I think he's wrong for being in a relationship with you if he feels that way.

Wtf? So he wants to be in a relationship that's going no where? That makes perfect sense. Like what, he'll stay with you until he finds something better or gets herpes too?

I wouldn't *want* to marry a guy with herpes, but I also wouldn't date someone so long with no intention of marrying him. If I really fell for someone and didn't want to ever break up with him, I'd marry him no matter what disease he had. Like you said, what's the difference???

run fast. he can sleep with you now but use herpes as a reason to not marry you after 2 years? This is not the type of man you need or should want to be with.

i think both ppl are right. the girl has a right to feel hurt and somewhat rejected, and the guy has a right to make an informed decision abt who he wants to marry. obviously their relationship should end now b/c they are incompatible on this important issue.

I think the guy is irrational, but that's not really my call. If this is what he says, it doesn't matter wether it's "fair" or not. I'd ditch the bastard, personally.

i think it's very courageous for you to be up front with him. i think he's a pretty big coward for being more than ok with having sex, but once you bring up marriage he runs. maybe the issue wasn't herpes, but that he's a big baby.

on another note, can we please find another picture of an exasperated woman to use? this one has been used several times (including once this week) =)

are you kidding me??
i would be bullsh*t if some guy said this to me... dump him on his head

Get rid of him. If he's admitted he's got no intention of marrying you because of your herpes, but has no problem sleeping with you, there's something wrong with him. Especially after two years, and from what I understand, in a serious relationship.

I don't understand why he would continue to be in a relationship when he knows it's not going to progress to the next level.
I can understand his concern, but it's not fair to be with someone this long and then suddenly tell them that their herpes is a problem. He should have been honest about this before.

I too can understand his concern, but what a dick- he's wasting your time and using your unfortunate circumstances to cover up for his unwillingness to commit/inability to move on.

Is it that he wants to have children someday and thinks he can't with you? If this is the case, then the two of you should consult with a physician- I'm sure there's a way around this without him contracting the virus. But if this isn't the case, then sadly, I advise you to find someone with more integrity than this guy. You deserve better than this.

I can totally understand where he's coming from. He's been dealing with this with you for two years now and he's decided that he doesn't want to deal with it for the rest of his life. Given the choice, wouldn't you prefer not to either!?

I think the concept that no one should be in a relationship with anyone they don't want to eventually marry is absurd. If the girlfriend is at a point where she's not interested in relationships that aren't moving toward marriage, than she should move on. But, if he's currently contributing to the relationship but just doesn't see marriage in the future for this relationship, he hasn't done anything wrong. He's allowed to make decisions based on his own best interests.

At least he is being honest. You can decide to leave the relationship anytime. I totally agree with you jennifer76.

oops i pressed the wrong one when i voted! i don't get the bf. he likes you and wants to date you and obviously have protected sex with you so what's the big deal about marrying you? i can understand if he'd be like "no sex. i'm not kosher with the herpes thing" but you can't get herpes from getting married. ?

I would say he has a right. I wouldn't marry someone with herpes either. Although, I don't understand why he is even in a relationship with you if he's against marrying you because of the herpes.

Leave him. He doesn't love you the way you love him. My cousin has herpes, and she met a man who didn't, and he married her anyway. they have 3 kids together now. Herpes isn't the end of everything. Get a guy who really loves you.

What a lame excuse for the fact he was just not into you. What bs.

All he's doing is being honest with you like you were with him. It is a shame that it's taken 2 years for him to put it out there. Maby his concern is having kids with the person he's married to but if he can't see himself married to you then it's a relationship going no where and my advice is to get out and start over with someone new.

I can see both sides of things. It's one thing to be in a relationship with someone you really care about- but ask any guy, the prospect of having to use a condom every time you have sex for the rest of your life is not appealing.

