You have issues...get help...you're addicted to your vibrator!

From your bf's point of you I can totally see why he's so upset...how would you feel if he NEEDED to look at porn every time you have sex...just to get it going???? disrespected??? unwanted??? confused???....how do you think he feels???

if you can't live without your "you-know-what"....when you have a REAL you-know-what....then the problem is yours...not his!

dont forgive because breaking a vibrator 4 months into a relationship is an aggressive move. he shouldve talked to you about it. people who break your things out of anger/jealousy usually dont make good partners.

I say ditch the boyfriend and buy a new vibrator.

I think that your boyfriend was out of line to break the vibrator, he should have talked to you first. However, I think that you were out of line by having to use the vibrator every time you had sex. Perhaps you can come to an understanding on this with each other.

I think it is somewhat odd that you use a vibrator every time. I have to admit we use one once in awhile, and when I was cleaning out my nightstand my husband happened to see my stash and I think he was a bit taken aback. Aside from that, though, we have a great sex life without the thing. If you've used it every single time and you haven't discussed the matter with him outside of the act of doing it, I could see how he'd be offended. I'd probably be offended too.

His act of breaking it is rather passive-aggressive though and needs to be discussed. He was probably too embarrassed to say anything before, but nevertheless his actions were wrong.

forgive him...but you definitely need to get some issues out of the way first. like mentioned previously, if he needed to look at porn every time you guys got it on, you would probably be offended too! he absolutely should have talked to you about how he was feeling and not been so rude as to break it. but you also need to hear him out about why it bothers him so much.

I said forgive. But his actions were in the wrong; he shouldn't have just broken your vibrator, he should have talked to you about it. That being said, you should also have talked to him about he felt about using it every time you two have sex. Yeah, they're fun, but every time without? I think I can see where he'd get a little upset. As for him 'being all you need'- untrue! Everyone gets lonely at times, and that little vibrating buddy can make all the difference.

I am all for using vibrators but if you are using it because he isn't doing the job, you should let him know what he can do to satisfy you completely.

If he is unwilling or incapable of satisfying you completely then you should move on.

I've rarely read one of these where the man (or woman) shouldn't be forgiven, and I feel the same way about this. You should talk to him - he's probably upset because he feels like he's not enough for you to enjoy yourself, but he shouldn't have acted out like that. It can be solved - just communicate!

I agree with the girls above who said you shouldn't need to use it every time. My boyfriend loves using mine with me, but that's because it's not an "every time" thing, it's a "once in a while" thing. I forgive him, because I would probably hate that vibrator if I were him!

For you, I recommend starting to masturbate without the vibrator. I think you have been using the female version of the "death grip" (see Dan Savage: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=14968). I know it'll be hard. I know vibrators are great, it's easy to come with them, blah blah, but if you want to date a guy without him getting a complex (which they all will if you pull out the vibrator every time) you need to stop using it until you can come without it, too.

He wasn't right for breaking it, nor was he right for fighting with you over it. BUT - from his view yeah I see the issue. I mean EVERY time? How do you know you can't reach climax without it unless you try and switch things up a bit from time to time. He is probably feeling quite inadequate right now and for a guy that is completely damaging. You two need to talk about this RATIONALLY and work something out. If you want any future with this guy, or anyone else for that matter, this is an issue that must be discussed early on, since sex is such a big part of a romantic relationship.

i think youre making it out to seem a little one sided considering you are being rather insensitive as well, his action was immature but you need to wake up and realize why he'd be upset, a guys performance is a sensitive subject and if he feels unadequate because you need a vibrator everytime then you should be talking things out with him and be more concerned with his feelings instead of the fact that your sextoy is broken...thats immaturity on your part

She shouldn't have "known" it would bother him if he'd never said anything about it until now.

I can totally understand that he might feel inadequate, but how are you to know if he doesn't say anything about it until it's an all out tantrum? It sounds like he needs to work on communicating better. No, he should not have broken your vibrator. That is really immature and to me would be a red flag.

