Dear Sugar
When I was growing up my Dad was a complete control freak. He also had a horrible temper and would yell at me everyday. The things he said hurt worse than being hit because he never apologized. Now that I am getting older, I am noticing some of his temper in me. I will just snap for no reason, and sometimes everything someone does bother me. I want to know how I can get rid of my temper so when I get married and have kids, I don't yell at them like he yelled at us. Traumatized Tobi

Dear Traumatized Tobi
Have you considered seeking counseling for your behavior? Something I've learned is that you can change yourself - there is hope. A therapist can teach you ways to handle your actions when you feel agitation, stress or frustration building. Maybe you have triggers that you are completely unaware of. Seeing a therapist may also be beneficial to help begin the healing process from your childhood. Even if there was no physical abuse, the psychological abuse from your Dad has been present for years. When you are emotionally neglected and yelled at for no reason, it leaves scars. Something important for you to remember is that you are different from your father in many ways. You are aware of your feelings and you wish to take responsibility for your actions. Your father was an abusive man who let his cowardness and insecurities trump his better judgment. And what we do know about abusers, is that the most common trait among them is that they grew up in abusive homes themselves. It's time for you to change this cycle. Use and feel the love and support from those around you to help you through the hard times. Taking the first step for help is always the hardest so here you go. Call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and speak to someone there who can offer you names of group programs and/or free counseling in your area.