DearSugar and Don't Want to Be a Jerk Jenny need your help. She has plans for New Year's Eve with a friend. Is it OK for her to ditch her friend and go out with a guy she has a crush on instead?
Dear Sugar,
My best friend and her husband are throwing a fabulous New Year's Eve party, and I was so psyched to go. I bought this hot little black dress to wear, but I'm having an issue. You see, this guy I'm strictly friends with asked me to go and I said yes. Then the following day, this guy from work I've had a huge crush on invited me to a holiday party at a fancy restaurant.
So I know that I've already made plans, but I really want to break them and see where the night takes me with my crush. We've been flirting for weeks and I really like this guy. Is it wrong to break the plans I had with my friend? What should I do?
—Don't Want to Be a Jerk Jenny









Robe Di Firenze
Cath Kidston
Sonia Rykiel
If you really don't want to be a jerk, then it's simple. You have to keep the plans you already made. Go on a date with your crush some other night. What's so special about New Years? It's just one night of many....
1I don't know if it's right or wrong but I'd go with the crush
2Is there any way you can hit all spots? If not I say keep the date you already made and reschedule with your crush! You DO already have plans and you won't look so desperate by canceling everything just to go out with a crush.
3I'd explain the situation to your friend and see if he's ok with you not being there on NYE. If not, ask your crush to stop by the party.
4don't dump your friend on NYE!!! bad form. think how you would feel if your guy friend bailed on you with one day's notice!!! besides, what's with crush-guy who invites you at the last minute? ask crush guy out for champagne cocktails on the 2nd, make it a cute first date. much more memorable anyway--NYE always ends up a bit of a letdown, am i right?
5You have to stick to your original plans and tell your crush you've already got plans.
One, it will make you look more desireable, like-hey-i'm an important person, i already have new years eve plans.
Two, if he really likes you, he'll ask you out again.
Besides, new years is too big a deal for a first date.
6I agree with Courtney--New Years Eve is not ideal for a first date. You should keep your plans and be with your friends... have him take you out soon after. If he is a good, respectable guy he will definitely understand why you don't want to break plans with your friend. I also agree that going with him would look desperate... make him wait a little bit. Good luck!
7If your friend is a real friend, he'll understand! You have to tell him first, though, and ask him if it's okay with him.
8I'd go with where I'm going to get some!!
9My personal policy is to not break plans. I tell people "I won't do it to you and I won't do it for you." I hate it when people do it to me, which is why I adopted the policy in the first place. That's the way to not be a jerk. You'll just have to say how much you would love to go with crush dude and reschedule. As long as you make your interest clear, it should work out fine!
10I like that dress. Be a true friend, i find it odd to be asked out on a date on NYE. What makes you think that the crush just doesn't have anyone else?
11Stick to your original plans! Who knows you may actually meet someone even more interesting than your crush and even if you don't at least you'll be comfortable on NYE with friends and definitely have fun. If you don't meet someone and you don't have fun (not like that will happen) you can always ask your crush out later and maybe spend valentines day together
12I can completely understand your wanting to accept the date with the crush, but you already have plans and you should keep them. Just tell him you have longterm plans with a group of good friends. I'd also tell him that I'd love to see him and maybe you could do something together soon.
13This is something we all learn when we are young: you don't break plans because you think you found something better, you wouldn't want it done to you, so don't do it to anyone else.
Besides, all the others are right. Saying that you are busy will only make the guy more interested and respect you for keeping the plans that you made.
14If it was me, I'd feel terrible blowing off my friend...and I'd probably feel guilty all night and not even enjoy my time with the "crush".
I agree with what Meumitsuki said above. It's not right to ditch someone because something "better" has come along. Nobody wants that done to them.
15Well, I totally understand when you have a crush, it's so good and of course you want to see where it goes, and you're probably afraid that your refusal may make him think that you're not interested in him. I also get the fact that if I were your friend, I'd hate to think that I get ditched so close by to NY eve (with not enough time to find another date) because my friend finds something better.
