You have to stop coveting the happiness of others and spend that time making an active effort to change the things you dont like. Diets and exercise dont work when the person isnt completely motivated. Nothing worth having comes easy. Prepare yourself to work hard, and then get to it.

I'd rather not look at things like that, You don't need someone to be happy. It's better when you feel good when you're with someone and feel just as good when you're single. Relationships are not the be all and end all. Take care of you, that's the key to your happiness. Not someone else.

I know it sucks when everyone else around you seems happy but you really need to be happy with yourself. Some of the most gorgeous people have problems with men so don't feel like your the only one. You know your not happy with your weight and that transcends into other areas of your life meaning other people can probably sense that your not happy for some reason. You feel like your out of shape so it's time to stop making excuses and get to work. Don't wait for the New Year don't wait for monday START NOW. Trust me I promise you as soon as you drop 10 lbs you'll feel so much better about yourself already. You may also want to consider going for a different type of man since your type so far seems to be immature. You won't be happy with anyone unless your happy with yourself!

its so cliche but its true that if you aren't happy with yourself you won't be happy with anyone else. you're not getting good men because you don't think you should! if your weight really bothers you then do something about it! don't be discouraged because of past attempts. join a gym and get a personal trainer! they can help you out with some good workouts to target what you are looking for, and they can also help you with diet tips! working on what you perceive as your problem will help boost your confidence! then try going out more- if your friends all have bfs, do some group activities with them and the bf's friends- maybe they have some cute friends they can introduce you to! good luck!

The holidays are rough when you feel alone and are depressed. I hope you are talking to a professional 1) if it is serious or 2) if you feel comfortable and have insurance (just to check in with someone). Can you take this time to do things you have always been interested in, but haven't done? Can you take this time to grow? If so regiment a detailed schedule for yourself to accomplish personal goals or at least take baby steps towards them. Then stick to that schedule to see what you accomplish. Do this daily as a crutch if you need it to get you through your dark time.

Can you find some single friends? I'm serious. I was extremely happy when I was single, but that's because I had a supportive group of mostly-single girlfriends. Now most of us have boyfriends, so it worked out pretty well. But I'd suggest enrolling in some classes or joining groups NOT to meet men, but to meet fellow single girls.

I don't think your problem is your weight-- it's not having single girlfriends! But why not do something active and meet new friends at the same time?

Sometimes I'm too depressed to even make the first step, though. If the depression and loneliness get really awful, you may be suffering from SAD (it's real, I have it bad!) or clinical depression. See a psychiatrist/ counselor.

I can relate to what you sayin I've been single for 2.5yrs and I won't say that at time I feel lonely because I do. But these r the times to do stuff you can't do when you in a relationship. Join a gym, go out for walks, try eatin healthy..trust me it works I lost 20lbs, but you have to be mentally prepare to endure all the hard work. Trust me after you see that your clother fit you will feel happier w/ yourself. Spend time w/ family and your friends boyfriends friends that can be very motivatin...well best of luck and remember you gotta love yourself before you can share that feelin w/ anyone else..so start by lookin at yourself in a mirror and lovin who you are

I can relate to what you sayin I've been single for 2.5yrs and I won't say that at times I don't feel lonely because I do. But these r the times to do stuff you can't do when you in a relationship. Join a gym, go out for walks, try eatin healthy..trust me it works I lost 20lbs, but you have to be mentally prepare to endure all the hard work. Trust me after you see that your clother fit you will feel happier w/ yourself. Spend time w/ family and your friends boyfriends friends that can be very motivatin...well best of luck and remember you gotta love yourself before you can share that feelin w/ anyone else..so start by lookin at yourself in a mirror and lovin who you are

I can relate to what you sayin I've been single for 2.5yrs and I won't say that at times I don't feel lonely because I do. But these r the times to do stuff you can't do when you in a relationship. Join a gym, go out for walks, try eatin healthy..trust me it works I lost 20lbs, but you have to be mentally prepare to endure all the hard work. Trust me after you see that your clother fit you will feel happier w/ yourself. Spend time w/ family and your friends boyfriends friends that can be very motivatin...well best of luck and remember you gotta love yourself before you can share that feelin w/ anyone else..so start by lookin at yourself in a mirror and start lovin who you are..and start now,not tomorre or next week,now is the best time...good luck

If this sadness is affecting your whole life, go to a doctor/psychiatrist or therapist. If it's really that bad, it's bigger than just not having a man and having weight problems. Those might be the result, not the cause.

