No, I wouldn't ever force someone to marry me. If I felt like I was wasting my time waiting for a proposal I would move on to someone who WANTS to be committed.

No way. Marriage isn't something you threaten someone into doing.

I've already developed my 5 year rule... if I am committed to a man for 5 years... then by the end of that year I expect an engagement ring....Every guy is only gets a 5 year test run with me and then he has to buy the car

I did it, and had it done to me in the same relationship. Looking back now, I realize it was something neither one of should have done, but in hind-sight it really points to the fact that we were not meant to be together.

In the relationship I am in now I wouldn't do it. I know that my man loves me and would do anything for me even before I ask it. The same goes with me for him. Yet there are other relationships where ultimatums are necessary.

Can you tell I am a Libra?

Absolutely not. I want whoever im with to be on the same page as me. If i have to butcher you into something then there is something very wrong.

I would not give an unltimatum. Not because they don't work, but because I think both parties should be ready to take that step, that way there can't be any resentment in the future. However, I do know a girl that did this, early in the relationship and it worked. Her husband told us that at the time he wasn't in love, but he doesn't regret it, because he did fall in love.

I don't like the way the first response is worded. I do think most men take the next step on their own (after the future has been talked about, of course).

However, the does come a time when it is fish or cut bait. Being strung along with a promise of "in the future" is not the way to go.

Ultimadum?

At least it was spelled correctly in the post itself, once or twice.

I would never give my BF an ultimatum to marry me. But I could easily see myself saying that the relationship wasn't going where I wanted and so I needed to break up to find someone who had the same goals I did. I could see that coming off as an ultimatum but it wouldn't be.

i'd want him to ask me when he's ready. right now it's just getting really annoying because friends and also my mom keep asking me when my boyfriend and i are going to get married. especially with xmas coming "are you gonna get a diamond for xmas?" it's really annoying and i'm tired of people saying this to me! i understand that he isn't ready because he's in school and doesn't have a job so he can't really afford to get an engagement ring. maybe later on when he's been working for a while & i know he could afford a decent ring i would say something. but i want to be sure, too. i was with a guy for almost 5 years & us talking seriously about getting married was what made me realize it would NEVER work out between us.

...it's ultimatum.

And I honestly have no idea.

I would never give an ultimatum. But I think after two years together (that's my time frame), you know whether or not you are headed down a long term path together. If you don't have that "vibe" by the end of two years, then you gotta move on. You gotta feel secure and not questioning things in order to move forward... With or without the ring.

I honestly dont know what i would do if I got to the point where I was waiting for a proposal. However, my bf is ready to take that step and has been talking about it for awhile, so I dont think I will ever be in that position

Ultimatums are ultimaDUMB!

You can thank the misspelling in the post for THAT little gem!

...

No way!!!! Don't do it, if you want to get married and he doesn't it's not meant to be!!! Sorry, but what decade is this? Why would a woman want to beg a man to marry her, woman can make it on there own, i wouldf never force someone i loved to commit!!

I've never given an ultimatum, no. And I don't think I ever would. But I had a girlfriend who was with her boyfriend for years who desperately wanted to get married but didn't want to nag him about it. So on their 4 year anniversary as a couple, she told him that if they weren't engaged by the 5th anniversary - one year from then - she would have to move on. She also told him she would never mention it again, and didn't. One year later, on their 5th anniversary, she got her ring.

Ultimatum...I don't think I have, but maybe I did.

I did ask a guy I was dating where he thought our relationship is going to go, and he said he didn't know and he wasn't sure about us so I broke up with him.

A year later, he suddenly proposed to me out of nowhere (we didn't keep in contact, I haven't spoken to him, I was dating my now-hubby). And of course I said 'no.'

I wasn't trying to get him to propose to me anyway, it was more like, I was wondering if we should be exclusive. Guys are SO WEIRD because when we asked about our future (if we're going to be exclusive or are we moving in together or what), they just assumed we want to tie them down into a marriage and have lots of babies with them.

GEEZ.

I just think there has to be a mutual agreement of commitment. It's not my ultimate goal to get married really ever. I'm in a happy committed relationship, and if it happens, it happens.

I agree with Sassy's first statement. I wouldn't get into a relationship with someone who'd never want to marry me. Waste of my time. I would pressure my partner into marriage. I refuse to force someone to marry me. I'd want us to both be sure that it's what we want for our future so that when we're married, it's forever.

I agree with everyone that said it should be a mutual agreement between both partners. Why would you ever want to force the person you love to make a decision he/she is not ready to make? If you really love them, then be patient and wait until the right time comes. That's what love is all about. In the meantime, enjoy what you have and don't screw it up with an ultimatum!

not exactly. but i would say "i want to be married. if you don't then this is the end for me." everyone is entilted to what they want, so one party wants to stay single fine. the truth is women can only have biological children for a certain period of time. men on the other hand have basically forever to father children. so i think women feel the "tick-tick" of marriage for good reason.

hotstuff took the words from my mouth! He should be as excited as you

I didn't give my husband an ultimatum, but I did ask him what his intentions were. We were long distance for over two years and I thought that if it wasn't going anywhere then it would have been a waste of time for both of us.

