i don't think you have a moral obligation to quit, but i think you have a right to work in a place where you can be comfortable and for a person you respect.

the little devil in me wonders what would happen if someone anonymously mailed the "evidence" you found to his wife... which is more uncomfortable for you--not being responsible for the fallout in his marriage if you told his wife, or being responsible for letting her live in ignorance (and maybe getting some terrible disease because of it)? Now there's a moral dilemma for you!

Nah, I work with a guy like that too. He's not my boss though, which might make a difference if I were in the same situation. But as long as he's not charging it to a company account, it really shouldn't be an issue. It sucks and it's terrible, but it's his personal life. Just make sure you leave the paper on top of a stack so he knows that you know.

If it were me, I'd just ignore it. However, you clearly have a problem with it, so quit if that's what you think is the right thing for you to do.

While you work closly with this man this does not make his personal life your business. You really do not know anything about his relationship with his wife she may be fine with him looking outside their marriage. There are couples that do operate this way you would be surprised. It is not up to you to decide what is right or wrong for them and what needs to be disclosed to his wife. I would however, leave the paper out so he knows you know and maybe he will use some discretion next time. If you truly have a problem with it than maybe you should look for another job.

Why are you going to quit your job??? How is that going to help other than you losing your income? That it is not going to help the situation, his marriage, his kids etc.

Honestly, I think it is none of your business what he does outside of work. You are his assistant, not his moral coach. You don’t know if he did it or someone who used his computer or even an office joke. My advice, stay out of it and keep your lips zipped.

I have sort of been in a similar situation. I used to work as the sole paralegal to a partner of a small law firm. Occasionally I would have to grab files off his computer and other various things. One time I did so, and an escort website popped up. He was also married with children. I basically just closed the window and pretended I never saw a thing. While it was definitely hard to look at him the same way again, it wasn't any of my business either.

I wouldn't even consider quitting if that's the only reason, but I'm not you. While I'd think him a sleazeball, I guess I just wouldn't think it my place to step in, even with a close working relationship. Whatever you do, don't tell him you saw it.

I can understand the dilemma about his wife though. If you do want to leave over this, don't just quit. Surely you've made contacts and could have some options. Go to a headhunter and start looking for a job, but make sure it's on the dl. Then, and only then, quit. Don't do it spontaneously.

It's none of your business, I agree that it's not going to help anyone even yourself to quit because of moral obligation.
If anything you'll have no more income!
You're working for him, you're neither his morality student nor a moral coach.

I see that you probably looked up to him so this felt like a betrayal, if your conscience bothered you so much, then I'd advice to start looking for another job.

I think your boss did wrong by you-- but ONLY because he was an idiot and left this out for someone to find! What an utter moron. If it were me, I would not quit, but I'd consider very vaguely asking him to keep his personal items private in case you need to go into his office. I think it is none of your business, but he kind of made it your business, which is unfortunate.

I know this might be considered wrong by many of you.... and I'm kind of in moral fantasyland here... but I worry that your boss is exposing his wife to STDs by sleeping with prostitutes, and in my mind that's a sort of life and death thing that goes beyond staying out of someone's business. Perhaps there would be a way to hint to the wife anonymously that this was going on. I wouldn't want to break up a marriage, but then again... what a sleazebag. I'd only do this if I were no longer working for him though.

It's totally none of your business what he does in his personal life. For all you know, he and his wife have an understanding.

But it was certainly stupid of him to leave the print out where you might be able to find it.

In any case, I'm sure this gave you a big old shock but in time it will probably wear off.

Personally, I wouldn't quit. But that's for you to decide.

If he knows you know...and then someone "anonymously" tips off his wife,then he'll know it was you, or suspect it was.

Although, some of the girls are right in saying that you aren't his moral coach, you are YOUR moral coach and if something makes you feel uncomfortable then you don't have to be a part of it. While I don't feel it is your obligation to tell his wife, I do feel it is your obligation to do what makes you feel MOST comfortable, be it- finding another job, or just waiting until the shock wears off and hopefully you can work in peace again!