That said, I do think you should understand his feelings and try to work with him to be satisfied both with and without the fun toys. If you are totally reliant on them to orgasm then that is an issue, esp. if it's not cool with your man. But in the end, there should be a balance. and he should be cool with that, too.

That was a pretty passive-aggressive thing to do and I'd definitely be a little concerned, but I also agree with the others - EVERY time seems a bit much and I can see how he might be upset! He should have talked to you about his feelings, though, and if you're going to salvage the relationship you need to make it clear that he can bring sensitive issues like this up, and he needs to learn how to do so.

he was rude, lol? oh my, getting up during sex to get batteries means HE isn't pleasing you. i wouldn't worry about forgiving him because he'll be moving on soon. try and watch what you say(and do) with the next guy.

this reads like an snl skit.

He was childish for not telling you how much it bothered him in the first place, but equally you're just as insensitive- you're making him feel inadequate!! Have you always had this problem, or just with your current boyfriend? Your over-reliance on your vibrator shows there are some things that need to be addressed.

I think the girl who made the point about the "death grip" - ha - was totally right on. I'm sure part of the issue is that you feel guilty that you have to use one, and you can see your bf's point. But on the other hand, he's passive-aggressive. Figure out if he's worth it to keep around and if he's being passive aggressive in other areas of your relationship. Then, work with your bf to use the dilly less.

I agree with kimsak and find it odd that you use the vibrator every time. I think that would make most guys feel like they're not doing it for you. So he shouldn't have broken your vibrator, but you might try being a bit more sensitive to the fact that he has feelings too and the vibrator is like having a second guy in bed with you.

He sounds really immature..move on.

how do you ever expect to achieve an orgasm if you already are being defeated and defaulting to your vibrator? just because other guys couldn't get you to that point, don't assume that you need to call in your trusty vibrator instead of your boyfriend. if i were the guy, i'd be insulted bc that would just make me feel like you already gave up on my skills. its just a vibrator, you can get another-but if this guy is worth it, youre going to mess up a good relationship over something that you might not even need anymore?

ps IMO and this is prolly tmi.. but orgasms from the real thing are much better than vibrator ones.

Oh, do you both need to talk!

Concerned that he felt the need to just break it and not talk to you about it...and why are you on autopilot reaching for it? Talk! Talk! Talk!

That is the forgive or not forgive decider, that conversation.

(Has this been discussed before? Did you really not know this bugged him? Be honest with yourself.)

Get rid of him! he sounds nuts! If it was bothering him why didnt he just talk to you about it? WHo BREAKS someone elses property because they are upset? If he watched porn and it upset you would you talk to hium about it or smash his porn collection and then lie about it?? I think this is a major warning flag. He sounds jelous and childish and sounds like he has bad communication skills.

Go buy yourself a new vibrator stat!

Your boyfriend feels insecure with your vibrator. Give it time. If he's still that way, ditch him for good.

ok first of all, i completely disagree with what gossipqueen said.
he has the problem NOT you. obviously he is being a jerk about this instead of just telling you how he feels... but he's a guy, so don't be surprised. he should have told you the first time that this bothered him, and he has no right to break something of yours, that was totally out of line.
second, plenty of girls cant get off from intercourse so don't think that there is something wrong with you just because you take matters into your own hands and get a little help. you didn't do anything wrong, and if it bothers him so much, talk to him and figure out some other way. tell him that most girls don't get off during sex. he probably doesn't realize this. anyways ill say it again, he was in the wrong, not you. talk to him about this, if it doesn't get better... then maybe it wasn't meant to be.
hope this helped!

ok im still fuming at all the posts i read that say something is wrong with you because you rely on your vibrator. there is nothing wrong with that. he should want you to be HAPPY, and if he cant do it, he should accept a little something extra. ARGH, it's not odd, its not out of line.
i agree with the person who said: I say ditch the boyfriend and buy a new vibrator.

