::SMACKS YOU ACROSS THE FACE::

Snap out of it, girl. He is done and over with this relationship and you're acting beyond desperate. You would change anything just to be with him? don't you have your own life? that's the biggest turn off to men. He isn't in love with you anymore and is constantly trying to give you more hints (his family is so glad it's over...) to break it off to you. Do yourself a favor and learn from this, stop talking to him...and if he comes crawling back then maybe you'll be available. I certainly hope you aren't since it seems you have more relationships to go through.

the holidays do suck being alone. i say get together with all your single girlfriends and hang out with them. my friends and i do secret santa and we're eachother's dates for holiday parties. also think of all the money you will save by not having to buy a bf a xmas present or worry about what to buy. enjoy the holidays with the people who love you unconditionally - your family and friends and be hopeful for 2008!

Now I understand breaking up is hard, however, as lemassabielle alluded to, you're acting as though his life and his needs trump yours.
Keep in mind this was your first serious relationship. Learn from it and move on. It won't happen over night, but as they say, time heals.
Now cut yourself off from him and live for yourself.

The hardest thing to do is to walk away from someone you love. But the more you are in contact, the harder it is for you.

Take good care of yourself. Get plenty of rest, exercise, eat healthy meals.

You will feel better soon.

I'm sorry, break-ups are so hard. I understand the desperation that makes you feel like you're ready to do ANYTHING to get the person back - but trust me, in a little bit of time, you will be proud that you didn't stoop so low. You need to regain your self-confidence and a fulfilling life without him in the picture. Go out with friends and family; take up volunteering; go to the movies; read good books; find a couple of hobbies, take some classes... etc - whatever will keep your mind occupied AND enrich your life all at once. AND... cut off all ties. You'll feel really good about yourself when you start having that self-control! Don't even READ his correspondence - let alone answer it.

It's hard to get over a serious relationship with someone you loved. My BF and I broke up last year for 4 months, and I was a total wreck. I was not getting over it. I did many things to make my life more fulfilling, (quit my job and started my own business; took photo classes; hung out with my best friend A LOT; travelled to the Keys... etc) and I felt myself come to this better place little by little. I still loved him, though, and I still felt sad and humiliated. And when he called me back (which he did regularly but I wasn't answering - until I felt ready), not only was he incredibly impressed with what I had done with my life, he could feel I wasn't so dependent on him anymore and he fell in love with me all over again - harder and better than the first time. Now we live together and are very happy, and I make huge efforts not to lose that amazing sense of myself anymore.

Maybe your guy won't come back, that's not what I'm saying; what I'm saying is that it's totally normal to feel awful, to have little self-confidence, and to have moments of despair. Two years is a long time, and you can't forget someone you love in a month. That's a tribute to the depth of your feelings, so already you can feel good about that - your emotions aren't shallow. However, you need to make a huge effort on yourself and go out there and make a life. FOR YOU. Not to get him back or whatever - but to feel like YOU are whole. Once you've reached that goal, you may find out you don't want him anymore. And you'll only be that much readier for the next guy.

Good luck to you, and I'm sorry for your broken heart.

First off, i'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Break-ups SUCK no matter what and I definitely feel your pain.

However, I have one big suggestion to you: CUT OFF ALL CONTACT WITH HIM. Next time he calls, tell him it will be the last time because you are tired of him stringing you along like you still care. Then do it.

Change your number if you have to and get a new email address. This isn't drastic because it will not let him call you anymore. You just need to have the self-control not to call him.

He's not making it any easier by asking how you're doing and then saying that it won't work out. That's a total mixed message! (Or at least i can see how it would seem like one right now...)

And like everyone said, get busy with your life and realize that NO relationship is all giving. There has to be some reciprocation and it sounds like you gave up a lot for him. Please reconsider that this is NOT a good way to behave in a relationship. Compromising and merging your lives is one thing but giving up everything you do and where you come from in order to please someone else is not healthy. Good luck!

i agree with the ladies above, you need to cut off the contact! my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me in a similar fashion, then tried to contact me EVERY DAY after we broke up. at first it was hard for me not to talk to him, but i started to work on myself and spend time building friendships and quickly realized that i was doing great WITHOUT him and that i could do better. i suggest you do the same thing! it will get better, but STOP TALKING TO HIM!!!

