I'm married for the second time. I can tell you that had I lived with my first husband before we got married, the ceremony would have never taken place. I got to see a lot more of what he was actually like once we were under the same roof day after day!!!!
I lived with my Hubby now for a year before we got married and have told all three of our boys to do the same!!!!Son #1 lived with his wife for two years before they married and have agreed that it was best to get the adjustment period out of the way! They also learned how compatible they really were!!!! Sons #2 and #3 are planning to do the same!!! Having been through a divorce I feel I'm being irresponsible not to at least suggest it to those I know contemplating such heavy commitment!!!I've been very happily married now for 17 years!

IMO, this comes down to personal beliefs. If you do not want to live with him before marriage, he has to know that. It doesn't sound personally against him, so I wouldn't overly worry about his feelings being hurt. And if he can't respect your beliefs, he needs some time living in an apartment by himself anyway
Good luck!

I think ti is important to live with a guy before marriage. I mean, it is kind of hard to see if you two are compatable together without even living together.

You might really get along and love each other, but living together really tests both your boundries and really lets you know how the other person is.

It also makes you learn what you have to work on in your relatioship. You have to learn how to keep the place tidy together, and how you are going to manage that. Your communication skills will also be highened because you both will need to talk about how to experaicne is going, or somehting that REALLY pisses you off abou the other person.

So, in my opinion, I think it's a MUST!

This comes down to personal beliefs. Now a days it is quite expected that a couple lives together before marriage. But it is not always the right way to go.

**My personal belief is live together before marriage. I am a Christian girl. But if I didn't live with the last guys I was with I would not have known if I can 'handle' living with them for the rest of my life! I lived with my last boyfriend for a year...he proposed a year later and now we are married! Happily!!**

You have to decide what is best for you and all around best for your relationship. Sit down and talk with your man tell him your feelings and discuss it. Good luck!

Call me old-fashioned, but I don't plan on living with my boyfriend before we get married. I do agree with the statement "why buy the cow...?" I don't think living together prevents divorce. The only way marriages work is if the two people involved love each other and work their hardest every single day of their lives to make the marriage a good one. If you're dating someone for 2+ years, chances are you know their habits whether you live with them or not. Living togther should be reserved for marriage. Otherwise, what's the point in being married?

The 'living together before marriage or not' can have many different answers, so see what makes you more comfortable on a religious/beliefs point of view.

However, I wouldn't recommend moving in with him as soon as he comes back. A lot of my friends have been in long-distance relationships, and they all said it took them a couple of months to get used to being around the other person every day or so after spending all this time apart. You may not want to add that pressure to your other issues of marriage.

If you don't want to live with someone before marriage then you have every right not to. He has to accept this fact the same way you have to accept the fact that he is not ready for marriage! If you can't tell him the truth about how you feel then maybe your not as ready for marriage as you think you are!

do not move in, i repeat dont do it.

All that really mattters here is that you obviously aren't ready to live with this guy. Personal beliefs, whether or not you'll do it eventually, and all us sugar pals' opinions don't matter, because YOU'RE NOT READY.

Tell him you just need time, that he can sign a six month lease and then you two can talk about it again. If he's worried about affording a place on his own, help him- you can find him the best deal, since you already live there.

And TALK to him about the marriage thing.

I wouldn't live with a mate before marriage but that's just me - i'll leave that aside for now. I think you should have a talk with him about your expectations/what you want within the relationship. I mean, just like you want him to propose, you could've proposed yourself, right? Talk to him about your future plans.

There's studies which say that couples who cohabitate without being married just see marriage as the "next step" and decide to take the plunge, even if it's not what they want. They assume that, hey, we're already doing everything else that married couples do; why not take it a little further?

Marriages like this fail! Be careful! A lot of people think they're the exception (and sometimes they are), but oftentimes, that's not the case.

He's saying you guys aren't ready, not that he doesn't want to get married.

Why did you assume he'd just propose when you left the army?

If it means so much to you say to him that you don't like the idea of moving in before marriage and if he doesn't want to take the step he can just rent a flat nearby. Don't make it overly complicated or deliver sudden demands.

I don't think living together before marriage is necessary at all... only because my parents didn't live together before they were married and they have been married for 25 years now... my fiance tried to pressure me into living with him before marriage, and I told him I couldn't because of my religious beliefs as well as my respect for my parents... we spend pretty much every day together at his house, I sleep there every weekend, so the only time we're apart is for sleeping during the week... I have responsibilities around the house, as does he... so thats about as close as we're going to get before we walk down that aisle

Hey Beatrix, I think that if you are uncomfortable with it, don't do it. I Am having this same conundrum now...assumin gmy boyf of almost 6 years proposes when he graduates in the spring, he could either a) move in with me (we live 3 hours a apart now) and get a job here, or b) get a job where he is and that delay our marriage a bit. At first i was gonna give in and let him live with me, but he knew it was important to me to wait, and even though he doesn't have the same beliefs, he says he would rather wait so that I am happy and my parents are happy. I thought it was very sweet of him to say that since I was going to compromise and let him move in. and he knew this.

good luck!

I think it is very important to live with someone for at least a year before you marry them. The "trial marriage" will give you a chance to see what you really look like to each other in that framework, will give you time to work out what you need to and gives you the option to step back and re-evaluate if you can determine that there are some deal breakers you can't resolve together.

