Dear Sugar,
I've recently been seeing a guy that I've known for a long time. However, he recently (a few months ago) got out of a long-term relationship that lasted about two years. Their relationship ended because his girlfriend was cheating on him and he was devastated. I think he's great, we have a lot in common, and we're taking it slow so far. But I'd like to know how to avoid being the rebound girl. — Taking It Slow Tara
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Dear Taking It Slow Tara —
You're very smart to be aware of the fact that you could be the rebound girl, but if you're both having fun and enjoying each other's company, I wouldn't sweat it too much. We all have past relationships in the back of our minds, but that isn't to say that we can't find new love sooner rather than later. Everyone heals and moves on at different paces, so I advise you to just go with the flow and take a chance with him.
Taking it slow is definitely the right move here, but if you're going into this relationship with the attitude that you're his rebound, he's going to sense it. Keep the lines of communication open and if you feel him pulling away, give him a little more breathing room until he feels more comfortable being back in a relationship again. Think positively and have fun. Good luck to you!
3.1 Phillip Lim
Fornarina
Charlotte Olympia
I don't think you can ever REALLY avoid being the rebound girl as it was only a few months ago that his very long term relationship ended badly.
I think this guy needs space and time... a LOT of space and time. I think the best thing you can do is be his friend first and his girlfriend later. If it's meant to be then this can wait until he's got his head straight and isn't pining over his ex anymore.
1Take it sloooooow.
2My primary advice is do NOT be his shoulder to cry on.
Don't be the girlfriend/therapist who helps him get over his mean/bad ex. It's not a good role.
Taking it slow is good, too.
3This one is easy. Don't date guys that are in a relationship or just broke up with someone.
4I agree with pop that you can't be his shoulder to cry on. That automatically changes your status in his eyes, so none of that. Also, taking it slow is excellent advice.
5i kind of have the same fear. i've started seeing a guy that was really crushed by his last breakup. it happened nearly a year ago, but he still misses his ex so i am wary. i am making sure not to rush into things though, to avoid getting hurt, and see where it goes.
6You can avoid it by not dating guys that have recently become single.
7Avoid rushing...and I am gonna go with pop on this one... Don't be his shoulder to cry on. Good luck!
8haha, been there, done that, got super buuuurned
9the short answer is that you can't. it also depends on what kind of guy he is and how he's dealing with it - if he's still crushed and you are a shoulder to cry on then you are probably in rebound territory.. also any sexual stuff in that case would be stupid because he is probably just missing a warm body beside him. On the flip side, some people are serial daters and they get into another relationship soon after they break up with someone, so they don't really "rebound"... and it's hard to read the signals when you are right in the middle of the mess...
anyway, I think you have to decide if you wanna take a chance or not and go from there
Avoiding being his shoulder to cry on is interesting advice... as his friend, I think you should still be there for him. But absolutely do not do anything physical with him!
10i'm kinda in the same place. my girlfriend and i were best friends for five years before we fell in love with each other, so i've sort of "witnessed" her love for her ex and her devastation when they broke up. she'd come over to my place at night and we'd sit on the balcony and she'd tell me little anecdotes about her ex and how much she misses her ex. shortly after (a few months of missing her ex like crazy), we're together but i'm still wary of being her rebound choice. i hve spoken to her about my insecurities but she refuses to quell them, saying that it's pointless to say anything and that she wants to show me she loves me through her actions instead (i dont really think it's working.. ha.)
i think the most important thing to do is to communicate. it is very likely that he still hasnt fully gotten over his ex, but it's not impossible that he really does love you. i agree with one of e previous posters that he needs time and space to get his ex out of his mind. just dont assume the role of the comforter. you should be the one he loves, not the one who makes him feel better about his breakup. good luck
11Well. I can feel wat ur sayin. Cuz im a rebound girl. But i told the guy. If u r only usin me then, peace cuz i wont b ur shoulder tp cry on or ur sex buddy anymore. If hes good friend just take it really SLOOOOOW
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