Ur_momm, I see where you're coming from, but at the same time I think you're missing the bigger picture. It's not that she can't get off with anything but a vibrator, but it appears that she's unwilling to try. The confession states that she reached for her vibrator as she "always" does. This signals that she has not attempted any other methods of foreplay or intimacy with her boyfriend other than the vibrator. The guy might be more than willing to try new things other than the vibrator...it appears she hasn't brought this up with him. That's an issue of hers, not his.

I still believe it was wrong of him to break something and not talk about the problem, the communication lines on this one were broken down on both sides. While the fault is his in failing to bring up the problem in a mature way, I still can't help but feel sorry for this guy who hasn't even been given a chance to try something new.

That's so sad when the male ego thinks it's getting replaced by a vibe.... you're bf obviously has some self-esteem issues in bed. You guys should talk about it again... but if he still acts like he's the victim maybe you should invest in a better vibrator and get a new guy!

I voted to not forgive until you find out if this will be a pattern for his behavior. It was not his to break, period. If he was so disturbed by your use of a vibrator during intercourse, perhaps he should find someone else to f*ck? Really after four months it should be easy to end it, if need be.

Also, nothing wrong with using a vibe every time. Ignore those who say you are addicted or compare their use to your's. Every womans' body is different, needs different stimulation, or is more or less sensitive. The point is you are having an orgasm, how you get there is not for anyone else to judge - not even your partner's.

I think kimsaks is on the right track with her statements. It's not really about how much she needs to use it, but the fact that she does not seem to have been willing to try without. Sexual intimacy, and sexual discussions are very touchy subjects and to assume that this guy is just a tool for his actions are off base too. We get mad and do passive aggressive things all the time but don't admit to them. Just because he's a man doesn't mean he's not allowed that once in a while. The main idea here is that the two of them need to talk about this. It may be that things don't change and they break up, or it may not be. The only way to know is to talk it out though.

For perspective on my part only, since charkra thinks that we are all only comparing our usage to this poor girl - I had been with more than a handful of men and had never reached orgasm without some form of outside stimulation with any of them. I was also very unwilling to try since I thought it was the only thing that I could do to achieve orgasm. When my current BF and I started dating I was the same way. He knew that it frustrated me, and allowed me to explore with things and tools. After nearly six months I was able to orgasm with just the two of us. On occasion now we bring some things into it for play, but it's not something that I HAVE to do. I am also okay with the fact that on occasion I may feel pleasure, but not orgasm. I think that is another issue that some women have to recognize as well. Maybe she thinks she has to orgasm EVERY time. You can have a considerable amount of pleasure and not orgasm. Sometimes it's even better for me as the next time I really have a great one.

How in the hell is she supposed to know she's bringing out the insecure in him if he expects her to just guess?
If she wants to use the vibrator, go ahead. No one is anyone to to say no, you can't. Nor should they get upset because you don't adhere to their non-expressed grievances. If you have a problem, just say it.
I say ditch the immature little boy. If you're an adult and you don't yet know how to say what you feel, don't waste someone's time.

It's not about the vibrator, but how he handled it. Adults don't just break things because they dislike them. It sounds like he could become abusive. Get away from this guy as fast as you can.

I think it's a bad sign that this guy thought it would be better to break your vibrator than to just TALK to you!

Seems a little passive agressive and sneaky, how he handled it. I wouldn't want a boyfriend who tried to resolve issues that way.

Kiddylnd and the 'death grip' poster,

Women's anatomies are a bit different. The most sensitive part of our main pleasure area is on the outside of our bodies and may not receive direct stimulation (if needed) during intercourse. Therefore, added stimulation during intercourse may be the only way to produce pleasure and orgasm for some women.

Keep in mind, that until it became 'normal' to add clitoral stimulation many never experienced orgasm from sex. If vibrators are the choice for stimulation? That's fine, they do not desensitize the clitoris and are not competition for the partner.

If you can find an an alternative way to orgasm or feel satisfied without orgasm, ok. However, some women, like me, prefer an orgasm, and still others only orgasm through clitoral stimulation no matter what they try.