I don't think every relationship (even long-term relationships) always or naturally ends in marriage. I think he was being honest with you, like you were with him. I don't think anyone is a bad guy here- just incompatible.

i see both points of view, so i would have to go with undecided. but i learned in my human sexuality class that you can get herpes (and hpv) even while using a condom...granted, the odds are less, but it is still a possibility. i think both can lay dormant in your body for years and years without a sign of you actually having it (hpv for sure). as a medical student, he should know that. and would probably make his argument moot. but i can also understand his fear of contracting it; especially if he wants children.

While he is allowed to make decisions based on his own best interest he is an absolute ass for telling her that she is not good enough for marriage because of something as stupid as herpes. It is an excuse especially since he is willing to continue a sexual relationship with her what a waste of time. I am so sick of people making such a big deal out of STD'S it happens. People make mistakes and sometimes you get lucky and don't have anything happen to you. Most thankfully are treatable and I commend the people that are honest and take care of themselves and the people they love.

ITA, bookish. especially on marriage being the be-all, end-all. i would be perfectly content with a gene simmons/shannon tweed type of relationship.

he's a tool. he had to know that ur expectation would be marriage after that long. ugh. not cool.

He should've been up front about it long before now. He has the right to feel that way, you have the right to be hurt, and I'd leave him.

He can do whatever he wants, of course, but the fact that he's been in the relationship for 2 years and you've had herpes throughout sort of makes me think he's just using it as a convenience excuse not to marry you. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

If you are still with him and asking this, sumthin is wrong, just cause you have the Herp doesnt make you discount goods, drop the user and look for someone who appreciates your honesty and loves you for all your insides and outsides.

i think he should be commended for being honest. if he doesn't want to be with a great person because of this, it is his problem. the only positive is that he had the guts to tell you. (in my head it's kind of stupid reason because it doesn't change who you are or how awesome of a wife you'll be...but, it matters to him)

you should do the right thing and leave him because you know it's not going anywhere.

i can understand the guy's point of view, but i wish he wouldn't have lead the poor girl on so much by being in a relationship with her long enough to get to this point... unless he just made the decision or realized it.

if he doesn't want to deal with worrying about contracting it throughout his entire life, trying to get her pregnant with it, worrying about the kid contracting it... it's up to him.

he's an ass for not putting this out there sooner though.

I am totally on the girl's side on this. She was up front with him, he should've been up front with her from the start.

He should have told you sooner as there's really no point for this relationship to go on since you eventually want to get married. Just move to someone would can deal with the herpes.

"i think he should be commended for being honest."

I don't think he was honest, though.

Your BF is so messed up! I mean whats the point of continuing the relationship? I dont understand his logic in wanting to your, basically permenant BF, but not your husband because of this STD?

That's weird. Ok so your going to have to move on and find that person who's going to accept the fact that you have an STD and is willing to commit in the long run. Be up front about it (marriage & STD)in the beginning before wasting another two + years.

Good luck.

He is doing the classic guy thing where he just wants YOU to break up with HIM. He is trying to give you a great reason to end it without having to technically break your heart. So end it, then. You'll be better off.

He probably also wants just wants to have sex without a condom.

I'm sorry, but to decide 2 years later that he can't marry her because she has herpes (which he has known about the whole time) is really LAME! My first instinct is to say that there is another reason he doesn't want to marry her and he just doen't want to say but he might just be that lame... Dump him and next time i guess she needs to ask ahead of time if her herpes issue would be an ssue when it comes to marriage... Good luck!

i see his side...would you rather he had told you from the beginning, "I can't date you because you have herpes, because we could never get married"? he didn't close himself off to the relationship bc of it, but he later decided that he can't deal with it forever. that doesn't seem so bad to me - however, whenever he did figure this out, he should have told you. but i don't think young people think about marriage at the very beginning of a relationship, and he probably just wasn't thinking about when you first started dating.

wtf does marriage have to do with it?

"however, whenever he did figure this out, he should have told you."

Exactly. He's obviously known this for awhile, thought it through enough to make a final decision, and should've let the girlfriend know. I think his behavior qualifies as being dishonest, no matter what he owned up to when confronted.

He's using the herpes as a cop out. The only valid reason I can think of here, is that if a pregnant woman has herpes it is advised she has a C section because of the potential damage to the child...and that maybe he wouldnt want to run the medical risks associated with that scenario...and thats if he even WANTS children...

