Not only do you need to end this affair you need to head into counseling like yesterday to find out what is wrong in your marriage or you that you would start something with someone you work with. I would also suggest you find another job since you can't seem to handle ending this so called relationship and move on as you both have agreed to do.

Your husband doesn't deserve to be cheated on. Your being selfish and if I had to bet, your lover was the one who suggested that he needs to stay for the kids. Your foolish and probably ruined your marriage for nothing. You need to decide who you want and if it's your husband, you need to be honest and give him the choice on whether he wants to still be with you. Good luck

This is just baaad. You aren't doing any favours to your kids or your husband by staying in a marriage you don't want. You need to choose and stick to that decision. Either your husband, or this other guy. You said that he doesn't want to leave his family, so what do you think would happen if you told him that you were leaving your husband for him?? Would he do the same?? If there is any doubt in your head, end it. You'll end up losing both.

I don't know why people get married if they are going to cheat. It's just selfish and totally wrong.

you and this dude you are with make me sick - you are ill

Wow- you need to either stop the affair (if your marriage is really troubled enough in where you had to seek an affair) or you need to go admit this to you husband and deal with the reprocussions of trying to fix this. Dont you feel bad for your huusband and kids at all? It seems like you dont even care and almost that they are maybe possibly even getting in the way of you having your way with your affair man. How would you feel if this was your husband and the situation was flipped? ouch.

oh girly. im sorry you are in this situwation. i dont know what to tell you but to move on and you will forget soon. well wishes to you. : )

End your affair. That is so messed up. What did you think the answer was going to be? "oh, well if you want to be with him all the time, you should be! You should ignore your marriage vows and not give your husband the respect that you owe him!"
Get a divorce or end your affair.

oh, and go to counseling please. really good idea.

MARRIAGE COUNSELING.

That is all I'm going to say because I constantly see post like this on this website. Usually we seek affairs when something went wrong in the marriage. You fell in love with your partner and married him for a reason. You wouldn't marry someone you don't love. Try to find out how to rekindle that feeling and get both your butts into marriage counseling. Confess to your husband first.

you need to decide either end the affair, confess to your husband take counseling or break up your marriage and take your kids to counseling when they are old enough to understand. I despise cheaters. Your husband doesn't deserves this and neither do your kids. Whatever you decide you need to confess to your husband.!!

Either end the affair or end you marriage, and tell your husband in either case. It's completely unfair to him to have a cheating wife, and kids aren't as dumb as we'd like them to be sometimes. They pick up on loads of things, and your actions now could be setting them on a negative track with their future love lives.
You need to take responsibility for your actions now, and accept the consequences.

i completely agree with Random..

do you realize what sort of an impact you are having on your children? do you care? part of being a parent is being a good role model to your children, which in turn affects how they function in adulthood..i can not understand how you sleep at night and justify this behavior to husband and children (and to yourself).

You've both already decided you're not leaving your marriages, so that should be that. End of affair. Then use all that energy you've been putting into your affair and direct it into your husband and kids - because they all deserve better than having a wife and mother who's distracted and running around with someone else. Find a new job, because you won't be able to work with this guy, and get counseling.

How many of these posts are there going to be about "I am having an affair". Seriously, we all offer the same advice...End the affair! You know it's not right, why do it! You are an adult, you can control your actions, no one has a gun to your head telling you to cheat, end it with the "other man" or end it with your husband.

If i were you i would be ashamed of myself for breaking my marriage vows. I am 17 and have along time till i get married and i dont know much about how marriage is, but i do know that what you are doing is wrong. Either you end the affair, or you get a divorce. It is easier for kids to handle a divorce when they are younger. If you wait till they are older they will realize why you are getting a divorce (for another man) and they will most likely be very mad at you for ruining their happy lives with both parents. If you decide to end your affair you still need to tell your husband. He has every right to know what you did, and he needs to decide if he still wants to be with you. If the situation was flipped, you would be heartbroken and would probably leave your husband, so do not be suprised if he leaves you. I also highly doubt this other man will leave his family for you, so you could end up with nothing.

