HE should be forgiven, but maybe you shouldn't for reducing the situation to tears! Did you tell him ahead of time how much Christmas means to you? If you sat down and said that it's your favorite holiday, you always put a lot of thoughts into gifts and you expect him to do the same, and he still bought you an ice scraper, then fine, maybe he's kind of a jerk. But if you just expected him to know that it should be really special, then maybe you are expecting too much out of people. Holidays are different for everyone -- not really a big deal in my family. We're all about practical gifts and what you truly need, and an ice scraper would be exactly the kind of thing someone in my family would give, along with things like socks and vacuum cleaners. Maybe that's how his family works and what he thinks of Christmas so why would he intuitively know that wouldn't be good enough for you? If his gift giving isn't good enough for you, then maybe it's time to move on -- I bet you made him feel awful enough by crying when you opened his gift.

This was your first Christmas together.. You went WAAY to far with what you got. You were thoughtful with your gift. "Overly thoughtful" I would say. He was "thoughtful" with his gift too. (He got you something he thought you needed.) He just wasn't extravagant. No problem with that.

Now you both know what to expect next time the holiday season comes around.

I think the shirt and tie would have been the perfect gft for him. You went too far with the iPod and gift certificate. You should have saved the certificate for Valentine's day and the iPod for his birthday.

Well....you DON'T have one!...from summer to xmas what's that...like six months...? I wouldn't buy an ipod for anyone except family! that's $150 right there...next time show your 'happiness' in more economical ways...big presents DOES NOT equal big love.

Disappointment is always caused by our own expectations.
He hasn't had much time to really get to know you, and men are at a loss regarding gift-giving holidays to begin with. This is a simple equation...pressure+confusion+budget=screw it I will get something she needs.

It is actually a major no no to buy guys clothes for Christmas in my opinion. They can dress themselves and also have mothers that tend to do that. He is probably just as bummed out that you didn't buy him Crysis for the Xbox and that you got a nano instead of a Zen (according to my boyfriend is far superior).

Chalk this one up to being the first year, and make some adjustments for how you will handle his birthday. The best gifts are unconditional, I think you should focus on the kind that keeps on giving for now and just let him know you love him every day.

I do agree with the other ladies here that you did go over the top with your gifts. But c'mon! An ice-scraper? I wouldn't give that as a gift, well, EVER!!

I say forgive. However, I think, like others have said, that you went overkill on your gifts and he didn't know what Christmas meant to you. If you've only been dating a person for 6 months, the shirt and tie and MAYBE the gift certificate would have been plenty. The iPod was too much. Hell, I'm married and this year was the first year I spent over $200 on my husband.

You have to remember that men think differently when it comes to gifts than women do. This year my husband got me a beautiful amethyst and diamond necklace...only after I made it perfectly clear that I wanted jewelery and no man, other than my hubby buying my engagement ring and wedding band, had bought me jewelery. With men you have to drive the point home with them because they are dense. When he saw that you didn't have an ice scraper, he was being thoughtful and got you something you didn't have.

If you two are still together next Christmas, I would suggest sitting him down and explaining to him that Christmas means alot to you and that you like to lavish people with gifts.

i voted undecided bc while i think she went overboard with her presents (believe me, my first christmas with my boyfriend (we were almost together a year) i got him a video game, a dvd, and a scrapbook. i didn't want to go crazy bc it was our first christmas together. but i can't completely say she went overboard bc he went underboard. it was thoughtful for him to get her something she needed (like men usually are more practical like that) but he could of at least gotten something that was..well sorta reflective of their relationship (a dvd of one of the first movies..etc). i dont know i would kinda be questioning their relationship a little bit...

I feel kind of bad for the guy! I mean you guys have only been together 6 months tops, and while I understand Christmas means a lot to you, I don't even think this is the kind of thing he needs to be 'forgiven' for!

Think about it this way, any a**hole with a bit of cash can buy you an iPod - but this guy KNEW you didn't have an ice scraper! That's being thoughtful right there

All I'm saying is, give him the benefit of the doubt. See what he gets you for your birthday. If he buy you a pair of new windscreen wipers, you might have to have a little talk.