Being the always single friend myself you really just need to learn to except it and live your life. Think of it this way- you can do whatever you want. You dont have to answer to some boyfriend who wants to hang out or is wondering where you are. You can live for yourself. Dont depend on a guy to make you happy.

In terms of weight affecting your dating dont even worry about it. Fat girls get boyfriends too! If you really want to lose weight then do it for yourself and not to get a guy. I dropped 20lbs my freshman year for myself and also thinking that I would get more attention because I wasnt "fat" anymore. The only thing that changed was my pant size. I didnt all of sudden had a boyfriend because I was slimmer. IF you want to lose weight for yourself then STOP DIETING!!! Weight loss comes from living a healthy lifestyle Dieting is temporary and often unhealthy. You need to change your living habits to truly lose weight

Well.....I hate to sound like a beeeyotch-but get over yourself. Maybe I'm a little cooky-but I love being single/being alone/spending time for ME. I've been in relationships and the whole "We" attitude doesn't work for me. It seems to me like you are seeing things as the grass is greener on the other side. When really you don't need to change your shape or lifestyle to fit your friends. You are who you are, and you better start appreciating it before you lose it!

I partially agree with Courtney, I have been single and attached. It's great to be single and have ME time but sometimes that can even get a little suffocating. It's a constant battle isn't it? dealing with weight issues. I have been 250 pounds and 120 pounds. I feel like I literally battle everyday with my body. You can lie and say it doesn't bother you and you love yourself but insecurities become us. I learned to love myself and accept my body. My main goal is to now nourish it instead of constantly thinking about what I see in magazines. The bad part about dating when you're overweight is that you deal with insecurities. You can tell from your post that you're so insecure it's taking hold of your life. So if you do happen to find someone you might find someone who wants to take control of those insecurities and abuse it.

That's why you have to learn to be at peace with your body. Never say there isn't a solution to the weight problem because there always is! have you even checked your thyroid to make sure that's not a problem? If not it might just be you have to bust your ass to lose those pounds. Working out is hard to start doing but once you do it you'll see the results and it will release chemicals in your brain that relieve depression. It's a wonderful thing that is also a pain in the ass. Also, it sounds so typical but you have to learn the right way to eat. I cut out soda and lost 100+ pounds and I alway said "I can't lose weight, It doesn't work for me..." but now I see the error of my ways.

We have to look at ourselves and be honest. I also think you need to see a therapist because it helps so much to express your feelings to someone else. If you ever want someone to talk to I'm just an email away.

Do you think it's possible that you choose substandard men because you think it's all you deserve?

Let me tell you a story - I had a boyfriend for almost 2 years, who was a total jerk. Not horrible, not abusive, just distant and not always nice. After we broke up, I was SUPER depressed, and I realized that I was, at best, number 2 on his list. All of my friends were married or in serious relationships, and so I was number 2 on their lists also, and I had been trying so hard to make this distant JERK happy, that I had been putting myself number 2 on my OWN list as well, so I wasn't number 1 on anyone's list. I wasn't even number 1 on MY OWN list. That was a horrible feeling. I started really making myself and my own happiness my first priority, and I started meeting nice guys, because I realized I deserved better than all the morons I previously thought I deserved. I didn't think I deserved the good guys, and the nice guys, and the fun guys - the guys that every woman wants. The minute I realized that I wasn't going to be happy with anyone less than that, I found that I was happier alone than with a loser, I realized it was great to have time to myself to work on the things in my life that I wasn't happy about, and then *poof* Mr. Wonderful came into my life.

In terms of feeling unhappy about your body and feeling depressed, they are often linked. The way you eat and exercise affects your waistline and mood.

I started reading Dr. Oz's book - You: On a Diet, and I think it's awesome. Did you know that something like %95 of your serotonin is in your gut????? The way you eat affects your whole life.

Make yourself Number 1, and read the book - I swear, it will make you feel more empowered and better, and then before you know it, you will feel awesome and you won't want to waste time with any men who aren't awesome. Good Luck.

As odd as this sounds, be happy you are alone. its good for you! Think of how much time you have to take care of yourself right now. You can spend this time getting to know yourself. Don't worry about your weight, worry about your health inside an out, physical and mental. Start taking walks every afternoon, it will give you time to think to yourself, and work your body otu at the same time. Maybe take up Yoga. Just get out, enjoy the life youhave and be the happiest you that you can be.

