Dear Sugar,

I can't believe I'm going to ask this but I don't have anyone else to ask and I have come to trust your opinions, so here it goes. I am a very happy married young lady and my relationship with my husband is great and so is our sex life, but for the past couple of months he's been wanting to have anal sex — something I've never done before. I must say I am really scared of having sex that way and I don't even know why ( I guess I think that it will hurt) but I also want to satisfy my husband's needs. I happen to feel that being a bit adventurous will never hurt a relationship so I guess what I want to know is is there a way that I could convince my hubby that it won't work or if you can tell me of something to use to not make it so nerve wrenching. — I'm Game Gertrude

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Dear I'm Game Gertrude,

I admire you for wanting to please your husband and keep things interesting in the bedroom, but if you aren't ready to take the plunge, you have every right to speak your mind and decline his fantasy. The thing that makes experimentation so special in a relationship is when both people are on the same page. If you don't have that level of comfort or trust, one person is bound to become either uncomfortable in the middle of the act or resentful for being pushed out of their comfort zone after the fact.

I think you should talk to your husband — let him know how badly you want to please him sexually, but you would like to try to come up with another way to do so. Your husband loves you so if you're just not ready, I'm sure he will understand. Talking out your fears might also calm your nerves about the pain, so if you decide to go through with it, make sure you feel safe, go slow, and if at any time you feel uncomfortable, be sure to tell him to stop. And last but not least Gertrude, don't forget lube! [1] Good luck.

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