Not forgive. He may not have a lot of money with the new job, but he could have made something for you to show he was thoughtful and really cared about you, like a mixed cd of all the songs you like or the ones that make him think of you. Or he could have bought you flowers. Or he could have put together a coupon book offering to scrape your windows for you among other things...
If you can buy something at a gas station, it's not a good gift.

I asked my boyfriend about this and he said he wouldn't even buy an ice scraper for someone he Did want to break up with.

Time to move on to someone with a clue.

I'm not even going to pretend like getting an ice scraper for Christmas is ever an ok gift! From your boyfriend also? I probably would have bust him in the head with it! Yes, you did go overboard and shouldn't expect the same in return but an ice scraper costs what $1.99. Was it even an extra special ice scraper that heats ahead of time? I say you just got a glimpse at how thoughtful and considerate your man is. Did he even apologize that his gift sucked and you went all out or did he go home dancing with his ipod while you held your crappy ice scraper? Women tend to give men too much credit, that's all BS about oh an ice scraper is a practical gift. Any MAN or woman knows that this is a crap piece of gift that you do not give to you girlfriend, especially not JUST an ice scraper! I wouldn't dump him just yet but I would take note at his character he seems pretty lame.

Wow an ice scraper?? Well since it's only been 6 months your choices may of been overboard on your end but I know what that's like-I tend to do that too.

My boyfriend (of 4 yrs) gives practical gifts too but that's just his personality. It does still require thought for gifts like that, they're looking out for you and remember what you do/don't have and I have to say I'm sure most girls would wish a guy would have a better memory.

I say it you two were dating a yr and he got you JUST an ice scraper I probably would of been super bummed too but for this time around cut him some slack.

I wonder, what would you feel if he didn't give you anything.

I mean, hey, he remembered to buy you something for Christmas. He cares about you more than you judged him. At least, he knows that you didn't have the ice scraper.

Sometimes, it's harder to remember small things (like the scraper) than big things.

I would forgive. Did you guys set any expectations (price, quantity) for Christmas gifts? Sounds like you didn't. I agree with other posters, you may have gone a bit over the top... but I agree he should've gotten you something additional to an ice scraper! It IS a thoughtful gift, however I don't think he put much thought at all into Christmas this year. Just forgive and forget, and hope for a NICE birthday gift!!

Seriously, if my man got me an ice scraper because I needed one, I'd be thankful. My family loves giving gifts, but we're all about pragmatism. My mother will get me a huge wonderful gift, but it'll be something I NEED. If I get something I "want" it's in the form of a sweater or gift certificate to buy clothes - still things I need to have, but more fun that way. I don't think he should be 'forgiven' for anything, because your expectations were ridiculous. I would be embarassed if one of my boyfriends got me the stuff you did because I don't give extravegant gifts... not just because of money, but because I think we tend to underappreciate the things we need everyday.

If my boyfriend had given me a choice this birthday between a new pair of boots or an ipod nano, I would have chosen the boots - I need them, he can afford it, and it's thoughtful enough he noticed I had need of something pragmatic and useful for a long time. Your shirt and tie gift would have sufficed and been thoughtful enough.

I think it's quite something he noticed you needed an icescraper Some guys are pretty clueless about presents and when and how to give them.

I wouldn't dwell on it too long, he probably didn't know what to expect from christmas together (christmas isn't a big deal to everyone). You lower your bar, he raises his, meet each other in the middle

All I am going to say is I totally agree with Hotstuff and Gooniette.

I say "not forgive'. Sorry but his gift was a cheap afterthought. Yes, she went WAY over the top with her gifts but he could have and should have realized by this time how much Christmas meant to her. I would have cried too!

I tend to agree with the majority of comments. You two haven't been together for very long. He's still getting to know you.

You did go overboard with the gifts you gave. I think a lot of people have been in your shoes. You meet someone...then become quite smitten and want to do nice things for them...AND sometimes we go overboard. It's embarrassing for both parties really.

Hopefully you two can move on and learn from this experience. Just remember not to go too crazy on Valentine's Day

You've only been together for, what, half a year or so? You can't expect too much out of someone who barely knows you. Also, a lot of guys tend to give gifts that the recipient can USE; that shows that he thinks about you and your well-being/comfort.

I would say that you overreacted, but it's by no means an unforgivable situation. Maybe next year, give some hints on what you want.

