Dear Sugar,
I have been dating this guy on and off for one year now. He was in a car accident about two years ago which resulted in him losing both of his testicles. You can feel the sexual tension between the two of us ever since we met and I am ready to take things to the next level and have sex. Every time we have some alone time, he stays distant from me like he's scared of me. I can't take much more but I don't want to lose him. I feel like he knows how I feel about him, but what else should I do? How can I let him know I am okay with the fact that he lost his testicles but I can't live like this for much longer.
—Understanding But Wanting Intimacy Emma
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Dear Understanding But Wanting Intimacy Emma,
You are dating a man who I'm sure has a lot of uncertainties and concerns on his mind. He's probably self-conscious about what you'll think when you see that he looks different from other men. I'm sure he's also nervous about whether he'll be able to get aroused enough to have an erection, and worried about whether or not he'll be able to please you sexually.
You should know that the testicles are where sperm and testosterone are produced. Without that male hormone, he may not have any urge to have sex and may also be moody and tired. The good news is that he can have testosterone replacement therapy to help him get his sex drive back.
With that said, it may be difficult for him to get an erection or have an orgasm, but the only way you're going to know is if you talk to him. Share your feelings and try to be as sensitive as you can since this is such a difficult thing to discuss. Try to get him to explain more about his feelings and what he's going through. Being as open as possible will help you both feel more comfortable about your sex life. If he still turns down your advances to have sex, you're going to have to get a little creative with how you two share intimacy. Good luck.
Vero Moda
Emporio Armani
Earnest Sewn
is this story for real?
1This may be a silly question but does this mean he is not able to ejaculate? Also, I totally agree with dear. He's probably so self concious as anyone would be, and having a gentle sit down talk would best work.
2I don't think he can ejaculate (bc there's nothing to ejaculate?), but that doesn't mean he can orgasm, right? Anyway, my opinion is to be straightforward yet sensitive. From my perspective, walking on eggshells around a person usually makes him/ her more self-conscious but that doesn't mean you can't be tactful or sensitive. Def a talk is what you need. I agree with the replies - good luck!
3oh yes i meant to say orgasm, sorry.
4Why in just a year have you been on and off....
5He's essentially castrated...how does one exactly lose their testicles in car accident? This does seem a little odd, but truth is stranger than fiction. In any case I would just ask him flat out what he's thinking instead of tip-toeing around.
6He probably isn't able to have sex since he's been castrated. I don't know why you guys have been on/off, but he could be having a Jake Barnes/Brett dilemma (see: The Sun Also Rises, or wikipedia it).
7How can I let him know I am okay with the fact that he lost his testicles but I can't live like this for much longer.
8By talking to him, though, the one that has to be okay with it is him. Has he gotten counseling? If he's not at ease with himself yet, there is nothing you can do about it. It's something he has to work on.
Just talk to him. He probably feels less "manly" and might not even be sure if he will be able to do it.
9For all who were wondering (this is from Wikipedia)
Castrations after the onset of puberty will typically reduce the sex drive considerably or eliminate it altogether. Also castrated people are automatically sterile, because the testes (for males) and ovaries (for females) produce sex cells needed for sexual reproduction. Once removed the subject is infertile. The voice does not change. Some castrates report mood changes, such as depression or a more serene outlook on life.
That may explain why he seems to lack interest in sex... I'd suggest talking to him gently about it and perhaps discussing the likelihood of him seeing a doctor to discuss possible treatments to aid him in developing some sort of sex drive...kind of a touchy subject here
10Are you sure he even has a sex drive? I mean.... you really need to talk to him about this. You probably want sex more than he does.
11I'm sorry to hear that...but I'm sure there are treatments out there or something to help him. I agree with just talking to him. I hope it all works out!
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