I am an only child and I went from living in my own room with my mom for years to living with my boyfriend and his brother. The advantage I have over you is it is a four bedroom house. I have my own room as does my boyfriend. We both have our own space but sleep in the same room almost every night.

It is always strange to have to spare a space with someone when you went for so long with having things in your set ways. My suggestion to you is try to find a balance between you and your boyfriend. Both pick out two or three items that really mean the most to you and the rest pack away for later. The rest you both can figure out on your own.

Another suggestion since you are not moving for another 7+ months is try to see if you can get a three bedroom two bath apartment. I am sure between the three of you, you can figure out the extra cash. Having your own room might help when you want to have some alone time. If you do end up getting a two bedroom and have no place to 'escape' then find somewhere to go, a quiet place in a park nearby, a coffee house, etc so you can get some 'me' time. My 'me' time is going to the gym everyday. Eventually you will find a happy medium.

I think pinup said it really well. The main idea is to have at least a small space somewhere that belongs to you so you can at least go there to think a bit and be alone with yourself. I'm sure you'll enjoy the company for the most part. I'm an only child, too, and it can be lonely.

I'm an only child too. I went from having my own room for 18 years to living in a 10x12 dorm room with a roommate that I had never met in my life. You just have to compromise about where to put things. Moving in with somebody (or moving at all) makes you reevaluate the possessions that are really important to you and what's just cr*p.

The bigger question is how you're going to navigate living with your boyfriend and your collective "best friend." Be careful. You're about to live the meaning of "two's company, three's a crowd..."

Another only! It was and still is an adjustment. I think that if you can carve out a space that is yours to do as you please you will a lot happier. Also, if you are lucky, your honey won't really care what you do with the space anyway and you will still have free reign.

I have to say though, it's odd that you will be sharing your space with a friend when your are in a relationship. You might want to hold off living with your man until you are actually married and it can be just the two of you adjusting to living together instead of you having to adjust to him and another person.

Thanks for replying guys, this was my post.

My boyfriend is currently in school at NC Arts living in an on-campus apartment with two guys. One is his best friend and writing partner, the one that we're going to move in with. This is their second school year together, and I've visited quite often, sharing a twin bed with my bf and planning meals. I have a pretty good window of seeing what it will be like to live with them.

Alan, his partner, is really easy to live with and becoming like the brother I never had. The only problem I can see is that we tend to side together against my bf Daniel on a lot of arguments, whether it's my argument or Alan's. I have a promise to myself that I won't let that happen in important stuff.

Living with them is kind of a must-do sort thing. If I stay here, we'll continue to be stuck in a long-distance relationship for who knows how long. And we're planning on moving to LA (they're screenwriters) in a couple years, so we really do need to test the waters on living together somewhat close to home and in an affordable apartment (Rent is about $600/month for a 2bed/2bath and a perfect split for our funds.)

I've heard a lot of people tell me that guys make perfect roommates, as long as you're not a neat-freak, and I'm definitely not! In spite of the big change, I think it will be really good for me to have my own little "family" in a new place.

moving in with your boyfriend ...bad idea, moving in with a roomate great idea.

You will regret it if you do it.

I'm not an only child, but I never had to share a bedroom with my younger sister. We always had plenty of our own space. I had my first experience with roommates in college and I did okay with it.

You'll be fine...it takes some adjusting at first, but you get used to it. Most guys aren't too concerned about decor either, so I'm sure you'll have a lot of say as to how you decorate and such.

Caterpillar Girl, what makes you think that she will regret this decision? Sometimes moving in with significant other is a bad move if it's rushed or one of you is not ready, but she has't given any indication that there's any issues in their relationship. It seems as if the move is a mutual decision and that they plan on getting married someday. I don't get why she would regret this??

I don't understand why your experience would be different as an only child than someone who has siblings. My sister and I had our own rooms we definitely did not impose on eachothers space. I think it is all in how you handle it. You need to discuss your concerns with your boyfriend and new roommate there are more things to worry about than where all your crap is going to go. I would be more concerned with bills and cleaning.

she has only ever lived at home

She has never had "her own space"

She is stating that "I just realized that for the rest of my life (since we have plans to marry), I'm going to be sharing a room! I can't just decorate it the way I want, and my "personal" space will be limited"

She would be served better if they didnt share a room, if she made that space her own and not "his and hers" I know firsthand how it it when one doesnt experiance the joys of just buying things for ones own space. Its a rite of passage when you move out of your parents home, to make it on your own!!!

I am an only child, 23 yrs old, who just moved in with my boyfriend and I was feeling the same way you are!! The most important thing is to make sure you have your own little space, whether its as big as a room or bathroom, or as small as your "side" of the closet. As long as you have a little spot that is filled with only your stuff, you'll be fine!! It's definitely a great idea to move in before marriage!

