Hannah, you should find out what kind of pornography your husband is looking at, either by checking the computer or asking him. It could be your husband has a particular sexual interest that your sex life does not include, which could explain his lack of interest.

If you do find that your husband has an interest in cross-dressing or some other fetish, you could try participating in it with him in order to improve your sex life. And get him to have the kind of sex you enjoy as well - take turns, it's not all about it.

Or if you find your husband is interested in something you can't or won't provide (multiple partners, other men, whatever), then you can make an informed decision about your marriage.

Better to know than to wonder!

It could be just that he's bored with the sex (sorry if that sounds so blunt!). Try spicing it up...and you can do this by really checking out the porn that he's looking at and using it as inspiration. A lot of women are told that guys love sexy lingerie and little things like that, but sometimes it's just played out or he just isn't turned on by that. You could also really surprise him by sneaking in a video of yourself masturbating to his comp...and then he can see you in the same way that he see's the women online. Also if you are waiting for him to initiate, it may be a big turnoff and something that he'd rather just not bother with...if you want the sex then go take it! He may just want to be treated like a complete object. It can be a big turn on if you just use him like a toy...tell him that you don't care if he wants it, you want to get yourself off using him, then orgasm, and get off and go on with your business.

then again you may just have to realize that this may just be the way it is. Usually it isn't a conversation that men will have...ever...even if you try to explain how much it hurts/bothers you (even though most of your advice will probably be to talk to him, I'm sure you know yourself that it won't do a thing and that isn't necessarily an indication of a bad relationship or any fault on his part, it's just that men don't like to talk about issues, they don't want the drama!) which also may be a reason he seeks the online attention, it's a quick fix and drama free.

Definitely though if you want it, take it, but be aware that this may be a problem that won't be changed easily if ever. Good luck!

I feel I need to mention the Sex and the City episode where Charlotte and Trey got married and Trey was suffering from the Madonna complex. He just didn't see Charlotte as sexual. She was his wife...not his sexual attraction. Not his deepest sexual fantasy. Maybe you should try getting some sexy outfits...? It worked for Charlotte. But that's a tv show...

It sounds like he's suffering from an online porn addiction. Also, if he's chatting online with people, then basically he's cheating on
you. Don't you think this is unacceptable behavior? How would he like it if you started looking at sites with naked guys or started chatting online with random dudes???!!! You are married to this guy, so you have a say on what he does. Tell him this behavior needs to stop or you will walk away and find a guy who wants to sex with a flesh and blood woman. Don't be a doormat!! This is not how a husband should act. You deserve a man who wants to have sex with you and doesn't spend his time, looking at porn and having cyber sex with strangers.

Colette

i hate the term "horn dog". but i digress, your man is getting off on the computer. healthy men need sex and if he isn't getting it from you he's getting it somewhere else. if he isn't healthy that's another story. get him a physical and then disconect his internet.

Wait a second, he is not interest in sex but spends all night visiting porn sites and talking to others about sex -- let me tell you in how many ways are these two statements contradict each other.... how much time do you have?

Basically, he has substituted you for the computer and now interacts with it (instead of you) for his sexual needs. Is he masturbating? Don't even get me started about the fact that you allow him to chat online about sex.... with whom? other women? men? To me that is cheating unless they are discusing sex in a purely academic fashion which I doubt.

You need to talk to him STAT and tell him your needs are not satisfied and that something has to be worked out. Ask him what is bothering him or what has changed and be prepared for a response you may not like but you need to communicate and not just take him for his word. Have you tried to go into the room where he performs these activities and attack him while he is watching the porn? I dunno. Good luck!

Talking to others about sex all night on the computer?

This sounds like cyborz, and that sounds like cheating...

I agree with the person that said he's replaced you with the computer. He's not uninterested in sex...he's uninterested in sex with you. Whatever the reason is, you need to find out before you can make any decisions.

I also agree that it sounds like an addiction and like other addictions, can be really hard to kick. Even men who go to therapy relapse. Not sure if that is an option for him. He has to admit that it's a problem first.

Your marriage is worth it though. You would feel awful if it led to something more (actually meeting an online date) and you had done nothing but worry. I know you love him but protect yourself first, do talk to him, and get outside help (professional) if necessary. You are definitely not alone on this one!

Ummm..................................43 is too old to be interested in sex? Since when? My father was 50 when I was born, 51 when my sister was born, so I can't get on board with that. He's just addicted to cybersex.

How long have you been married and how long has this been an issue? I would have stomped all over that if my husband gave me an excuse like that. Things just don't add up.

You are married to him. This can be a sensitive situation, but I wouldn't just accept that answer. Maybe you should ask him more specific questions. Don't demand answers, but let him know you need to know the real reasons behind is lack of interest and that you will be as understanding as possible. Also, maybe he's impotent and his desperation to find something that fixes his problem is keeping him on the computer and porn sites all night long (although it doesn't sound like it). BUT regardless, you need to get him to open up. All of this just sounds unhealthy.

Sounds like he's got an addiction. You need to drag him off that computer and into counselling because there is obviously something wrong. This is unhealthy.

sh*t I'm 41 and if my wife wanted sex 8 times a day 7 days a week I'd give it up. get him away from the computer masturbation and back on you. the computer porn is building a false sense/reality of sex in his mind, one that is different or more exciting than sex with you - you need to crush the online sex and get him back to reality.

Maybe he’s tired of the way that you do it and he wants to be polite and just not tell you that part. He is older now. And of course as we grow things change, people change, your sexual adventures in the bedroom HAS to change. Maybe that’s his issue. I would ask him about that before I would look deeper into this issue. First things first, talk to him in-dept about when it stops and why he thinks it was around that time.

Use what you can to try something different. There are so many ways to gain wonderful information on topics like this one. But again, talk to him and find out what really happened. Because even at his older age there is medication that could help him and you.