"Even though she may be nervous in social situations, the more time she spends with other people, the more comfortable she'll become."

Not always. My advice would be to invite her out often, but don't pressure her to go.

I suffer from anxiety... and in my opinon some of these tips are helpful...except the one about calling your friend as often as you can... that kind of makes it feel like you think your friend is completely unstable... maybe its just in my experience, but I think it would be a better idea to tell your friend that she is able to call you whenever she needs to.

That's true, k8. Plus one of my anxieties if phone calls. *blush*

I also suffer from anxiety.... and i agree with both K8 & Greggie. a bunch of phone calls is not always the best for an anxiety ridden person.

I suffer from anxiety and if my phone rings too much, I just turn it off entirely and go into hermit mode... I also don't like to be pressured to go out. It can cause me to have a panic attack, which can be very embarassing, and make it even more difficult to want to go out in the future.

I agree with everything said here so far. I suffer from PTSD related anxiety and I shut down when I am pressured to go out, and simply turn off or ignore my phone. I have a few friends right now encouraging me to venture out of my apartment, as I've recently moved, and for the ones who have been too forceful for me to venture out, I've reduced myself to appearing signing in "invisibly" onto Yahoo Messenger just to avoid them. I stopped allowign people to call my phone long ago for this very reason. The amount of times you should call varies differently for each person, but I'd say dont over do it, just call every week or so to show you care, just to talk about BS stuff. Listen, or at least pretend to listen, if they express their anxieties. People with anxiety, who are driven to "hibernating" as my dad called it, and staying home, sometimes feel forgotten and this feeds into depression.

A good idea is to always include them in plans, and not give them a very hard time if they dont make it. Simply dont allow your plans to hinge on or revolve around them to avoid disappointment when things fall through. Sometimes when you offer, it'll be just the right timing, and they'll accept. Other times, it just wont work. Being over protective and over accomodating can sometimes exacerbate the problem, as it is enabling. But constant badgering will only drive them in further. If you are wanting to take them out to help the anxiety, then try to make it as "safe" for them as possible: choose a place where they feel safe (It changes from person to person, for some it may feel better to be somewhere in close proximity to their home or workplace), choose a time and day that they arent jammed with responsibilities, like perhaps a lazy Sunday. Sometimes, but definately not every time, come to their home and visit with them there if you'd like to see them. The more safe and calm they feel with you, the more likely you'll be able to get them to reach out to you if they feel like venturing out of their comfort level.

I suffer from anxiety and I have to agree with a few people here.

I take Xanax for mine because most often there are few people who are able to relax/calm me down. Most of the time a Xanax and trying to lay down is what works best for me.

As far as going out, I used to hate that. People would tell me to try and stay busy and to go out, yet I would get dragged out and it would make the experience 10x worse for me. It was somewhere I didn't want to be, everyone was having fun minus me and all I wanted to do was be home. Trying not to be a party pooper just added more stress to an already stressful situation and I often would get home and would feel worse than I did originally.

If/when I have an anxiety attack I try to just relax in any way I can, go to those "safe" people I know I can rely on and make me feel okay and if not then it's all about my Xanax.

Yeah, immersion-type therapy isn't always the best course of action.

agreed greggie - sometimes an ativan-haven in a quiet room is all the distraction needed. in my experience... im not condoning drug use as a problem solver, but when im experiencing severe enough panic attacks, thats what it takes to calm me down.

Wow I feel so much better. I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and I before I read these comments I felt like I was the only one experiencing the whole "hermit" thing. I have been there with the turning off my phone and becoming invisble on AIM, etc, etc. I have been in therapy for about 5 weeks now and have considered taking xanax...I'm wondering what other people think about it. There are times when I just feel like sitting at home and sometimes I do get nervous in social situations. These suggestions are very very good. I like the one that says "A good idea is to always include them in plans, and not give them a very hard time if they dont make it. Simply dont allow your plans to hinge on or revolve around them to avoid disappointment when things fall through. Sometimes when you offer, it'll be just the right timing, and they'll accept. Other times, it just wont work" (trixie) I COMPLETELY agree with this!!! I am more anxious with my college friends and they ALWAYS give me a hard time when I don't come out which makes me want to hang out with them even less. It's nice to see that other people are going through the same thing as me and that I'm not completely abnormal!