How about talking to your friend about it, and perhaps finding a good medium as in, how about hitting both parties. Maybe go w/ your crush first then tell your friend to come get you there and go to wherever you and your friend were planning to go. OR. You can go w/ your friend first and go w/ your crush later for the countdown?
But really, first thing first, you may want to mention/talk about this to your friend regarding your crush and how you want to make it to BOTH parties
Yes, you're going to be more tired, but you may have an awesome time too looking awesome in your lbd!
Have fun!
16I would stick to your original plans, and get a rain check from your crush.
If he likes you, he'll make an opportunity to see you. If he doesn't, it's not worth dropping your friends to spend time with him.
I guess it just seems a little desperate to me that you'd cancel plans for a night out with this guy. Guys don't generally find that attractive.
17If you can't go out with both, keep your plans and reschedule with your crush.
18id say reschedule with the crush, one of my friends just cancelled on me for new years and trust me - its really annoying!!
19I would keep my plans with my friend and do something with my crush some other day. You probably wouldn't want your friend to ditch you at the last minute and leave you plan-less, and I don't think he'd like if you did the same thing to him.
20Reschedule with crush!
21Don't blow off your friends . . .because your crush might turn out to be a waste of time . . .it's not worth it.
22Don't ditch your friend. Not only did you make a commitment to your friend and her husband, you also accepted an invitation from your friend who asked you to go with him. It's not courteous and it's not friendly to ditch them. If you and your crush have been flirting for weeks, then skipping the NYE plan and putting off a date for one more week will NOT make that big of a difference. He's not going to magically stop liking you if you turn down his NYE invite, so tell him you already have plans, and then go out with him after New Year's. Your relationship with the crush hasn't become serious yet. On the contrary, your relationship with your friends IS serious. Respect that. Go to your friends' place. Have fun!
23to be honest think urself lucky youve got guys throwing themselves at you to take you out. wish someone was taking me out for new years.
24you probably shouldn't ditch your friends, but if you feel comfortable, tell them your situation and maybe they won't mind if you skipped out. if you think it would hurt their feelings if you didn't attend their party, you should go. i'm sure the guy you like would be happy to go out with you another time.
25If the guy is for you, you'll get another chance when you don't have plans. If this was IT, then he's not that into you anyway. Ask if you can take a raincheck! Then cash that sucker in soon!
26If your crush is really into you, then he shouldn't mind having your first date another night. If you really want to see him, you could always invite him to the party.
27First, it's really good to keep plans, especially around the holidays. It will show your friends you value them, and it's the polite thing to do.
Even if it weren't important to you not to keep your plans...what if this date with your crush is awkward? What if he just asked you because 2 other girls already turned him down? If he really likes you, he'll respect that you already have plans, and you will look less desperate anyway. You know you will have fun with your friends.
One other option...you could ask your friend who is hosting the party, and your date/friend if your crush could come to the party with you. I had been crushing on my fiance for seriously months, and when he finally asked me out, he had a big night planned. I had told my friend's daughter that I would go to her dance recital, and I didn't want to break those plans. He ended up going with me, and we went out afterward! Of course we could have waited until next week to go out...but it was still a really fun memory, and after seriously like 3 months of "chasing" him, it felt nice to be able to call the shots!
28I agree with everyone who said go to NYE with your friend. Your crush, especially if he likes you a lot, will come knocking again later on. =D
29i'm going against the grain here, i would definitely explain things to your friend how you really like a certain guy and you're not sure where it's going - and go with your crush. people always make back up plans for new years, so who knows- maybe he has some as well!
30you know, it's ironic because i was one of the first people to say go with your crush, your friend will understand
and then i just got ditched for new years by my friend
what goes around, comes around. Clearly I deserve it
31Don't bail on your friends. You said you were looking forward to attending your friend's party, so go! Don't be the type that backs out when something better comes along, that's not a good friend. Your crush should've asked you sooner.
32Tell him to drop by your party!
33chicks before d!cks, sista!
34keep your original plans......
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