I'm so sorry to hear about your breakup- it's very difficult around the holidays.

The end of a first big relationship is the most difficult, and oh does it hurt. Spend lots of time with your family. (Which oddly enough, you are so close with, but he criticizes so much...hmmm...)

Most importantly, delete all of his texts and emails. Make me a promise, and most importantly, yourself a promise that you will not read one or send one for one month. No communication. It's part of the healing process- take a month off from all of this and then see how you feel as you need time to process what is going on.

You wrote that you were willing to change everything about yourself, and that you put off all your interests for a guy and you and I know that's not healthy. It's easy to do when you want to save something that's special and that feels good, but you can't make sacrifices like that.

Take good care of yourself this coming month. Splurge a little on yourself too- a bit of retail therapy, a manicure, or otherwise making yourself feel special is a good thing. And sometimes doing a real good clean around the apartment or house, like moving furniture feels good too- it's sort of like a fresh start.

Good luck.

I hate hearing stuff like this. Don't ever "FIX" yourself for someone else. WHY would you want to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way about you? He will end up hating you in the end and you will end up even more miserable than you are now. I'm sure you feel like your world around you is ending, but it is SO not. You don't want a many you have to beg to keep. If he doesn't love you the way you are for who you are he's not worth wasting your time. You will find someone else. Pick up the pieces and hold your head up and go out have some fun! Enjoy your time!

Like everyone said, breakups are not easy any way you look at it.

1) You really need to not stop ANY contact. When he emails you, please tell him to give you space or time to be alone. It seems it wasn't a "nasty" breakup, meaning you guys don't "hate" each other (although I know it still hurts like hell)... so I hope you can still be open with him about needing space and that he'll respect that.

2) Talk to your friends or anyone you trust. Even if it's just to vent and cry, it's a healthy thing to do. I hate it when people say to "snap out of it." That's really insensitive. I also feel that people who are hurt and don't have a proper "mourning" process eventually get emotionally scarred. Get everything out of your system, girl.

3) That being said, venting is necessary but don't feel sorry for yourself. Really make the attempt to pick yourself up, look at your friends and family, and rebuild those relationships you already have and cherish. Most importantly, focus on yourself and who you are WITHOUT your ex-bf. There's life after a breakup!!!

I am sorry for your loss.

There is nothing you can do to ease the pain but to embrace it. Take some time out to breathe and feel everything. The more you acknowledge your loss, the faster you will heal. There's no point in tucking your feelings under the rug because it will come back to haunt you. When you lose it, it's normal. It's apart of the healing process.

It's not fair for the next suitor, if you're not over your heartbreak.

Find what works for you, it could be running/walking or journaling. FitSugar has some amazing tips.

For me, it was both and I am still dealing with my breakup of four years. It has been eight months now and I am still hurting. I was in a similar situation to yours. I think the reason why you still care when he emails is because you invested so much of yourself into this person and a piece of you feels like he still cares for you in the same way when you two were together.

My interpretation of the situation is that he wasn't man enough to love you truly and deeply, environmental factors had a stronger influence on him.

You deserve someone who is willing to fight for love the way you do.
May time heal your wounds.

block his number, change yours, do whatever it takes to get him out of your life. he says his mind is made up, but continues to criticize and say horrible things like "my family is happy" to you?? screw THAT. time to take back your own life. and in a few months, after the pain from the break-up has passed, you might just realize that you're a little better off.

We all have one (or more) major breakups in our lives. This is yours. Sucks, doesn't it?

You need to cut off all contact with him. It's doing no one any good to be in touch. Don't speak to him for at least 6 months. At that time, you may be able to check in, see how he's doing and rebuild a friendship, but I wouldn't count on it.

Like the others have said, block his e-mail, delete his number from your phone, remove him from your friends on Myspace or whatever. You need a clean break and time to heal.

In your next relationship, make sure you start at the beginning and don't try to get all serious and pick up where you left off with him - that will just lead to more heartbreak.