I don't have panic attacks anymore, but that's because I've managed to stop going against my nature. That means that I don't go out unless I'm excited about it. It took a long time for me to be OK with it, but now I just accept that as part of my personality.

I'm a total happy homebody and introvert, and when friends call me to ask if I want to hang out all the time, it just makes me feel awkward and guilty. Like AimeeB says, it's MORE stressful to go out if you don't feel like it. And when I do want to go out, I'm ten times more fun 'cause I'm genuinely excited about it.

i think this is some great advice!

I agree, this is good advice, at least the majority of it. As someone who also suffers from anxiety, it is difficult to explain the effects of it to others who aren't familiar. The part about not hinging plans on someone with anxiety is right on. I've been accused of being "flaky" because I've backed out of plans at the last minute, etc. because I was having a "bad day" or whatever and didn't want to subject myself to a situation that would only worsen things. Luckily, my family and my most important friends understand this and are really great about things when I don't feel like participating. That's what matters most to me- having a healthy group of people to be supportive when things get a little out of sorts.

btw, drugs (including Xanax), alcohol & smoke (marijuana in particular) in the long run can make anxiety much much worst.

I suffer too from panic attacks, what helps me the most in those moments is to concentrate on taking deep breaths and on the feelings I have, analyzing them in this moment distracts and relaxes me

bellasugar I'm with you on that.

It took me a long time as well to be comfortable being who I am. I used to be super outgoing, always on the go so when I went through a hard time and started to become more of a homebody and introvert it was very hard for myself and my friends to adjust.

I lost some friend unfor when this transition happened. I would go out when I was peer pressured into it and be a "drag" to everyone and was constantly being asked "what's wrong..." It was taxing on both myself and my friends.

It also took me awhile to learn to say "no" to my friends about going out. I always felt bad or guilty when I did especially when the previous 3 or 4 times they would of asked I said no then.

I know it's stressful for them since I used to be so very different than I am now, but change happens and it takes time getting used to.

Lucinda Bassett's "From Panic to Power: Proven Techniques to Calm Your Anxieties, Conquer Your Fears, and Put You in Control of Your Life" book is AMAZING!

Think of Xanax like Advil, it is just a very temporary solution that does not address the root of the problem at all!!

I've been diagnosed with panic disorder, which is characterized mainly by panic attacks. I have to take Zoloft and Xanax to keep it under control.

A lot of people with panic and other anxiety disorders typically have agoraphobia, which is a fear of public places. Inviting someone with severe anxiety out all the time is not a good idea if they're agoraphobics! Quiet at-home activities can be very enjoyable for everyone involved and are a safe option if your friend doesn't feel like going out one night. Also, the anxiety doesn't usually have a direct cause. Don't pressure your anxious friend to tell you what's wrong, because chances are, he or she doesn't know.

Basically, just don't pressure your friend, because that just adds on to the anxiety. And, pleaseeee, be patient with them.

@ aimeeb: I agree. My friends always tried to get me to go out and try to be social, but when I just didn't feel like it, I was a huge party pooper. Other times, people would ask me to go out and do things, and I finally learned how to say no, but some people took that as me saying "I don't want to be around you" and they stopped being friends with me.

I think you just have to be supportive and try to empathize with what they're going through. And NOT pressure them to go out or do anything they don't feel like doing. Just remind them of your friendship and how much you love them...and that you're always there for them. That's what I do.

My sister was diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder many years ago...even now, she still has "tough" days. I also have two very close friends who suffer from anxiety and again, I just try to be there for them if they want to talk or vent. I'd do whatever I could for any of them.

