Dear Sugar
My fiance's ex, who he broke up with 4 yrs ago, continuously calls and texts him. I know because I look at his phone, not because he tells me. I have tried to talk to him about how much it bothers me, but we always end up getting into a fight about it. Finally one morning she sent him a message and I had his phone so I sent her a message back telling her to cut it out. She figured out it was me, and told me that they still love each other and that if he didn't want to talk to her he wouldn't pick up the phone or answer her messages. So I confronted him about it and he got angry about what I had done and told me that I had no right to do that. We've spent the last 3 weeks not talking very much, and a day after our initial fight he said he didn't want to be with me anymore. Am I wrong to think that he allowed her to be involved in our relationship and that he should have put a stop to it? Freaked Out Fiancee

Dear Freaked Out Fiancee
No, you are not wrong. It sounds like your fiance wants his ex girlfriend in his life. Who knows if it's an attention thing or if he's trying to make you angry so that he has an excuse to break up with you. It would be one thing if he was open about his relationship with her like Exasperated By The Ex but it's another if he's trying to keep it from you by secretly talking and texting with her. Is he trying to make you feel insecure? Trust is such a fragile thing and he's already broken it if you feel like you have to secretly check his phone for her messages. That's no way to begin a marriage. Maybe she's right - maybe they do still love each other. For her to tell you that they are still in love and put it right out there takes a lot of courage on her part. She certainly doesn't care about you or your relationship with him for that matter. And he's letting his ex get between his future marriage with you. There's no way the 2 of you girls will ever be friends now, not after her admission to loving your fiance. So actually he does have to choose between the two of you and I think it's pretty safe to say that it's over for you and him. I'm so sorry, but when you brought it all up to him, instead of being upset that she was making up lies about them loving each other, he told you that he didn't want to be with you anymore. Let him go as disappointed as you are. I think that you can do a heck of a lot better for yourself!