I'm sorry that he did this to you it seems that it was uncalled for the way he just dropped everything. You know what this should tell you? You should count your blessings that you were able to find out what a jerk this guy is. Who wants to commit to a man that will drop everything that you have together at the drop of a dime? Who wants a man who justifies not being with you because his mommy and daddy says so? I say count your blessings and MOVE ON. He likes playing with your emotions which is why even after all he's done to you he still emails you to get his little digs in. I would let him know up front that he doesn't want to be with me and I don't want anymore contact AT ALL with him. No more phone calls, no more emails! Change your phone number and email address! You deserve better and you will have better. Cut this loser out of your life completely and move on, heal from this, learn from this, and then find someone who is worthy of YOU not the other way around!

I'm in a semi-similar situation, so I can definitely relate...

The most important thing is to cut off contact. I wouldn't recommend changing your number (it is YOUR number, you've had it for a while, and changing it would mean yet another thing that HE controls in your life--not worth it, IMO) but I would recommend ignoring his emails and calls. Sounds like common sense, but it really is difficult.

Also, focus on yourself more. Do things you like to do. Vent to friends. It will get better, I promise.

Everyone here has the right idea (except maybe smacking you on the face). I don't know about everyone, but I've definitely felt like I would do/change/fix ANYTHING in order to get someone back. I've never acted on it, but I don't think those feelings are abnormal.

That said, you need to cut off contact with him. Talking to him only reopens the wound...and it sounds like he's only talking to you because he feels guilty about breaking up with you. He can deal with his guilt by himself--don't give him the pleasure of assuaging it by "checking in on you" and "making sure you're okay." Cut him off, cut him out. Maybe flip out at him one time for closure, tell him what you really think, and then start ignoring him. If he calls, don't answer or call back. If he emails, don't respond. If he texts, ignore it. Periodically feel free to drop the "I'm sorry, but I don't want to hear from you" bomb, and then resume the constant ignore. Give yourself some space and time to heal, and if you're feeling REALLY badly then you need to speak to a professional. good luck.

I agree with everyone else that cutting off contact is key.

I know it can be hard to see the bright side of this, but try to do so - your post indicated that you put some dreams of your own aside for this relationship. Now that it is over, use the new-found alone time to cultivate yourself. Make that move you wanted to, pick up a new hobby, spend more time with friends.

I thought my life was over when my ex and I broke up (around the holidays) a few years ago. It sucked, but as a result, I looked around and realized that i did not have much of a life outside of the relationship. So I spent a lot of time building up friendships, trying new hobbies, and all around just trying to see the positive side of being alone. There is a very high likelihood that you will find someone else, so take advantage of the alone time while you can.

He is playing some mind games with you, this doesn't sound like healthy communication you are having with him. I'm sorry but you need to cut off contact with him. Don't give him the chance to play with you.

Focus on yourself. You said you set your life aside for him, Well now its time to get your life back. Do all the things you wanted to do while you were with him, all the stuff you put aside. It sounds like you really need to build yourself up as a person, independent of him. Maybe this is the reason you are having such a hard time with this break up, because you have totally lost yourself in him, you set everything else aside and now you are so wrapped up in this relationship it is all you have. You say you'll change,you'll do anything to keep him, you sound like a total door mat, and its no wonder he isn't treating you with respect, you aren't treating your self with any respect. You can't hve a happy or successful relationship if you don't respect yourself first.

Maybe in the future you can talk to him again, maybe you'll even be able to pick up the pieces. But first you need to learn to be happy as you are. Stand on your own to feet. Take pride in being strong and self reliant and grow into a better, stronger person because of this.

To be honest, sounds like you're so much better off without him. The person you should be with is someone who accepts you for who you are...not someone who makes you feel like you have to change just so you can hang on to him. You should also be with someone who won't criticize your relationship with your family. They are the ones who will stick with you and be your pillars of support during your tough times...learn to lean on them while you're going through this. I suggest that you cut off all contact with him. Him "checking up on you" is just his way of trying to feel less guilty. Don't give him that luxury. Ignore him and get on with your life. Just try to keep busy and regain your self-confidence. Hang out with friends, start a membership at your gym, or pick up a hobby. Just make sure you're not sitting around wallowing in the past. I know this is harsh, but it's over. Move forward and start a new life. Show him that you don't need him. Once he sees that you're confident, independent, and oblivious to him, he'll regret that he ever let you go. Good luck and keep your head up!