Wow, this is an extremely personal decision. Living together works for some people and it doesn't work for others. All of these posters (myself included) can list their reasons for doing one thing or another, but in the end it is really up to you.

I am of the mindset that you don't need to live together before marriage. There are plenty of ways to get to know each other without living in the same house/apartment. And don't forget that living together doesn't mean you will get to know everything about your future spouse either. People are constantly changing and "shacking up" pre-marriage won't change that at all.

If you aren't comfortable moving in together, that's okay. There is nothing wrong with it. My suggestion to everyone when they get engaged is to go through pre-marriage counseling whether it is secular or faith based. It will dig deeper into compatibility than knowing how someone brushes their teeth. Good luck!

This is truly personal decision. I myself WILL NOT cohabitate. "Trial marriage" as someone refered to it is a joke and makes a mockery of the institution. Marriage is a lifelong commitment not a vacuum cleaner you buy off the tube late at night. In the last twenty years people have been devaluing and eroding away at marriage little by little and I think "shackin up" is a major factor. This is my opinion only I can't and don't tell others what to do or what's best in their life.

*TRIAL MARRIAGE* is NOT a mockery. Who said marriage was a joke? Don't assume that you're the better situation.

IMO, just follow your gut instincts. I agree with some here, don't move in with him as soon as he comes back. I say you two should try being a couple FIRST (not long distance) and see how it goes from there.

Marriage IS very serious and it ISN'T for everyone. But if you want to be married one day, then don't be scared to ask for it. You deserve to be married to someone who really does want to marry you.

Laughing at the term "trial marriage" is that like a trial size soap, use it and if you dont like it dont buy it? Love isnt that trivial.

In My opinion living together is the easy way out, there is always a window to go out of, you dont have a commitment its not binding. To have a test run of something that cannot be "faked" like marriage, because its a totally different feeling to be called "wife" than girlfriend, you are basically playing house. And than there are 20 million girls on this site saying "we have lived together for 4 years and he still hasnt proprosed!" well duh.

Wow, I could never marry someone without living with them beforehand. Have you ever had a best friend that you loved and then moved in with them and had bitter fights over stupid, household stuff? I know I have. I wouldn't want to have that with my possible future husband. I live with my boyfriend now, and it's been great - although, I can't relate with the "why buy the cow" thing as I don't really want to get married anyway. So, I would say that this is a personal decision - don't listen to anyone else, just listen to your heart.

Wow, I could never marry someone without living with them beforehand. Have you ever had a best friend that you loved and then moved in with them and had bitter fights over stupid, household stuff? I know I have. I wouldn't want to have that with my possible future husband. I live with my boyfriend now, and it's been great - although, I can't relate with the "why buy the cow" thing as I don't really want to get married anyway. So, I would say that this is a personal decision - don't listen to anyone else, just listen to your heart.

DONT DO IT!!! My boyfriend an i have been together for 2.5 years and spoke about marriage constantly BEFORE we lived together. Thinsg we going so great that we moved in together last year. Its great, we've gotten much closer but the marriage talked has slowed down. He says "we live together, that is a commitment in itself" or "why rush, we are happy living together right?" UGH! so frustrating! The whole "why buy the cow if you get the milk for free" saying is so true. Guys get way to comfortable sometimes.

i'm not against it- i just would prefer to be engaged first - but you should do what's best for you

This is a very personal decision. Everyone can tell you yes or no, but it really comes down to what you want to do and you're the only one who really knows what you want.

I do not know. . . I've never lived with a guy - and I would never judge ( a lot of my friends live with thier boyfriends) so it's not about that and do not be swayed by opinions that take a 'moral' stand-point. All I know from seeing my friends is (1) saying, 'will you marry me?' = I want to spend the rest of my life with you - and (2) saying, 'can we move in together?'= this is convient for me right now. Going for Broke, stick to your guns - you kno wwhat is right for you!

P.S. Also, Going by the Book shoud look into how the divorce ratio increase substantially after couple who have live together first and then get married.

Sorry - as I explained in another post = I've had a litter wine - tonight. In my P.S. I meant divorce may ratio substantially once you have lived together prior to marriage.

In my opinion marriage isnt the greatest thing and I dont think it is needed to be in a committed relationship (Ive never been married).

So starting with that Im all about living with the guy before getting married. This is one way for you to REALLY know him and all of his habits. Then if you finally decide to get married you are not going to be shocked by how he lives. Also you can work out any issues before marriage.

But that is just how I view it and I know that it is not for everyone

If he gets to say he's not ready for marriage, you should be able to say you are not ready to live together. Don't be talked in to something you don't want.

I know that this respose is late, but I hope it still helps. (I'm avoiding a writing project at the moment...what a perfect time to post!)

Having just celebrated my first anniverary with my lovely husband, I would *NEVER* recommend getting married without living together first.

They say that the first two years of marriage are the hardest, and I absolutely believe that's true. But I also think that living with my husband for 2 years before we got married actually got a lot of that "first two years" ickiness out of the way before we said "I do." It sounds trivial, but I think if I had married my husband before I actually *lived in* the filth he can create, I would have imploded.

That's not to say that we haven't had our nasty moments during our first year of marriage, but I think all in all, it's been a fantastic year and I feel closer to him now than I ever did when we were just living together.

I also don't think that living together really took away any of the magic of getting married. When you love someone enough to know that you want to be with him every day for the rest of your life, then you will love him more every day, regardless of your geography.