Dear Sugar,
I have a guy best friend that I've known for six years. We hooked up a couple weeks ago and he confessed that he's always been attracted to me. Since we were friends for so long, I told him that we couldn't be more. I only said that because I was scared that it would ruin our friendship, but now I'm ready to take things to the next level and he says he doesn't want to. What should I do?
—Ready For Love Lindsay
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Dear Ready For Love Lindsay,
It sounds like your friend's feelings were crushed when you turned him down and that he may not trust that your feelings are genuine since you didn't express them when he first expressed his. He may be holding back from turning your friendship into a deeper relationship because he's worried about getting hurt again.
The best thing to do here is to just be honest. I think you should try and see if this relationship could work out before going back to being friends. It's obvious that you have an attraction towards one another. Explain that you were nervous to move things to a different level, and worried that if things didn't work out you'd lose him as a friend. Tell him that you do have strong feelings for him, and that you can't hold them back anymore. Do all you can to prove that you want this relationship to work out, and since he has feelings for you too, I'm sure he'll change his mind. If he still wants to remain friends, and nothing more, then just be patient. Keep up the friendship, and when the time is right, I'm sure it will spontaneously blossom into more.
Buti
Lanvin
Emilio Pucci
He said you said no, he says no, now you're saying yes. I reckon you should leave him alone at this point.
1Have a talk with him tell him how you feel about the whole thing maybe you two can talk and see where you both stand. I would ony bring it up again because if you don't you will never be settled about this. If he says no again I would leave him alone, just be friends, and respect his wishes!
2Well, he's already said 'no' so what else can you do but...accept it? He may even think you're right, he doesn't want to ruin a good friendship if you guys don't work out as a couple!
I said 'accept it' because I'm guessing that when you approached him the last time (after you felt ready), you'd probably have said to him how you weren't ready, etc, so that he'd understand your previous 'no.'
If you haven't explained then, if you'd like, go for it, explain to him why you said 'no' in the first place, but it's almost like...'begging' him to say 'yes,' there's no guarantee that he'll change his mind at all but if he's worth that, then go for that route.
Be honest with yourself too, are you sure you're really in love with him? Maybe this is more like a reaction after you've found out that he's attracted to you, and he seems like a good catch (after being best friends for so long) and there's no one else around. Your first reaction may have been your honest one, y'know. This aftermath reaction probably is stemmed from your being afraid of being 1) alone 2) losing him altogether as a friend...
Good luck to you!
3Timing is everything, and it sounds like the timing is off. He was ready; you weren't and now vice versa. Not much you can do at the moment if he's saying no. But since you both have had the feelings, you never know what might happen down the road.
Just don't push it.
4leave it alone..it's kinda lost that magic...stay friends, there must have been a reason you didn't "hook up sooner"
5Too little too late, my dear. That stinks, but leave it be for a bit and see what happens!
6If you definitely think you want to take this chance, then don't give up!
Last December my best friend [of 4 years] and I began contemplating our attraction to each other. We would watch tv and cuddle, but we were afraid to move past that. We spent a month apart during winter break. We talked a lot during that month, ended up deciding it was worth the risk, and we hooked up for about a month. It was so nice and felt so right that he got freaked out because he had been telling himself he didn't want a relationship so he broke it off. [He had just gotten out of a relationship of 1+ year]. I told him that I thought he was making a mistake, that we were good for each other, that it was worth the risk. It took about 3 weeks for him to realize that's what he wanted too. He called me and told me he couldn't be afraid of giving me his heart anymore because I already had it.
We've been together for 8 months now. =)
Soo the point of my long, rambling story is: if you're sure you want this, be patient and let him know that you're sure. If he's had feelings for you for a long time, he won't just give them up in a week or two. Good luck!
7I think what you need to do is sit down and have a heart to heart. The exact same thing happened to me. 6 years of friendship to be exact!!!! You need to be upfront and honest with him. You need to tell him everything you feel minus all of the BS. Tell him you were afraid to admit since it was a strong feeling and didn't feel quite right since you guys have been such great friends. Fortunately, for myself.. I told my best guy friend that I didn't want to be his friend anymore and I had enough guy friends.. I WANTED MORE!! He took the bait and it has been two years since we began dating and we are planning on getting married in the future. For you own sake, I think you just need to thoroughly explain yourself. Go for it! You have NOTHING to lose here. You will at least feel great because you decided to express your feelings and hold nothing back. These things are really scary.. especially when you have had the best friends mentality for so many years and then it's like the flick of a switch.. the feeling feels a little bit more like a crush.. and then things get sticky!!! So do yourself the favor of explaining yourself and letting whatever happen.. happen! I did it and I can honestly say it was the best thing I ever did for MYSELF. Good luck to you. It will work out
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