But princess is right, he is a sleazebag for having such risky behavior and putting his wife at risk.

Not to mention people, THIS IS ILLEGAL.

It is not illegal everywhere and for a lot of people including myself I do not believe it should be illegal but that is a whole other topic.

Cubadog, hit it on the head. You dont know what the relationship is with his wife. A part of me says tell someone (the woman who is married in me) but then the rational part says...its none of your business. I know you want to be a warrior for all women out there but really what if you telling backfires...like what if the wife doesnt believe you or gets angry...then you might lose your job. Its none of your business

One thing I forgot to mention that when he returns to the office and you still feel uncomfortable around him, try looking to transfer to another position in another department. Don't quit.

I agree with pinupsweatheart. Unless what he is doing directly affect you during work hours then you have no reason to quit. What he does in his private time is personal. What you do in your private time is personal. You can respect him as a boss but not a person. It hard to seperate work and play, but i think youre going to learn to have to.

The business woman in me thinks that this would be a perfect opportunity to ask for a big raise. Sorry about the situation you are in, I'm sure it will be uncomfortable, but hey, maybe you can make his sleaziness work to your advantage : ) Good luck.

Don't quit your job. Why let him ruin more lives than necessary?

Througout your life, you will be confronted with situations like this. You can't just quit and run away every time. Remain professional, and send him a brief e-mail stating that he may want to be cautious about keeping his Internet correspondence personal.

Don't lose your head over this. It's none of your business.

I don't understand why everyone is saying not to tell the wife, yeah its none of your business but I would say its your moral obligation to tell the wife. Wouldn't you want to know if you were in the wife's position???? If the wife and husband do have an understanding about it, then you sending it to the wife anonymously isn't going to do anything and everything will still be fine because she just won't care. If she doesn't know and doesn't want it to be happening, then it will be good that you told her (again anonymously) because she deserves to know. Who cares if it is none of your business, if he was stupid enough to leave it out and know you have the opportunity to possibly help someone (his wife) you would be morally wrong NOT to do it!!!!!!!!!!! Possibly hurting people is not ok no matter what!!!! Would all of you people saying don't tell the wife, not say anything if you saw someone being murdered/raped/robed/etc. on accident, just because it was none of your business because it was the criminal's personal choice!!!????? Just because someone is married doesn't mean that the guy's wife is a part of him and not herself anymore! The fact that is affects her makes his choice completely not personal anymore!!! If affects her and she is an individual, being married doesn't make them one "personal unit"!!!!!

Despite the fact that what he's doing does, in fact, make hi a sleaze-bag, there can be no good that comes out of you taking it into your own hands. It will backfire and turn ugly. So keep your job. Remember, you're really actually working for your company. And are you going to let some sleaze-bag ruin your career?

I say tell his wife!! Muirnea is right in saying that she has a right to know!! I think you would feel better too by telling her. She has the right to know. Don't worry about breaking them up. They can take care of that themselves, but not telling her would be bad. What if you heard that she got sick and died from a disease?! How would you feel then?! If his wife and kids mean a lot to you too then tell her. I would do all of it anonymously though. Don't quit your job. That would show that you are weak. Be strong in making your choices!!! Use this to your advantage to also get a raise if you would like one!! Don't quit your job.

Why would you quit? He's not your husband, so just go about your executive assisting in a professional manner. Also, stop being dissapointed and judgmental, in the corporate world execs do a lot of weird stuff, you have to step back and realize your place as his helper not confessor. Be concerned with your own personal business, because you know nothing about his personal situation to judge him as a pig.

Popeye ,
Not telling his wife would be bad, however, EXTORTION is good???
OP, please ignore that advice as you could face charges for even hinting at extortion.