Actually I'm in the same situation. I've been lacking in life's everyday challenges. I have very few friends and currently single. You Do have to try hard at letting the negative thoughts get behind you and put forth more effort. Stay strong...!

I totally identify with what you are saying, I am 20 and I live with two girls with boyfriends, and my other friends live with their boyfriends, and I haven't even been on a date in nearly 3 years. And I also struggle with my weight, so earlier in the year, around August, I really committed to a lifestyle diet/work out routine and dropped some weight, and I started to act differently and guys looked at me differently, but I still wasn't happy, once I was ok with my weight, I was still upset that I was single and went on to blaming my single-dom on other factors such as how pale I am, or my haircut... so for me it is an endless cycle and I think that being happy with yourself shouldn't have anything to do with whether you're attached or thin... it should come from within, I wish I could give you better advice, but the only thing I can say is that don't just lose weight to get the man you think you deserve because you might be disappointed when you don't!

that's kind of funny- i'm actually about to break up with my bf of one year and a half because i miss the independance of being single so much. i miss my girlfriends, the dates, the excitement and the flirting that comes with being single. i'm 20 and i think i'm just not ready to settle down with anyone, even tho i think my bf is one of the greatest ppl there is. i know some people my age are already married and stuff but i feel totally suffocated by the idea that i'm "settled" with someone and missing out on all the fun that comes with being in college and tasting my last years of freedom from responsibility. sad but true.

hi
dont deperssed life is better with others

I've been there. You're not alone because you think that you are fat. Guys want someone who is comfortable with themselves and wants to have fun and have a laugh no matter what size she is. I know you are probably down because you don't have a guy to make you feel loved right now, but maybe you should start working on yourself and doing things to boost your self-esteem, and then start going out with your friends and their boyfriends, and see if you can meet up with some of their single friends. If you're happy and confident then, the guys will see that and love it

i have to say that i have had a very similar problem. i met the love of my life.. and it didn't go away. it just created problems not only for ME but for US which also caused stressed at work and with our own families. I am lucky enough to have a great job where you can actually go and speak to a counselor for free and then you have up to so many sessions with someone else that the counselor advises. i did however decide to try anti-depressants which is NOT for everyone. it worked amazingly for me though and since i felt so great while taking it i knew that once i was ready to come off of it i had to maintain that constant structure of feeling good. it's hard, but i did it! i think that before you find anyone you need to make yourself happy. if i was ever single again, i would cherish my time to myself and get to know myself. i watched an episode of oprah about a woman that said when she was single again she would go get her favorite foods and go see movies and do tons of things alone.. because you don't know how much you truly think during that time and get to know yourself. i think you should try to make it a positive thing because i am sure that you are just a short time away from the true happiness you deserve.

I was single for 14 years. In that 14 year period I gained a lot of weight (over 40 lbs) to keep men away, purposely- I was obviously not right in the head to do it that way-;). I raised 2 children alone, not a thing from their dad, nothing. I'm self-employed and I have a mortgage and it was not easy. Looking back, I don't know how I did it. I never borrowed money, either. Then, after all that time, I began to feel a change coming...no other way to put it...the phone rang and an old friend/lover was calling and available after 14 years in a complicated, sad relationship. We were married last year -and- if I can get there from where I was, then anything -and I mean anything- is possible. Please watch the movie, "The Secret", extremely important to all of us, especially those who have ever felt sad and hopeless. I wish you all the happiness and hopefulness there is in this world. It's there for you, the universal guarantee.

Don't really have anything to add except to say that i really love you Sugars! You all are such a compassionate group of women and reading through these posts has been inspirational.

I hope this poster feels the love like i do!

I recomend the book "Mama Gena's School of the Womanly Arts." With a helthy side of therapy of course.

It is so much better for you to focus on yourself and learn to love yourself before being in a relationship. Otherwise you will just end up hurt and taken advantage of.

Use this time to change yourself so you are happy as a person. It's not going to be easy, it will be hard work, but if you are serious and dedicated you can do it! I think once you find an exercise routine and diet that you enjoy and doesn't feel like work so much, keep up with it. When you start seeing just a little of results it can be the best feeling in the world and the best motivator.

Stop worrying about what your friends have. Like they always say the grass ISN'T always greener on the other side! They are not going to sit and tell you all the sucky crap about their relationships.

