He didn't get mad or yell or act sullen - he made a joke. While it's completely embarassing, I'll agree with that, he could've acted a lot more immature about this. I do agree, though, if he had heard and walked in - why didn't he jump in the tub with you!!? It looks like he won't take charge of this situation, for whatever reason. Maybe you should shift your focus from having sex at night or in the morning and instigate it before dinner, or on a weekend afternoon, if you're able. If he doesn't respond to your initiation of sex, then you're going to have to talk to him about your needs - then it's clearly a larger issue.

I wouldn't forgive him. A comment like that would make me feel guilty or uncomfortable. You'd think your husband would be turned on ask you if he could join your or watch even and then you two could take it to the bedroom. I think you need to improve your communication skills. Start slow, cuddle more, kiss more. I think you two can work it out. I would be mad too, but it in the long run it's better to work on getting over it. So while I said don't forgive him, you can still talk it out and move on. I hope everything works out.

Personally, I view his comment totally differently. Of course, I don't know your husband at all, but if that were my boyfriend, I know he'd be aware that our sex life was a little bit lackluster, and I'd feel bad that it was reduced to me having to literally take matters into my own hands. I think he was trying to be accepting and open about it- and that he would've loved to have joined you, but that he wasn't exactly sure what to do. guys are rarely sure what to do. so they almost always joke and say the wrong thing. I don't think his intention was to humiliate you at all. I think he probably personally feels bad and was trying to accept the fact that you were..being personally responsible for your own pleasure, lol. talk to him about it before communication and all sex completely shuts down.

this is just STUPID. Come one now only two times a week? You guys must really...be busy! If he were to join? hmmm? That could be a great idea, but i think he was just being funny...next time do it back to him.

You shouldn't be embarassed about it. It's completely normal. And, I know a lot of pervy guys who would have reacted much differently and perhaps made cruder comments. Haha. So, be thankful.

firstly, masturbation doesn't need to be a shameful thing. human beings have sex drives, and masturbation is a much healthier route than trying to badger a stressed-out husband/boyfriend into sex. secondly, that was such an innocuous comment it doesn't even really seem clear that he knew what this woman was doing in the tub anyway. third, it sounds like the bigger problem in this situation is the level of honesty and communication that's going on between these people, not "omg he caught me masturbating." why fault a person for at least attempting to connect with a person he loves by acknowledging that this happened and trying to make it funny so it won't be so uncomfortable? how is this even a forgive/don't forgive situation, really?

why didn't YOU ask him to join????

you don't have to wait for him to want it for YOU to ask!

I don't see the problem here.... or why you feel embarassed? Masturbation is a normal thing. He certainly did not know what to do when he saw you....you should have asked him to come in to join you. Other than that, don't see what is there to forgive either from him or you....

I'm not sure exactly what we're forgiving or not forgiving here...? You're asking if we forgive/not forgive your husband for making a small joke? This is totally silly. He was probably thrilled to find himself in this situation and wasn't exactly sure how to approach you. So, he tried to break the ice with a little humor. What is there to forgive? Geez.

Totally forgive him and quit being so sensitive. He made a joke cause he found you taking care of business without him. Better he make a joke then get mad and pitch a fit. Not to mention what he said was incredibly benign considering the many crude things he could have said instead. Yeah, he embarrassed you but on a scale of 1-10 it doesn't even rate a 1. Get over it.

Forgive......
He does it...
You do it......
What's the big deal?

He was nice enough to walk in on you so why not join you? This is kinda silly to me. Forgive.

I don't think she's embarrassed about masturbating, but the fact she was caught despite trying not to get caught and being greeted by that comment.

Personally I'd have said "yes, I am" But I'd be pretty uncomfortable too, I mean how do you address something like that? I pretty much second everything herjoiedevivre said though.

i agree with almost famous..you should forgive..and make the joke right back to him..dont take it seriously he probably was jealous..LOL

I actually LOL at this story. Hee. He was probably dying to join in, but then the screaming scared him off.

Understandably you were caught off-guard. It's easy for me to sit here and think "Hmm... if that were me, I'd strike a sexy pose and say 'why don't you come over here and have some fun with me?'" But in the same situation I probably would have been too startled to think of that, too.

Anyway, he probably won't walk in on you again, but if he does, you'll have a response at the ready.

Kinda rude of him.... depends on the way he said it... why is masturbation associated with so much guilt in your relationship?

I think that was a lame line to try to get to join you. I can see how you were embarrassed though as masturbation is a private thing, but I think you just took it the wrong way. He's your husband- ask him what he meant in a non-confrontational way. Maybe he felt a bit emasculated because you had to take care of business by yourself. But more likely, he was probably just really turned on and like a guy, stuck his foot in his mouth.

I say forgive him and get things back on track. Who knows- you may have just struck on the way to introduce some more spice (and therefore, more frequency) into your sex life.

Good luck!

You should have said, "No Honey, I'm actually not having fun because you're not in this tub with me. Do you think you can fix that?"

Problem solved.

But in all seriousness, he might not have known how to respond with the situation. Some people make jokes when they're uncomfortable. You really need to talk to him & find out why your sex life has been nonexistent. Good luck!

I think some women are way too uptight about masturbation.. and treat it as a big to do..

I masturbate 3 or 4 times a day.. And my boyfriend and I have sex atleast 3 or 4 times a week.. He and I talk about it all the time.. Hell we joke about it the majority of the time.. I am not ashamed of it - why should i be?

You just need to calm down.. and realize that it's natural.. and next time invite him as everyone else is saying.. You don't need to get all frigid and uptight

It's your body, nothing to feel bad about. As for him, keep it light and joke right back at him.