The only thing I kind of hate is how it seems like today the decision whether to get married is in the guy's hands. I mean, traditionally the man gets to choose when to propose.

I have been dating my bf for nearly five years now, the problem is we started dating when we were 18, and 23 is kind of young to get married. At least this is how he feels. But I feel like if we don't get married at this point, we'll never get married. Argh!

My Mom was actually the one who did that.
My mom and dad were dating for five years, and she had been mentioning and mentioning going further, and he just kept backing down. He had been married once before and it ended terribly. she was a skankahbrona. SO eventually my mom said "Look, we've been dating for FIVE YEARS. I WANT TO GET MARRIED. EITHER MARRY ME OR I'M GOING TO START DATING OTHER PEOPLE" [not actually yelling, just used the caps to indicate the intense emotion] So, they stopped dating and my dad finally caved after she was out on a date one night and didn't answer his call. He got so upset and realized he wasn't ready to give her up. They're still married, still very happy, and I am the youngest of three girls

I wouldn't want to force anyone to marry me, but i'm not gonna be with someone for more than 5 years and have no talks of marriage. i need to know how much to invest after that point, you know?

i have a friend who was in a relationship(that was great) for 7 years. and she didn't want to pressure him. she saw a bridal mag at the check out stand at the market, and she started gushing about the nice gowns.

i guess he kinda gave some crappy remark, which sparked the conversation. comes to find out, he never wants to be married (ever), nor does he want children, nor does he ever want to move in with together ( he was content with them spending the night at each other's houses.

she asked where it was going then. and he said, "nowhere" . they should just be boyfriend and girlfriend.

this girl is the get married, and have kids type of gal, so this was a deal breaker for her. she eventually wanted to break it off. and he was devastated. . . (that's ironic).

there's nothing wrong with a gal wanting to know what's up. i rather crack a whip than to stay with someone for 7 years, only to find i had a long-term f*ck-buddy.

My BF and I are almost at the 5 year mark. I don't think he will ever marry me. I know that I should probably walk away at 5, which will be in June, if he doesn't propose. It's just not that easy, I love him.

that is such a pathetic thing to do

I gave my ex an ultimatum -- though it was much in advance. I told him I didn't want to be living together for more than two years without having a ring on my finger. Guess what? He kicked me out just shy of that two year mark.

I would hope someone would refuse or walk away from me if I gave them an ultimatum.

I couldn't imagine going into a marriage like this.

agreed POP! i wouldn't say 'if you don't want to marry me, i'm leaving' BUT i would say 'i want to get married, if you don't, you need to tell me that.'..there is nothing wrong with being honest about where you feel your future is going..i don't think its pathetic, i think its expressing your desires.

Very bad idea. You don't want to push someone into an engagement when they aren't ready.
Typically females are ready for an engagement sooner than males. Yes, it sucks to have to wait for them to be ready, but I'd rather wait as long as it takes...rather than push something like that on him.
I know I can't wait to be engaged...but I want it to happen naturally and just the way my boyfriend plans it and when he plans it. So I will wait and just be excited when the time comes.

No, I wouldn't. Everyone is ready at different times and I wouldn't want to push my man into something he might not be ready for. That's not only fair to him, but it's unfair to me as well. Who knows how guilty I might feel, and if he doesn't want to, I might loose someone very special to me.

So, in the end, I would talk to him about it...but I wouldn't MAKE him say yes or no.

No. I would be embarassed at having to do something like that. My brothers GF did this to him and he left her. He loves her very much, but he was scared. They are young and he just isnn't ready yet. That woke her up really fast though.

I would never give one, why force someone to marry you?

My husband and i were together for 9 years before we decided to get married of course we were 17 and 18 when we started dating so we were really young. We talked about it and decided to get married and then a couple of weeks later he got down on one knee and proposed with the ring. It was great. We have now been married for 4 years and i couldn't imagine it happening any other way.

We waited and that way we were both ready.

No never..... for me it's simple ,either he wants to marry me or he doesn't, not to mention the fact that I would never want to marry someone that i had to give an ultimatum too.It wouldn't feel very good or sincere to me, and i know i deserve better than that.I'd rather have it come from his heart and be his decision, and not because i forced him into making a life altering choice.

ThePerfectScore I agree

My husband was ready to get married long before we got engaged. I was the one that was afraid. He never pressured me, but definitely made it known that he wanted to get married. Eventually I decided to just ignore my fear and asked him.

I feel like this is a breeding ground for resentment. I know someone in this situation and I honestly don't think they will last. It's a wonder that 50% of marriages end in divorce.*

*insert sarcasm

I wouldn't force someone to marry me, but if I'm with that person for years and they still can't decide, that's it. I'm outta there. I'm not about wasting time wanting something that will never happen. it won't be an ultimatum- I'll just tell him how I feel and then leave.