Personally, I'm not into vibes, but will whip one out on occasion, my SO loves it. In fact, if I whipped out a 14 inch glow in the dark dildo, he'd still love it cause that would mean I'm in the mood, we're having an experiment night, and he's getting some, ha. Never would there be a question or comment as to why I touch my body - whether it be with my hand, vibe, dildo, etc.

Also, I definitely do not see the OP as a 'poor girl'. Imo, she isn't the one with the problem. Her BF's feelings of inadequacy brought on the issue and probably will bring on more. Sabotage and semi-violent behavior really doesn't need to be worked through after 4 months.

Ur_momm, mominator, and, gal321.
^5

I say dump him...after he gets you a new BOB. (battery operated boyfriend)

Wow, I don't like the sound of how your boyfriend handled this. Mine would LOVE me to bring out toys every time! But obviously, yours didn't, and the problem is that instead of handling it like an adult and talking to you about it, or gently saying "why don't we try this without that," he threw a fit, screamed at you and broke something you own and use. I honestly don't get the posters who are criticizing you for getting out your favorite toy-- I know so many men that love their girlfriends to use toys, it would have really shocked me to be in the situation you're in. Not that that's the point. The point is that he bottles anger up inside and then takes it out on you and the thing he doesn't like. HUGE red flag in my book.

obviously men and women's anatomies are different. however, if she can get off with a vibrator, she can probably get off manually as well. rather than relying on a vibrator, i think she should try sex without it and experiment by herself and with her boyfriends hands so she doesn't have to rely on a piece of machinery. while she may not "desensitize" herself like guys can with the death grip, she CAN get so used to the vibrator she can't come other ways. In the long run, sex would probably be more satisfying if you learn to come both ways. using a vibrator every single time seems excessive.

I don't blame him!

Can you imagine how inadequate he must have felt? It's also kind of off that you needed to use it all of the time during sex and obsessed about getting batteries for it. It sounds like your having a love affair with your vibrator.

Forgive your boyfriend, It isn't the worst thing he could have done and to the person who said breaking a vibrator is abusive? what planet are you living on? She probably killed the batteries from using it so much!

PS. It is fun and exciting to bring toys into the sex life but not every single time you have sex. That is WAY overboard.

Oh wow, I bring in a vibrator nearly every time because it's literally the only way I can get off and my boyfriend is understanding of that. Half the time it's him who reaches for it too!

You can compromise anyway - get a vibrating cock ring.

It's a very aggressive move to BREAK your possessions though, there is no need for that. He should have talked to you about how he was feeling. What he did was totally out of line.

Always reaching for a vibrator without considering his feelings though.. that needs addressing too.

I agree with ambermarie 110%!!

ummmm how do you guys know that she has never tried to get off without her vibrator? maybe she has and it hasn't worked, and is saying "as always" because since she knows she cant, she ALWAYS reaches for it. i think she would have realized if she could.

I have no idea how I got to this page, something off of digg, but maybe a guy’s perspective on things. Your guy was kind of an ass *breaking* your vibrator, but I can certainly sympathize with him. One of my previous girlfriends started using a vibrator during sex, and at first it was fine (actually, it was hot), but after a while she started using it every time and it *really* upset me. It wasn’t that she didn’t come without the vibrator, but having the vibrator there was simply mind blowing for her. However, when the vibrator came out, she was more concerned with $20.00 of plastic and batteries than she was with me ... in a lot of ways, she would completely detached, emotionally, from me during sex because she was concentrating on getting off instead of being with me. Hard to explain, but nothing makes you feel more cheap and useless than being ignored by your girlfriend during sex because she’s concerned with her vibrator. Get it?

Here’s something else. Be careful with vibrators ... I’ve noticed a couple of the girls that I’ve slept with recently are almost incapable of coming with guys because they are so used to how a vibrator feels, and that can really cause problems later on. OK, date time ... this girl is a whole other sexual puzzle... girls are so different, it’s freakish.

please do not think there is anything wrong with bringing it to bed every night, everyone who says theres something wrong with that, obviously doesn't understand that sometimes a girl NEEDS a little something extra.

don't for a minute think that there is something wrong with you, and shame on everyone who is making this person feel like there is something wrong with her.
unless he has told you many times that he doesn't like that you bring it, you should NOT feel guilty. he should be more concerned about you being happy than his stupid MOJO.