I think it's sad when people lose their friends because of this...it's heartbreaking. I guess it just goes to show you who's really a friend and who never was in the first place.

I used to have social anxiety so horribly that I didn't really leave my house for two years. I was petrified to be around other people and I'm not sure why. I took baby steps going out and got my first job in a retail job (bath & body works) my job was to work in zone 1 and greet every person that walked in (LOL!) and it really helped me get over my anxiety. So much that I stopped taking paxil and I'm completely fine two years later. I get times where my anxiety takes over but I talk myself into dealing with it.

My brother on the other hand also has it (Runs in the family) and hasn't left the house in 5 years. He is 25 and has no insurance so he can't even get help. It's devastating to my mom. I wish there was something that could magically fix the problem. If you don't put yourself out there it will never work.

Hey Clareberry's, about the Xanax. While I do not condemn one single person who uses it for anxiety because each person deals with things differently, I would not personally recommend it. For one, it knocks you out flat on your ass, stone cold. I could never stay awake. And its very very addictive. My last psychotherapist told me there were basically horse tranquilizers and gave her opinion that they should not be on the market--or at least not dosed out so strong. Again, do whats best for you, but just take into consideration that not everyone's experience with it comes out a bed of roses. I speak from some personal experience, but so do some other fine folks here who it really helped.

Ugh, I hate talking on the phone. I feel so uncomfortable. I can't do small talk, and I just don't "go with the flow" of the conversation. I do not like to chat on the phone at all. I even use text as a way to avoid it, when I do need to contact someone.

Going out is good, but not in an overwhelming situation. For me, though, I also don't like it being just me and another person, because I feel that discomfort with feeling a need to make sure I have something to say, yet never having anything to say. I worry too much about my part of the conversation. I'd rather two other people who are more social, and I can just talk when it feels comfortable.

Spontaneity is extremely discomforting. I'm always worrying about the things I should be doing instead, or what's going to happen. Plans are good.

Just my two cents on the issue.

I too suffer from Social anxiety disorder a mild form, I try to breathe and relax and take the focus off myself. Breathing really does, nice deep breaths I also talk to my mother because she is really soothing and it helps to talk to someone who has been there and done that.

Great advice.

It's just weird because I used to be SO outgoing in high school, but then went through a bunch of s*** that made me reevaluate a lot of things, including who I was hanging out with. I went from being the social butterfly to the one who is hardly around. I want to find a new group of friends because at times I do feel lonely and all of my friends are in other states at different colleges. I just wish I could go back to the me I was in high school. THanks trixie for the info about the xanax! I am definitely going to continue to go to therapy and work on things NATURALLY. Sometimes it is nice to think of a quick fix, but it's true that it won't solve my problems.

I have anxiety disorder and it is very comforting to read that other people have gone and are going through the same thing. I've been in talk therapy for six months and it has helped tremendously. Also, for me it has helped a lot to go out more and talk to friends more. When my anxiety was at its peak last year, I socially isolated myself. I was also drinking and smoking a a lot to self-medicate. These activities just shot my immune system. I still drink and smoke but to a much lesser degree now.

I think it's better to call people than to have them call you. I used to not even take my cell phone anywhere because I hated talking on it. Now when I'm feeling negative or worried I call someone and it is a great distraction and mood lifter. Plus, people will usually be surprised and really happy to hear from you, so you are brightening their days as well!

I was prescribed Xanax but poured them down the toilet because I was getting addicted to them. I couldn't sleep without them. I can go to sleep fine now because of relaxation breathing techniques and because I mentally calm myself down before I have to sleep. If your friend has addictive tendencies I would say that he/she should try talk therapy first. Some people definitely benefit from prescription meds, no doubt. But for those of use who have problems with substances I would say try not to take any pills like that.

You're right Greggie. Not everyone who has anxiety will benefit from forcing themselves to go out in social situations. It depends on the type of anxiety. Thanks for making that point.

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