Dear Sugar,
I've been married for two years now. I have a 1-year old and another on the way. Lately my sex life has gone downhill and I believe it's because of me. I am seven months pregnant, which makes my hormones go crazy. I want to have sex often, which I thought would be a great thing for my husband. He used to complain if we didn't have sex everyday and now he doesn't seem to care if we have it at all. I worry that he isn't interested in me anymore and will or has looked elsewhere to get satisfied. I know a lot has changed about me and my body, but I'm not fat, other than my pregnant belly. When we have sex, I can barely feel him anymore. It has to be me; I'm the one that gave birth. Before that we had a great sex life. Is this it? Is my sex life with my husband over? It is the actual intercourse that I'm worried about. Will it ever be good again or is my marriage doomed? Do you think my husband is cheating? He isn't the type to go without sex, especially good sex. What do I do?
—Pregnant, Horny, and Sad Samantha
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Dear Pregnant, Horny, and Sad Samantha —
First of all congratulations on your almost new arrival! You must be overworked and exhausted, not to mention feeling so many other different emotions so this whole sex issue with your hubby can't be helping. You've really got to be open with him about this. Ask him what he's feeling and if he's happy with your sex life. Remember that he's a dad now too, and he has a lot more responsibilities than he had before you two had a family so chances are his sex drive has changed a bit. He could be worried about being able to support you guys or maybe he's just tired and not in the mood. There could be a hundreds reasons as to why he's not as horny anymore, so don't just assume that it's because of you.
To answer your question about birth and your sex life, your vaginal muscles do get stretched out, but doing pelvic floor exercises called Kegels will help strengthen and tighten those muscles back up. Basically it's the muscles you'd contract if you were peeing and you wanted to stop. Squeeze these muscles for 10 seconds, then relax. Repeat 10-20 times and you should notice a difference when you have sex.
Being pregnant does crazy things to your hormones besides just making you super horny. They also make you really sensitive and emotional about everything. I'm not saying that you don't have a reason to be upset, but because your feelings are so strong, you can't just hold them in. Be open and honest with your husband about your needs and your fears. Talking together will make you feel so much better. I hope this helps.
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None of us can determine if your husband is cheating, though I hope he is not for you and your childrens sake. And I have never had a child so I can't really answer the questions about the pregnancy and sex, though I can understand.
Talk to him about it! Dont accuse him, dont even ask him if he is cheating, but just talk it out!
It will do more good than this will!
Worrying and being pregnant at the same time must be rough!!
(P.S. Congrats on the baby!)
1Congrats lady! Having a one year old and another on the way must be tough! Only thing I can really suggest is that you talk to your hubby and see how he is feeling and tell him how you are feeling. I agree with the previous poster, don't accuse him of anything, that will just start an unnecessary fight, and you already have enough to deal with! I hope everything works out for you, and that you have a beautiful healthy baby!
2aw im sorry you're having a tough time. i agree with the other posters. my friend is 9 months pregnant and she is constantly warning me on the emtional out burts she has had during her pregnancy, and she says that she's grateful that she hasn't done anything rash or jumped to any conclusions.. shes says she understands now why so many pregnant women walk out on their hubbys mid pregnancy. i think you should talk to him about you wanting more from your sex life [hey everyone needs it!!] but not talk to him about him wandering until after the baby is born and your hormones get back to normal. congrats on the baby & good luck!
3Being pregnant can make you feel less attractive. It's also hell on your hormones and makes you a little crazy. Taking on the responsibility of two children is a huge responsibility. Some men also don't like sleeping with pregnant women, I'm serious. I always say this but you need to talk to him about it! things don't get solved without being upfront.
PS. Don't stress too much, you have a baby on the way and stressing isn't good for you. Goodluck with your babies
4this sounds like typical new parent, pregnant with the second one stuff. everyone is tired, everyone is excited, everyone is stressed about the upcoming additional responsibilities, no one is feeling quite like themselves. talk to your dh and i bet all of this clears up.
try and get back to thinking about the family you are creating and the love that got you to this point. hope this isn't a surprise to you but parents of 2 babies under 2 don't have sex everyday. you actually have to schedule it when you expect both kids to be asleep, and then it's likely 1 or both of you will be too tired much of the time. it passes
5I agree with lickety. With a second baby on the way so soon after the first was born, I'm sure everyone is feeling a little out of whack at this point. However, I think your hubby is lucky that you are still wanting sex even at 7 months along. When I was at that stage, I was so moody I didn't want anyone to even LOOK at me, much less touch me.
I say sit down with him with a nice warm cup of tea or cocoa and just have a nice heart-to-heart. After your firstborn is asleep, that is.
As for the loss of sensitivity down there, that's expected...especially after having a baby. Excersize!
6dearsugar said it perfectly
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