Call him out on it! Its a cop out! Find someone better!

Not to be a jerk but I wouldn't want to marry someone with herpes either. But he should have been as up front and honest with you as you were with him.

I cannot BELIEVE 20% of people here agree with HIM!!!

It was great you were honest with him, and he definitely shouldn't have stayed in the relationship if he felt there was no real future. But, then again, I wouldn't marry someone if they had a venereal disease, either - but, I would have broken it off before it got serious. That's just me. I think he's in the wrong, definitely, for letting it go so long...BUT I can see his point.

I'm confused as to why he would be still be with you after two years if he doesn't plan to marry you because of this? Yet, he's known all along

You definitely have the right to be upset, but at least he's being up front with you. Now the ball is in your court. If you're looking for marriage, you now know that you will need to end this relationship and move on.

It makes no sense that he'd want to be with you if he doesn't want a future with you...that makes it seem like he's just passing time with you until someone "better" comes along.

I don't blame him for being turned off by the herpes thing though...sorry. I don't think I could date someone with an STD either, I'm just too paranoid.

But bottom line is, if he doesn't want to be with you long-term, you should ditch this guy. It's a complete waste of your time.

I'm undecided. On one hand, I feel for the girlfriend and this guy should not string her along for a couple of years only to break her heart. On the other hand, I would never date someone with STDs in the first place much less marry him. Sorry, but my body and my health are important to me. The only thing wrong here is that you both shouldn't pursue this relationship any further.

You should break up...for your own good...find somebody that loves you and accepts you no matter what.

that said...I would not date anybody with herpes...i don't think i could live the rest of my life worrying about it.

i'm gonna say as long as you were honest from the get go- which it sounds like you were- then i am on your side. why on earth would he date someone for two years that he would never marry- that makes no sense. he stands a risk of contracting it anyways when you have sex- condom or no- so why would he risk contracting it for two years if he had no desire to be with you forever. he sounds like an insenstive moron.

I can understand why he wouldn't want to marry you. It is his body, his life, & his choice. I'm not super familiar with herpes, but I would think that if in the future you both want to have children - he would be putting himself at risk of also getting herpes.

What I don't understand is how he finds it acceptable to continue dating you, even after he has told you that he can't marry you. Basically he is saying that your relationship has no future, but do you want to hang out until he grows tired of the relationship or find someone new.

I have a sneaking suspicion that there are other reasons why he doesn't want to marry you. I think he is probably hiding behind this herpes thing because he feels it is a good excuse, or maybe because it was the first thing that came into his head. But I think that any man that truly loved you, would not care if you had herpes or not, when thinking about marrying you.

And I APPLAUD you for being upfront about your situation. I can only imagine how difficult that must have been for you, and I think that everyone who has a sexually transmitted disease could learn from your honesty and courage.

I didn't see anymore mention this, maybe I missed it.

Even if you use a condom, and have no symptoms, you can still transmit herpes.

If his reason is that he doesn't want to risk getting it (which he'd have to do if he wants kids) but he's having sex with you now... well, I'd say if he's taking the risk for just sex, he can take the risk to have kids too.

And yeah, the guy sounds like a jerk to have not let you know he doesn't plan to marry you because of this lame excuse until two years down the road? What the heck?

Just to be sure this gets noticed:

Even if you use a condom, and have no symptoms, you can still transmit herpes.

That means even if you use a condom, and THEY have no symptoms, you can still get herpes.

It's estimated that 20% of the population has it, and of those 20%, 90% don't know.

Just to be sure this gets noticed:

Even if you use a condom, and have no symptoms, you can still transmit herpes.

Exactly! Thank you for stating this.

see his side...would you rather he had told you from the beginning, "I can't date you because you have herpes, because we could never get married"?

Better then dating someone who thinks they're doing you a favor by sticking around. You don't want to be here? then go! Any guy who says, " i can date you and have sex with you, but i can't marry you" is full $h@t!