I wouldn't say "end your marriage" but the first thing on your priority list should be to end your affair. If you are truly meant to be with this guy then it can wait until you are divorced from your husband and are both honest with each other. Maybe you need to take some time for yourself and figure out why you did this in the first place. Is the sex in your marriage not good enough? Do you not receive as much attention as you would like? I think the best thing you could do for YOURSELF at this time would be to take a vacation by yourself or maybe with a girlfriend and truly THINK about what you are doing with your life. THen when you come back, tell your husband you think it would be a good idea that you entered marriage counseling (if you want to save your marriage) or if not then tell him you need some time to see what it is like to be apart. Good luck.

counseling is for weenies...it only makes things worse. You've already DONE that.

"I can't seem to get him out of my head — I miss him when I don't see him and if I don't hear from him. We try to text or phone each other everyday but that isn't enough, I want to be with him all the time. Please help, what should I do?"

HOW DARE U ASK PEOPLE TO HELP YOU CHEAT on your husband?? could u be anymore selfish? break the affair, quit your job and find an ALL-WOMAN job. Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. At least if u cheat on your husband with a woman, he might actually enjoy THAT. poor guy.

I HAVE NO SYMPATHY FOR U.

Grow the f*** up!

Another run of the mill "I am cheating" post... really? You are staying because of your children? What a "sacrifice" on your part (rolls eyes) or is that what he said to make you believe he is not leaving his partner because of the children? -- trust, the scum is not leaving his wife not because of the kids being so little but because he still loves his wife and you are the piece on the side. Btw, let your "partner" as you call him go on to find someone who respects her relationship as well as that of others ... he deserves better. I believe in once a cheat always a cheat and you and your lover belong together -- that is with you being forever his side piece.

This Guy is obviously not going to leave his wife. So just break it off. Tell your husband what you have done if he decides to work on the marriage and as do you that's great but if you have fallen out of love there is no good way to apologize for what you've done so just ask for the divorce and move on with your life.

Sometimes people cheat, because for some reason they find themselves feeling the strain of marriage, or that they aren’t getting what they need from their partner, and sometimes it’s just because it is so thrilling and naughty. It feels good to be sneaky sometimes, and with cheating its even better because there is someone there with you telling you exactly what you want to hear “I love you, you are so sexy, I want you all the time, if I were your husband I wouldn’t treat you that way” But the fact is, is that its both unfair to your husband, but its unfair to yourself and the person you are with, and their family if they have one. Relationships that start out in such agonizing stress and lust and guilt never ever have a chance to work out no matter how “perfect” you seem to each other. Under the covers alone in a hotel, you both might see the future in a hazy dream just out of your grasp , but its not realistic. You both have spouses, children, parents, friends, that come with the “perfection”. Once you get there, you might realize that you weren’t thinking straight, or that you didn’t allow your husband to even give you what you wanted and there you will be, that cheating woman who broke up two families because she “fell in love” with an ideal.

Break it off, forgive yourself. Seek help if that’s an option. Do not tell your husband, I know that sounds strange, but why lay that on his lap when you should be the only one to carry that burden not him. Its your guilt not his.

I have been there. Life and love is not simple. A lot of the comments here are reflective of individual issues with monogamy. Judgemental attitudes are simplistic.
Affairs are exciting. They rarely ever work out though. Follow your heart. Good luck.

Being unfaithful is just a bad idea. I know.....it happens. BUT it shouldn't. If you are lacking so much in your marriage you have to have an affair, LEAVE. Don't leave because you fell in love with someone else. Leave because your marriage obviously isn't working and you aren't trying to make it work when your playing lovey dovey with some other man. SO be a real woman and cut your boyfriend/husband lose and figure yourself out. Leave that man alone. Don't be a home wrecker. If he's going to ruin his family let him do it himself, do you want that on your conscience? I wouldn't

I don't agree with your actions, but there's no point in condemning you. (Everyone else has done it for me!)

So think ahead to 3-4 years - what if you DO decide to leave your husband and kids and get with this other man and he leaves his family for you? Do you really think the passion and excitement is going to last that long?

Do you think that you won't have any fights with him about keeping the toliet seat down or whose family you're going to visit at Christmas or any of the other mundane things we fight about with our partners all the time?

Realize that he is a human too and not walking sex. The passion will fade and all you will have left is another fallible human who will very probably get bored of you and move on to the next hot affair. Because if he cheated on his first wife, what makes you think he won't do it to you?

Good god almighty, am I sick of this topic.

"however we both have partners and a family to consider"

maybe you should have considered them before you became a cheater

Think of the other woman involved too. Not that it's ALL your fault, but this poor woman may not even know what is going on. Just because he isn't happy, doesn't mean she feels the same way. Now how would you have felt if you thought you were in a loving relationship and then found out your SO cheated. Fix your own problems before you create more for others.

