Dear Sugar,

I love my husband very much, and he says he loves me too. The only issue is that he's 43 and says that since he's older than me (by five years), at his age he just isn't interested in sex with me, or with anyone for that matter. So why, if he says that, does he stay up all night long on the computer, going to porn sites and chatting online about sex? I just don't understand it. He says he is a horn dog but doesn't want to actually make love. Any advice?

—I Don't Get My Husband Hannah

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Dear I Don't Get My Husband Hannah,

Well I have to admit that this situation seems fishy, and there's got to be more to this story. If your hubby would rather look at porn online than have sex with you then there's got to be a reason why, besides the fact that he's older. I mean, he's obviously interested in sex if he's checking out porn every night, right?

Here are some questions to think about. Is he stressed out about work or something else? How was your sex life in the past? Did he seem satisfied? Were you satisfied? Was sex a chore, meaning did it take a lot of effort in order for either of you to climax? Was sex boring? Was he always interested in porn, or is this a new thing? Does he masturbate while watching porn?

The only way you are going to get to the bottom of this is to talk to him openly and get those questions answered. Explain that it really upsets you that he'd rather look at porn, and that you wish you two would have sex more often. Try to figure out ways to compromise. Maybe you guys can incorporate pornography into your lovemaking. Or maybe he can explain what he needs you to do in order to get aroused. Talking about it will make you both feel better and will hopefully give you insight into what your husband is feeling. Good luck, Hannah.

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