70% of Americans Think a Bride Should Take Husband's Name

August 13, 2009

Worrying that "the mailman would get confused" or that "society wouldn’t function as well if women did not change their names," 70 percent of Americans say that new brides should take their husband's last name. Even more shocking, the study presented yesterday at the American Sociological Association’s annual meeting found that 50 percent of respondents thought it should be made a legal requirement for women to change their names to their husbands'!

The reasons given ranged from religious beliefs to social convenience — some people actually suggested that the post office might be confused if there were people living at the same address with two different names. Really? What about everyone living with roommates?! Some respondents also seemed to have forgotten the inconveniences a woman must face if she wants to change her name after she gets married. I guess those inconveniences don't count.

It seems obvious to me that the law should never mandate that a married woman ditch her maiden name. Then again, perhaps there's nothing very liberating about keeping your "own" last name anyway, since the name belonged to a man in the first place. Let's all just make up new names and see how the post office handles that.

Source: Getty

76 Comments

3 years 39 weeks

My fiance and I are talking about this. She has no one to carry her family name her dad and his brother only poped out girls. We came to this agreement when we have kids, I get to name all the kids but I will have her last name she is fine with that. To be honest I do not have a clue about girls names so she knows they will be called what ever she wants them, she also knew and expected me to name the boys, my first one will be Faabio or Fabio not sure yet. I suggest for all the upset women come to a compromise not that last names really matters when you are in love honestly. It should be noted tho I am a Economist and know how to use incentives to my advantage.

AF 3 years 40 weeks

Why? For heaven's sake!

dani17731 3 years 40 weeks

I've posted about this before. What's so hard about keeping your name? If you wanna change it fine, but I just think it's old-fashioned and too patriarchal for my tastes. Then again, it's my OPINION. Everybody has one, so get over it! And when we have kids, their last name will be hyphenated. If my daughter wants to change her name, that's her decision. If she marries a guy with a hyphenated last name, she can use all four or not take his name at all! It's not anybody's business what you choose or why, so leave it alone.

Muirnea 3 years 40 weeks

Elle: "If women weren't so emotional they would have a better chance of making it in the professional world." Ummm, doesn't that mean the professional world is geared toward men and how they think and how they act????? That's sexist. Women shouldn't have to pretend to be less emotional and act like men just to get to the same place in life/work that men do by being themselves. Basically our whole world is still based on men and how they think and how they act. It's just been like that so long, that that's what everyone is used to, so everyone see's it as normal, when it's not really fair. Men and women shouldn't all be judged based on men's standards. Women have different traits that can bring different things to the table in a work enviroment than men do. No one is better, just different.

Muirnea 3 years 40 weeks

First of all, I'm going to keep my name, b/c it's a tradition that represents the husband owning and being in control of the wife, even if it doesn't literally mean that these days. Keeping traditions just for the sake of tradition makes no sense. When it's a sexist tradition like the name issue here, it perpetuates sexism even if people say they don't consider it sexist, b/c no matter how you say you look at the issue, most women that change their name are doing something that their men wouldn't do for them. Which means, to me at least, that those men are being sexist. They are expecting their wife to show public commitment to them, but they won't do that for the wife. So I plan on keeping my own name, and would prefer if my future husband kept his own too. As far as kids and their names, I don't plan on having any, so it's not an issue for me.

fireyelectra 3 years 40 weeks

My husband and I kept our names, but we have a joke last name, a portmanteau of our last names, that we use with our friends. People actually use it as our last name on invitations and the like, and everything gets to the House of CosGor just fine. Considering I still get mail for people who lived at my apartment over 4 years ago, I'm pretty sure the Post Office doesn't even care what name is on it.

ECULeah 3 years 40 weeks

A law is ridiculous and sexist. I'll probably hyphenate or just keep my birth name. Luckily I date intelligent, educated, progressive men who have no problem with this.

3 years 40 weeks

I am surprised by the poll! Thank goodness my husband and his family already had a tradition of the women keeping their names or hypenating when they married- I have never wanted to be Mrs. (insert man's first and last name here). My husband and I have a made up "combination" last name that we use just for fun. I love it when our friends send us mail using our "for fun" last name!

CaterpillarGirl 3 years 40 weeks

In my house also, my husband is the head of the household and we talk about decisions together but he is the main "spokesperson" if you will, Not really the final word but I defer to him to be our voice. I took his last name, because I wanted to join with him in every way possible, physically, emotionally, and on paper.

lildorothyparker 3 years 40 weeks

Anonymous @ 9:15 - While I don't want to have a discussion about first year anthropology courses... you're talking about natural selection, not Darwin's survival of the fittest. Natural selection influences the concept of survival of the fittest, but these concepts are not the same. I suggest reading a book on basic anthropology and perhaps getting an account so people will actually take you seriously.

bchicgrl 3 years 40 weeks

I'm glad we can choose whether or not to take our husbands last name. Personally I'm taking my husbands name because I think it's easier to pronounce. When we were discussing it before our wedding we even joked about taking the front part of his and the last part of mine and join them together for us both to have a new last name. If it ever became law and forced women to take their husbands last name I would deliberately change it back just to make a point.