Oh, and telewyo got it right on there. You ever think of your kids before now, or did you just think about getting your rocks off?

sometimes I think these are fake letters, because how could you read this site frequently and not know that if you write a flippant letter like this, you're gonna get told the same thing and it ain't gonna be pretty?

Anyway, you know the answer. deal with your heartbreak, invest yourself in your marriage and children and stop the affair. It's very cruel to his wife.

IMOP, you deserve any stress or heartache this affair is causing you. I hope the father or your children, leaves you, takes the kids, gets full custody, and forces you to pay child support. When you place your own happiness ahead of your children's you get what you deserve.

oops! LoL! SHould've been IMHO!

what should I do? oh, boo-hoo. end the affair, that's what you should do. Nothing is simple, true, but this is one of the few situations in life that is so obviously black-and-white. Wrong any way you look at it. No excuses for anything.

i'm betting half the people who have been so judgmental in these comments have either had affairs, are considering it, or wouldn't turn down the opportunity if it came their way. it's called being human. it's not an excuse, it's a fact. people make mistakes. get off the high horses and have a little compassion.

and i'll just add this: tell your husband. no secret stays secret forever...

Here's an idea: Why don't you take a fraction of the energy you've been putting into lying, cheating, and sneaking around and put it into your relationship with your family, or just your kids if he wises up and leaves you.

And affairs aren't mistakes. Drunken one-night stands are mistakes. People will always be judged by what they do, not who they are. And doing something like this that jeopardizes a stable family for your kids is the lowest of lows.

CatepillarGirl that was beautifully stated.

As for the posters being judgmental.... well I don't think anyone here is saying, "I've never made a mistake." I think we're all saying, "She's doing something that's selfish and hurtful."

Of course we're all human, and if we haven't made this mistake, we've made others. But that doesn't mean we should condone the mistakes we make. They were just that - mistakes - and it's fine to call them that, even if we're guilty as charged.

Good people do bad things. It doesn't make them bad people.

Anyway, to the poster: If you truly want to move on from this person, you have to distance yourself from him. If that means quitting your job, it's a small price to pay in order to keep your family together.

If you find yourself thinking of him, start thinking about something else.

I'm sure it's hard to believe but with time your obsessive thoughts will fade and you will think about him less and less. But that is only if you are truly committed to letting this go. Otherwise you will live in this constant state of longing. That seems really hot and romantic, but as I'm sure you know, it's also very anxiety inducing and unhealthy.

And whether it's for weenies or not, I do think some counseling will help you sort through what you're going through right now.

Good luck.

So many stone casters. It seems that many of you seem to think you're perfect, never made a mistake, or had base thoughts or impulses. LOL

i agree with glowing moon. i mean if your 17 and condemning someone what do you truly know about life. i would say end the affair as it is unfair to both parties and especially with there being kids involved. good luck to you and know that sometimes good people do bad things but it doesnt make you a bad person. learn it. accept it and grow from it.

ON A SIDE NOTE TO THE RESPONDERS DONT CAST STONES UNTIL YOU CAN TRULY WALK IN SOMEONES SHOES. i mean you dont know her and being judgmental towards her is not helping her resolve her issue. look at your own life before you judge someone elses.

I don't know why people keep sending these types of questions and expecting different responses from people.

You're not going to get sympathy from people...believe me, I've both been there, and done that. My only advice to you is, either end the affair or end the marriage. You're not doing either guy a favor. You're going to get caught, and perhaps ruin your marriage forever (and you've already said you're not leaving).

Of course, you do run the risk of losing the affair if you do choose to leave; there's no guarantee that your lover is going to leave his marriage (probably NOT), and then you would be out there all alone--you've already left your marriage and done irreconcilable harm--because you made the decision to leave, and your lover didn't.

If you're really "in love" with your lover, you need to make a decision. Talking to him on the phone and texting him is only going to keep the feeling going, and like I said, you're running a serious risk of getting caught.

As harsh as it sounds, that's the truth of affairs. They're easy to "fall in love with." Most of the time, you don't get the happy ending you're wanting though.

