but you are really selfish by being in such a situation. u r hurting ur husband, though u say u dun love him anymore. u r hurting ur boss' wife. and u r hurting all the children involved in these 2 marriages.
stop this right now, and i think u shd confess to ur husband but dun expect anyone to forgive u.

and yes, i agree with what martini rossi said

"Funny how the ppl who feel sorry for this chick have either been in her situation or something like it. Well try being cheated on and see how much compassion who have for a cheater."

very well put.

Leave your job and have no contact with your boss.
and you don't "find" yourself in these situations. Clothes don't fly off your body.

Of course your boss said he loves you first - he's using you! And while I'm not as black and white on affairs as many of the commentators, the fact that you're having anger issues with your son, the age/power difference between you and your boss, and your general naievite make this a disaster for you. You should tell HR about the affair - someone abusing his power like your boss needs to be put in his place. And you should go to counseling - for YOURSELF. You need some self esteem help, sweetheart. You're better than an old, using man.

I'm tired of these "I'm cheating" stories. The advice is always the same. Cheating is wrong, there's not a gray area, and people who justify it are probably cheaters themselves. It's incredibly selfish, and everyone knows it. These people sending the questions in about their affairs need to refer to the 2938572389 other posts on this topic. They might think their situation is different, but it's not. They are still selfish. They are still hurting unknowing spouses and innocent children.

Also, I have no compassion for people who have no compassion themselves. Where is her compassion for her husband and her child? For the wife of her boss and his children (grown or not)? Why must we all be so compassionate to someone who acted selfishly and put herself in the situation, and has continued to stay in the situation?

I feel sorry for people who screw up but genuinely feel bad and try to change. For people who have no control over something that happened to him. I feel compassion for her husband and child, and the the other people involved.

you are SICK!!!! to take it out on your son....SICK!!! This is your own damn fault...YOU CHOSE THIS! not him....get some freakin' counselling lady!

I hate the idea of her husband being burdened by her and this news just to make herself feel better. So since she's so self-absorbed, she can leave the child with the father. Maybe then he'll get a job that will keep him near his son.
She on the other hand, should get into counseling and buy herself a clue.

well put brown_eyed_grrl. Wonder what advice she expected.

I just think this whole situation is so sad. Your actions are so selfish and all for your own pleasure, and yet you cannot see how many people's lives you've affected: Your husband's, your son's, your boss's wife, your boss's children. Neither your son nor your boss's kids deserve the hurt that you and your boss are creating. Do you not have the foresight to see this? Do you just not care? I dated a wonderful man for a couple of months who had, unfortunately, been married to a woman who did the same exact thing you're doing right now. She made excuses for why she was having the affair-- "My husband works too much. I don't have any friends." B.S. She ruined his life-- not only marriage-wise, but emotionally, socially. He has such major issues now because of her. He is such a wonderful person. You are just as selfish as she is, especially since you have your son. Get some counseling, break it off with your boss, quit your job and find something else, fess up to your husband, and really work on your relationship with your son. It sickens me how selfish people are.