She did have her own space when she was in college her dorm room was a single.

I don't want to bring down your excitement but I just never think it's a good idea to plan your life around a man. You might think you will marry this man, but sometimes it doesn't work out. After living together you might decide you want your own place. It seems like you really want independence and "me" time.

Even if you do share a room with him I'm sure you guys can compromise and you can give personal touches. I know a lot of men that like when their wife/girlfriend decorates! since they usually lack that ability. If the room is big enough consider putting up a folding wall where you can have a little zen space.

I am not an only child, but was always on a different floor than my brother and parents. I live with my boyfriend now, but I have my own bathroom and closet. Also, the guest bedroom, which I decorated, becomes "mine" when we get annoyed with each other, and I think having that bit of personal space is definitely key. Is your best friend a guy or a girl? If it is a girl, maybe you could share the bathroom with her? As much as I love him, there are things I do in there that I would not want my boyfriend to see! This is going to be really hard for you, especially in the beginning. Be sure to do things on your own, and try to assign something in that house that is just "yours" (shelf, closet, room, anything) that no one else can have!

I'm not an only child, but having shared a room all my life, except for the three years before my sister was born and one year in college, I do have some tips on how to make sharing a room harmonious.

1. Keep your bedroom as open and clutter-free as possible. This means, if your apartment can handle it, put your bookshelves, your computer, your chairs, your desk, your TV somewhere else. In college we get used to having all these things around us, but they make the space cramped. The less confined you feel, the less likely you are to feel resentful or put upon about sharing the space.

2. Unpack as much of your stuff as you can together, and right away. That way you can be like, "Guys, I was thinking I could put item X here. Is that okay with you?" and they can do the same, while you're all working, so you're not really bothering anybody. That way, everybody feels like they have a say in space distribution, and you can make sure everybody, including yourself, has places for all his/her stuff.

3. Make it perfectly clear, to both your boyfriend and your roommate, what stuff they are and are not allowed to touch. Saying something like, "This is my corner," sounds territorial, and can sometimes push people's buttons (maybe your boyfriend and your roommate are cool, but my sister is a touchy touchy harpy), but if you say, "I sit in this chair every day, so I'd appreciate it if we could keep it and the space around it clear, and I always have a hard time finding my books, so please don't fuss with my bookshelves," you can basically stake out a corner of your own, without making it seem like you're trying lay claim to something that should be shared.

4. Establish habits for your personal time, and stick to them. For example, if you come home every day and go read a book in your bedroom (or your cozy chair and bookshelf corner) for half an hour, the boys should soon learn that that's the time when you don't like to be bothered or intruded upon, and they'll leave you alone. If they don't catch on, give firm but friendly hints: "Guys, I like to read when I come home for just a little bit, so if you could give me that time to myself, I'd be really grateful."

I suppose you weren't really looking for blow-by-blow advice, but living with people is always a little weird, whether it's people you know or strangers, for the first time or the fifth. Anything you can do to keep things open, honest, and fair should help you deal with the transition. Good luck and have fun!

I see your point, Caterpillargirl, about never living on her own and needing to enjoy her own space for awhile. That makes a lot of sense to me and I think living alone and enjoying your own place for the very first time is exciting!

Of course there will be some compromise required in this situation, but perhaps she will be okay with that. I'm married and besides living with my husband, I have lived with another past boyfriend and female roommates before. It is essential to have a place in the house to go when you need to escape...I never had a hard time finding that in any of those living situations. I also never had a hard time compromising and making joint decisions with my boyfriend/roommate/husband on how to decorate, what to buy, etc.

Maybe she will be okay with that too. And if not, then she'll realize she made a mistake. The fact that there are three of them going in on this apartment makes me think they're trying to save money...it may not even be an option for her to have her own place or even just live with one roommate. Otherwise, I'm sure the friend wouldn't be moving in with them!

I think it's a very personal decision and there are probably many factors involved. You're right, she could regret it, but it may also turn out to be a very enjoyable experience.

I may not be an only child, but went to boarding school when I was 14, and only had a roommate for one year in college. I just moved in with my boyfriend after spending the last year in a long-distance relationship, and there are challenges. I definitely agree with the idea of having your own space. I feel so used to being on my own that it's almost a shock to wake up next to someone and spend every day beside them. It's not bad, just an adjustment. And I'm just beginning to realize that there are times when it is both o.k. and necessary to say "honey, I need so time to myself now." Whether it's getting out of the apartment or kicking him out of the apartment, the key for me has been having an hour or two each day to myself - to play the music I like, read a book, whatever. Moving in with a boyfriend is a huge adjustment, especially if you're not used to roommates. But I think it's a valuable step, especially if you're considering marriage. I think communication is the key, because otherwise you'll both end up unhappy. Just let him know what you need and respect his needs in return, and hopefully it will be a great step forward in your relationship. Good luck!