No No No! It's not okay and i guess im going to side with this woman. I can get an ice scraper at the 99 cents store and no it doesn't require deep thought either. You cannot give a woman this, any woman this, hell anyone this and expect a pat on the back from me. It's not about her kicking it up a notch with her gifts to him(since i don't believe in that b.s. called an ipod, at no point in life would i ever gift someone with that:D). When it comes to gift giving, putting some thought into will not hurt ANYBODY(anything else ill consider lazy). Hell, i thought things were as clear as water when it came to giving presents to women: never give kitchen appliances or gag gifts.

You are forgiven... I told myself I would break up with my boyfriend if he didn't give me something for X mas... b/c we've been together since March and he has never given me gifts.... I am shallow I know...so you are way better than I am... and when he gave me my X mas gift ... A tiffany's initial necklace I immediately looked at the price.... So of course I can forgive you if I feel no shame in myself!!

OhI didn't read... should HE be forgiven?!?! HA.. Yes He should unless he gives you something crappy for Vday or Bday....... He has plenty of time to redeem himself in this new relationship...

are people crazy?

this woman has the right to cry and be upset! an ice scraper? it is a bad sign if a man doesn't give you a romantic gift... you are always going to have to coax affection out of them.

unless he immediately apologized and tried to explain, i would back out of this one.

Wait, is he even ASKING for forgiveness? Does he think he messed up here or are you asking us whether you should just let it go? Personally, I think an ice scraper is a lame gift...even if you needed it. Not to say that you have to spend lots of money on presents. Last Christmas my boyfriend & I had been together 9 months. He spent probably less than $40, but it was a very personal gift. It was appropriate for the stage of our relationship. You went way overboard. I understand your love of Christmas--it's my favorite holiday too, but to me it's more about being together than presents. I think you need to reevaluate your actions. How did he respond to your crying? If he apologized for the gift, then I'd forgive him. Hopefully, he'll forgive you, too. Six months is enough time to know someone enough to get them a thoughtful present. I wouldn't break up with him over this, but maybe talk to him--maybe he does want to end it, maybe he doesn't think your relationship is very serious.

Lesson learned: Drop hints next time. If necessary, very heavy hints. IE, Wow, I really wish I had a bag like that. I wish someone would give me one, because it's totally not the sort of thing I'd get for myself...

Maybe he is just clueless. Guys are often this way out of the box. If he doesn't know what you want, maybe he thinks something super practical is his best option.

um i dont know. this is a fairly new relationship and you got him things that are rather expensive and i don't know. You did go all out, and women usually do that. I myself do that a lot. I give my boyfriend everything that I can and well I don't get the same in return but it is because he doesn't know what to get me. He wants to make me happy and he wants to get me presents that I i could use. Look at it this way, are you practical? do you actually need a scraper for your car? if you think about it, it is nice of him to get you a scraper but he could put more thought into his present. hm. I mean next time before your bday or xmas or any holiday that people expect to be gifted, drop hints. show him what you like. don't be upset over it I bet he doesn't feel all jolly considering that you gave him those presents and he gave you ice scraper.

i'm not going to say you went completely overboard because girls tend to buy more and get more excited about it. guy do tend to be more practical about things. i know last year for christmas the guy i was dating got me a really soft robe and slippers and a blanket.. cause he knew i was always cold! so it wasn't a romantic jewelry type gift but it was a sweet gesture. your guy was trying to help you out by getting you something you need. that is a sweet gesture. should he have maybe coupled that with something else a little more well romantic or something? yea he probably should have! anyways forgive both of you- him for being a guy lol and you for maybe overreacting to his gift, but if the holidays mean so much to you next time let him know first!

Undecided.

Like many have said, this is a new relationship. You've been together for only six months. Truthfully, I think you gave too much too soon. Are you more into this relationship than he is? Be careful. Please don't become one of those "whipped" girls. In my opinion, nothing is more pathetic than a whipped girl.

Granted, an ice scraper is NOT a romantic gift. But honey, you can turn this around. Have HIM scrape the ice off your car with that scraper. Now THAT'S more romantic!

Here's the thing. An ice scraper as your only present, that blows. I can understand why you got upset. Had my man done that and my Aunt Flo was visiting or I had just watched It's A Wonderful Life or a handful of other circumstances, I would've cried too...and then apologized later for being such a girl, but explained that Jesus, he gave you an ice scraper! Thoughtful stocking stuffer, or a gift on top of something even a little bit romantic (doesn't have to be expensive), it has sweetness potential, but not by itself!