Good luck and don't forget we're all here when you need someone to talk to!

it's really funny (not ha ha funny but ironic) that today's post is about this b/c i have been feeling the exact same way. i relate to a lot of things that the others have said and hope that one day these feelings will just be something you/i have been through.

most people in my life (the few i've shared my feelings with) are telling me to just 'get over it' and 'grow up,' but it's not that easy. it's hard to get motivated when you feel the way you do and even if you try to 'get over it,' 'it' always comes back around. my advice is to just take one step at a time. do something that makes you feel good and good about yourself. mine is working out (i just started back). maybe for you it's making a new friend or reaching out to old friends. maybe it IS seeking help. maybe it's something much simpler than that. just realize that you're not alone in these feelings...a lot of people go through it. and if you want to talk, you can send me a message on here. it's always nice to have someone to relate to, even if you don't actually know that person. *hug*

I agree completely with everything kristinh1012 said. Get yourself happy FIRST, then get out there in the dating world. Who cares if your friends all have boyfriends? If they are true friends, then they would never put their boyfriends before you anyway.

Also, please remeber that a boyfriend/significant other doesn't always equal happiness.

Join a Gym, get a personal trainer, meet new people. Feel better about yourself!!

There is no magic formula for being happy, but there is something about the company of others who are in your same boat weight wise.

don't worry about being alone...I've found that when you're not looking for anyone, they pop out of the clear, blue sky. So stop looking and take care of yourself.

I know it's cliche to say "go to the gym" or "workout".....I would say yeah, that works, but take a CLASS. I went once to the gym (and once only, lol) and passed by this cardio-kickboxing class that was about to begin. So I sneaked in (haha) and did the workout, which lasted about 45 mins, and holy hell! It was the workout of my LIFE! (I sucked, 80 yr old ladies were kickin my ass, but it was fun.) I went JUST TO THE CLASS once a week and felt great.

once a week...that's all it takes. ease into it wth baby steps. and is your mom around? be with your mom...I can't stress that enough. even if u dont get along with her, shove the bullsh*t aside and allow her company into your life. She knows you better than EVERYONE and loves you UNCONDITIONALLY. good luck.

About 3 years ago I was feeling the exact same way. Most of my friends had bfs and my very few single friends weren't the type to actively go out and meet guys which really frustrated me. I felt really alone.

The turning point for me was not in who I hung out with, or where I hung out, or changing how I looked. The turning point was when my best friend who lived thousands of miles away gave me an email that I remember to this very day. In summary, she said to STOP trying so hard to find a guy and just focus on living your life. STOP hating yourself, STOP hating/being jealous of other people, STOP STOP STOP.

You should BEGIN to set goals for yourself and take steps to acheive them. I know that you really are trying, and I'm not trying to overlook that at all. But if this makes any sense at all, I feel you need to try not because you want to look good for other people but because you want to look good for YOURSELF.

Some girls think they need to push themselves to please guys and look hot, etc. Please don't be that insecure girl. You need to focus on self-improvement and you'll meet that special guy because he will be so amazed at how independent, strong, healthy, and compassionate you know you are. And when you really come into yourself, you will stray away from those immature guys because you will know you are better than that. Believe me it will happen.

FYI - Diets don't work. You need to change your eating lifestyle and exercise regularly. There are no quick fixes for anything. You can do it!

i think i was speaking too generally before about "achieving goals"...i know it might have sounded really not helpful...

but for example, if you want to take a pilates class (i recommend pilates because it's easy to get into), dont sign up for one session, sign up for a whole 10-wk class, etc. set that GOAL of sticking to a workout regimen, and dont back out for any reason. Then if you like it, take the next step and explore other types of pilates, explore other gyms, maybe get a personal trainer or talk to the gym staff. Then maybe add a class of cardio. Get involved as much as you can and dont stop doing something greater and greater for yourself.

another example, if you feel emotionally drained, maybe you can find ways to reconnect with old friends. think of different things you can do. people/relationships dont change overnight and please dont expect them to...but maybe if you ask your friends for a girls night out once a month, it'll be something good for you. it might not even be for the purpose of going out and meeting guys, it might just be a dinner or something, but the mission is not to meet guys persay but to feel loved by your friends.

You're not depressed because you're alone. You're alone because you're depressed. You attract what you put out. Remember that.