I think it was childish of him to break the vibrator, but I think you've been very insensitive- using it EVERY time? If he had to stop mid-foreplay and turn on a porn DVD just to get it going, you'd feel like there was a problem, right? Same for him, I'm sure- bring it out every now and then, or take the time to teach him what gets you off, but breaking out the vibrator every single time seems like you're not even trying.

There's nothing wrong with being happy, and nothing wrong with liking your toys, but there is something wrong with being selfish enough to care more about your mechanically induced orgasm than your boyfriend's feelings- every time.

SOMETIMES a girl needs a little something extra not EVERY time.

Bringing toys into the equation needs both of the parties to be VERY comfortable with it. Obviously the boyfriend isn't. Maybe he was the first couple of times she brought it out because either he was curious himself or he wanted to please her. It's insensitive when all you're thinking about is your pleasure. For some guys they want to be the one who's pleasing you because it is a turn on like no other. If he's not how can you insult him by whipping out your BOB?

Someone who breaks your possessions without talking about an issue first is a red flag, especially four months into the relationship. However, only you can decide if this is a pattern of behavior or a one time thing spurred by extreme jealousy and feelings of inadequacy on his part.

You have every right to get off any way you please, but you call him your "partner" for a reason. You two are supposed to work together and help each other to have a happy, healthy sex life. So if you decide to forgive, you REALLY need to sit down and have an open, honest discussion about BOTH of your sexual needs. He should in no way make you feel bad for needing a vibrator to reach orgasm, but you should in no way make HIM feel bad for wanting to make love to his partner without the interference of objects. Perhaps he just wants to feel as close to you as possible.

Well...he should be forgiven. It is usually harder for men to open about things like that when you constantly use it during sex. Hes probably feeling insulted and such bc he cant please you the way the vibe can. Granted he insulted you, you are also insulting him. Though braking the thing was a bit far, but you have to see it from his POV as well.
I think a sit down might be in order.

so most people here thinik it's more important to have a good working vibrator than a good relationship with the boyfriend. this is so odd to me. if a man told a woman he had to go get porn to look at hile he was having sex with her EVERYTIME and she ripped up the magazine would that be her with the problem then, or would he still be the control freak?

i wish you all many years of happiness with your battery operated equipment. i'll stick with the real deal, lol. thank god i'm married and all this crap is behind me.

You know what - sometimes I don't come when I'm in bed with my boyfriend. But it's not a terrible thing - sex is definitely mostly about getting off, yes, but when you're in a relationship, it's about GIVING, also! I can't come vaginally - only with clitoral stimulation. But my man takes care of me like that... we've never needed to bring a toy into the bedroom (unless we wanted to) because he'll take the time out with extra foreplay and creative actions, just as I'll do for him.

There IS something wrong with depending on the vibrator every single time you have sex. Your man, immature as his actions were, feels useless in bed - like he's there as an excuse for you to have sex with your vibrator. I don't blame him, I'd feel much the same if my boyfriend needed some external stimulant besides me EVERY time we had sex just to get off.

All of this can be fixed with communication! I hope you try it, and I hope you try to let your boyfriend make you happy in his own way - he just wants to feel the joy of giving you pleasure, without the aid of a battery-operated device.

Here's what I don't understand, girls. The question is to forgive or not forgive her BF for deliberately breaking her stuff, and then lying about it. I feel like her use of the vibrator is almost a separate issue. I think the issue lies in the relationship and the openness that seems to be lacking. Also, his response was really immature and just weird (The last time some deliberate broke something of mine is when my 5 year old brother broken my pony collection...I was 10). It sends up a flag to me. His way of handling the situation is what made me choose "not forgive". He may have a very good point about the use of her vibrator in their sex life, but I can't justify the way he handled the situation.