Time heals all wounds, but only if you allow that. Stop all contact with him. You'll never be able to move on with the daily e-mails.

Also... who the f*ck tells someone that their family is "so happy" about a break up while claiming to still be friends.

You shouldn't ever put off your interest and endeavors for any relationship.

have told him I would change and do whatever it takes to try things again

Stop martyring yourself for relationships, it makes people lose respect for you.
Stop treating it as the be all and end all, it's not. Because after you give it all up you wind up with nothing. There is a lesson to learn here to pay attention and move on, get yourself involved in the life you so willingly gave up.

Very sorry about your break-up. I went through a very similar situation recently. The best thing is to have no contact with him at all for at least 30 days. The only thing I'd like to add is that journaling really helps, especially when you have unsaid conversations playing in your head, wrting them down really helps release them. Also you'll need to make a concious effort to let him go. Allow yourself to feel the grief and sadness, but realise that it will pass. Good luck!

i know its hard but cut all ties- its the only way. otherwise you sit around waiting for him and trying to get him back- and he sits along stringing you along while he looks for someone better. and then in the end when he totally cuts all ties for his new gf you'll be hurt even worse cause you got your hopes up again. that happened to me a couple years back, and i was so blinded by what i wanted to happen i didn't see what was actually happening. its harsh but it has to be done- block his email and delete his phone number. give yourself some time to grieve for it and then allow yourself to move on. the holidays are rough- i know. i broke up with my last bf 2 months ago and as the holidays approach i find myself wishing i had someone.. but spend time with your friends! plan holiday dinners, and baking parties and just time to hang out and gossip and watch chick flicks and chill. spend time with your fam if you are close with them. try to find stuff to keep you busy. make some new years resolutions, join a gym or a club or something! hang in there and sooner or later you'll meet a much better guy- but until then at least you'll be enjoying your life!

Sorry for your break-up but you need to cut all ties. I know it sounds easier than it actually is, but I say write him a long e-mail saying good-bye for good and say everything you need to say so you're not itching to tell him something later. Then don't answer any of his attempts. Anymore. Go shopping, hang out with girlfriends, go get a pedicure, go work out, do whatever you need to do to keep busy and happy. It will be hard for a while but as long as you keep busy & focus on yourself, you'll make it!! I know it's hard right before the holidays but hang in there!!

I have been through this and it's devastating. I am sorry that you're feeling so much pain. But here are the steps:

Cut off all contact.

CONSTANTLY stay busy. As tired as you must feel, you really can't focus on it because it won't help. Don't over-think.

Get angry because (as crazy as it sounds) it will keep you strong when you need to be strong. You won't stay angry but getting angry is healthy.

Write in a journal. Write everything all the time. That is your emotional outlet.

After a couple of weeks, only allow yourself a certain amount of time per day to cry.

Each day gets better but the process sucks.

KNOW that you will be ok.

This same sorta situation happened to be about 6 months ago. No matter how horrible you are feeling now, things will get better. To be honest...I was having a really hard time dealing and I ended up buying a puppy and putting all my emotion and love into raising her and as silly as it may sound she really helped me forget and focus on something else! I looked into it later and found out pets like that can be called "emotional support pets." Although, pets are a lot of work I wont lie, but for my it was totally worth it! Hope you start feeling better and to be honest...to really start heeling yourself, you need to loose contact with him for at least a couple months to focus on yourself. Having him talking to you only gives you false hope that the relationship will rekindle. You don't need that extra stress! I know it's hard but you need to focus on yourself now! Good luck hunnie!

I only joked about smacking you across the face because I have been through the same situation. I was with this man who simply didn't want to be with me anymore. The reasons weren't there and it was so out of the blue. I was so desperate and insecure with myself that I cried to him on the phone for two hours begging him to get back with me. I told him I would change anything that he wanted me to change. It took that breakup to really shake me up and make me realize that I'm just too damn good to do that to myself. Why would I want to change myself for anyone? It's not right. You should love yourself and be so proud of who you're and not want to change it for anyone. That is why I said what I said, because I see a little of myself in this situation. I wish I had someone to smack some sense into me back then...