What he's doing is wrong, but it's not actually any of you\er business. This is not a situation with a friend's/sister's husband..this is your workplace.
If you're uncomfortable, request a transfer, but by all means, don't quit. There is no reason you should suffer for your boss' wrongdoing.
Also, I would consider making a copy of the document if you still have access to it. Just because if there is an issue with your transfer, or your boss figures out why you want one (and possibly attempts to fire you) you can take it to HR to explain your actions, but never show it to your boss or let on to HIM -- because that could be perceived as a threat..but just for your own job security.
Good Luck!

Also...i wish to blame my cat for my typos. That is all.

There is no moral obligation here. It is none of her business and she should file it away and never speak or think of it again.

WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT GOES ON IN HIS PERSONAL LIFE. For all anybody really knows, they have an understanding about sex outside the relationship. Monogamy is NOT the only kind of relationship out there!

Additionally, many an outside affair has actually saved a marriage that might otherwise have fallen apart. This guy could be relieving a kink or fetish that his wife isn't comfortable with. They could be swingers. Not everyone in this world is a white-bread, single-mate breeder who believes in one partner for life.

So for God's sake, please keep your mouth shut. And the rest of you - start thinking outside the box a bit!

But we don't know what the wife is, that is the point, so she should be told just in case,and if she is ok with her husband then everything is good...and if she doesn't know, then she will then.

No, you want to be told and that's fine for you.
However, if the wife has questions, she knows who to ask - her husband.
I'm sorry, but mixing personal and private lives is a disaster waiting to happen.
The OPs job is to assist an executive, nothing more.

I agree w/ clarient and chakra_healer 100%.

Keep your job and unfortunately, stay out of it.
His failures and responsibility are squarely on him, especially if the wife asks him and he denies it, it goes back to you and things could get tough for you on the job(wouldn't want that happening)and even be accused of trying to break them up.
I know it sounds silly but when someone isn't willing to take responsibility for their actions, they'll blame and take it out on everyone else. If what i said sounds befuddling to you, do not tell her should she ask.

Report him to the IT department for looking at porn..

I'm with those who say send the wife a note anonymously with evidence attached. Of course, if you go this route, don't let him know that you know. Stick to the facts with the note: Just FYI, this and this was found in his office. Don't accuse him of being a pig or anything like that, let the evidence speak for itself. It wouldn't make any difference if she already knows what's going on. But chances are, she doesn't know she and the kids at risk for exposure to all kinds of nasty STDs.

Honestly, I don't get those who think the couple probably have some kind of agreement and at the same time tell the OP to mind her own beeswax. Why? What would be the big deal of sending an anonymous note if it's not a problem to them in the first place? Is it because it'd be embarrassing? How does that stack up next to the possibility that the wife is unknowingly collecting exciting new STDs?

Put all moral issues and our own assumptions aside and just look at the limited facts we have. The things that could go horribly wrong after keeping quiet is still a lot worse than the things that could go horribly wrong after sending a note. Based on that, I say send that note.

Of course, if you're the kind of person that couldn't care less what happens to anyone else aside from yourself, your best bet is indeed keeping your mouth shut.

It's none of your business. I totally disagree with Muirnea and looseseal, you should not tell his wife, or get involved in any way. If you sent it anon., he would probably know it was you, and that could make for some tense time at the office. If you are that bothered by it, find another job before leaving. It has nothing to do with not caring about the wife, it's really none of your buisness and I don't see how letting her know would solve anything.

There is no need to quit. There are people all over this world that do things that we don't agree with. There are things my own boss does in his personal life that I don't agree with, but that doesn't mean I can't work with. If your boss was doing something in his professional life that conflicted with your morals, that would be a whole different story.

As for telling the wife...there is no reason you should. Why? Because you don't know the whole story and you don't know all of the facts. All you have is a piece of paper. What if he made all these arrangements and didn't go through with it? It could have been a one time thing, he has confessed, and they are trying to make it work. Maybe they do have an "arrangement" but she doesn't want to know any details. Oh, and because of the nature of the whole thing your note will not be anonymous. It would be pretty easy to narrow down the people who would have access to the information.