You went overboard and he went...underboard (new word!). Thing is, I'm getting on my pulpit here, but presents ISN'T what Christmas is about, or birthdays, or Valentine's Day, and so on. Enjoy the time spent, try not to sweat it, and definitely, forgive him unless he's a tool the rest of the time.

you might have gone a tad bit overboard - i would have probably stopped at the clothing - but he didn't put an ounce of thought or effort into your gift. an ice scraper is pretty lame - it's not even like you can use it throughout the year!

dont forgive him yet see wat he would do to get u to forgive him

Oh.my.God.

I would've cried too, an ice scraper for Christmas? It's not about money but he gave you an ice scraper? That sounds like he didn't thought much about you. Either it was a bad hoax or he does not know what makes you happy which would be sad too.

Yes, it's a crappy gift, but if one bad gift is the reason why you question this relationship then I must say you are pretty shallow. If all is well then move on. There isn't really anything to forgive either, he didn't cheat or lie to you, did he?
There are a lot of ways to show you love someone and gifts are just one of them. Personally I prefer someone who shows me affection by being there for me, kind and loving, not giving me an i-pod or other fancy things.
Maybe there are other reasons why you got upset? Are you truly happy with him or is there something else going on?

I don't know how people would react to my comment but my personal opinion is---it doesn't really matter. The "material gift" doesn't count----what he can offer and give without spending money is much more important. If he gives you attention, care, respect, esteem and most of all , sincere and genuine love---that's alll that matters. i don't care if my man gives me a diamond ring if he's not even "present" when I need him there the most. Gauging love and sincerity of a relationship on a "material stuff" is very shallow. It just means that the person who measures that is headed to a dangerous expectation of the relationship.

One more thing---he was "thoughtful" enough . He got what he thinks you needed according to his "budget". Besides, the worth of a "material gift" doesn't have to be matched with the worth of the gift you gave him. This is not about "competition"---or matching up. A relationship is "undersanding, patience and forgiveness" and most of all "real appreciation" of what the other person gives to the relationship.

I would've been right there w/ you. Disappointment extrodinaire! He should have known better than that! Did he ask for forgiveness?

ugggh... an ice scraper??? From another person who loves to go all out on Christmas... this should definetly be talked about more than once.... AFTER you've both calmed down!

Men can be kinda thoughtless...they were born that way.

I have a question--isn't the whole point of a confessional to say, "I did something wrong. Forgive me," as opposed to, "Someone else did something wrong. Should I forgive them?" I mean, I'm not Catholic, but I'm pretty sure folks don't trot into the confessional and unload to the priest about the sins of their boyfriends. I'm not trying to be negative, but there have been an awful lot of "confessionals" lately that are about the missteps of others, and I'm just not entirely sure that's what a confessional is for. Is this just standard practice for this feature, or are there not enough people writing in asking for forgiveness, or what? Again, I'm sorry to be a downer, but I'm curious.

Wow, that's a pretty lame present. I mean...an ice scraper!? Are you sure he didn't give you anything else at all!? I find that really hard to believe.

But, if true, still not a deal breaker. Now that he knows that you go wacko with gifts, maybe he'll take it a little more seriously next time. At least he got you something you actually needed.

Girl, that sucks. Ok, maybe you spent too much for this being your first Christmas together, but shiiiz...an ice scraper? What about Valentine's day? "Oh, I noticed you were out of toilet paper, here ya go!" Very practical and just as romantic.
I guess forgive, but damn, that's just not cool.

I say forgive I mean you guys haven't been together that long and he probably didn't realize how much it meant to you. Secondly I personally think you went a little overboard with your gifts, I think the i-pod nano would have been enough. If you guys had been together for 3 yrs I would have been like uh uh no way.

Eternity hit the nail on the head by saying...

"Disappointment is always caused by our own expectations."

You expected him to get you something grandiose or spend lots of money on you as you did for him. I can see where you're coming from as an ice scrapper isn't romantic but he got you something he FELT you needed which is such a sweet thought if you step back and really think about it.