Try and get a 3 room apartment so you and he can have your own space. It will do wonders for your relationship and sanity. My fiance and I live in a house with a friend, but we have our separate rooms and love it that way. The extra money you'll pay for a bigger apartment is really worth it.

I've never lived with a boyfriend, but I have lived with a bunch of guy friends and the most contentious thing for us was chores! For all of us it was our first time living in our own house and not the dorms, so decorating and personal space wasn't our big issue. Sit down with them and make sure everyone comes to an understanding about who will do what chores and when. Since your boyfriend and his friend already live together they may have their own system worked out already, but make sure you're in on it and you're ok with it!

i totally agree with polska--you need to realize from the get-go that it is OKAY to want and need your own time. also, since you're in a 2 bed/2bath, i suggest you designate a boys bathroom and a girls bathroom. you can decorate the girls bathroom however you want and, if it's big enough, put a little chair in there so you can read/listen to music/just escape for a while.
although i'm not an only child, i've always had my own room (i'm the only girl), and i only shared a room for 2 years in college (and railroaded my roommates into decorating how i wanted it). now that i'm living with my boyfriend, i'm finding that i really am okay with not having things my own way, because i've had it for so long. this is his first time living on his own, so to speak, so i gave him the computer room to decorate. now, we call that the "man room" and he can put his nascar gear and beer posters up to his heart's content, and since i barely go in there except to use the computer, i don't really care!

i had been with my (now ex) boyfriend for about 2 years before we moved in together. we got a 2 bed/1 bath that we shared with a good friend of mine that i went to college with. moving in with someone is a big test of your relationship. we are no longer together because we lived together for a year. not to say that this happens with everyone, but it does happen. you really do not know someone until you move in with them. even though you've stayed with him in his dorm or apartment, that's really not the same. we had done the 'staying over' bit before we moved in together and that was fine. then we moved in together and i saw who he really was. and thankfully it got me out of a bad relationship. so i'd be wary of moving in with a boyfriend, but it's certainly much better to move in with someone before you marry him. it's easier to move out than get divorced.

i'm an only child and i've always had the same problem..sharing a room..i moved to college and shared a room with 2 other people..but i developed some great friendships out of that..later during college i moved in with a good friend who i considered somewhat of a sister to me...that was the worst idea - after living together for over a year we couldn't stand each other..i finally was able to live alone for about 2 years..and i understand that need to want to have your own space and be able to do what you want and don't want...now i live with my mom again and share a room..so it's a change...

i agree with someone above that mentioned not living with the boyfriend..and a friend..not to wish bad things on you..but i've seen bad things happen to people i know who have gone into that situation. my suggestion would be living with a roommate. I am unsure as to where you are looking to live..but is it possible to rent a 2 bedroom apartment and each of you have your room ..or would that be too expensive?

Aw, if you're having these thoughts, maybe it would be best to live with a roommate first..?

Living with a significant other can make things INCREDIBLY complicated... all of the sudden your credit becomes intertwined, you'll have "stuff" that'll have to be divided if you split up, etc. Not to be pessimistic, but breaking up with someone you live with is just like getting a divorce. In fact, I call my 3-yr live-in boyfriend "the divorce." Enough said.

There are ways to get around the not-having-your-own-space thing. Pick a night each week that you do your own thing. Maybe he goes out and you stay home and watch Grey's Anatomy with friends, or you read at Starbucks while he plays video games at home. Also, he should be ok with you decorating in a way that makes you feel "at home." If he's not, that's a sign of immaturity, and an issue you should address BEFORE you move in with him. Living with someone does not work unless you're both willing to compromise, especially on the little things.

Also, make sure you're on the same page about things like cleanliness, bills (who pays what, letting things go past-due, etc.,) who will do the cooking, and all that stuff. It's important, trust me.

Good luck!

Here's some advice:
DO NOT live with your best friend.
DO NOT live with your boyfriend.

These are the most important things you need to realize right now. If you don't, both relationships will certainly end badly. Please believe me. Also, stats show that couples who live together before they get married have a much greater chance of divorcing down the road.

You need to live on your own and become an adult woman first. You need to have a roommate you don't know veru well, so that you can learn to compromise and share space. This isn't the 1960's - you don't go from mommy and daddy to hubby in one move.

Please, please, please rethink your arrangement and come up with something else.

I'm an only child and I've lived with a lot of different people... a virtual stranger in college, a bunch of random friends at the beach after that, practically a whole fraternity, my best friend and now my fiance. I think it's not fair to make general proclamations like "do not live with your best friend or boyfriend". Everyone is so different and every experience is different. Mostly all relationships are about what fits and keeping the peace. If the situation doesn't fit, you move on. If it does, work on keeping the peace by being fair, sharing the chores, giving each other time when you need it, having some respect for each others stuff, etc.