You know your boss isn't perfect now. But guess what? No one is. I understand you are disappointed and things will be hard for awhile. However, that's life and you need to move on. I do feel for you and I hope things get easier to deal with.

I stand by my first response 100%. I also would be beyond pissed if there is such a thing if my husbands admin unloading a family matter on me. I would be on the phone with HR so quick and your job would disappear so quick it would not be funny. As I have stated above you do not know the nature of their relationship so butt out!

OK Ladies... let's just say you're in that situation! You're the wife of the husband, you're not the coworker that has found the print out. Would you not want to know that he was messin' around with someone nasty?? Yall are horrible for not wanting to know. Don't kid yourselves, he's out there and doin' it with someone else and it's not you! Now how do you feel? Was there anyone else who could've told you about this? Yes, but she was too afraid to. She should find another job but still tell the wife. If the wife already knows then you don't have anything to worry about. Still look for another department or something. He'll probably know the tip off was from you, but really buck up and be someone. Yall are women!! BE WOMEN!!! Have a voice!!! Yall say it's non of the coworker's business, put yourself in the wife's position! Now how do you think?!

I'm going to go against the flow here and say get another job. I wouldn't quit immediately, but start looking for another position, even another position in the same company if it's available.

I was in a very similar situation at my last job-- I was the EA to the founder/head of a large law firm and my boss, whom I looked up to and respected very much, turned out to be a sleazeball. I didn't agree with the way he treated his wife or his other employees, so I decided it wasn't in my best emotional & mental interest to remain there.

I don't think you have a moral obligation to quit, but I do think that you'll be happier working for someone who you can respect and feel comfortable around.

I completely agree looseseal!! How is it none of her business??? Her entire personality isn't based on the fact that she is an executive assistant, she has feelings and a life other than ones that have to do with her work, this should not be based on the fact that it is not her work business. It is her human being business!!! What is this world coming to? People these days just say ohh, its not my business so I shouldn't help someone. Don't we all have a moral obligation to help each other and make this world a better place instead of accepting it as a bad place??? If you accept it as a bad place, why not work to make it better!?!?!? And again, if the wife and husband do have an agreement, then what harm will sending the wife the information do? Either way it will help and not hurt her.

i think that you should keep your lips zipped about the specifics, but i would definitely ask him to please be sure not to leave things out he doesn't want you (or anyone else) to see. his carelessness put you in a crappy position and your feelings are totally understandable. if you don't want to open yourself up to the conversation, you could mention in passing a "Friend" of yours who was so uncomfortable because she found stuff of her bosses, and isn't it rude when people are so careless with their things that they make personal stuff public?

i just rethought, and really i think that HR is your best bet. it can be anonymous and it could be you, or someone in IT, or someone else...tell them and let them handle it.

I think you totally need to mind your business. And quite honestly, you dont know if he and his wife have a "set up" - maybe the hooker is for him to bring home to his wife. You dont know his private life, and its not your concern. Your job is to be his assistant, end of story. What he does in his personal life is just that - personal.

Thats the one thing that makes me ABSOLUTELY batty - why is it that assistants have such a hard time keeping the lines clear between themselves and their bosses? They always end up developing some kind of inappropriateness with regards to their "rights" to access their boss in whatever ways. But thats another argument for another time.

Quit if you want. If you cant handle that people have personal lives that might differ from yours, it probably isnt for you.

I think you totally need to mind your business. And quite honestly, you dont know if he and his wife have a "set up" - maybe the hooker is for him to bring home to his wife. You dont know his private life, and its not your concern. Your job is to be his assistant, end of story. What he does in his personal life is just that - personal.

Thats the one thing that makes me ABSOLUTELY batty - why is it that assistants have such a hard time keeping the lines clear between themselves and their bosses? They always end up developing some kind of inappropriateness with regards to their "rights" to access their boss in whatever ways. But thats another argument for another time.

Quit if you want. If you cant handle that people have personal lives that might differ from yours, it probably isnt for you.