I think maybe instead of him appologizing to you that maybe you need to appologize to him for your reaction. Let him know you were caught off gaurd. Maybe for next Christmas you can sit down and plan a "Limit" on how much you spend and what type of gifts you want ...aka a romantic theme or electronic theme.

Good luck.

At first I read this and was a little annoyed at you for being so over the top with your presents (and be honest, maybe your expectations) for someone you've been seeing less than a year, but I was thinking about this at work, and yeah, that is a super-crappy present for any man to give his significant other. But I really do think his heart was in the right place. He clearly put some thought into it if he noticed you needed an ice scraper in the first place.

I think the problem here is that it was your first holiday together, so neither one of you knew what to expect from the other. Some people (like in my family) just don't go all out with presents and holidays, especially men.

I think it all lies in the next present he gets you. If he gets you another utilitarian "man" present after seeing your reaction to the ice scraper, then you've got a legitimate reason to be peeved.

FORGIVE! Although missy, I've gotta be honest with ya- I really don't think there's anything to forgive here. I can appreciate that an ice scraper is not the most romantic of gifts, but consider this: it's your first Christmas together, you're still getting to know each other, and he was probably really nervous trying to decide what to get you. Furthermore, some people just aren't the best gift givers. Case in point: my parents have had a FABULOUS 26 year marriage and love each other so much. That being said, I've witnessed my Dad give my Mom gifts that my Mom was like "Errrrrr...no." But in the end we laugh about it because it's the RELATIONSHIP that counts, not the material things.

I think it's the thought you put into your gift(s) is really sweet, but you've been GOING OUT FOR LESS THAN A YEAR. This is WAAAAY too big of a gift after such a short relationship, and to be frank, if he's like most guys he very well might get freaked out by the seriousness and extravagance of your gift. I'm not criticizing your generous nature, but I recommend you use this kind of extravagance on your best friend, sibling or parent until the time is right for your relationship to make that kind of gift-giving commitment. And also, I think your excitement about your purchases is a reflection of your excitement about this new relationship. The butterflies in the beginning of a relationship are great, but don't be too anxious to fall head over heels! Easier said than done, I know, but this is still new: enjoy the present and don't be too eager to make things with this guy serious too fast. That's a #1 way to scare a guy away.

Just because Christmas is a huge holiday for you, it doesn't mean he thinks the same way. My boyfriend and I don't rely on holidays to give eachother gifts and most of the time we don't really exchange anything on Christmas/Chanukah. We hate having to buy presents for people just for a gift holiday. You guys are still very new in your relationship and if you were expecting something extravagant, you obviously don't know him well enough or he doesn't know you well enough. You bought multiple gifts for a high price and definitely went way over the top. The shirt and tie would have been plenty. You two barely know eachother at almost 6 months. Don't be so dramatic. It's the thought that counts and he gave you something that was definitely thoughtful, useful and helpful.

Please explain to me how by giving him lavish gifts like an ipod extra is showing that you put a lot of thought into it...I think you need to evaluate what is consideration and what is "hey I bought you sh*t love me"

He did put some thought into his gift, and it was more personal then an ipod.. He bought you an ice scraper - something you don't have.. and at least he's paying attention enough to realize you needed one..

Christmas is about being with the people you love, not expecting those people to spend copious amounts of money on your materialistic ass

I think he did put thought in to it. But he was thinking in more practical terms rather than what you might want. As there is stuff you need and stuff you want. But i agree with everyone else lots of money doesn't equal love.

I do think you went a little overboard, but still, what a lame gift. Even if he didn't want to spend that much money, there are still so many things that he could have got you that would have meant more and been so much more thoughtful. He could have still given you an ice scrapper, but he should have got you a few more little things that were sentimental. I would be pissed if I were you.

My boyfriend and I have always agreed ahead of time (even our 1st Xmas) on a monetary or quantity amount for gifts. Neither of us is wealthy, but we're happy with this system. It may not seem romantic, but just like anything else, sometimes you need boundaries!

I consulted with my boyfriend about this because it was really bugging me for some reason that there were some who said "at least he put some thought into it" and his response was along the lines of "Is this his first girlfriend ever? jeez, at least get her a dvd of some movie she likes...what a crappy gift!"

To be honest, I would have been upset too. Your first Christmas together should be special and frankly after 6 months he should know better. Unless, you know, you're his first girlfriend ever. I still say forgive though.