I'm not judging you, because I've been in your shoes. Just realize: no one is going to sympathize with you and tell you what you want to hear.

no one is perfect and I sympathize for you... just make it right before you make things worse. You still have time to fix things with your husband or to leave the unhappy marriage. Find out where your heart really belongs and what will be there in the future. Your kids will be happy if you are and this affair is only causing them problems... even if you think they don't know, kids pick up on lots of little things. Make sure to make yourself happy and then you'll be in a better place in order to help out your kids.

I'll agree with most of the other commenters, end it now. However, I have a couple of different remarks:

I don't think it's fair to "confess" to your husband. Why burden him with your guilt? Would you expect forgiveness and absolution? That's not fair to him, and is likely to damage an otherwise good marriage.

I think counseling is a good idea, but individual counseling, to help you figure out why you did this. I have two kids, so I remember how crazymaking having small kids and a job can be. Nothing is about *you* anymore, it's all about how you can serve others: husband, kids, boss. You get tired of being staff to everyone else. An affair is something you can do (selfishly) just for yourself. Therefore, I suspect this is a temporary phase for you. Why derail your life for this?

Lainetm... "...an otherwise good marriage?" Did you actually read what she wrote? Her marriage is in the toilet, and the only thing keeping her in it is the kids. Telling her husband the truth might be the only way to make it better.

I'm sick of this topic....

YOU DESERVE TO WIND UP ALONE.

I have no sympathy for cheaters who DESTROY families.

ShanaB - just because im 17 it doesnt mean i dont know about life. i have been through things that 30 year old women have never been through. and i even said i dont know much about marriage other than wat i see around me, but when you vow to give yourself to one peron for better or worse, its wrong if you break that promise. if you know something is wrong and you do it anyways over and over again, it is not a mistake.

The situation she is in, is one my moms best friend went through. She has 3 kids with the man she married, she had an affair and fell in love. the other man also had a family. my moms friend decided to leave her husband for the other man, and the guy did not leave his family. she then realized that she did love her husband and wanted to work on their relationship, but it was to late. when her husband found out about the affair he used it aggainst her in court, and got full custody of the kids. Now she only gets to see her kids twice a month for 2 days at a time. She has no husband and no lover. Her children (who are 6, 10, and 12) are so mad at her that when it is time to see her, the 10 and 12 year old do not want to go.

thats what its like in all relationship at first, u proberly felt like that with ur husband when u first started dating. will this really be so different if u end up with the new man? your not just breaking up a family but this is going to affect ur kids their whole lives, they might feel rejected. i think u really need to think long and hard. personally i reckon you should work hard at your marrige, loads of relationships have dry patches but you dont just have your partner and you to think about, there are kids right in the centre. partnerships are hard work u cant give up on them when they get abit tough. you proberly have this passionate affair with the new guy, but will it last?

completyly agree with snookyx, im 18 and age is nothing but a number, just depends on your common sense, stuff you know or go through.

I will proudly state that I have NEVER cheated on someone, am not and have not thought about cheating on someone, nor will I jump at the opportunity to do so if the situation arises. It's called maturity and respect. If you happen to fall out of love, and decide it is time to end that relationship, you do just that. You end it, so that when you get into your next relationship, you have the moral grounding to say what is acceptable to your relationship. And, don't even get me started on marriage vows! What, are we supposed to coddle the poor, guilty, little thing? I think not! Sometimes blunt honesty is the way to go, and is too often over looked for being PC.

Talk to your husband.Tell him every thing about your afair.Let him decide what to do.

I'm jumping back in a little late in the game, but feel the need to add my additional two cents (now up to a ~nickel). When people admonish the poster for her 'mistake' (I have to agree with the other writer; a mistake is a drunken one-night stand, not a passionate affair), we are not being righteous, judgemental people on high-horses. I can bet most of us have been affected by an affair in some way and realize the damaging, lingering effects it has on not just one, or two people, but entire families. The distrust and dishonesty that is fostered are devastating. The stones are thrown both ways, and no one is claiming to be perfect.

I am sorry but you are disgusting. Cheaters make me sick.

Grow up. This little romance and infatuation is for new relationships. You don't complain about your marriage, so I assume it's happy. You can't have your boring old marriage and eat your steamy, fun, new relationship. Marriage is often unexciting, but loving and secure. If you want fun and secure, you'll have to be more creative. Try marriage counseling and regular counseling, and don't expect your husband to be happy about this. Your selfishness, taking more than you deserve when your husband wasn't looking, totally screwed him over. You broke the deal, jerk.