Well, the point about it being easy to narrow down who leaked the info is very valid. It is true that there's a good possibility she would be found out and could lose her job if she spills. The wife may even be more upset with her than anything else. People have the tendency to shoot the messenger. If her question was about how to best cover her own ass in this situation, the answer would surely be "don't do anything, pretend it never happened."

Considering that she's considering quitting, though, I take it covering her own ass is not her number one concern here. Nor is she looking for gratitude or any other kind of self-gain.

It's not about whether I or anyone find the behavior "agreeable". It's not about punishing someone for not being "perfect". Someone is engaging in behavior that can put innocent people's health in serious risk. Yes, you don't know if he went through with it. Yes, you don't know if they're swingers. Yeah, you don't have the whole story. That's why I said stick to the facts. Don't accuse him of being a "hooker-calling sleazeball". Just present the evidence as anonymously as you can manage and let the wife draw her own conclusions from her own context. There's a chance people will get upset. There's also a chance she can save a mother and her children from contracting AIDS.

I just think the chance of the latter outweights the chance of the former, that's all. *Shrug*

Well, Alisha, as an executive assistant, I can tell you that you do develop a personal relationship with your boss. It just goes with the territory and in order for the assistant and the boss to work well together, they have to get along and respect each other. AND she states that "In my position, I see his wife and kids a lot. " He clearly brought HIS personal life to HER, not the other way around.

What the OP is saying is that, she doesn't know if she can regain respect for him, which is important for HER to respect her boss to work for him.

Ok, so let's say you tell the wife. The husband is going to say that his crazy EA has a crush on him and set him up. After all, you have access to his computer and all his files, AND you "found" this while he was gone.

His wife will want to believe him, not you. This guy is a high powered exec for a reason - he's smart.

And anyway, this isn't a case of seeing a woman wounded on the side of the road, and everyone walking by and not stopping to help.

This is a case of a personal relationshp between a man and a woman; a relationship that YOU are not party to.

But anyway, the issue at hand here really is whether she should quit her job.

My old boss cheated on a proposal to a client once and I lost respect for him as a business person and could no longer work for him. End of story, I had to move on.

So if that is how you feel, like that you don't want to work for this person any more, then leave. But it's not your moral obligation to quit - it's just your choice.

I think this does effect you because what if later on he asks you to make up excuses for his sorry ass to his family or something like that nature. If you feel you should quit then by all means stand up for what you believe in. Most of these comments argue that its his business and all but really if you have morals than don't be shy about them! Its a shame that people let shady promiscusious behavior fly by in today's society.

Wow...I don't know what i'd do in that situation either. Men are PIGS!!!! Uuugggghhhh!!

The only thing I can think of is that you said it's a big company...so they probably have an anonymous ethics hotline. If he did that from his work computer they can find it and he should be terminated for using a work computer to solicit prostitutes.

You shouldn't be implicated at all...nosy IT guys....

I don't think you should but in, comment on, or doing anything about this situation. I think what he's doing is wrong, but it also seems like you were snooping. I know how we women like to snoop...

But it's none of your business. If you can't work with him then start looking for another job, now. Don't quit your job until you find another- don't burn your bridges until you've crossed the river.

And,learn to bite your tongue. You'll have to do it more and more unless you want a very dramatic existence. Just remove yourself from the situation.

looseseal, miurnea, the problem here is that she has no right to expose any of his private life to anybody. What if she found links to fetish sites on there? Is it her responsibility to tell the wife that he likes cross-dressing or being dominated? What if she found links to lots of poker sites and a single plane ticket to Vegas- is it her responsibility to tell the wife that she thinks the man is addicted to gambling? What is she found correspondence that proved he was a drug user? Is it her responsibility to inform the wife that her husband might be into dangerous substances?

The answer to all these questions: NO. She has a working relationship with this man and that is it. Just because it involves infidelity doesn't make it any more her business. It simply comes down to the fact that she no right to involve herself in their personal life.