You can't depend on other people to make you happy, it never works. You have to make yourself happy, and then you can find someone to compliment that.

from experience and being clinically depressed since i was 13.... you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. If your weight is bothering you then that is something you need to try and fix. crash diets arent everything. you need to WANT to do it and once you start exercising and losing the weight you'll feel a million times better! I used weight watchers and it helped me a lot... it helps with portion control and tracking your exercise and eating habits cheapest is to do it online but if you need the meetings and the support i suggest you do that. Once you feel good about yourself you wont even care that your alone and im sure when your not expecting it someone will come along. But like rockandrepublic said... you don't need to be with someone to be happy. you just need to love yourself and do what you want to do!
Good luck!

DearSugar's advice was good. If you don't like yourself, you're not going to attract anyone who likes you! It sounds like you've settled for loser dudes—and if that's all you think you deserve, that's what you're gonna get. You deserve better—and it's not about luck, it's about having good standards and only dating people who treat you with respect and kindness.

I also think that being single is wayyyyyy underrated. It gives you the chance to get to know yourself better. Take a class about something you've always wanted to learn about. Start that project you've been dreaming about. And go to the movies by yourself. I do this all the time, and I think it might help you see that yep, you can take yourself on a "date" and have a good time.

Finally, being fat doesn't make you unlovable. You need to internalize that and believe it. Trust me, I have many friends who are fat—not just "plump" but fat—and they are beautiful and happy and very much loved by their husbands and boyfriends. The thing they have in common is that they accepted their size, stopped worrying about being thin (which was impossible for them anyway) and started living life the way they wanted to live it. Don't buy into the BS that says that only thin people are lovable.

had a son jan24 of 2008 and he passed away due to an incompetent cervix i was 17 at the time and i was in love with a 25 year old man named richie who i thought was the love of my life! i have always been depressed as far back as i can remember i remember being 3 years old and wanted to just go away from everything in my life (i wanted to die) i had many problems in my family growing up and i was physically and mentally abused by my parents even though i dont think they realized it i have 4 sister and i dont feel like i got enough attention. i was raped at 13 years old and then at 14 i had a boyfriend who said he loved me and i had sex with him i told him i was a virgin becuase i was afraid to tell him what really happened. i was played by him. he made a bet with his friends that he would get in my pants and he called me after we had sex and broke up with me he called me a ***** and broke my heart i then slept with another guy aday after because he said he wanted to love me and show me how i should really be treated and i was only 14 and i was naive i was young and tupid and i was looking for love in the wrong places i have been with many men and i was looking for love i was dating one guy on and off for 3 years and he wa cheating on me the whole time but i didnt want to believe it! i cheated on him too because i wasnt getting enough love from him but i wass afraid to lose him because he was tho only thing close to stable i had in my life at the time he always told me he loved me and that he didnt wanna lkeave me and i was so stupid trying to look for love! i broke up with him to date richie and i was with him for a few months before i got pregnant my 1st time! he wanted me to get an abortion and i am against that he broke up with me and told me he wanted to only sleep with me but he didnt wanna see me because he didnt want his family to know i was pregnant! i went into labor early at 21 weeks and was in the hospital for a week untill i had my son early and he passed away the father richie didnt talk to me much about that and me and my mother went to his moms house and told his father wat really was going on. richie was cheatin on me with another woman who he is now engaged with and has another baby who passed away becauze he suffocated in the bed with him. i had my heart broken by him and i lost a baby. i dropped out of school because i was too depressed to face any one. i will always have an incompetent cervix and it will be hard next time i get pregnant. i will be on bedrest for 6 months out of the 9. i have gained much too much weight from my depresion and i am obese now. i used to look good and now i have stretch marks and a nasty stomach from having a baby that i dont even have with me anymore and it is so hard for me to lose weight i need help with that. i am 19 years old now and i live with my new fiance. he wants a baby and i do too but i want to lose 80 lbs atleast and be happy! i stopped taking my depression medicine about 8 months ago and i dont see a difference my medicine didnt help me and i dont know wat to do! im afraid i wont even be able to take care of my baby wen i finally have one i dont want to be so fat and my fiance isnt helping me he is always working and he doesnt want me to get a exercise bike because of wat it will look like in the house and the room itll take up and i think he needs to sacrifice that for my health! he isnt helping me i sit in the house 24/7 literally i never leave i have no friends and i am lonely and depressed i want help and someone to push me and help me! it isnt gonna be him and i dont know anyone around here! please help me anyone i need to lose weight. i used to weigh 150 and now i weigh 125 and i am so depresssed i need to lose about 100 lbs to be healthy and normal! thank you for listening amanda email me if you can help babydaniel124@yahoo.com