I can see why women do this, but I don't think I could. How could you start a life with someone knowing that you forced them into a commitment they weren't sure of? I think I would always wonder if he really wanted to be married to me or if I had forced him. Oh and my boyfriend's ex tried this and it backfired pretty badly for her! Good for me though

A very good friend of mine recently gave her man a "move in" ultimatum, and it totally backfired. He told her it was over.

It makes me sad that so many people are settling, or just living with unhappy situations instead of making them better or changing the things they don't like.

Thankfully I've never had this problem... My boyfriend is totally ready to be married, I'm the one who wants to wait a while, haha. But, not forever. However, I would never give an ultimatum and I also would never wait for someone to just decide when they want to get married to me. Personally, I think someone knows within a year or so if they want to marry someone or not... this whole six, seven year stuff and people are STILL waiting to get proposed to, or haven't even had the conversation, it's just your fault for staying in the relationship if that's not what you want. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

I think it's ok to ask someone what his or her intentions are, but I don't think it's a good idea to threaten to leave if their intentions are different from yours. Once you know where they're at, let him or her know how you feel about it and then decide what you need to be happy...

I did it and we've been happily married for almost 6 years. Each relationship has it's own way it works, and every relationship has it's own circumstances...
My husband was going back for his senior year of college (in Missouri) and I was staying in Seattle getting a job because I had just graduated. I told him that by the end of the summer he had to make a choice to get engaged or break up. It was only fair to both of us. I didn't want to have a long distance thing and I wanted him to have fun his senior year of college. What's the point of a long distance thing (he lived in IL too so it wasn't like he'd be coming back to Seattle on his own) if there was no future.
In the "end" it all worked out. By the end of the summer he wanted to get married so we got engaged. We decided to have a very long engagement so that after he graduated, if we had grown too far apart, we'd still have the option to call it all off.

I've never given one. Don't think I would either. I was given one by my boyfriend in college though. We broke up--I was way too young to get married.

Give an ultimatum, no. Do the proposing myself, hell yes. My mother was the one to take charge in her relationship with my dad -- she asked him out on their first date, and she proposed marraige to him -- and it worked out well. Who says women have to wait around for a proposal?

I used to think that I would. Before I ever had a boyfriend I thought that somewhere between the 2 to 4 year mark there should be a proposal or no more relationship. Now that I have a boyfriend I feel differently. I feel like marriage is not such a big deal. Sure I'd love to get married someday but at the end of the day shouldn't it just be the difference between a piece of paper.

I don't see it as "forcing" someone to marry you..If you've been in a relationship with someone for 3+ years and you're ready to get married there is nothing wrong with asking him where the relationship is headed..why waste 3 years of your life with someone who doesn't want the same things as you..

I'm in this position right now. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years knows how I feel. He says if he's going to marry anyone, it will be me. Then he tells me to stop saying "If" and say "When" because he is going to marry me, he just doesn't know when. He does not want to get engaged yet. I'm not far off 30, and have two children from a previous relationship. We don't live together. I'm not getting any younger, and he's a good bit older than me. Neither of us have been married before. I hear younger girls chattering about their upcoming weddings, all the trimmings. I don't care about a "big" day. They don't seem to realise that after a wedding comes a marriage, a lifetime commitment. I don't care about the wedding day, I want marriage, the commitment. He takes me to look at an accquaintance's wedding photos. He tells her "Wow" as he gazes at the pictures, and it's like a knife in my heart. He knows I want marriage, and I feel he's rubbing my face in it. But of course he's not. But that is what it does to you. It makes you question things, makes you doubt yourself, doubt your self worth.

I refuse to give him an ultimatum. It's not fair to either of us, and will go one of two ways. He'd either choose to leave or he'd marry me but if he married me it wouldn't be because he wanted to but because he felt he had to, and that's no way to begin a marriage.

I never wanted marriage before him, and yes it hurts. I can barely take the heartbreak, but I can't leave him either, he's the only person I have ever seen myself spending a lifetime with.

Sad but true, I don't know whether this relationship is hurting me more than it's making me happy. I'm at a cross roads and I have been there for months.

But I won't give him an ultimatum. It's my issue, not his. Giving an ultimatum is cruel and I won't be cruel to the person I love. I'll just wait it out a little longer and hope one day the question will come. Until then I have to deal with my feelings, and put them in a little box, as much as it hurts me.

Totally, I was with my boyfriend for two years, living together for a year when I told him that if by the end of that year he didn't bring up marriage himself I was going to believe I was not "it" for him and everything was going to end. December 27th of 2006 he proposed. January 11th, 2008 we got married and we are happily going to celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary in 2 months. Some people see it as an ultimatum, however, I see it as me expressing what I felt and not giving into anything less. I did not want to be one of those girls that has a forever boyfriend. At first the idea was scary to him since he was 24 but now he tells me all the time that I helped him to figure out what he really wanted but was too inmature to admit to it himself. He is now 27 and I am 25 and we wouldn't have our lives any other way. If a couple doesn't get married at the begining of the relationship there is no point later on, everything gets harder as time passes. If it's meant to be make it legal! If your boyfriend needs that extra push, push away!!! Hope this helps!