I don't see anything here that needs to be forgiven at all. This is how it goes. Sometimes people's schedules mess up their sex lives and so we have to take matters into our own hands, so to speak. I can understand being embarrassed, but I think your husband may have felt awkward too, thus the comment. He probably just didn't know what to say or do.

I say, let it go and make the moves on your husband. And this makes me realize it might not be a bad idea to post an article I have about Synchronizing Sex. It's topical and was an eye opener for me.

He probably didn't join you because you screamed when he came in! He probably came in hoping to start something, and said the comment as a joke to break the ice, but didn't get the response he was hoping for. I say just forget about it, and maybe figure out some time to spend with your husband, even with the busy schedules.

Totally forgivable, he's horny too.

Instead of being embarrassed, why not one night before he gets home take a bath, put his fave sexy thing on, and light candles (a few so he can see everything). When he gets in, call him into the bedroom, whip out the vibe and give him a show, making all the noise you want.

Because all he wants to do is watch you. In fact, I bet it is one of his fantasies and you taking control will alleviate any feelings of shyness or embarrassment you have about making your body feel good. Trust me, this will serve as not only a reminder to him about how hot his wife is, but also to make time for more sex with hot wife.

P.S. if you want to continue the 'in control' thing, totally throw him on the bed after the vibe and take him, like more wildly than you ever have before. When your sex life starts to lag, sometimes you have to switch it up... this will get him to drool just thinking about you once again.

I think its weird that he didnt jump right in or that YOU didnt say "yeah im having fun, but id have more fun if you were in here with me" or something like that. Something seems to be off in your communication.

you shouldnt feel embarrased at all for pleasuring yourself. It doesnt matter what your sex life is like if you know what gets you satifisfied so dont feel bad about it. yeah he said "having fun" but a lot of guys get turned on by their girls doing stuff so dont be mad at him for enjoying it.

If hes a husband and not just a bf why are you embarassed about sexing yourself up? If you cant be close enough to share things like that well then why be married? Communication is the key here. You want sex, let him know. And instead of taking the comment as a rude and obnoxious thing, you yourself should have passed it on in an obvious manner that you needed "help". Forgive even though there is nothing to forgive. It happens.

wiciltd, damn girl! 4 times a day

it's awesome that you guys have sex so much though, my boyfriend and i do too. it's really nice. so more power to you! i masturbate maybe once or twice every other week. i have sex 6 times a week though. 3 times a day, twice a week. so it's not an everyday thing. just an all nighter when we get together. if we were together every night it'd be seven days a week, yikes!

Oh booo, he was must having fun! I'm sure he thought it was hot. Forgive him, that wasn't a bad situation. Go back into the tub, have him rub your back, and take your little vibrating friend along with you... make it a real fun time.

Oh booo, he was must having fun! I'm sure he thought it was hot. Forgive him, that wasn't a bad situation. Go back into the tub, have him rub your back, and take your little vibrating friend along with you... make it a real fun time.

dont make such a big deal about getting caught. sure, you are embarrassed, but really, theres no need to fret. he is a guy. seeing you pleasuring yourself probably even turned him on.

I think he's probably embarrassed that he's not satisfying you the way he used to. Why don't you spice things up a bit - rent a hotel for a weekend, or pull him into bed the second he walks through the door?

oh, get over it. men joke about masturbation constantly, it means nothing more than he had an opportunity for a masturbation joke.

I think you are the one with the issue. Why are you embarrassed or upset with him? Why would you even have the instruments if they werent for use? Being mad at him is ridiculous. Jump his bones and you do all the work. He may welcome it.

He is probably just jealous that you took matters in to your own hands! (no pun intended....lol).

Forgive? Call me crazy, but why didn't you get him to join you.

uh hello, Guys think that's hot. yeah it'd be embarrassing as all hell, but he's not being an ass. besides, all you have to ddo if you feel personally attacked is point out that he's the one who hasn't had sex with you in a while, and that if you're not getting the real thing, you can substitute.

so he caught you... you can't be mad at your husband forever. maybe you should talk to him about why you did it and tell him that you want more alone time with him.

Sounds like he was just being playful, albeit in a juvenile way. No harm (except to your pride a bit) no foul. Forgive. Then try walking in on him.

just take it!

omg, i would kill him. i don't blame you at ALL for being angry and you s hould tell him exactly what you told us. punch him in the eye! (not really, but ya know. sometimes it makes you feel better to think "PUNCH HIM IN THE EYE!")

LOL it was so harmless! Don't even worry about it! He made a joke! Most guys get pretty turned on thinking about their girl masturbating. Relax. =)

did he even know what she was doing?
if the tub was full with water, then maybe he only saw the candles and thought it was odd and made a joke about it. And since he didn't mention any specific activity, maybe he just thought that his wife was just trying to relax with a hot tub and candle lights... I think if he knew what she was doing, then we would have probably got turned on and joined her, or just disappear and apologize for walking in.
Just a thought.

While I can see your point, I absolutely think you should forgive him. In my opinion (keep in mind that i did say "opinion") you are the one at fault. Instead of assuming he'd be okay with it, ASK HIM!!! Obviously he was home. If you want to be satisfied TELL HIM!! Would he say no? If he does say no, ask him if he'd mind if you took matters into your own hands.
As a man, I would see this act as a sign that even though I am available, my wife would rather have a toy than me. Moreover, you tried to hide it from him. This, to me, would automatically solidify any doubt right then and there.
I understand that my views aren't that of every guy's, but if this happened to me, I would be led to examine and critique recent, as well as future, sexual encounters with my wife. I would have that venomous doubt that I might be inadequate and so on.
Again, let me reiterate the fact that this is my persona opinion and that it is quite possible your situation is different.

-Cheers,
Yeti