dikke kus 3 years 40 weeks

Alrighty then. Some people get their panties in a was about such a small thing. I thought I posted on this once before. Why do so many women get upset about it? If you feel the need to keep your maiden name then don't change it already. Leave the rest of us alone who wanted to. The day you get married you take on a new identity. Some of us want to change our name as a result of that. It made me feel like a new person. I didn't mind the paperwork involved. It was minor details and it took no time at all. Besides what a pain to have people confused asking all the time if you're married or not since you don't have the same last name. Airports and other places too. Now that's a problem.

alphaxigirl07 3 years 40 weeks

i don't really have a probably with taking my bfs last name, even though it is a ridiculously common name that soo many people have. however, i totally understand the whole "identity" thing. you've lived with this one name all your life, it IS a big deal to consider, and whichever is fine. and it should stay that way.. a personal choice. the one thing that i do kind of have a problem with is that it is still something that women really only have to deal with. i think that men should discuss with their gf/fiancee what they would like to do, name wise. i don't think that a woman should have to feel that she has to make the decision. i'm sure some men do this, but it doesn't seem common. it would just be nice to see men be a little flexible instead of women having to always make the decision on this one. just my 2 cents :)

lickety split 3 years 40 weeks

"I think it shows disloyalty and lack of commitment not to take your husbands name". well i think it shows cowardice and lack of conviction to make a statement like that and hide behind "anonymous".

lickety split 3 years 40 weeks

backward.

3 years 40 weeks

I think it shows disloyalty and lack of commitment not to take your husbands name. It also sends the wrong message to future children. Additionally, having a husband take his wife's surname is insulting and disrespectful to his family. And lildorothyparker, you have survival of the fittest incorrect-it's about genetic reorganization and how it helps or hinders, so it can be applied to any situation regarding adaptations.

3 years 40 weeks

I agree! Your man is head of the household. He's in charge of many matters.

Choco-cat 3 years 40 weeks

ok, i'm sorry, i just read the second and third of EllenHudson's posts and i just have to ask - EllenHudson, are you actually a guy posting under a girl's name?

Choco-cat 3 years 40 weeks

wow, EllenHudson, if this site offends you so much perhaps you shouldn't be on it. First of all, TresSugar is NOT saying you should not take a husband's last name, she is simply asking for a discussion on whether or not one should take a husband's last name. Second of all, if you think it's the same as wearing green on St. Patrick's Day...well, perhaps you're right - the Irish started with the green as a statement (against the English). Traditions do not occur out of thin air, they start for a particular reason and people have every right to decide whether or not they wish to continue to follow that tradition and, therefore, uphold the reason, or not.

GlowingMoon 3 years 40 weeks

I kept my last name, and I had my husband's blessing. I was attached to my name, and also, in my opinion, I have a really nice name. :) I think I'm just as dedicated to our marriage as any other woman. We've been together for about 15 years. In fact, our marriage has outlasted some where the women took their husbands' last names, and had left their husbands. My marriage is different, too. We're both equal partners in our household. Most of the time, no one has the final word. This is a marriage between TWO people, so most of the time, there is a good compromise. If my husband wanted the final word in most matters, he would have to be single, and the same would apply to me. :) I'm his wife -- an equal partner, NOT an extension of him, and vice-versa. Yes, compromising is hard sometimes, and sometimes, it takes creativity to come up with an acceptable agreement, but our marriage is worth it. We much happier married than being single. :)

medenginer 3 years 40 weeks

I didn't mind taking my ex-husband's name and I kept it after the divorce. I didn't want the trouble of going back to the maiden one and my kids have the same last name. Keeping it made my ex mad so that was an added benefit. When I get married again I'll take his name also.

Symphonee 3 years 40 weeks

I plan on hyphenating because I love my family name and it is important to keep that link. My great grandfather on my father's side had all girls, my grandmother gave my father the family name and he gave it to me and my sister. Until I had my son there was no hope of passing on the family name but I gave my oldest son my last name like my grandmother did. I always want to have that link, so hyphenate it is. I have told every single boyfriend I have ever had this because I had my mind made up since I was a kid. I also have to say that I see where spacekat gal is coming from. My boyfriend and I share responsibility with decision making about most things but if we hit a stalemate in the decision process we go with his idea. A man is the head of the household, that is what I believe. That does not mean he is always right or that you defer to every single thing that he says but somebody has to be the boss. Certain areas I have final say so, others he does.

3 years 40 weeks

It seems a lot easier to not take your husband's last name. Most women will have to change it back after the divorce anyway.

Chouette4u 3 years 40 weeks

I took my husband's last name, but I didn't change it until a few months into our marriage. I like my old last name better, but having the same last name does make us feel a little bit more like a family, especially now that we have a kid. I don't feel like I "gave up" any part of myself in changing my name, but I understand women who want to keep their maiden names, especially when your name is tied closely with your job. I do wish that it was more common for men to take their wives' names because I think it would take the sexist stigma out of changing your name when you get married.

nguidjol 3 years 40 weeks

I am with you babelicious, i am planning to change my name legally. My last name is neither my mum or my dad, it's complicated but basically where i was born a child could be named after anyone in the family or the village. So i ended up with my mother cousin's name. That was just fine as long as we lived in Cameroon, but try to explain to French people why you are not carrying your single mother's name or your absentee father's one. I had enough, so i am changing to a less complicated African one. Yes i still want my last name to be African and once i've done that not changing it ever again.

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